the-phoenix-heralds

[the-phoenix-heralds]

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Reblog to make it die faster

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Funniest information display at Helsinki Airport.

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“75% of teams who win the first game go on to win the Stanley Cup” Blah Blah Blah

But have you considered that the Florida Panthers are nightmare gremlins? They live in that 25% liminal space.

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adulthood is like dog training but you are both the dog and the trainer and also it doesn’t work and is bad

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Tumblr in December 2022 be like

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F1 Secret Santa gift rundown below the cut! (so I don’t accidentally spoil it for anyone)

Daniel got Esteban a Spider-Man book

Nicky got Daniel a Polaroid camera, Polaroid strips (idk what they’re called) and a Harry Styles t shirt

Seb got Nicky a certificate for 61 bees and Nutella biscuits (one bee for every time they lined up on the grid together)

Lance got Seb a maple tree planted in Switzerland

Valtteri got Lance a bottle of Oath gin and a cocktail set

Carlos got Valtteri a Minions cycling kit

Pierre got Carlos an AlphaTauri sweater

Fernando got Pierre a Monopoly set

K Mag got Fernando a car mirror (???)

Alex got K Mag a stress ball, a door stopper, a Viking beard care kit and a “dangerous mechanical problem on the car” flag

Checo got Alex golf lessons (with himself), some used slippers (???) and green and blue hair dye

Yuki got Checo a bottle of sake

Lando got Yuki a framed photo of Yuki and Pierre (🥺)

Mick got Lando an all-black Under Armor golf outfit and shoes

Max got Mick an adopted lion and a lion stuffed animal

Charles got Max a copy of F1 2022 (with the cover Photoshopped to only have Charles on it)

Guanyu got Charles a Chinese tea set

George got Guanyu a raptor Christmas tree ornament and festive socks

Esteban got George a Brazilian mini drum

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Now I would appreciate a fic where Anakin Skywalker just kills Palpatine on accident. I was watching revenge of the sith and through the whole sequence of Obi-wan and Anakin saving Palpatine from the ship I was thinking: “Anakin is waving his damn sabre EVERYWHERE it’s a miracle he hasn’t hit something on accident” and then bam: idea.

In Anakin’s defence there’s a LOT going on so like it’s not his FAULT that he wasn’t looking where he was slicing and the next thing he knows Palpatine’s head is no longer on his shoulders but rolling down some flight of stairs and Anakin just sort of,, pees himself a little.

“Oh. Shit.”

A whole mile away Mace Windu is sitting in his quarters and suddenly the migraine in the back of his head disappears and he’s like “whoa.” And then jokingly is like “who had to be sacrificed for that damn ache to finally go away.” Turns out!

Obi-wan, through a holo-call, (with Anakin skywalker furiously sobbing and heaving through snot and coughs in the background): hey so, we should look into getting Skywalker some ADHD medication.

The Jedi council: why? What has happened?

Obi-Wan: just a little loss of focus, it happens to the best of us.

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People not from commonwealth realms don’t get it. we’ve spent our entire lives (multiple generations of lives) being told that the only possible way out of british rule is the death of elizabeth. There are fourteen countries outside of the UK who have this noncitizen making the final say in all their countries decisions. Every time someone talks of a republic we get a sigh and a “people love liz too much, maybe when she dies…” like it’s a nebulous period but now it’s right in front of us. It’s within reach. My generation could finally be the one that sees independence from the British.

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let’s hang out - TO THE DEATH

#INTO THE DITCH I GO #pittsburgh penguins #sidney crosby #geno malkin

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I’ve been thinking about these graphics that depict the cambrian explosion as a LITERAL big bang explosion all day. They’re so fucking funny to me

canbedone / Adobe Stock

Literally kaboom

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being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

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another car opinion is that they shouldn't have touch screens

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how am i supposed to function under these conditions [sleepy]

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stop praising players for trying to play through massive injuries STOP PRAISING PLAYERS FOR TRYING TO PLAY THROUGH MASSIVE INJURIES