thefuturehasbeenatwar

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

#lol. lmao even #r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

As I get older I’m starting to let go of the guilty urge to build permanent habits. Like, a while ago I decided I would start jumping rope every day. I did it for like three weeks and felt good about it. Then I got bored, because of course I did, because I’m a human person. So now I do a bit of kickboxing because that’s what I like now. The other week I cut all sugar from my diet, just for a week, to challenge myself. Now I’m back to eating sweets but I don’t crave them as much.

Growth is about stretching, trying new things, and setting small, realistic goals for yourself, not picking a “good habit” you’ve decided you will be doing always and forever from now on. That’s not discipline. That’s pointless self-torture and unhealthy resistance to change.

What’s good for you today will not necessarily be what’s good for you tomorrow.

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

Fuck it we bawl (starts sobbing uncontrollably)

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

Imagine if you’re going to an Insane Clown Posse show expecting them to do their usual horrorcore rap rock and instead they come out to circus music in a tiny clown car and start throwing pies at each other and doing funny flipsy-flops and goofs and all of the juggalos are having an earnestly great time for the whole family and then they ask you on stage and you get tricked and squirted with water but in a funny, good-natured way which you handle well and then you get to take a bow and the whole audience applauds and you are laughing so hard it is the best night of your life

#tumblr user jncos having a normal one i see #r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

shoutout to everyone dealing with. thhe fucking difficulty

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

Relationships that have real king/lionheart energy, that whole “I have sworn myself wholly to you, I am your sword arm, I am your dog” to someone else’s “you are the one person in this world I can rely on, and I am both bolstered and burdened by your absolute faith in me” vibe, but it’s in circumstances that are like. so low stakes. Manager of a movie theater/the one usher who doesn’t smoke weed at work.

#this is what all my sibling relationship were like and we had to go to therapy about it lmao #r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

"if you think that someone you know might be having fun due to their medical treatment, please contact law enforcement immediately. all medical treatment must be as unpleasant as possible to ensure that sick people maintain an appropriately ascetic lifestyle, as penance for choosing to be sick people"

I wrote this seven years ago about federally restricted medications and I was fucking right

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

me: 2 redbull and an adderall breakfast is the most important meal of the day :)

my guardian angel (currently taking the form of the guy from the mountain goats to try and get me to listen to him): Do we think maybe a vegetable would help you “make it through this year”

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

Tell me when you get bored. A story about doses. [x]

I posted this on twitter and had a variety of aggressive ableism thrown my way.

This is a story about changing what I can in spite of what I cannot for the comfort of my loved ones. The thing that others find to be hurtful about me is that I like to spend time in silent solitude. People who love me often feel hurt that I tend to solve my own problems instead of leaning on them.

When we spend too much time together, people find my neutrality to be concerning, and it becomes too much for people to be unable to read me.

To show the people I love that I enjoy their company in ways they can understand, I pool my energy together to be high-energy, peppy, and social. Since this is not my natural state of being, it takes effort, which can only be expended in small doses. I amplify the things people like in me while filtering out everything they dislike about me when I am in their company.

I change my behaviors for those I love, but at the end of the day, I cannot change my neutral state of being, which is the thing that they want most out of me.

This is a story about me accommodating people in the best way I know how, not the other way around. I would truly appreciate it if people don't misconstrue this anecdote as me asking for dismissal of hurtful behavior when in reality, people find hurt in the fact that I simply exist, and I must change for them.

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

there really are few emotions i find more compelling in a story than "you should be afraid of me. please don't be afraid of me"

#its the 'being taught over and over you were repulsive to others until you felt obligated to warn ppl ahead of time' #r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

I don't think some ppl understand that when disabled ppl say that it takes a lot of work to do something they're saying that it's a lot harder for them to do it than it is for you. To you it's a 20 minute task, for me it will take 2 hours minimum. All it takes from you to do it is cleaning supplies. Meanwhile it costs me a meltdown, very sore muscles, and 2 days of rest after. There's also a good chance I will forget to eat, drink, or use the bathroom while I'm doing it. When I say it's hard for me to do something I mean it's hard I don't mean that I don't want to do it.

#r

[thefuturehasbeenatwar]

girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months