the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

💚 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll closes, so check back for results! Until then, please don't mention the song title in reblogs! (Guesses about everything else are fine and encouraged though; have fun!) 💚

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

the dude string trail

(aka jasper cowboy headcanons UwU)

i had a conversation with the one and only @su-angelvicioso that inspired me so strongly i wrote this even though i was Not Writing Twilight at the time, and you know what fuck it, i think it's funny. cori, as always, thank you for being my favorite person to talk about twilight with.

this is completely authentic and not sarcastic at all. why would you think that

one fall, jasper decides that he misses embracing his texan heritage. he wants to get back into being a cowboy!

(this is definitely only about him missing horses and his human life & has nothing at all to do with being sick of living with the cullens & kind of in trouble because he ate someone again & tired of having to defend himself to alice about wearing boot-cut jeans for no apparent reason. because none of those things are happening. obviously.)

“back into being a cowboy?” emmett says. “wait, when were you a cowboy?”

jasper ignores emmett, who is obviously just jealous of jasper because he has superpowers and is better at fighting, and definitely doesn’t know anything about cowboys or cowboy culture because what would someone from rural tennessee know about cattle ranching.

he also definitely doesn’t have a cooler more authentic southern accent than jasper. what

because the cullens are richer than god and alice will do literally anything to get rid of jasper right now because he called her maría by accident again i mean what that never happens he gets himself a nice two-week vacation all alone on a ranch up in wyoming.

(texas is too sunny. that’s definitely the only reason he doesn’t go south.)

he arrives. he realizes that he has gotten way too used to living in houses that esme made because he explicitly chose a ranch with some of the fanciest cabins, and he’s a vampire who doesn’t feel discomfort or really need to sleep—but he still sees the cabin where he’ll be staying and winces.

it’s…it’s fine, he supposes. a little log cabin, with lots of windows and glass doors and a view of the mountains. it’s just…

well. first of all, is the emphasis on the little.

also it’s just…very brown. surely the log walls would be enough, right, they don’t need to have brown rugs too? and brown curtains? and weird little yellowish shades on the lamps?

at least the blankets are colorful. great southwest style.

(he squashes the part of himself that sounds an awful lot like maría laughing about how cheap and mass-produced the thing clearly is; not even a good imitation, she’d probably sniff,and then go and find herself a new rebozo just out of spite—)

(this is why jasper isn’t in texas.)

whatever.

he waves off the worker who led him to the building—she’s in the middle of some spiel about what to do if he has questions, but why would that be relevant?

she radiates annoyance for some reason, as she heaves jasper’s suitcases into the building and hurries off. he has to admit, she does a very good job of covering it with a bright smile. if not for the empathy, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

did he do something wrong, he wonders for a moment, but ultimately he decides the girl must just be in a bad mood today.

weird. he can’t imagine working here is that bad.

anyway. jasper isn’t here to worry about the interior design of the cabins, he’s here to be a cowboy!

(his thoughts sound like maría laughing at him again, at that idea, but he’s not going to think about why, thanks.)

jasper, because he is a vampire war lieutenant and a strategist and not an idiot (thank you very much, emmett), is well aware that the horses might not react...let's say ideally...to him being a vampire.

he also has a plan.

it's a great plan. simple. he'll sneak down to the pastures in the dead of night and wander around getting the horses used to his smell.

the plan did not account for the possibility that a number of the employees would be sitting on a porch at midnight smoking weed together. (didn't they care about their jobs? what if something went wrong with the horses? geez.)

admittedly he sneaks past them easily enough, but it's still annoying.

the more difficult thing his plan apparently failed to account for...

were horses always this mean?

jasper, over the course of his midnight jaunt, gets kicked, bitten, knocked over into piles of horse shit, (apparently even a vampire can be thrown off-balance by an entire herd of furious ungulates), and somehow covered in hay.

he refuses to consider the possibility that alice is watching this.

(when he gets back to the cabin later that evening, he of course finds a sticky note in his suitcase informing him to just throw the entire outfit away.)

he does, eventually, figure out that he can use his powers to calm a few of the horses down long enough to let him get within approaching distance.

this is inevitably followed by him letting his guard down, and said horses booking it away from him at top speed, shrieking like demons, but he decides to call it good enough regardless.

he spends basically the rest of the night in the shower, which he was not expecting to have to use. the water pressure is shit.

he definitely isn't sulking about this.

(he still smells like horse manure in the morning.)

the actual riding goes better though! totally! it's fine!

"so, do you have any horse experience?" the employee (he's pretty sure it's a different one than earlier) asks him as she leads him down to the corral.

"it's been a while," jasper says, "but i used to be pretty good."

for some reason, this makes the girl's eye twitch.

despite her obvious annoyance, she keeps trying to make conversation. jasper, despite wanting to tell her to fuck off, but is extremely polite and subtle and good at secret-keeping, (obviously), so he tolerates the conversation.

for some reason, it still doesn't go smoothly.

"where are you from?" "texas." "oh, nice! one of the other guides, jeremy, he's from austin." (a baffling pause, as though she's expecting him to say something to that inane statement.) "so was that where you learned how to ride?" "yes." "what'd you do?" "i was in the cavalry."

for some reason, that gets her to stop trying to talk to him, and jasper enjoys thirty seconds of blissful silence as she leads him into the pen of already-saddled horses.

this is what he's here for. who cares about the people, he's going to ride.

(he tries to ignore the fact that the horse she deposits him is extraordinarily fat, and so clearly done with life that he hardly has to try to calm it. it's fine. it is not a statement about what she thinks of his riding skill.)

(fine, it probably is. but she's clearly an idiot.)

anyways! he rides! it goes great! it's fine!

(anyone who says differently doesn't know what they're talking about and they weren't there anyway.)

"wow," the guide says as they start walking out toward the trail, "this is the most amped i've seen arrow like, ever." jasper, who is kicking the horse probably harder than a human would even be able to and getting absolutely 0 increase in speed, is not impressed.

"okay, we're coming up on a stream," she says at another point on the first insufferably long trail ride, as her mare splashes calmly through it. "your horse might not want to cross, so you need to just--"

jasper knows. he kicks harder.

the demon horse responds to this by deciding to jump across a stream that is literally the length of one of its steps.

jasper does not fall off. he just...gets down. very quickly. over the side of the horse's neck. onto his face.

his cowboy hat floats off downstream, but it was ugly anyway.

("okay no, my guy's definitely got the worst fashion boots," he overhears the guide saying to one of her coworkers during lunch, when they probably think they're out of human earshot, "did you see the fucking snakeskin patches--")

on another ridiculous ride through a bland, endless meadow, the nightmare horse stops dead in a patch of grass and ignores everything else, (including jasper's attempt to manipulate it into having any energy).

"he's trying to eat again," the guide says, sickly-sweet patient even though he can feel her amusement. "you just need to pull up to one side and kick forward!"

jasper comes the closest he ever has to revealing the vampire secret, (not counting the times he ate people), just so he can tell her that he knows, he has a perfect memory, the goddamn horse just won't do it.

in the second week he buys his way into--er, gets invited into--a more advanced session, with actual cows. of course, they leave him on the same asshole of a horse, who clearly doesn't know how to respond to basic commands like turning, even when he's putting all his weight into dragging the reins to the side.

("i'm pretty sure this dude has somehow never seen a cow," the guide complains during another lunch. "did you see the face he made when darren brought the herd in?" there's a beat, then they start giggling--if jasper had to guess, he'd say she's imitating said expression. which is just rude. he's seen cows before. obviously. he just wasn't expecting them to be literally covered in each other's shit. they smell so bad. who wouldn't make a face at that?)

anyways. the cattleworking is fine.

and he could totally have landed on his feet after the horse stopped out of nowhere if he wanted to.

he just needed to keep his cover. same for stopping the cow that tried to make a break for it and almost trampled him while he was down. he had it under control. he did not need the guide to electric-prod it in the face.

(alice and maría's voices are both laughing at him in his head now.)

one of the older men gently suggests that he might enjoy himself more going back to trail riding. that is also fine.

on day ten, he gets back to his cabin late (the girl asked if he wanted to help her brush down his horse today, and everyone else seemed excited about the option so he said yes, and now he smells like horse sweat), and goes to pull his twelfth new outfit out of the suitcase. (there is a washer/dryer in the cabin, but what does he look like?)

there's a note folded up in the button-down.

i'm picking you up in 15 at the front office, alice's chicken-scratch says, or you're going to snap and eat a bunch of horses and we're going to have to buy the ranch instead of getting me that paris studio that's going up for auction next year.

for a second, jasper considers ignoring it. he's not surrendering. this is his vacation goddamnit, he's fine--he rubs a hand over his mouth in thought, and an ungodly combination of horse hair, dirt, and hay smears onto his face.

20 minutes later, he's in the passenger seat, alice speeding around mountain passes and playing a pitying bluegrass CD for him.

"i had a good time," he tells her.

"sure, sweetheart."

"it was nice to cowboy again."

"mm-hmm, sweetheart."

"i do know how to ride horses."

"i know, sweetheart."

they drive the rest of the way back in silence.

(it never occurs to jasper that he should've left a tip.)

#is this original content? #jasper whitlock #ft. near-lethal amounts of sarcasm #& sponsored by the TOO MUCH TIME i spent working at a guest ranch in my late teens #look at me. JASPER IS NOT A COWBOY #(yes that remains my favorite hill to die on) #jasper is however the kind of shitty rich white man who THINKS he's a cowboy #trust me. i met so many of them doing that job #also for the record mass-market 'southwest' style blankets are predominantly copying navajo blanket patterns (w/out regard for the meanings #and rebozos are an Indigenous Mesoamerican (particularly Mexican) traditional woman's garment! not the same thing #but that was too much to get into in the story. ANYWAY #i hope you enjoyed me being a hater. if u didn't. that's ok i mostly wrote this for me #(also i DID listen to 'dude string trail' on repeat while writing this. for the vibes)

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

#uh oh besties i'm thinking about them again

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

Preface: After a little bit of encouragement I decided that this is my blog and I can post whatever I want I would like to share these 2 Old & Abandoned pieces that I was VERY hesitant to share because I can’t help but pick them apart. There’s so many things I’d change and do a lot better now, especially the first one! 😭 but I don’t feel like re-drawing them at all (I don’t have the time.💀) so I’m posting them! Flaws and all.

I don’t have a title for it except

Pain

The art depicts well, it’s supposed to María during a very dark, painful, and dangerous time (one of many lol) in her second life. A time where she lost her grip on herself, her control, her security, and her sanity. She was not only alone but in danger. She had to think on her feet, and avoid being picked off while she was left to rot and starve by the very same people who stole her entire livelihood and controlled the land in which she lived.

I could keep going on and on but ~self control~ so let me stop here. LOL!

#for those of u just tuning in: i'm in a maría mood so im back to trawl through cori's blog bc she Gets It #hey did. did u know #that this art broke my heart #everyone look at it #NOW THINK ABOUT MARÍA ALL ALONE #THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT AFTER YOU LOSE EVERYTHING. AGAIN #YOU BREAK DOWN #AND THEN YOU SURVIVE??????? #YOU GET BACK UP AND YOU KEEP FIGHTING AND YOU TAKE IT ALL BACK?????? #but also you have to live with that moment of loss forever...in perfectly clear memory... #ugh. AAH! #that second image just. lives rent-free in my mind. always #the grief the blood #the contrast with the stars!!!

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

thinking about how everyone's like "yeehaw Jasper! he wears cowboy hats and assless chaps!" despite limited textual evidence for him having an aesthetic that in anyway resembles cowboy style.

meanwhile Billy Black is wearing a cowboy hat in SCENE ONE

he's the yeehaw boyfriend for those of us with Taste

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

~Here guys! Have another old creation I never posted (✿◕‿◕)ﾉ 💟✨~

💍💟💎💜✨

I created this moodboard a long time ago based on an old headcanon that came to my mind, but I never posted. I still don’t know why haha. 😅 I gave it a purple theme because I simply love purple.

Headcanon: María’s mate had intended to marry her before his demise.

María discovered an unfamiliar ring interwoven within the underside of the serape that belonged to the love of her life. Placed onto her with a certain gentle admiration that only one who loved her deeply could have done. She’d spent the whole day wondering when she’d be giving it back of him. It was his after all… she’d woven it herself specifically for him to wear.

She no longer had to wonder.

She wouldn’t give it back to him now even if he physically came back to life and asked for it.

~☔️🌌

She questioned how she hadn’t paid attention to the weird sensation she’s felt rubbing against her skin while underneath the fabric the entire time, not until it was the only thing left to notice…

Not until it was practically the only thing she had left of him.

She was never the bright when it came to romance, so it took her longer than one should to figure out what it meant, why it had been on his person,

and why she had no idea about it’s existence

Not up until that point anyway….

~🎆💟

It’s almost like he knew, almost like life is funny that way. At least, that’s what she tells herself because she couldn’t dare think about what could’ve been, what WOULD’VE been had they not…

She couldn’t spend a second to think about how she would have responded. Would she sob? Would she flick his forehead and say “¡Levántate, tonto!”, would she jump on him and kiss him like some fairytale? She didn’t know.

She would never know now…

There’s a reason she wears white every time she visits his gravestone specifically.

~🕊️💍

#logging back into tumblr to reblog a bunch of cori's posts like truth crawling out of the well #what can i say i'm in a maría mood #also hey. hey bestie. 'there's a reason she wears white every time she visits his gravestone' HEARTBREAKING

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

Oh my gosh

This is pure evil. They say 12 employees participated in Oct 7th so they have to stop feeding the entire population????

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

Just because we aren't seeing more posts about Palestine, doesn't mean the genocide has stopped. Let's keep Praying and speaking up for Gaza, Palestine.

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

changing it from Sally intentionally petrifying Gabe to Gabe accidentally petrifying himself misses the entire point of Gabe's fate and disregards the power of Sally's choice. "If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself. I have to . . . find the courage on my own. Your quest has reminded me of that."

#LITERALLY #this is so well-said #i was so upset abt this that i logged back into tumblr fdkjfkdfj

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

this show is driving me fucking CRAZY i loved every part of it except sally jackson which is RIDICULOUS because they made sally jackson the moral heart of it and leaned in to "everything percy is is because of her" and i WANTED that i LOVE that but then sally herself is?? just??? okay hold on spoilers

i've seen people say that they really appreciate that in this version sally doesn't have to be a doormat who just quietly suffers for her son's sake, and i GET that, i do! i appreciate that!!! not every mother's story should be about endless self-sacrifice!

but sally's WASN'T!!!

it was a story about a scared single mother who ended up in a bad situation and didn't know how to get out, and when she's given the opportunity she fucking TAKES IT!!!

and there are things about the show sally that i like! she isn't constantly cooking gabe food, she doesn't have to say it was selfish to keep her son near her, we see her argue with percy because she struggled and wasn't perfect she was a young single mom, she honks in traffic and gets road rage! i like all of that!!

but i just...

i really, REALLY miss her choosing to kill her abusive husband using medusa's head.

and honestly, i could talk about how goddamn INCREDIBLE of a character choice it was to have a mother who is willing to kill, explicitly out of revenge instead of just to protect her son, while simultaneously being the epitome of a loving mother who teaches her son to do BETTER than just dealing violence and to think about who the real monsters are, and to choose love and responsibility and care!

i could talk about how cool it is that she stops percy from killing gabe not because he "shouldn't kill" but because it needs to be her choice.

i could RANT about how important it is for the story to explicitly have her make the choice to kill him for hurting her, rather than it happening by chance because gabe's the kind of asshole to steal mail, or happening in a way that lets people say "poseidon put that there he took care of gabe for sally lol"--

but she already said it best!

"If my life is going to mean anything i have to live it myself."

and it really really sucks that the show took that away from her

#if you wanna see the rant that i logged back onto tumblr for lmao

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

IT WAS ON PURPOSE. THE SHOW DID THAT ON PURPOSE

the pjo tv show has solidified something for me and it's that i don't think luke WANTS to betray percy.

i think luke looks at a kid who lost his mom, an unclaimed kid full of righteous anger at the gods, he's just a kid, and he thinks he can take him with him!!! he thinks percy will side with him! (i think kronos wants percy to side with him!) he thinks he can save percy!!!! he doesn't want to be enemies!!!!

#pjo tv spoilers #me: i picked up the obvious thematic character detail in the children's show!

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

I HAD SUCH MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THE PERCY JACKSON TV SHOW THAT IT MADE ME LOG BACK INTO TUMBLR. GODDAMNIT

#WHY IS IT ALWAYS PERCY JACKSON

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

hey all! if you're seeing this post--i've hopped off of tumblr & out of fandom for a bit. this community has meant a lot for me & been a source of a lot of joy, but recently in combination with some personal events, this is starting to feel less like a positive & more like a source of stress, and i think i need to disengage. thank you for all the memes, fic, and genuine top-tier analysis. it's been an honor

#& to the community & friends & strangers i've had fleeting kind interactions with: ily all so much. thank you #knowing so many of you has truly been wonderful #and i wish you all the best & hope you stay well #& have a wonderful new year #maybe someday i'll be in a better place and i'll be back #but regardless of that: it's been an honor serving w you #and i really really hope everyone who reads this sees a beautiful cloud some time in the next 24 hours #and gets a smile or a hug from someone you love #sorry if this post comes off a little pretentious or anything #i just know that i've worried abt tumblr mutuals who disappeared!!! #so i wanted to leave you all w some explanation #& don't worry i'm not deleting the blog or any of the fic! #also. if u sent me new years prompt requests. i MAY come back to post them #if i find the time/energy #but i cannot promise you anything. i'm so sorry & thank you so much for liking my fic enough to have made the request

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

"no worries" ah but that is where you are wrong. there are many worries

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

reblog and tell me about some juicy gossip you’ve heard this week

#FOUND OUT ABT A LESBIAN AFFAIR THAT HAPPENED 10-15 YEARS AGO IN MY TINY RURAL HOMETOWN #IT'S JUICY GOSSIP BC THE COUPLES INVOLVED ARE. LET'S JUST SAY PEOPLE WELL-KNOWN IN THE COMMUNITY

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

Hiii!! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals, followers, and all the wonderful people on here!!!

thank you for this!!!!

my younger siblings

oversize sweaters

cloudy parking lot skies at sunset

THE PJO TV SHOW OMG

seeing visibly queer people in public & exchanging smiles

#thank you for the ask #it was really nice to sit down & think about this actually it's been a shit day