thelonely-poet

[thelonely-poet]

Detachment.

[thelonely-poet]

My destiny, My fate.

Where am I, who am I, this desolation feels like a prison. A lot of people have passed by in this place.

Where I am?

Who are you, who are you. The joy that can't be hidden.

Even in my dreams, I looked all over the world where you're grabbed.

Where are you?

I'll find you I'll recognize you Wherever you are Whatever you look like I'll recognize I'll remember you I'll look at you Even if you're not there Even after so many years I won't forget.

Why is everything scared?

The gray sky, the cloudy clouds

Time with you is getting slower

I'm holding your hand

That will get farther away

I beg for life

I keep forgetting everything

The place where I should return

The pieces of lost time

I want to hold you tight and never let you go.

I wanna find you

Though I can't touch you

Thought I can't be held by you

Where are you?

Who are you?

Sincerely, your moon.

#destiny

[thelonely-poet]

Coincidence, fate or destiny?

Coincidence.

"Coincidence is a situation where events happen at the same time in a way that is not planned or expected. Although they happen by accident, they always seem to be related. For example, Two people’s birthday falling on the same day."

Fate.

"Fate refers to the development of events outside a person’s control, which are regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power. It is based on the concept that there is a fixed natural order in the universe, which cannot be changed no matter how hard we try. Thus, fate is believed to be unavoidable or inevitable. It is also considered to be divinely inspired. The word fate comes from, Latin fatum which means ‘that which has been spoken’"

Destiny.

"Fate is outside of your control. However, you can shape destiny with your choices. Why? Because destiny is your future. Coming from the Latin term destinare, which means intended or firmly established, destiny hasn’t already been determined. Therefore, the changes that you make will affect your destiny in life."

Coincidence, fate or destiny? This question has been bothering me for a long time. Whether it's folks I've met in the past or those I'll meet in the future. I can't help but wondered which one they are and what if I never meet them? Which path should I take? Coincidence.. At the grocery store, I encountered a stranger. She knows who I am, and we eventually became friends; it was destiny. Her actions led to destiny.

 “No kind of calamity occurs except by Allah’s permission. Whoever believes in Allah, He will guide his heart. Allah has knowledge of all things.” (Qur’an, 64:11)

Fate; they were meant to be together. Despite countless fights, they are intended to be together. That is fate, and it is written by Him.

Sincerely, your moon.

#fate

[thelonely-poet]

{Nicola Yoon, The Sun Is Also a Star/ Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel/ removed the French one / u.k / words by @not-sewell /old Spanish sayings/ paintings by ker Xavier roussel/ "Man sitting on a Log", 1893, by Karoly Ferenczy/Pavel benkov/ salman toor}

{Add if you know something in your language too}

[thelonely-poet]

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[thelonely-poet]

"Why Is It so hard to let go?"

I remember back then, on how often I asked myself, why do I keep holding on into something that called 'hope'. I'm talking about, love.

The truth is, the real reason why it is so hard to let go of someone you love, that doesn’t give the same affection to you is that,

You're holding on to “the way” you love them.

The person that I've given them, of special level of my admiration, affection and intimacy. Of course, it was unique, unordinary love and the reason why it hurts because.. its not returned.

But I always think of this: “Since When Is Love Suppose To Hurt?”. Truth to be told, Unconditional Love is not suppose to hurt either one of you.

That level, of affection you have for him or her, you have not “shared” it within yourself. In addition too, why it hurts so much.

That is where I've learned, that when I apply those very same feelings to myself.. I'll never allow anyone to tarnish the sanctity of my love or intimate space ever again. Initially it will feel strange, but ultimately I'll come out, stronger for it.

Once you realized that the key of loving someone, is to love yourself in a way no one will be able to surpass it. And I believe, sooner or later, the love that you deserves will come to you, without any warning.

Sincerely, your moon.

#letting go

[thelonely-poet]

[thelonely-poet]

Practice Day1

505-Artic Monkeys ( dark web version)

#guitar

[thelonely-poet]

My heart is heavy and I can't explain,

Why I'm feeling so much pain,

A longing brews inside my chest,

For something I can't express.

I want to go back to a simpler time

When life had a much different rhyme.

A time before the world grew so cold

Before this feeling of longing took hold.

I want to feel content and at ease

Without this wild longing disease

I want to find that life can be sweet

Without this longing that's so deep

But I can't go back to the past

My longing will forever last

I can only find peace in the present

And hope in the future, I'm content.

Sincerely, your moon.

#longing

[thelonely-poet]

“Everything is burning, my soul, body, outside, inside, heart, flesh. Do you understand? Do you really understand?”

María Casares, from a letter to Albert Camus written c. March 1952

[thelonely-poet]

I felt you leaving, even before you did.

So i decided to act like you never did.

[thelonely-poet]

“But longing is momentum in disguise: It’s active, not passive; touched with the creative, the tender, and the divine. We long for something, or someone. We reach for it, move toward it. The word longing derives from the Old English langian, meaning ‘to grow long,’ and the German langen—to reach, to extend. The word yearning is linguistically associated with hunger and thirst, but also desire. In Hebrew, it comes from the same root as the word for passion. The place you suffer, in other words, is the same place you care profoundly—care enough to act.”

— Susan Cain, from Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole (Crown, 2022)

[thelonely-poet]

—Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

[That’s what the world is, after all: an endless battle of contrasting memories.]

[thelonely-poet]

— Haruki Murakami, from “1Q84.”

[thelonely-poet]

Stop Waiting.

July 21th 2023 4:24 AM

Apabila matahari terbit, setiap nafas yang aku hembus, setiap langkah yang aku ambil, terasa berat, seolah ada batu sebesar gunung, yang menhempap hati aku. Hatiku, hatiku yang pernah cuba untuk pulih sendiri bertahun tahun lamanya, berkecai hancur, kembali di titik permulaan, habis ditinggalkan, habis dilupakan oleh manusia yang aku pernah cintai. Seolah olah erti cinta tidak logik untuk didengari oleh manusia yang tak kenal erti menghargai.

Sesat. Dimana lagi harus aku mencari hati aku yang hilang, hancur? Berapa tahun lamanya lagi yang aku perlukan untuk pulihkan hati ini? Adakah kau bahagia dengan deritaku? Janji yang pernah kau ungkapkan, masih terngiang ngiang di fikiran dalam. Tuluskah cinta yang kau beri, ataupun ianya hanya sandiwaramu? Betapa mudahnya kau, meleraikan ikatan yang telah kita bina bersama berkali kali dengan dalih yang kau rimpuh, sedangkan aku disini bertahan, sedang pisau tajam menikam tepat didalam lohong hati, pilu.

Setiap senja yang datang, apabila langit bertukar warnanya, bintang dan bulan seakan akan menjadi peneman, aku bertarung dengan diriku. Aku berasa setengah diriku hilang. Tersekat antara menunggu atau melupakan. Dengan harapn agar perasaan ini tak kembali mengulangi lagi. Sedang aku mengemis cinta dari kau, aku tersentak, tersedar, yang kau tidak pernah wujud didalam kamus hidupku. Semuanya delusi yang terbina didalam jiwaku, kau, aku, dan kita yang pernah saling mencintai. Kita tidak pernah wujud. Segala rasa cinta yang aku tanam, tidak disiram dam kau biarkan dia layu. Kau biarkan aku, hancur.

Setiap bayang yang muncul, aku tatap mataku yang keruh. Seolah wujud laut yang luas, ombak yang kuat, tanpa aku sedar, mataku berkaca. Aku hapuskan tinta yang pernah kau lukis di kanvas hatiku, aku lupakan satu persatu, halusinasiku, panggung wayang yang mempamerkan skrin masa lalu, kita berdua saling bertukar pandangan, berpegangan tangan tatkala hujan, kau mendukungku di tanganmu, seolah olah waktu seakan berhenti, hujan seakan menjadi perlahan, semuanya terkaku kecuali aku, membisik ditelingamu, "kita akan kekal sampai jadi debu".

Wayang berhenti, melaburkan tirainya. Waktu kembali berjalan seperti sedia kala. Bantu aku, hentikan penantianku, aku sedang belajar untuk menghentikan langkahku dan menukar arah perjalananku, untuk memerhati kau yang semakin jauh, pudar dari pandanganku. Aku tesedar didalam khayalan yang aku cipta. Aku tersedar dari buaian mimpi, tersenyum, melihat kau disana dan bahagia tertawa walaupun aku yang kau lupa. Penantianku berakhir. Aku tidak lagi menaruh harapan dalam delusiku, kau tidak pernah wujud.

When the sun rises, every breath and every step I take, feels heavy, as if there is a big mountain rock, crushing my heart. My heart, my heart that had been trying to heal itself for many years, shattered, returned to the starting point, completely abandoned, completely forgotten by the people I once loved. As if the meaning of love is illogical to be heard by people who do not know the meaning of appreciation.

Lost. Where else should I look for my lost, broken heart? How many more years do I need to recover this pity heart? Are you happy with my pain? Your promises still engraved in my mind. How easy it is for you, to dissolve the bond that we have repaired many times with the excuse that you are tired, while I am here loving you affectionally, sincerely despite a sharp dagger stabs deep into the depths of my heart.

Every nightfall, when the sky changes its tone. I'm battling with myself. I feel like half of me is gone. I'm stuck between waiting or forgetting. If its real, it will stayed. Hoping that this feelings will be gone, far, far away. While I was begging to get the love that I once crave for, I was astonished to realize that you did not exist in the vocabulary of my existence when I was screaming for your love. All delusions built in my soul, you, me, and us who once loved each other. We never existed. All the love I planted, not watered, you let it wither. You leave me there, shattered.

Every shadow that appeared, I looked into my cloudy eyes. As if there was a vast sea, strong waves, without me realizing it, my eyes were glassy. I erase the ink you once painted on the canvas of my heart, I forget one by one, my delusions, the movie theater that shows us holding hands when it rains, we exchanged looks. You hold me in your arms, as if time seems to stop, the rain seems to slow down, everything freezes except me, whispering in your ear, "we will remain together- until we become dust".

The show stopped, the curtain closed. Time goes back to normal. Help me, stop my waiting, I'm learning to stop my steps and change my directions, to watch you getting further away, disappearing from my sight. I woke up from the cradle of a dream, smiling, seeing you there and happily laughing even though I was the one you forgot. My wait is over. I will forgot about you, I'll forgot about everything. Not even in my dreams, I won't remember. There's nothing left, I should stop waiting. I no longer have hope, in my delusion, you never existed.

-L

#poetry #writing #lost love #stop waiting

[thelonely-poet]

In some parallel universe, I know you held me tighter. You tried harder. You said, “Look my love, I will meet you halfway.”

- N.M.Sanchez, from Initial Meeting

[thelonely-poet]

Jamie Anderson/Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior

Grief and love are interconnected