I thought I was getting better, I honestly did. But sometimes I just lay in bed at 3am, trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and why I’m never enough.
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The water beats my back, I'm sitting in the shower.
Tears mingle with the flowing water.
But blood also flows from my wrists, the blade is leaning next to me.
I feel drained of all emotion, but I get up and carry on as if nothing had happened.
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I'm reading everything that crosses your mind and I feel every word on my skin, I feel it inside me walking in my heart, in my mind.
And I ask myself: how can strangers feel what I feel?
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I smile and laugh because if the people that cared about me know my real pain, they would be worried and I cannot burden them with my weakness.
I’m the strong one.
I do the saving I don’t get saved.
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Hey! Love ur blog.
It's okay if u ignore this. I was dumped by my gf, the woman I thought I will spend the rest of my life with, for an older guy with casinos all over the country. Two months later I found out from her sister that she was pregnant with me and made an abortion. It destroyed me..
I lost all hope
I usually never answer the questions they ask me, because I want this blog to stay just for my thoughts.
But for you I will make an exception because I was struck by your story.
I can't tell you that everything will be fine.
I can't tell you that this pain will pass quickly.
I can't tell you what you're going to have to do, because it's your life, you're the one who has to decide.
But I can tell you that I believe in you, I believe that somehow you will still be able to be happy with a person who deserves your love.
At first it won't be easy to trust again, it won't be easy to be the same as before again.
But if you feel that the weight of your thoughts is increasing, ask for help.
Ask for help from whoever you want, who you trust.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you're not the first and you won't be the last, in fact you're a person who has found courage.
I wish you to be able to feel good about yourself!
Lots of love
-A
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You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong person.
At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.
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Do you know why we are sometimes disappointed?
Because we believe that others are willing to do what we would do for them.
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