thebowltender

[thebowltender]

is it bad that every time i get into work the first thing i do is take a shit??

[thebowltender]

Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

[thebowltender]

[thebowltender]

if i cannot see a clock, time does not exist

#i solved the greatest mystery mankind has ever known #if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it #does it make a noise? #answer: #it doesn't even fall in the first place

[thebowltender]

why does my algorithm keep showing me engagement ring ads. I'm a lesbian, universe, STOP TEMPING ME LIKE THIS

[thebowltender]

its not that im stuck on the past, its that i want to re-formate my formative years

#delusion

[thebowltender]

nothing in the world makes me more evil than just being kind of annoyed

[thebowltender]

*watching 3 back to back scenes of someone finishing the same drink without a single scene of them refilling the drink and wondering how a professional did not catch this continuity error*

#pet peeve #continuity errors

[thebowltender]

famfiction where im bella and edward falls in love with me but the reason he cant read my brain is i have 0 thoughts to read

#twilight #fanfic

[thebowltender]

would like to propose 'yes chef' as a gender-neutral 'yes daddy'

#nonbinary #gender neutral #bedroom #yes chef

[thebowltender]

chromosomes? no sorry i use firefox

[thebowltender]

soon i will be able to make my passwords all lower case letters because no one would ever guess id be so stupid....

#hehehe #evil

[thebowltender]

what a shame doctors don’t prescribe vacation to secluded seaside towns like they used to

[thebowltender]

being in yr 20s is like every day is a Try Not To Spend 40$ Challenge and i keep losing

[thebowltender]

imagine those pro life ads that are like 'clara's baby would've cure cancer...but she aborted it' but instead its 'imagine if ted bundy's mom chose to get an abortion'

#ykwim?

[thebowltender]

who would've thought i'd feel irresponsible for buying kale

#recession #financial irresponsibility

[thebowltender]

due to many foreseen circumstances i will go insane