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therarityoflife · 3 years

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This City

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!reader

Summary: Spencer never expected to find love in a subway busker, and you never expected a song about him to be the thing that kickstarted your career.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: I really hope you like this because it’s super fluffy and I think it might be my favourite thing I’ve ever written. It was originally going to be a three part series but in the end I just made it one big one shot so I hope you enjoy it.

It was a day like any other. A regular Tuesday morning. Spencer walked quickly, head down, through the tube station. He was running late. Everything seemed to be going wrong for him that morning. The water in his flat just wouldn’t warm up, he couldn't find his keys when he was meant to leave, his local coffee shop was swamped with people by the time he got there. Everything was adding up and now he was going to be late.

He never really listened to the buskers that would play in the station as he walked by. He never knew the songs they were playing and he had more important places to be. Occasionally he would have to push his way through a crowd who had formed around one of them. He’d roll his eyes but curiously listen to the voice who had captured so many ears. So as he walked, head down, he couldn’t help but perk up at the sound of your voice.

“I’ve been seeing lonely people in crowded rooms.” You sang. He practically stopped in his tracks. People swerved around him tutting and rolling their eyes at the commotion he’d caused. He planted himself against a wall to listen to the prettiest voice he’d ever heard. Spencer continued to listen to the song he never heard before utterly mesmerised. Your presence was incredible, people couldn’t help but watch you perform as they walked past. You caught the attention of everyone. A group of school kids whooped as you belted out the bridge of the song causing you to giggle slightly. People dropped coins and dollar bills into your guitar case as they passed and you flashed each one a bright smile. The song faded out as you played the last few chords.

“Thank you so much. My name’s Y/N and that was This City.” You smiled looking over at Spencer who was still watching. He pulled two dollars out of his wallet and placed it in your case.

“Thank you so much. I saw you watching.” You grinned at the pretty boy in front of you.

“You have a wonderful voice.” He smiled. Spencer glanced at his watch and grimaced slightly before walking off. You watched as the tall boy, all cheekbones and brown eyes, walked off down to the platform.

Spencer sat down on the train and pulled his phone out of his satchel. As much as he hated the internet he needed to find this song. He contemplated just asking Garcia, but she would do one of two things. She’d either try playing matchmaker, finding out everything she could about you, or she’d tell Morgan who would tease him relentlessly for his crush. He pulled google up and typed in the name of the song. ‘This City by Sam Fischer’ was the first result that popped up. He plugged his headphones in and pressed play on the song. Thankfully it was the right one. Spencer didn’t think the artist was as good as you, but the song itself was good. He almost missed his stop at Quantico as he read through article after article about the artist and how the song had gone viral on an app called TikTok.

You continued on with your set after Spencer left. You couldn’t get him out of your head though. You found yourself thinking about him throughout the day. You wondered who he was, where he was going, what he did. You usually didn’t notice the people passing you by, but for some reason he stuck out to you.

“You’re late.” Hotch scowled as Spencer jogged into the bullpen.

“Sorry.” He mumbled taking his seat at his desk. No new case came in that day so Spencer could let his mind wander back to you as he pleased. The way you seemed to feel every word of the song you played. They way you smiled at the people looking your way.

“Hey pretty boy.” Derek pulled Spencer from his daydream. “What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm. Oh nothing. Sorry, off in a world of my own.” Spencer blushed.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Derek chuckled.

From that day on Spencer would set off thirty minutes early with a five dollar bill in his wallet. You were there every morning, with your guitar and that voice that Spencer loved. It was becoming a routine. Every morning at 8am you would scan across the crowd of people looking for the tall boy with the cheekbones, and everyday he would arrive. He’d stand across the platform from you and watch your set for fifteen minutes. It kept you on your toes. Every morning you’d come down with three new songs for him. You didn’t know that once he boarded that train he would look up every one of them and add them to his phone.

The entire team had noticed the shift in Spencer’s mood. He seemed lighter. He’d come into the bullpen glowing with a grin on his face.

“You look happy this morning.” JJ commented.

“I am happy.” He’d said matter of factly.

“Good. I’m glad.” JJ chuckled, raising an eyebrow to Morgan who just shrugged. “What’s got him in such a good mood?”

“Haven’t got a clue.” Morgan shook his head.

“Aren’t you going to find out?”

“He’ll tell us when he’s ready.”

After a week of the routine you decided to be brave. That morning as you packed your things you wrote your number down on a piece of paper, tucking it into your guitar case ready to give him when he arrived. Except this time he didn’t arrive. You weren’t aware that Spencer had left for a case, all you knew was that subway boy wasn’t there and you didn’t realise you’d miss him this much, your unspoken routine broken. You watched the crowd waiting for him to stop, but he didn't. There was no tall boy with cheekbones that morning, or for the next three mornings after that. He had seemingly vanished into thin air.

You had almost given up waiting for him when just like that he was back. Just like that, as though he had never gone, there he was leaning against the wall watching you perform.

“I missed you down here.” You called across the swarm of people between songs.

“I was travelling for work.” He smiled cutting across to you.

“You know I think you’re single handedly paying my rent.” You giggled as he placed the five dollar bill in your guitar case.

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” He blushed. Just when you thought this boy couldn’t get any cuter, it almost made you swoon. You almost forgot the piece of paper tucked away in the pocket of your guitar case as he stood up straight.

“Here.” You caught his attention again. “Instead of just giving me your money tomorrow, why don’t you take me out for coffee?” You passed him your number.

“Oh! Yeah, I’d really like that.” He stammered. “It’s a date- I mean, not a date. Unless you want it to be a date that is.”

“It’s a date.” You smiled softly.

“Great. See you tomorrow then.”

“Wait!” You called after him. “Normally I know the names of the people I’m going on dates with.” You giggled.

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Then I look forward to our date Spencer Reid.”

Unfortunately a case came in that morning meaning the team were jetting off to Huston for god knows how long.

‘Hi. It’s Spencer. From the train station. You said you wanted to get coffee tomorrow but I’m going to have to postpone. I’m really sorry. I’m down in Huston for work at the minute. Can we rearrange when I get back?’ He rattled off a text to you as he and Hotch drove to the ME’s office. He shoved his phone in his satchel as Hotch pulled into the car park.

‘No problem, don’t worry about it. Although now I am intrigued. Pray tell what job could you possibly have that includes you jetting off across the country on such short notice?’ The text was waiting for him once he got back in the car. He couldn’t help but smile. Your light, cheeky tone came across even through text.

‘I work for the FBI. Me and my team consult on serial murder cases.’

‘Woah! Seriously? I’ll leave you to it then. Go save some lives Superman.’ Spencer chuckled at the message before tucking his phone back into his bag. Hotch gave him a subtle side eye, but didn’t want to intrude.

The team stayed in Huston until the end of the week. Spencer had sent you a text that morning to tell you that he was on his way back. Your stomach jumped as your phone pinged.

‘Still up for that coffee tomorrow then?’ You replied, biting your thumb trying to stop the grin spreading across your face.

‘Can’t wait.’

You and Spencer had been texting through the week while he was in Huston. He couldn’t tell you much about the case but you told him about the songs you were learning and some demo you were playing about with. He was intrigued by it all, asking you questions about your writing process and what instruments you played. He explained the history of the modern song structure on the phone one evening and you couldn’t stop smiling for thirty minutes after you ended the call. You couldn’t believe how insanely smart he was and how he knew so much about everything. It left you awestruck, and if he didn’t already have you under his thumb he definitely did now.

It was Saturday, the day you and Spencer had agreed to meet up. He paced round his apartment psyching himself up to meet you. He had tried on just about every shirt in his closet trying to find the right thing to wear. He chewed on his nail nervously until his phone pinged. Spencer had let you pick the place you went for coffee so you sent him the address. He took a deep breath and picked up his bag and keys before leaving his apartment. The coffee shop was nice, not too big but also not too small that it felt cramped. It was a little way out from Spencer so he had to catch the subway over. He assumed this must be the area in which you lived.

“Hey.” You smiled from a booth as he walked in. He sat opposite you looking down at the small plate sat in front of you. “I haven’t eaten yet. I hope you don’t mind, I already got something.”

“No. Not at all. It looks great, what is it?”

“Coffee cake. I know not exactly breakfast but I have a major sweet tooth and the cake in here is to die for.” You chuckled. “You want to try a bit?” You held up the fork.

“Sure.” He smiled, cutting himself a small bite. “That is good.”

“I told you so.”

You ended up sitting in that coffee shop for two hours discussing anything and everything. Once it got closer to lunch, and the shop started getting busier the pair of you decided to head off somewhere else.

“There’s an art gallery not too far from here, or there’s a park if you just want to keep walking.” You reeled off as you tried to find things to do so you didn’t have to say goodbye.

“The gallery sounds nice.” Spencer smiled. “It looks like it might rain.” He pointed up at the ominous black cloud lingering in the sky.

“Good shout.” You smiled. You were walking side by side, your hands brushing against each other every so often. You felt like you were back in high school going on your first date, back when a date had no underlying motive. There was no expectation to go back to either one of your apartments. It was sweet. Refreshing even.

Spencer made the move to link your fingers once you entered the gallery. He told himself it was the logical thing to do. You had to maneuver your way through a crowd and you didn’t want to lose each other, but once you were out the other side his hand stayed intertwined with yours. You couldn’t help but watch the way he spoke about each painting you walked past. It’s history, the artist, anything he knew. You stared up at him smiling.

“Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?”

“No. Not at all. I really like it actually.”

“Like what?”

“The way you talk. You know so much about so much and it's incredible to watch.”

“People don’t normally let me talk that much.” He admitted.

“Well then that’s a shame for them.”

The day was coming to an end and neither one of you wanted to leave. Spencer walked you back to your apartment door as the sun set behind the buildings.

“I really enjoyed today.” Spencer admitted as you stood on the porch to your building.

“I had a really good time as well.” You smiled. “I’d really like to see you again.”

“I’d like that too. Look, my job is pretty high demand so I can’t promise anything, but I would really like to see you again.”

“That’s okay. I get it. You’re off being a superhero. Just let me know when you’re in town and I’ll let you take me on a second date.” You stood up on your tiptoes and pressed a light kiss to Spencer’s cheek. “Goodnight Spencer.”

You had been seeing Spencer for four months when you wrote your first song about him. You didn’t get to see him as often as you would have liked but the connection was undeniable. In that time you had been busking regularly. You’d grown a small following online and had begun playing small shows at bars and small venues. Spencer was so proud of you. He came to your first show, and every show he was in town for. You’d shown him every one of your demos. All except this one. You wanted this one to be a surprise, to play it for him when you first debuted it. Except it was proving to be harder than you thought. The last five shows you’d played he was meant to be there, and each of those shows he’d ended up away on a case. You couldn’t hate him for it if you tried, but it was slightly discouraging having to remove the song from the set list so many times.

At the same time you were playing shows you were growing a following on TikTok. It was the best place to get yourself out there and the plan was working. You uploaded covers, and originals, as well as story times and silly videos. You were likeable so it wasn’t surprising that a few of your videos had blown up. Your newest one was no exception. It was a stupid video poking fun at the fact that you still hadn’t been able to play Spencer his song in which you referred to him as ‘subway boy’. You didn’t expect however for the video to go viral. You woke up the morning after uploading the video to find it had over 750 thousand views. Your comments were blowing up with ‘subway boy reveal’, and ‘release the song!’ Your following had doubled overnight, you couldn’t believe it.

You were playing a gig at a small venue up in D.C. Spencer had promised he’d be there, and this time he kept his promise. The two of you rode up on the train in the evening, your guitar laid across your lap.

“You nervous?” Spencer asked, his hand in yours. He noticed the way your leg was bouncing up and down.

“Yeah, I’m really nervous.” You laughed breathily. Spencer had no idea you were performing his song for him. In a way you didn’t know until that afternoon either. Part of you was waiting for him to be called away on another case and it wasn’t until he walked through your apartment door that evening that it hit you he was really going to be there.

“You’ll be great. You always are.” He squeezed your hand.

“I’m putting a new song on the set list tonight.” You spoke shyly.

“Oh yeah? Have I heard it?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Then I’m excited to hear it.”

“Hi everyone. My name is Y/N and I’ll be playing a short set tonight. I want to start this set off with a new song actually. See I’ve been trying to perform this song for the past month, but every time I try to perform it the person it’s for has to bail at the last minute. But he’s here tonight so this is Subway.” You began playing the song for Spencer. He stood to the side away from the crowd but you could see him beaming as you sang. The song came to an end and you stole a glance in his direction before continuing on with the set.

“You never said you wrote a song about me.” Spencer said awestruck as you walked out of the venue.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to show you until it was ready. Then you kept getting called out on cases so I couldn’t show you.”

“It was incredible. In fact I think it’s my favourite song of yours.” Spencer smiled, dipping down to kiss you.

Spencer was practically grinning as he got into work the next day. The team still had no idea he was seeing you. He wasn’t intentionally keeping it a secret, they just hadn’t asked, and if he was being honest he liked having something just for himself. He knew as soon as they found out they would be all over you like a rash. Penelope would probably do a full background check, they would all demand to meet you, and Derek would definitely try to embarrass him in front of you. No, for now you were his secret.

“What’s got you in such a chipper mood this morning?” Derek asked as Spencer sat down at his desk. Spencer began rambling about something scientific to get Derek off his back. “Okay, okay Einstein. I get it.” Derek chuckled.

“Guys, we have a case.” Hotch said from the briefing room.

Spencer left for his next case the morning after you debuted Subway.

‘A new case has come in. Down in Miami. Not sure yet when I’ll be back’ He’d texted you around lunchtime.

‘Enjoy the sun. See you when you get home.’ You’d responded. It was one of his favourite things about you. The way you took his job in your stride. He’d heard all the horror stories, relationships and marriages ending because of the iron grip the BAU had. Hotch and Rossi were the poster children for it; but you never seemed to mind. You never had an issue with him being away for so long and you never pried about the cases. You just made sure you were always there with your wonderful smile and a hug when needed.

The TikTok video you’d uploaded a few days ago was still blowing up with people asking for the song. You decided to film a video of you performing it. You weren’t expecting too much from it but it didn’t hurt to monetise on the hype you were currently receiving. You were currently working on an EP so any hype you could generate before it came out would be good for sales. You uploaded the video and turned your phone off. You were in the studio that afternoon recording the last set of vocals for your EP.

In the weeks following your song had gone viral. The initial video emmassed over four million views and the song ended up as a trending sound on TikTok. You couldn’t believe it.

“The videos on four point four million views I think.” You said on the phone to Spencer. “My TikTok now has almost a million followers and my Instagram has over half a million followers. I’ve had record companies reaching out to me talking about signing contracts with them. Oh, and I’ve got a meeting with Atlantic records tomorrow morning. How crazy is that?”

“That’s insane. I’m so proud of you.” Spencer said. You could practically hear him smiling down the phone. “Are you going to do it? Sign a contact with them I mean.”

“I think so. I’ve had a few skype meetings with some record labels while you’ve been on this case and Atlantic seems to be the company that aligns best with what I want to do. Sony reached out but I’ve heard enough horror stories about them to ever sign with them.” You laugh. “Atlantic seems good though. We had an initial meeting yesterday and I told them about the EP I’m planning on releasing. They said they’d be happy to release it under them.”

“I see you’ve been very busy since I left then.” Spencer chuckled. “I leave for ten days and you become a famous musician.”

The next few months were a whirlwind of release dates, interviews, signings, and even an upcoming tour down the east coast. Everyone was obsessed with the mystery of ‘subway boy’. You and Spencer decided to play into it. Spencer wasn’t big on social media, or the internet in general, so he was happy to stay anonymous. A rogue hand, or a photo credit enough to keep the mystery going. Spencer couldn’t help but find it amusing. Penelope had found out about you when your song blew up, even going so far as to mention how obsessed with you she was and that she was going to figure out who ‘subway boy’ was if it killed her. It took everything in Spencer not to burst out laughing then and there. What had begun as Spencer just wanting something for himself had now turned into a game. Would they figure it out? How long would it take them to realise that the mystery boy who had enthralled the country was actually their best friend?

You’d been with Spencer for a year when you set off on your first tour. It was a small ten show tour down the east coast, and a show in LA. Your team wanted to trial run a few shows to see if a longer tour would be worthwhile. It proved to be a roaring success with all the shows selling out.

“Once you put out your first album you’ll be able to do a nationwide tour.” Your manager had said over the skype call. You were sitting in Spencer’s living room, your laptop perched on the coffee table. “We can’t guarantee it will be a headline tour just yet, but a lot of our bigger artists have expressed an interest in having you as their supporting act. Ed Sheeran is going on tour next year and he’s expressed interest in your music.” Spencer came into the room, two cups of coffee in his hands. He handed you one.

“Thanks darling.” You smiled up at him as he continued through to his study. “I mean both options sound great. I think I’d prefer touring as a supporting act first to be honest. It’s not as much pressure and it means I can get a feel for the larger audiences.”

“I’m guessing that was ‘subway boy’.” Your manager smirked.

“Yeah, that was Spencer.”

“Ah, so he does have a name. Yeah we can definitely discuss it with the label and the rest of the team, as I said a few artists have expressed interest so it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone willing to take you on as their support act. Speaking of ‘subway boy’ though, are you ever going to reveal who he is? There’s a lot of hype around the mystery of it at the minute but I wouldn’t want that to die out.”

“I’m not sure. I’d have to speak to him about it. He’s not on social media and I don’t know if he wants his face plastered across the internet.”

“I see. What is it he does, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“He’s a criminal profiler with the FBI.”

“I can hear you talking about me.” Spencer shouted from his study.

“Only the bad things, I swear.” You laughed as he came to stand in the doorway and shake his head at you.

“And is he okay with the idea of you travelling so much, because a nationwide tour would last a good couple of months and we’ve not even thought about international tours yet.” Your manager pulled your focus back to the meeting.

“Oh, yeah he’s fine with it. He’s always jetting off around the country for cases anyway. I never know if he’s here or not.” You chuckled.

“In that case that’s all we have to talk about today, I’ll relay this back to the rest of the team.” With that your manager hung up the call and Spencer came to sit beside you.

“You probably wouldn’t even notice I was gone. You’re never here anyway.” You smirked at Spencer.

“We might start catching each other in different states.” He laughed.

“I’ll have to start leaving your name on the door every night in case you turn up.”

It was the first night of your tour. You were in Boston and Spencer was on a case up in Idaho. It was a small venue with a capacity of only a thousand people.

“This next song you might know. I released this song six months ago and it blew up on TikTok. Before I released it I was busking in train stations in D.C. Coincidentally that is where I met the person this song is about.” You paused and the crowd erupted with cheers of,

“Subway boy!”

“Yeah. That’s where I met ‘subway boy’. Actually we just celebrated our one year anniversary a few weeks ago and I was thinking. Of all the songs that could have changed my life, I'm glad it was the song about the boy who changed my life. He’s a bit of a hermit when it comes to social media, but I’m glad I get to share him with the world in at least one way. And since he’s not here tonight ‘subway boy’ I love you. This is Subway sing along if you know it.

“Hey you. How’s the case going?” You spoke down the phone after you came off stage later that evening.

“It looks like we’re going to be here for the next few days. Sorry I couldn’t come to your show tonight.” He sounded upset.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re coming to see me in D.C, you don’t have to be at every show.”

“Yeah, but it was your first one. I wanted to be there.”

“You will. Are you still coming to the D.C show?”

“Yeah. You couldn’t stop me if you tried. Oh, Penelope and JJ are coming as well. They’ve made sure we’ve got the evening off so I’ll definitely be there.”

“Ooh, scary. Your work friends are coming to my show. Do I need to hide you away in the VIP box?” You giggled.

“No, Penelope got us tickets months ago. Her and JJ are obsessed with you, they think they’re dragging me along to introduce me to good music.”

“I’m glad they think so highly of my music. What are your tickets like? I can get them upgraded if you like.”

“Please, it's Penelope. She’s probably gotten better tickets than you could ever give us.” Spencer laughed.

“I look forward to meeting her one day.”

“Would you?” Spencer asked.

“Hmm?”

“Would you want to meet them?”

“Yeah. When you’re ready to introduce me to them I’d love to. They’re your family, and you talk so highly of them. I’d love to meet them.”

“I think I’d like to introduce you to them soon.”

“Okay. Well whenever you want to let me know and I’m there. As long as it's after this tour.”

“We’ll make a plan. Hey look I have to get off, it must be getting pretty late over there. Go get some sleep sweetheart, I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Okay. You make sure you’re getting some sleep as well. I love you.” You smiled.

“I love you too. Goodnight.” Spencer said before hanging up the call.

Spencer wasn’t aware that his hiding spot in the local police precinct wasn’t so hidden, and that Morgan had overheard him talking to you.

“Spencer Reid, do you have a secret girlfriend you’ve neglected to tell us about?” He asked as Spencer came back into the board room where the team was set up.

“What? No. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer said defensively. It was an obvious lie and everyone could see it.

“I’d really like to introduce you to them. Go get some sleep sweetheart. I love you too, goodnight. Pretty boy you’re not talking to your mom like that so the only other person it could be is a girlfriend.”

“Okay fine I might have a girlfriend. Can we drop it now?”

“How long have you been seeing her. It sounds pretty serious if you’ve told her you love her.” Emily piped up.

“We’ve been together for one year, three weeks and four days.”

“Spence! You’ve had a girlfriend for a year and never told us?” JJ gasped.

“Yeah. You always like to jump on everything I do and I wanted something just for myself for a while.”

“A year’s a long time though Reid.” Emily said, shocked.

“You’ll meet her soon. We’re going to find a time that’s good for both of us. She’s travelling at the minute.”

The day had finally arrived for your show in D.C. You were really nervous. You’d played in New York to five thousand people a few days ago, but that was child’s play compared to this. Tonight you were playing to Spencer’s friends. Sure they didn’t know who you were but you knew who they were and it was terrifying.

‘We’ve just arrived. You’re going to be incredible. Good luck, I’m so proud of you. I’ll see you after the show.’ Spencer had text you while you sat in the green room with your band.

“So is ‘subway boy’ going to be here tonight?” Your drummer Tim asked.

“Yeah, he’s just arrived.”

“Are we going to finally meet him tonight?”

“Yeah, he’s coming backstage after the show. His name’s on the door.” The stage manager gave you and your band the five minute warning and you all headed to the side of the stage ready to begin. You all gave each other hugs and the lights went down. Your band went out first getting settled with their instruments and playing the intro to your first song. You took one last deep breath as you ran onto stage.

“Good evening D.C!” You smiled. You scanned across the crowd spotting Spencer immediately. He was front row with two women you assumed were JJ and Garcia.

“This next song I think you might know. If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know that this is a very special song to me. Of course it’s the song that gave me all this, the song that changed my life forever, but it’s also a song about a very special person in my life.”

“Subway boy!” Everyone screamed. It had become a routine by now. You quickly made eye contact with Spencer before scanning across the crowd and smiling.

“Yeah. Subway boy. Now this boy came into my life some time ago, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. So to my beautiful Subway boy, I love you. This one’s for you. This is Subway, sing along if you know it.” Your band played the intro to the song and it took everything in you to not look directly at Spencer through the song. His friends were profilers so you knew you could only look at him so many times before they began to clock on. You played the rest of the set glancing down at your boyfriend every so often. JJ and Garcia were singing along to every song. You couldn’t wait to meet them properly, they both seemed lovely.

“Thank you so much, I’ve been Y/N and I hope you’ve had a great night.” You shouted before running off stage.

“Spence! We’re stopping at the merch table, do you want anything?” JJ shouted over the hum of people. Spencer almost laughed. There was already a whole bunch of your merch sitting in his apartment. Things you’d given him, sample designs, upcoming ideas.

“No thanks. I’m fine. Hey, if you two are okay together I think I’m going to try and get out of here. This crowd is stressing me out and I just want to get home.”

“Yeah we’re fine. Will’s coming to pick us up. You sure you don’t want a lift?”

“No, it’s fine honestly.” Spencer smiled and they both nodded letting him go. Spencer weaved his way through the crowd to the door you’d told him to go to. “Hi. My name’s Spencer Reid. It should be on the list.” He smiled at the security guard on the door. He raised an eyebrow and read down the list.

“Yep. Right this way Mr Reid.” The man said.

“It’s Dr actually.” Spencer mumbled but followed the security guard regardless. He was shown down to the green room where you were waiting for him.

“Spencer!” You grinned, bolting up from the couch.

“Hey! You were incredible!” He beamed pulling you into a hug.

“I saw you in the front row.”

“I told you Pen got good seats.” Spencer chuckled.

“So you’re the famous ‘subway boy’?” Tim smiled from the couch.

“Spencer, this is my band. Tim, Hannah, and Liam. Guys, this is Spencer.”

Two weeks after your show in D.C you were back home from the tour. You crashed out on the couch almost as soon as you walked through Spencer’s door. You’d intended to watch a film but you were asleep before the opening credits even began. By the time you woke up the film had ended and it was dark outside. You were laid on Spencer’s chest and he was playing with your hair.

“I missed the film.” You pouted sitting up.

“It’s okay we can watch it again another time.” He chuckled.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Sweetheart, it's fine. I know how tired I get after a case, I can only imagine how exhausted you must be after performing for a month.”

“I know but I wanted to see you, and all I’ve done is sleep.”

“You’ve got all weekend to see me. Hotch has promised no cases until Monday. I think it might have something to do with me mentioning you were coming back today; but don’t worry. You have me for at least the next forty eight hours.”

“So your team finally knows about me then?”

“They know you exist. I wanted to wait until you met them to do the bulk of the explaining. Plus I kinda want to see their reactions when I walk in with superstar Y/N on my arm.” He grinned. You slapped his arm playfully.

“You’re such a little shit you know that?” You laughed.

“Oh come on. Let me have this one thing. I want to see the look on Penelope’s face when she realizes I’m the person she’s been trying to find for months.”

“You’re a menace.” You shook your head while laughing.

Monday lunchtime came around and the team still hadn’t been called away on a case. You and Spencer had decided that if no new case came in on Monday that Spencer would bring you to meet the team. Now it was lunchtime and there was no new case. You were super nervous. You knew how highly the team thought of Spencer and how protective they were over him. You were terrified that you wouldn’t meet their expectations. You were wearing one of your nicest outfits as you stood in the lobby of the FBI building waiting to be let in. You saw Spencer get out of the lift and wave at you.

“Hey. You look great. Are you ready?” He asked, hugging you.

“Yeah. Nervous, but ready.”

“Don’t be nervous. They’ll love you. In fact JJ and Penelope already love you so you’ve already won over your hardest critics.”

“That’s reassuring.” You chuckled nervously.

“Hi. Could I get a visitor's pass?” Spencer asked the lady at the front desk.

“Your guest needs to fill out the sign in sheet first.” You filled in the form, giving your details to the lady at the front desk and she handed you a visitors pass. You followed Spencer over to the lift and got in beside him as he pressed floor six. You tried to keep your breathing steady as the number on the lift slowly rose. The doors opened and there you were. The BAU. Spencer had told you so much about it and now here you were.

“Wait here a second. I’m going to go get everyone.” You simply nodded at him as he kissed your forehead and headed through the glass doors.

“Where is everyone?” Spencer asked Derek as he entered the bullpen.

“Hotch and Rossi are in Hotch’s office, and JJ went to the bathroom I think. Why what’s up kid?”

“Could you go get them, and Garcia too. I have someone I want you guys to meet.” Both Derek and Emily perked up at this.

“You’ve finally brought your girlfriend to meet us?” Emily asked.

“Yeah, she’s waiting in the hallway, but I want everyone to be here to meet her.”

“What’s this?” JJ asked, walking in.

“Pretty boy’s girlfriends here. He wants us to meet her.”

“Yes, so go get Garcia, Hotch, and Rossi please.” Spencer chuckled before leaving to go get you.

“Everyone’s waiting. Are you ready?” He said to you as he came back through the glass doors.

“Playing a show to thousands of people, easy. Performing on national tv, piece of cake. This? This is nerve wrecking.” You chuckled, wrapping yourself up in Spencer’s arms.

“They’re going to love you. Come on.” Spencer took your hand and led you through the doors into the bullpen.

“Oh my god!” Was the first thing you heard as you walked in. “You're Y/N!” Garcia gasped.

“Garcia this is Y/N. Y/N this is Penelope Garcia.”

“Hi. I remember you from the D.C show. I love your outfit. And you must be JJ, I remember you too. I heard so much about all of you.”

“Spencer Reid you might have told us you had a girlfriend but you neglected to tell us the most important part in that your girlfriend is super famous pop star Y/N.” Garcia continued to freak out.

“Did I? Huh, must have slipped my mind.” He smirked and you slapped his shoulder lightly.

“No. No! I am mad at you mister. I have been trying to decode the mystery of ‘subway boy’ for months. Months! And it was you all this time?”

“It’s really nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Emily.” Emily laughed as Penelope continued to grill Spencer.

“Spencer’s told me so much about you. It’s great to finally meet you. Sorry I couldn’t earlier.”

“Well I think it can slide considering you were on tour.”

“No I don’t care, because you absolutely should have told me. Frankly I am very offended that you didn’t think I could keep it a secret.” Garcia continued to rant at Spencer.

“He’s not getting out of that one any time soon is he?” You asked.

“Oh no definitely not. I’m Derek by the way.”

“I just want to say that I am a huge fan; and if you decide Reid over here isn’t good enough for you I just want to let you know that I’m free-“ Penelope said turning to you

“Penelope! Quit flirting with my girlfriend!” Spencer shouted.

“No. I won’t, and you can’t stop me. You want to know why? Because I hate you right now! I can’t believe you kept this from me.”

“I've said I’m sorry okay? What more do you want from me?” That’s when you knew, as you all stood laughing at your boyfriend being grilled by his best friend that they had accepted you into their group. Hotch let the team have the rest of the day off and you all sat in the office going back and forth sharing stories and you couldn’t for the life of you remember what you had been so nervous about a few hours earlier.

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds season 7 #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #derek morgan #Penelope Garcia #david rossi #jennifer jareau

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therarityoflife · 3 years

Text

Perfect Shade

18+

Summary: After prison, the bureau's concerned for Spencer's mental well-being... so they assign him a Personal Assistant who takes the job of making sure he's "settling in" too seriously.

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, PTSD, perv!spencer undertones, unprotected sex, rough sex, hand jobs, blow jobs, quickies, enemies to lovers, age gaps (10 years) cock warming, riding, teasing, vomit mention, unplanned pregnancy, car accidents,

word count: 7.8K

using these two blurbs: X X

It starts with a simple knock.

Well, before that it started with brushing hands and smiles and stolen glances. He can’t get his mind off her, her fiery personality and her hot-headed reactions to him… he’s so obsessed with her and he wants her, but he can't have her because she’s his assistant.

A good 10 years his younger, Y/N was incredibly smart which is how she got her job… but he had a feeling her looks helped. She’s gorgeous, from the moment he laid eyes on her he’s wanted to buy her a coffee and take her to dinner and eventually lay her down and have his way with her…

The Bureau thought it would be a good idea for them to work together, against his complaints and wishes to be left alone. When he came home from prison he was different, to say the least, and they thought that he if had someone dedicated to watching his work he would settle better. They hired Y/N before he was even released, working in the office to handle the paperwork that Spencer normally blew through and thus they kept her around for him. And now she’s always around and he never has a moment of peace. She is either in the room or on his mind and he can’t handle it.

Every time he thinks he’s alone, someone needs him and so they send her. He gets a text or a phone call from her, and there’s even a fucking fire drill as soon as he gets hard… he’s been so sexually frustrated around her and never alone, he’s so pent up with anxiety and stress that all he wants to do is wrap his fist around his cock and take the frustration out while letting his thoughts slip to her.

There’s another knock on his door as soon as he goes to take his pants off again, he’s furious this time, opening the door with a beat red face, “what the fuck do you want now, Y/N?”

“Oh,” Y/N frowns, “sorry Doctor Reid, I just wanted to see if you were okay, you seem really grumpy?”

“I’m fine, sorry,” he sighs, rubbing his face. “It’s stupid.”

She walks into his hotel room without an invitation, closing the door and moving to sit on the edge of his bed. “You can tell me what’s wrong? It’s not stupid to me, especially because my job is to literally help you settle in.”

He laughs, taking a deep breath and then just telling her the truth, “I haven’t had sex in forever, I want to jerk off but people keep disrupting me, so if you wouldn’t mind…” he leaves it there, hoping she takes it as her queue to go when she looks up at him with a smirk.

She pulls her skirt up then and his eyes widen, “what are you doing?”

“Use me,” she attempts to seduce him, “take all that frustration out on me, I’ve been feeling the exact same way.”

“You’re kidding?” he looks her up and down as his breathing hitches.

She just shakes her head and he can’t help himself as she turns around and sticks her ass out at him. Still wearing her tights, but he can see the black thong underneath that barely covers her pussy and he wants her so bad.

“Fuck…”

Her skirt is still up around her waist as he presses her chest against the mattress and grinds against her ass. Finding the team of her tights and finding the weakest spot before ripping them open. He can’t help himself from spreading her pussy and moving her underwear to the side… and taking a taste.

He knows he’ll get lost in her cunt if he stays there too long. He grips her hips then, smacking her ass all as she moans and wiggles backwards against him. “Get in me already, I thought you were desperate?”

His laugh is so deep as unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants. Spreading her open as he grinds his bulge against her ass. “Fuck,” he whispers. “Are you sure?”

She wiggles again, “yes sir.”

He slips in slowly and they both sigh at the feeling. He presses his stomach to her back, wrapping his hands between her and the mattress to hold her boobs over her shirt. He squeezes them before sliding down to hold her waist, just under her ribs, and his grip is tight.

Every time he pushes her against the mattress she comes off his cock, but when he lets her go he slides right back in. He bounces her against the mattress like a rag doll, her hands in the sheets and her face buried in the bed as she moans louder and louder the faster he gets.

“Fuck, so close,” she eggs him on. “Please, Dr. Reid, harder!”

He obliges, slamming into her as he rubs her clit and she digs her face into the mattress with a muffled scream, “there, fuck!”

She’s so tight, sucking him in and taking him deeper each time. She cums with a quake and he follows suit, hunching over her and resting against her back again as he comes down from his high and his cum stays trapped inside of her.

He kisses her shoulder as he pulls away, cock slipping out and the most beautiful display of his cum dripping out go her unfolds before him. “Do you want me to clean you up?”

“Sure,” she smiles back at him with lust-blown eyes as she breathes deeply with her mouth open, “but you have to promise me you’ll find me when you’re horny again?”

“With you around, I should always be,” he teases back, reaching for a tissue on the nightstand and taking care of the mess he made. “No one can know about us.”

She sighs, “I know… believe me, I know.”

He helps her to her feet and pulls her skirt down enough to cover the rips and make it look like nothing happened. “Are you okay?” He asks carefully, “I’m sorry if I hurt you at all I don’t know what came over me?”

She laughs and places a hand on his chest, “can I have a hug?”

He nods, holding her close while she takes one last deep breath before pulling away. “That was really great… I’m not kidding come find me when you need me.”

Without his permission, his eyes fall to her lips and he’s so tempted to lean in and kiss her… but then she licks her lips and sucks the bottom one between her teeth. “Can I go now, Dr. Reid?”

“Yeah,” his hands drop from her waist and he lets her go, but she stops at the door. “Can you call me Spencer next time I see you?”

She nods with a small smile on her face. “Have a good sleep, Spencer.”

“You too, Y/N,” he sighs, watching the door close.

—

Replacing Spencer Reid was a hard thing to do, and by no means did she do it well— but she tried. She pulled all-nighters to finish paperwork and read case files and do everything Spencer could do in 15 minutes tops… he was more of an asset to the office than people realized. And then he went to prison.

She went from being Anderson’s assistant to the big 7’s personal assistant and now that Spencer was safely out of prison, she was his assistant.

She was scared shitless of him when he came back. Bags under his eyes, skinny and drowning in his suits but also so much different from when he went away. He threw a book at a window, he snapped at everyone all the time and he almost threatened to quit when they implemented his new rules.

He had to take a month off after every 90 days on the job, which wasn’t that hard because he was able to teach and he liked it… but the other stipulation was having a personal assistant for a year or until the PA thinks he doesn’t need them. And their section chief picked Y/N.

She was 98.3% certain he hated her. This was because he never looked her in the eye, he never talked to her unless he absolutely needed her and he made sure she was around when he complained about how he didn’t.

She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt.

When he was gone, she was complimented constantly on her ability to fill his shoes. Penelope even went as far as comparing the two of them, saying that Y/N brought a little piece of Reid with her around the office that made her forget he was gone. She felt like they could be best friends if he ever got out.

But he was so cold. Radiating a deep blue energy that made him inhabitable. He repelled care, attention and basic human compassion. He had an icy heart and even colder hands and all she wanted was for him to warm up to her a bit.

It took 3 months for him to change his ways. And inside those three months, she was wearing short skirts and opening too many buttons on her blouse and leaning over his desk because turning him on was more fun than constantly pissing him off.

Now she’s walking back to her room with a load of his cum trying to drip down her thighs and her brain full of fog. She gets back to her room and lays down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling and breathing deeply as she shakes her head.

“What the fuck have I done…” she covers her face with her hands and groans.

She gets right into the shower, getting ready for bed but she doesn’t sleep at all. Anxious for what this means for her career now, is she going to make it obvious that her boss of sorts fucked her brains out? Is she going to be able to work alongside him without it getting in the way, and even worse: if anyone finds out and she gets promoted one day, they’ll think that’s why she did it.

She’s fucked regardless.

But at least she was fucked well.

On the plane the next morning she’s so glad she brought some jeans in her go-bag because her tights are ruined forever. She’s sipping on a cranberry drink in her seat with tired eyes and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and everyone knows. They just don’t know that the reason she’s still so fucked out is on the plane with them.

Spencer avoids her eye contact and it’s like nothing changed. He says goodbye quickly when they land and leaving just as fast, leaving her with the paperwork and what she’s pretty sure is going to be a UTI.

She’s still drinking cranberry juice when she sees JJ in the office later that afternoon, sitting at her and Spencer’s desk to get all the work done, she comes up being Y/N. “Who was it?”

“What?” She turns to her.

She points at the drink, “nobody drinks that stuff without vodka just for fun…” she picks it up and takes a sniff. “So what’s up? Did no one tell you to pee after sex?”

She stutters, a fluster rising over her that makes her skin heat up. She feels too hot, like the lights in the room are melting her, “yeah… I just forgot.”

“That good?” She teases.

She nods, “yeah it was one of the cops from the case he kept hitting on me so I thought why not?”

She smirks, “my husband was a detective on a case we did in New Orleans…”

“That’s cute,” Y/N smiles back at her. “I don’t think I could ever make it work with this guy, he’s much older and the distance between us is greater than just going to New Orleans.”

JJ nods, patting her shoulder with a small smile before leaving her alone.

—

“Um, Doctor Reid,” Y/N walks into the briefing room with his cellphone and all eyes are on her. She hated interrupting them, but it was a local case there wasn’t as much of a rush. “You have a call from your mom…”

“Oh,” he gets up and takes the phone from her, holding it to his chest and looking at her quickly. “What did I say?”

“Sorry, Spencer,” she smiles and quickly turns to walk away. Leaving him to answer the phone with his co-workers staring at him.

He hangs up with a sigh, she’s still having a hard time and there’s really nothing more he can do other than be there for her and accept that she’s deteriorating. He sits back down at the round table, slamming his phone down a little too hard and making everyone nervous for him again.

“Can you guys stop acting like I’m a grenade that hasn’t gone off yet,” he asks softly. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Emily asks.

He nods, looking at her and brushing his hair out of his face. “My mom thought she was kidnapped again because she didn’t remember we moved her here… I just wish she’d forget the last few months before everything else.”

“Makes sense that you would,” Luke agrees just as soft. “Do you want to come with me to the scene to take your mind off it?”

He nods, “should Y/N come too?”

“Absolutely,” Luke smiles, picking up his files and heading to the door with Spencer in tow. “Are you finally done hating her?”

“I never hated her,” Spencer correct him. “I was just heavily against having an assistant but it’s not that bad.”

“And she’s nice to look at,” Luke teases. “Yeah I’ve seen how you stare at her, I know things.”

“Shut up,” Spencer glares at him. “I can’t like her, so I don’t, okay?”

“Okay,” Luke backs down. “Why don’t you go tell her we’re going and I’ll meet you both in the SUV in 10? That gives you some time to get a coffee and chill out a bit…”

“Sorry,” Spencer sighs. “You’re right. I’ll see you down in the garage.”

Y/N’s back at his desk, working away in her own little bubble. She looks so cute doing absolutely nothing… “hey, come with me?”

“Sure,” she follows his orders. Walking quickly behind him and down the hall, into a storage closet and up against the door.

“Were you serious?” He asks, chest against hers so he can feel her breathing change.

She nods, “I was… I am. What do you need?” Her hands move to his hips, pulling his shirt from his pants and touching his skin slightly.

“Anything you want? I just need to forget for a sec,” he begs.

She turns them around, pressing him against the door and taking his dick out of his pants, getting a good look at it with a smirk before stroking him. Bringing him to full hardness, he groans.

She spits into her hand and wraps it around him again, jerking him off with a tight fist that feels wonderful— but it’ll never compete with being inside of her. He tosses his head back against the door, moaning slightly as she keeps going. Not paying attention to how she watches his face in admiration and wishes she could kiss him without it being weird.

Little does she know it’s taking everything in him not to kiss her either.

“I’m not sure if you hear this enough,” she whispers as she slows her pace. Drawing her hand along his skin and making him whine. “But you’re very smart, you’re important and you’re cared for.”

“Thanks,” he replies breathlessly, overwhelmed by the feeling in his gut and in his heart.

“Do me a favour,” she makes him look at her, “smile when you cum?”

“Why?” He’s confused but he can feel himself getting closer to the edge with each pump of her fist.

“It releases dopamine along with the serotonin and oxytocin,” she adds before dropping to her knees and wrapping her mouth around the tip of his cock.

“Fuck,” he gasps. Hips sputtering and thighs shaking as she takes him in her mouth.

The feeling of her tongue on his slit and hand on his shaft sends him over the edge, finishing with a smile like she asked him to and actually feeling much better. She smirks when she stands, placing him back in his purple boxers before tucking his shirt back in for him.

“Better?” She pats his tummy, a smile on her face that makes her eyes twinkle and he swears he’s in love.

He just nods, “I told Luke we’d meet him in the garage in a few minutes… to go to the scene.”

“You did what?” She smacks him. “Go stall I have to brush my teeth or something I can’t go out there and hang out with Luke while I have cum breath.”

“It’s not that bad,” Spencer teases, “you didn’t have to do that…”

She bites her lip and shakes her head, he infuriates her in a way that excites him. He likes to make her all flustered and nervous, the same way he was when he was 26.

“I’ll get you a coffee,” he compromises, “you can leave first.”

“I’m meeting you in the garage, correct?” She asks before opening the door just a crack and looking out. The coast is clear. Like no one uses this hallway and no one would ever see them, clear. “Come on,” she pulls him out with her.

“Correct,” he whispers, “see you then.”

“You will.”

—

Sometimes they had to share hotel rooms. Seeing as she was only there because of him, the bureau didn’t think it was necessary for her to always have her own room. Before, that would mean they ignored each other and quietly slept without interrupting the other person. She was afraid to roll over without waking him up, he was afraid to look at her in her pj’s. It used to be awkward beyond belief.

Now, however, she’s sitting between his legs with her back against his chest, watching a movie with his hand down her pants. She’s surprisingly comfortable, her head rests on his shoulder and her legs are spread wide open, tucking her feet under his thighs to hold them open.

He’s been lazily rubbing her clit for the last 30 minutes of the movie, hard against her back and giving her one rule: don’t move.

They’ve barely paid attention to the movie, talking to each other like he wasn’t touching her. Asking her about her day, her dreams, her goals. Why she started working at the FBI. He was just trying to see how long she could stay composed.

“And what about you,” she asks, “am I allowed to ask you questions?”

“What do you not know about me? I knew they gave you my file and Penelope gave you a Spencer crash course before I came back,” he sounds annoyed, pressing on her clit more and making her clench around nothing.

“Spence,” she whispers, turning her head to the side so her lips brush against his jaw.

“What?”

“Can I sit on your cock while we do this?”

She feels his pulse against her back, smirking as she takes that as a yes. They get her out of her pants and underwear, she resumes the same position as before, sliding him inside of her with a sigh of relief.

“So tell me, why is someone like you unmarried and fucking their assistant?” She asks with her head is tossed back against his shoulder, her weight all on him as she sits as still as possible with him inside of her.

But he feels so good, like a key in a lock he was opening a locked door in her heart and freeing a monster. A monster that wanted to love him and would do anything to get him.

“Did you miss the part where I went to prison after devoting my whole life to taking care of other people,” his voice was low and stern.

“I knew that, but, fuck,” she closes her eyes and breathes, trying not to rock her hips desperately. “You’re so good at this, how could someone not want you?”

She clenches around him with a shiver as his free hand traces the inside of her thigh. It makes him groan, turning his head to kiss her temple, brushing his lips against her hair and breathing her in.

“I don’t fuck everyone I know,” he whispers in her ear. “If I did maybe I wouldn’t be fucking my assistant.”

She clenches again, tightening on his cock and technically not moving. It’s simply a muscle twitch of epic proportions that made him feel like she was jerking him off from the inside.

His hips jolted forward then, making her whimper as he pressed in deeper. “Fuck…” she gasps.

He uses his free hand to grip her hair, pulling her head to the side so he can kiss her neck and below her ear. “You can move now,” he barely finishes the sentence when her hips start to rock. “There you go…”

She’s all breathy moans and grabby hands, reaching behind herself to hold his sides and squeeze every time he hits that spot deep inside her. Her gasps and whimpers are so high pitched in an attempt to stay quiet, breath barely passing her vocal cords, her eyes roll back.

“You’d do anything to be full of my cum, wouldn’t you?” he teases.

She nods with a whimper, “please?”

He thrusts up into her as she rocks against him, rubbing her clit a bit faster and knocking the first domino over. She cums with a quake, shaking on him with a moan that he cuts off with his hand. Still too loud under his hand but he can’t do anything, following her lead, he cums deep inside her with a grunt. Breathy shaky, his eyes closed and toes curled to match hers.

She lays back against his chest, limp and barely there with his cock still deep inside of her and she doesn’t want to leave. But he picks her up and moves her off, “go pee.”

“Ugh,” she groans, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah, try telling me that next time I make you cum that hard,” he replies smugly as ever. “Seriously, go pee.”

“Fine,” she finds her underwear in the sheets and throws them at his face, “don’t look at me.”

He laughs and closes his eyes for her, “fine, you can go now.”

She closes the bathroom door and as soon as she sits down to pee, she feels terrible. Being so close to him and yet not being allowed to at the same time sucked. She wanted nothing more than to clean up and go back out there and cuddle with him all night, to warm up that cold heart he had and mix some red into the blue of his soul.

They could make the most perfect shade of violet together… it would be so soothing and pretty and lovely, but he’s seemingly colourblind. It wouldn’t be the first time a man fell in love with his personal assistant, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing for him. He could use a little loving in his life.

He’s asleep when she comes back out, snoring ever so softly. She sits back on the edge of the bed carefully, brushing his hair behind his ear and tracing her finger over his face. He’s so asleep he’s not even budging. She leans in and presses a kiss to the side of his mouth, smiling as she pulls away, “good night.”

She places a blanket over him before crawling into her own bed, watching him sleep until her eyelids are too heavy just to end up dreaming about him.

—

She may be compared to a genius often but she isn’t one. If she was then she wouldn’t completely forget that taking antibiotics would fuck with her birth control.

Spencer goes on his 30-day break, teaching just down the road at the academy every day and leaving her to do his work in the office. Sometimes she went down to see him for lunch and he would come to hang out with her between seminars… but she felt off.

She was tired, but she was sleeping fine. Sleeping more than fine actually, she was napping all the time. Sleeping on the jet and on Spencer’s couch when they were supposed to be watching a movie and having sex. Which they were also doing more. She was the constantly horny one.

Asking him to fuck her on his desk in his new office, teasing him under the lunch table until he dragged her into a storage closet and even texting him in the middle of the night for a booty call. But all the movement, that late at night, and on an empty stomach.. it made her feel sick.

And she kept feeling sick.

She throws up before work one morning and that’s when she knows she fucked up. Calling off her lunch with Spencer to buy a pregnancy test, she takes it in the office bathroom and she waits. Sitting by the sink on the floor, crying into her hands because she’s always wanted to be a mom but just never like this.

She wanted to be in love and happy, in a nice house with a good person… not desperately clinging to a traumatized man she’s paid to basically babysit every day.

JJ walks in on her crying with a pregnancy test and closes the door with a sigh. “The detective you got a UTI with?”

She sniffles and wipes her tears, “no… antibiotics and the pill don’t mix well. I don't know this guy very well.”

“Do you need help? I know it’s really scary at first.”

“Uh,” she swallows and clears her throat upon hearing how hoarse it is. “I think I want to keep it… but I don’t want to tell anyone. Not even Spencer when he comes back.”

“Okay,” JJ agrees. “He’s great when any of us get pregnant, he even delivered a baby in the field… he’s not going to ask for a new assistant.”

“I guess,” she tries to drop it.

“What’s wrong, really?”

“I never wanted to do this alone,” she lies convincingly. Crying because she wants Spencer to love her and a baby just fucks it all up. “There’s someone I wanted to have a baby with and—“

JJ’s brows raise as she anticipates the ending but Y/N doesn’t have a good enough excuse. “and I’m not sure he’ll want me if I have someone else’s kid.”

“I know it’ll never be the same, but your baby will love you and they’ll always be there for you, like a best friend you get to grow yourself… it won't be that lonely just the two of you.”

“You’re right,” she fakes a smile. “Thanks, Jayj, I’m going to need lots more advice going forward.”

“I’d start with going to the doctor and getting your vitamins if you’re keeping them,” she reaches out a hand to help her up to her feet and wrap her up in a hug. “It’ll be okay.”

She gets her blood taken at a walk-in clinic later that night, confirming that she is indeed pregnant. With child… knocked up. If she never knocked on his door she wouldn’t be in this position.

Spencer calls her that night around midnight, and she fears JJ told him. Ignoring the call, letting him go to voicemail. She’ll pretend she was asleep if he asks— but then he calls a second time.

“What?” She answers abruptly.

“Oh, sorry,” Spencer whispers. “Did I wake you up?”

“No, I’m just in a bad mood,” she lies. “I’m sorry, I can’t come over for anything tonight.”

“I actually called because I miss you,” his voice sounds genuine and it makes her heart flutter.

“Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” he teases her breathless response. “I have really enjoyed all our time together, I was looking forward to lunch today and my class wasn’t the greatest… I miss my friend.”

“We’re friends now?” She teases with a smile he could hear.

“I know I still need your help, the bureau won’t believe either of us if we say I don’t need you— and I do, need you that is. For more than just sex and stuff, I think I would pull all my hair out if you weren’t around to help me,” he admits and she has no fucking clue where this is all coming from.

And then she remembers.

“What did JJ tell you?”

“Nothing, why what would she tell me?” He gets defensive. “What were you talking to her about.”

“Uh,” she needs a lie and fast, so she goes back to the same one she told JJ. “I was asked on a date by a detective from another case and she knows… I wouldn’t want to make you jealous.”

“I’m not that desperate—

“No, Spence,” she starts to cry. “No, I know that. I’m sorry, I would never think so low of you. I told you, I’m just having a bad day, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, are you crying?” He worries. “Can I come over? Do you need a hug?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

It takes him 20 minutes but eventually he’s in her doorway holding her close as she cries into his shirt. She drags him to her bed and cuddles into him with her favourite blanket and all the lights off. Not saying a single word, just being there for each other.

It becomes a regular thing for them to sleep side by side after that. But she always wakes up first, running the shower so he doesn’t hear her be sick. She found eating crackers the second she woke up helped. Eating more often made her feel better but she was gaining more weight that she couldn’t hide from Spencer.

He seemingly loved it, kissing more of her body every time they fucked now, which was even more than before. Before bed, in the middle of the night, in the mornings, at work… everywhere. And she wouldn’t change it for the world because being intimate with Spencer was as close as she felt to being loved by him.

But the longer she was pregnant, the snippier she got, and he was already pretty low-tempered. They bickered more at the office, making everyone think the progress they made was going down the toilet, when really they were so interested in each other they picked fights to make up later.

“I’m sorry I get so defensive sometimes,” he whispers into her ear as she pours a coffee in the staff room, standing beside her, his hand travels down her arm lightly.

“It’s okay,” she looks up at him with a smile.

“I have a lot of feelings and I’m used to everything I’m given being taken away, and it's like I’m fighting myself to be allowed to feel. And I’m so full of feelings… and I can’t get them all out no matter what I do.”

She turns to him and wraps him in a hug, taking a moment of bravery to kiss the side of his neck, “you’re allowed to feel with me. I’m not going to take anything from you.”

“You’ve already given me so much,” he leans his cheek against the top of her head. “You’re really important to me.”

She cries suddenly. More emotional than she’s ever been, “sorry.”

“Did I hurt you more than you’re telling me?”

She shakes her head, “no, I’m tired.”

“You were tossing and turning a lot last night,” he lets go of her and she backs up against the counter. “Are you okay?”

She nods, “I don’t feel too great.”

“You look great,” he looks her up and down. “Are those new pants?”

“Y-yeah,” she stutters. “They are.”

“I’ve seen them before… does JJ have a pair like them?”

She shrugs, “I have no clue, I barely know her.”

“Okay,” Spencer lets it go. “Well… I’m going to leave you alone now.”

“Spence,” she stops him, “don’t do that, you don’t have to make it awkward.”

“It’s fine,” he pulls away from her and keeps walking.

—

“JJ,” Spencer gets her attention, “can I have a word.”

“Uh, yeah,” she puts her things down and gives Emily a funny look. Following him up the stairs in the bullpen to her old office.

“Your maternity pants, did you give them to Y/N?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I bought her a new pair, my water broke in mine.”

“Oh god.”

“She’s a good assistant, I know, but she said she doesn’t plan on leaving when she has the baby. You’re not going to lose your support person,” she assures him, having no clue he’s the father.

“Yeah, she’s the best I’d hate to have to replace her,” he pretends that’s where his worry lays. “Should I tell her I know?”

“She didn’t want you to know yet,” JJ frowns. “But it’s not hard to figure out, she’s sick all the time.”

“I’m going to find her,” he says softly, turning to leave, white as a ghost he goes to sit at his desk beside her.

He doesn’t bring it up, he carefully studies her stomach and her emotions. Thinking back at everything that’s happened between them… he looks around the room at the people running around, the files being compiled and crime boards framed. It’s depressing as fuck and the longer he stays the more he hates it.

Just as the shift comes to an end, Y/N stands to talk to Emily about some reports she promises to have done, “I’m just very stressed out lately.”

“It’s all good, take your time,” Emily pats her shoulder. “You look a little green.”

“Yeah,” she covers her mouth and runs towards the bathrooms.

He stands abruptly and follows her, holding her hair back for her and rubbing her shoulder as she lets it all out.

“Have you eaten today?” He asks carefully. “You’re stressing yourself out too much…”

“No,” she wipes her mouth with some toilet paper and pushes him away. Leaning against the bathtub and staring at him with tear-stained cheeks.

“No, you didn’t eat or no, you’re not stressing yourself out?”

“No, as in I’m pregnant. No,” she finally just gives in, tossing her hands up and looking away from him. “Okay, I’m pregnant and I’m fucking everything up for the both of us like I do with everything else. Just say it.”

His eyes widen and his face stills. His nostrils widen as he breathes in and out steadily, thinking over everything, “I never even asked if you were on the pill or anything… I just… oh, Y/N I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” She laughs. “I was supposed to be making all this transition back into society stuff easy for you and throwing a baby into all of it doesn’t quite do that.”

“Fuck the FBI,” he replies. “I have wanted a real family and a normal life longer than I’ve wanted this job and I’m so tired of putting them first. If you have this baby, I want to be here too.”

“I don’t want you to like me as an obligation or because I’m your kid's mother…”

His shoulders drop and so does his face, “you don’t get it, do you?”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you I’m in love with you all night. You mean the world to me, this is the best thing that could happen to me, and if you don’t feel the same it’s okay, but I loved you before I knew about them.”

“Oh,” it all clicks in her mind then. Covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh god, what are we going to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“Go home and eat spanakopita and cry and then talk about how this is going to work,” she asks, sitting on her knees and moving in closer to him.

He wraps her up in a hug and holds her close. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

—

Everyone at work thinks it’s cute that she’s his assistant and yet Doctor Reid is the one doing things for her. The more visibly pregnant she gets, the more he starts to hold her bags and open doors for her. He rubs her feet when she does paperwork and brings her snacks all day long.

Matt, Luke and Tara all joke that it’s the hormones her body is releasing making him, and all the men on the team for that matter, more protective of her. It’s a fact, and JJ backs him up with how he acted when she was pregnant with Henry. Spencer had a dad mode and it was very easy for him to slip into.

And yet not a single person suspects that he was the kid's father. There weren’t any whispers or rumours, taking her word for it being someone she didn’t know and not pestering her further.

And at home— well, at their separate apartments, they were getting ready to move. Spencer rented a house from Derek, claiming that living in a place where his mother almost died didn’t feel safe anymore. It wasn’t a lie, but it helped him not ask questions. Giving him a decent rate, signing a lease and then he met Y/N.

“Hi,” she shakes his hand while Spencer starts bringing in a few boxes of things. “Did he tell you yet?”

“No,” Derek replies, a smile growing as he looks at her stomach. “Don’t tell me you’re having Spencer Reid’s baby?”

“I’m also his assistant,” she whispers.

Derek gasps. He audibly gasps and it makes Spencer stop and turn, “did you just gasp like Penelope would?”

“She told me your assistant was pregnant with someone else’s kid… oh shit…”

Y/N just smiles, “we’re waiting to tell them. Spencer doesn’t want to quit until we’re close to the due date cause he doesn’t want them to try and pester him into staying. It’ll be easier to let him go when they see her.”

“Can I hug you?” Derek’s eyes welled.

“Of course,” she wraps him up in a hug. “Oh you really are his best friend, aren’t you?”

“I’ve always wanted him to be a dad,” Derek holds on tight. “And you, I don’t know you but I can tell you’re everything and then some to him… so I love you, and your little girl.”

She waves her hand in front of her face to stop the tears from welling, “I’m not crying, uncle Derek is just being mean…” she laughs it off.

“Welcome to the family.”

It was a saying she kept hearing as Spencer slowly told more people. His mom was excited, every time he told her it was a great reaction, he just wished it would stick. They had to tell Emily, she was the unit chief, and Spencer needed her to know that the second the baby was on her way, he was going with them.

They set up the nursery, they moved everything in and that's when the rumours started. People saw them driving into work together, and going home together. They were more obvious around everyone, standing closer and laughing together. He fed her a strawberry and ate the rest of it once and JJ was blown away. Spencer never shares, there's germs… and yet he shared with Y/N.

No one else on the team learns the truth until the accident. She was driving with Luke from the ME back to headquarters, Spencer was on-campus teaching and a truck T-boned the SUV on the passenger side. They were airlifted to the hospital and by the time Spencer was arriving in a panic, they had delivered his daughter.

The whole team was in a panic on the way to the hospital, but no one expected Spencer to burst into tears when the doctor told him. “Can I see her, she’s mine. I’m the father, please?”

“Right this way, sir,” the doctor extends his arm and Spencer follows.

The team not far behind, whispering their shocked responses and theories. Thinking he said it just to see her, not wanting to believe they lied to everyone all this time.

But Spencer picks up his daughter, holding her close and kissing her tiny little head. “Hi sweetie, remember my voice? It’s me, I’m your dad.”

“She passed her APGAR, she’s 5 pounds even, she’ll be able to go home in a week or two,” the doctor adds. “And your wife, she’s still in surgery. Her doctors will share her status with you, you can stay in here.”

“Thank you,” he whispers through the tears, not taking his eyes off her.

—

He has some alone time with her before the team starts to get antsy with questions.

“Spence,” JJ walks in, rubbing hand sanitizer into her hands as she gets closer. “Is she really yours?”

He nods, looking to the group gathered at the door. “We were fooling around, but I love her. I loved her well before she got pregnant and I was so scared I’d never get to fully love her. I’m still so scared…”

“Oh Spencer,” JJ wraps her arms around him. Followed by Luke, Emily and Tara. All taking a turn looking at the tiny baby, convincing him to sit in the chair in the NICU and take his shirt off for skin to skin.

“It’ll help her relax and grow,” Tara explains helping him lay her on his chest comfortably with all her wires and tubes.

Penelope takes a million photos when she arrives, documenting every second and calling in Derek for backup before Spencer spirals.

Which was a good call because Spencer starts to sob 13 hours in when Y/N’s out of surgery and still asleep. Bruised and broken and probably in so much pain inside. He kisses her hand and tells her how much he loves her every time he’s in with her, going back and forth between his girls.

When Derek shows up, Spencer’s doing skin-to-skin with his baby once again.

“What’s on your mind,” he asks, standing over Spencer's shoulder and watching him rock with her on his chest.

“I’m afraid she’s never going to need her dad again,” Spencer whispers, holding his newborn in his arms.

“Spencer,” Derek places his hand on his shoulder. “When Y/N wakes up she’s not going to replace you, she’s still going to need all the help in the world. You’ve never going to be useless.”

He hasn’t let himself really think about it yet, he’s been too busy to really grasp it all. Her recovery was going to be hell, they were going to need more help than they thought and he was nowhere near ready for that.

They still didn’t even have a name for her, she wasn’t supposed to be born for another few weeks and she’s so tiny. Her little heart is working so hard inside her tiny chest and she lays on Spencer’s. He loves skin to skin time, he loves feeding her and giving her kisses and telling her all about her wonderful mom who’s fighting so hard to meet her.

But he lets himself cry with Derek there beside him. Rubbing his back and letting him get it all out finally. Masking for far too long, finally letting himself be as scared as he feels inside. He loves his girls so much, the idea alone of losing both of them was enough to kill him as well.

“Spence,” Savannah comes running, opening the door and getting his attention, “she’s awake.”

Spencer carefully puts their baby back in her incubator, she’s sound asleep and comfortable inside her warm bed. He kissed the top of her head and put his shirt back on before running to the elevator. He can’t get to her fast enough it seems.

“Where is she,” is the first thing Y/N asks when she sees him. Groggy and barely there, “is she okay?”

“She’s okay,” Spencer cries as he carefully wraps his arms around her and holds her close. “I love you so much, please, never do that again.”

“I can’t plan when I almost die,” she jokes, still the same wonderfully hilarious woman he fell in love with.

“Are you okay?” He cups her face and looks at her, tilting her head up and looking into her eyes with the fluorescent lighting.

“I’m fine, when can I see her? I need to see her,” she starts to panic, something the nurses warned him about.

Maternal instinct kicks in on its own, regardless of how they delivered her baby, her body knew what to do.

“She’s in the NICU,” he explains, “she’s fine and beautiful, a strong 5 pounds on the dot and she looks just like you.”

“Violet,” she whispers. “Her name should be violet.”

“Yeah,” he cries harder, holding her hand and leaning his head on her shoulder.

She carefully moves over in her bed, moving her wires out of the way, he climbs in and holds her carefully. “I love you.”

“I know,” she presses a kiss to his forehead. “I believe you, if you loved her more than me you wouldn’t be in my bed right now.”

“She’s amazing,” he keeps crying lightly.

“And she’s allowed to say hi,” JJ’s voice is heard at the door, “look who it is Mama…”

JJ presents their daughter to them like a gift. Placing her in Y/N’s arms with a smile as Y/N’s jaw drops. “Oh wow…”

“She’s beautiful,” Spencer agrees.

“Hi Violet,” Y/N cries, holding her little girl in her arms, cradling her head and bringing her in close for a kiss.

“I always knew you two would make the best shade of purple,” Tara teases from the door. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Y/N manages to smile at them.

They bring in balloons and flowers, stuffed animals and gifts and Penelope manages to rearrange all her plans for the baby shower until they’re both healed and healthy. It's hectic, it never went as planned, but then again nothing about how they got together was planned.

If he didn’t go to prison he wouldn’t need an assistant, and if he didn’t need her he wouldn’t have fallen in love with her, her support or her personality. He wouldn’t have his daughter. He wouldn’t have the newfound happiness that he got from mixing that once sad blue of his soul into her fiery red.

Permanent tag list

@goldensonlyangel @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @strawberryspence @thatsonezesty13 @lonewolf471 @cmvibess

#don’t mind me I’m just bawling #I’m so in love with this!

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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I’ve come to the conclusion that Spencer Reid (and let’s be real probably mgg too) would absolutely cup your boob instead of hold your waist while spooning you.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid smut #mgg #Matthew gray gubler #perv!spencer

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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Ashley Seaver

TW: mentions of self harm and eating disorders

Okay, so I’m rewatching Criminal Minds (obviously) and as much as I think Ashley Seaver was a redundant character I think they missed such an interesting storyline with her. The episode Today I Do (6x15), with the self help coach, has her making some very interesting comments about eating disorders and self harm. The sort of comments you’d only make if you’ve experienced something like that (‘carrots and hot sauce’). I think it would have been so interesting if she stuck around longer to see her deal with something like that, either as a child from the fall out of her father or while on the team. As much as I don’t like her I think Seaver was such a wasted character and they could have done so much more than just JJ’s replacement or someone with a serial killer dad.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #ashley seaver #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds s6 #Penelope Garcia #criminal minds rant

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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You Smell Like Me

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!reader

Summary: Spencer’s had a crush on you for as long as he’d known you and he’d found himself particularly fond of the way you smell. When he comes into work smelling like your body wash you decide to take matters into your own hands.

Genre: Smut (Kind Of)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: This is based on an ask I saw on the timeline a few weeks ago. I don’t want to claim the idea as my own because it’s not, but I can’t for the life of me find the original ask. If anyone knows who it got asked to I’ll happily link it because I don’t want to take credit.

He’d been doing it for so long, it had become second nature. When you first joined the team it was the first thing he’d picked up on. He loved the way you smelled. Your shampoo, the body wash you used, even the bottle of body spray you kept in your bag. The body spray was easy. It didn’t take him long to see what specific brand and scent you used, and needless to say he was heading to the closest drugstore that night, but it was going to take a lot more to find out what you used in the shower. He hit the jackpot, however, the day you invited the team round to your apartment. It was an impromptu thing you’d invited them back for takeout and a movie. It didn’t take Spencer long to excuse himself and head straight to the bathroom. He couldn’t help it, he had to know what made you smell so good. So now so many months on he would always shower with those exact same products on the weekends the team weren’t away. He wouldn’t risk using them during the week. The way you smelt was just so uniquely you, the team would notice straight away, but on those rare occasions they had the weekend at home he would absolutely relish in it.

It had been one of those weekends. He’d gotten home from work and jumped straight in the shower, bypassing his usual products for yours. He always spent longer in the shower when he did this, basking in the mixture of steam and your scent. It proved to be an incredible stress reliever.

He’d just dried off and put his comfies on when his phone rang.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hey, I know you’ve just gotten home and you should have the weekend off but we’ve got a case.” Penelope said sympathetically down the line. Spencer's heart rate picked up.

‘Shit!’ He thought, careful not to say it out loud.

“Yeah, that’s fine. How quickly do you need us?” He asked hopeful. Maybe he still had time to shower again.

“As soon as I’m afraid, boy wonder. Hotch wants everyone on the jet within the hour.” There went that idea. There was no way he’d be able to shower and get to the BAU in less than an hour.

“Okay. I’m on my way.” He admitted defeat.

He was trying to come up with excuses all the way to the BAU as to why he smelt like you. He could claim the soap was on offer so he’d grabbed it without thinking, only realising it was yours after using it. He could feint ignorance altogether and claim he had no idea you used the same stuff. He could turn it into some sort of joke, oh haha it seems we use the same body wash. He knew none of it would slide though. He’d been using the same brand and scent of body wash for years there’s no way he’d change that now without a reason. There was no hope. He’d get on that plane, they’d all notice and he’d be teased relentlessly for it. Plus you’d think he was a total creep and a perv.

Spencer’s anxiety was running mayhem by the time he reached the jet. He couldn’t figure out if the smell of your body wash was actually this intoxicating or if his senses were just in overdrive. Regardless he put on a brave face and boarded the plane.

“Bout time pretty boy, we were about to leave without you.” Derek smirked. Spencer didn’t answer, just sat down in the closest chair.

“You okay?” You asked him.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just tired.” He lied trying to stay calm.

“You smell nice. New cologne?” Emily asked and Spencer flushed bright red as everyone looked over at him.

“No! No, some girl on the subway was spraying way too much perfume.” Spencer lied. “She was sitting right next to me, she must have sprayed me with it.”

“Whatever it is, it smells really familiar. I can’t put my finger on it.” Emily continued. Spencer sat in his seat willing Emily to just shut up. Any second now she was going to realise, and when she did he was done for. Derek came over to them and buried his nose in Spencer’s shoulder making him flinch away.

“It is familiar.” Derek chuckled. “You sure you didn’t see what it was? Hey JJ, Y/N come here and have a sniff. Do either of you wear whatever Spencer’s been sprayed with?” Spencer was bright red now, just willing this all to end. Like a saving grace Garcia’s face popped up on the monitor, effectively putting an end to the conversation.

By the time the team had been briefed on the case they had seemed to forget about the mystery of Spencer’s new scent. At least he’d hoped they had. You, on the other hand, caught a waft of it as he walked past to the bathroom. You recognised it straight away as your body wash. You knew then and there that he was lying earlier, because they didn’t make a perfume with the scent of your body wash. You barely paid attention to the case for the rest of the flight. You were so caught up in trying to figure out why Spencer was using the same body wash as you and why he seemed so embarrassed about it that he’d have to lie.

You were still thinking about it while you sat in the local precinct with the team going over the profile for the unsub. You’d been there all day. The team had been coming and going between the crime scene, victims families, and the ME’s office, but you and Spencer had spent the day set up in the precinct collating all the data you were receiving. You kept looking over at him quizzically, and every time you did so he would flush bright red and look away. It was addicting, the idea that you had such an effect on him. As the day passed by you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. What was his reason for making himself smell like you? Was it a sexual thing? If so what kind of things did he do? It took everything in you not to blush furiously as you imagined the scenario. You knew you needed to get him alone, and soon.

The team left the police precinct in the evening and headed over to a local hotel. The place was tiny, just like the town it resided in, and slightly run down.

“I’m afraid there aren't going to be enough rooms, so we’re going to have to double up for the night.” Hotch announced and everyone groaned. It was always a pain when you had to double up. After spending all day with the team everyone just wanted a bit of space, and somewhere to sleep. You on the other hand almost jumped for joy. This was exactly the excuse you’d been looking for.

“JJ and I will share.” Emily piped up.

“I don’t mind sharing with Reid.” You said quickly before anyone else could speak. Spencer went bright red again. It felt like an accomplishment and you couldn’t help smirking at it.

“You don’t mind do you?” Derek teased.

“No I don’t. Unlike you Reid doesn’t snore.” You clapped back.

“It’s settled then. Morgan, you get the single room.” Hotch said, handing out room keys.

You and Spencer headed up to your room. He couldn’t make eye contact with you. He was certain you knew and he was terrified you were waiting for the optimal moment to confront him about it. You had an entirely different plan. You closed the door behind you and Spencer dumped his bag on the far bed.

“You don’t mind if I go shower?” He asked quietly.

“No, I don’t mind.” You smiled. Now was your chance. “Are you going to use your own soap, or do you want to borrow mine?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“Y/N. I honestly can explain.” He stammered.

“Now correct me if I’m wrong here. My understanding is, considering you haven’t been able to make eye contact with me all day, that it wasn’t a coincidence, and that you did it on purpose.” You walked up to him. “That coupled with the fact that you got so embarrassed when it was brought up makes me think that this isn’t a one time thing; but we’ve never noticed it before so you most likely only do it when you’re at home. Am I right?” Spencer swallowed and nodded meekly. Usually he hated being profiled but the way you were doing it, he couldn’t help but be incredibly turned on. “Now, I know you’ve got an eidetic memory, but surely even you can’t pinpoint a brand of soap based solely on the smell, and that confused me for a little bit. I couldn’t figure out how you knew, but then I remembered. How long did you last before you went rummaging in my bathroom? Did you go looking for it intentionally or could you just not help yourself?” Spencer was now sitting on the bed. He feared his legs would give out if not. You moved to stand between his legs and he flushed that beautiful shade of red once again. “Answer me.” You warned wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I- I went looking.”

“You went looking. And how long did you last before you went looking?” You were teasing him now, getting him all worked up and embarrassed.

“Forty eight minutes.” He said quietly.

“You were in my home for forty eight minutes. You couldn’t even last an hour before you went rummaging through my stuff. Do you know what that makes you?” Spencer shook his head. You brought your lips to his ear and whispered. “A pervert.” He swallowed loudly. “What are you Spencer?”

“A pervert.” He stammered. You couldn’t ignore the bulge in his pants any longer. You cupped him through his pants and his hips bucked up into your hand. He let out the sweetest moan you’d ever heard.

“Did you get off to it? Did you touch yourself and think of me?” He let out another moan and nodded vigorously. “What a dirty boy.” You taunted him. “A dirty pervy boy.”

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“You’re sorry? No, no sweet boy. Don’t apologise. I just wish you’d come and told me I was making you all hot and bothered. I could have taken care of you myself.” You cooed, still palming him through his pants.

“Yes! Yes, please take care of me.” He whined.

“Take care of you, what?”

“Take care of me mommy. Please.” Spencer practically begged. There it was. You had assumed there was something, some kind of kink. You’d expected a miss, or a mistress. You didn’t expect mommy though.

“Good boy.” You purred pushing him down on the bed.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x y/n #spencer reid smut #sub!spencer #perv!spencer #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fandom #mgg

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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SPENCER REID IN SOUL MATES (4X12)

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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i genuinely do not understand how anyone could look at season 5 reid and not be hopelessly in love with him. look at him.

look at him.

what the FUCK

#I am I whore for this Spencer specifically!#look at him!!!#i’m drooling #s5 spencer reid #my baby

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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SPENCELLE/REIDAWAY

requested by anon! thank you for the request! <3

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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Do you think it’s weird that I knew that ballad?

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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🥺💜

#look at him!!!#his smile is my favourite thing #the best boy #🥺🥺🥺#i love him!

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therarityoflife · 3 years

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Wish You Were Sober

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: You spent your whole life trying to forget, and trying to keep people out. Spencer makes it his mission to make sure you always have someone there to see you through the worst nights.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending, Hurt/Comfort,

TW: Allusion to traumatic past (nothing specified), Alcohol abuse, mentions of vomit

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: This is for @boldlyvoid 2k writing challenge. I’m obsessed with their fics and they’re partly the reason I’ve been motivated to start writing again.

It would be a lie to say you’d had an easy time since joining the BAU. None of the team had but you struggled the most. Not with the cases the way everyone else did, but you struggled in your personal life. You’d had a hard few years before joining the team and it left you with a lot of scars. Everyone could see it. Coming into work after having way too much to drink the night before, or the way you’d never let yourself get too close to anyone. There seemed to be an invisible wall put up between you and the rest of the world. They all tried, of course they did, Penelope and JJ would invite you out shopping or to girls night, Derek would mysteriously show up at the bars you’d frequent to keep an eye on you, but it was no use. You were self destructing and you weren’t about to let anyone stop you. Or so you thought.

Your friendship with Spencer had crept up on you. It began with a simple offer to go to lunch. You politely declined the way you always did, but he hit you with the puppy dog eyes and,

“Please. There’s this new cafe that’s just opened a few blocks away and I don’t want to go alone.” You couldn’t say no. How could you when this poor boy stood there with those big brown eyes and a plea to not go to lunch alone. You thought you were doing him a favour. In reality he had noticed your self destructive tendencies, seen himself in it, and decided he had to try and make a difference. So that’s the way it went.

“Hey. So, Derek totally bailed on me for Star Wars night at mine, you want to come over and watch them with me? I made popcorn.” He was trying to stop you going out that night.

“Apparently there aren’t enough rooms for everyone. You don’t mind sharing, do you?” He’d noticed you hadn’t slept the last few days and wanted to make sure you got some sleep.

“I’ve got tickets to see Solaris. I was going to go with Emily but she says she can’t make it. It’s in Russian, but don’t worry I can translate.” He’d caught you crying in JJ’s old office and didn’t want to leave you on your own all night.

Soon enough the pair of you were inseparable. You did everything together from museum trips in D.C to cozy nights in, at one of your apartments. You couldn't imagine your life without Spencer Reid in it.

“Come on. When are you and pretty boy going to put us all out of our misery and get together?” Derek would ask regularly.

“When are you going to accept that Spencer and I are, and always will be, just friends.” You’d roll your eyes. It wasn’t like that with you and Spencer. If anything you were too close for there to ever be anything more between you, plus you just couldn’t let anyone in like that. Spencer knew that. He understood. There had been more than a few incidents in which he hadn’t been able to distract you for a night and you’d ended up back where you always did. In a bar, black out drunk, but Spencer was always there to pick you up and take you home.

“Why wont you kiss me?” You’d ask him as you stared out the car window.

“Because you’re drunk and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“It’s not taking advantage if I want you to.” You’d pout.

“Answer me this first.” He’d sigh. “Would you want me to kiss you sober?”

“No.” You’d tell him quietly.

“Then until you do, I’m not going to kiss you.”

“But I can’t do that sober.” You’d never remember the conversation in the morning, and he’d never tell you what you said. It was easier that way.

He couldn’t always stop you though. Sometimes a case would just be too much and instead of a night in watching Disney films with Spencer you’d fall into bed with a stranger, too drunk to realise what you were doing. You’d always have to do the walk of shame the next morning, and Spencer would always look at you with disappointment and hurt in his eyes. You didn’t want to hurt him, honestly, but sometimes it was just easier to forget than to face everything head on. Those days were the worst. You’d always try to avoid him to avoid the guilt that came along with it, but everyone knew you couldn’t avoid him for long and soon enough you were glued at the hip once again. Albeit with a stomach churning with a mixture of the previous nights alcohol and guilt.

You’d been with the BAU for eighteen months when you decided to get sober. You’d been thinking about it for a while. About the way it no longer felt good going home with strangers. How the feeling of throwing up didn’t satisfy the sadistic need to hurt yourself anymore. How you’d gone from wanting to forget everything for a few hours every night, to wanting to spend them curled up in Spencer’s arm chair reading one of his books.

“Hey Spencer?” You asked quietly one night. You were both curled up in Spencer’s bed. Something that the two of you had ended up doing so naturally many months ago.

“Tomorrow, if we don’t have a case, do you think you could help me look into starting therapy? I want to find a good therapist and I need someone to help me so I don’t get overwhelmed.” You played with the hem of his shirt, not making eye contact.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I can. What brought this on?” He asked and you shrugged. Spencer had been trying to get you to talk to someone for as long as you could remember. There was only so much he could do, and a professional could do so much more. Every time he brought it up however you always shut him down with a,

“I’m fine. I don’t see why I’d have to talk to anyone. I don’t have anything to talk about.” It had resulted in so many arguments between the pair of you. Spencer would try and try to get you to talk, but deep down he knew you’d only do that when you were ready. The issue was that you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready; but here you were saying you wanted to talk, and it may not be to Spencer but it was to somebody and it was music to his ears.

With the help of Spencer and Penelope you found a therapist you really clicked with. It took a lot to actually begin talking about your past, but she helped you with your sobriety and never pushed you further than you could go. She was gentle and patient and she was just what you needed. She reminded you a lot of Spencer. You kept seeing her for a year, talking about your childhood, the previous relationships you’d had, the cases that stuck with you too much, and through it all you stayed sober. The only person who was more proud of you than you were was Spencer. He was practically beaming when you bit the one year mark. Telling you how he knew you could do it and how he couldn’t be more proud.

“You know. Everyone on the team still thinks we’re secretly dating.” You said over take out one evening.

“I know. Which if we were you’d think we’d be more secretive about it.”

“That’s what I said! Garcia said that apparently we’re doing some sort of double bluff where we act really couplely to throw people off thinking we’re a couple.”

“How does that work?” Spencer laughed

“Honestly I was just as confused as you are.” You chuckled. “But it did get me thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Do we spend too much time together? Because I don’t want to be the thing that gets in the way of you seeing other people.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. I just heard some things about how people think I’m leading you on and that you’re going to follow me around forever waiting for me, which I said was completely wrong by the way. But still it got me thinking. You should see other people. Date I mean. It isn’t fair that you don’t get to have a life because I’ve attached myself to you.”

“I like the way my life is.” Spencer said quietly.

“I know. So do I. I just don’t want you to think you can’t go out and do that because of me.”

You hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on their conversation. You’d gone to find something you needed for a case and they’d left the door to her old office open while they spoke.

“I’m just worried she’s never going to let you go. You know she has no intention of dating you right?” JJ sighed.

“I know that and I don’t want that from her. JJ she’s my best friend and she needs me. I’m going to be there in whatever way she wants. I’m always going to be there for her. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that?”

“Spencer, I just don’t want you to get left behind. Do you know the amount of people who have tried to start something with you but they get discouraged because you two are already like a married couple?”

“Okay, so? If they can’t accept our friendship then I wouldn’t want someone like that in my life anyway.”

“I just think it would do you both a bit of good if you took a bit of time away from each other and saw new people.”

“You both keep saying that, but I don’t want to.”

You kept nagging Spencer about seeing other people, about spending less time with you. You didn’t think it would hurt this much when it actually happened though.

“So. You know how you’re always telling me I should start dating?”

“Yeah?”

“Well I’ve met someone. Her name’s Maeve and she’s a geneticist, and we’ve been talking for a couple of months now, and she’s great. I’d really like you to meet her.” He beamed. You couldn’t help the way your stomach dropped. You knew it would happen eventually but nothing could have prepared you for it.

“I’d love to meet her.” You smiled at him trying to keep your emotions in check. That night for the first time in forever you let yourself out of Spencer’s flat.

“Are you not stopping over?” He asked.

“Hey, you’ve got a girlfriend now. I need to man up and start sleeping in my own bed again. I don’t think that bed’s big enough for the three of us.” You joked. In reality you needed the air. You couldn’t figure out why this was hurting you so much, but it was.

Spencer stayed with Maeve for six months, and the two of you had never had a more rocky relationship. It seemed to be every other day now that the two of you were arguing over something. Whether it was disagreements on cases, your one night stands, or the amount of time spent with Maeve, all you seemed to do was fight. You hated Maeve, which made you hate yourself in turn. Maeve was lovely, that was the problem. She was sweet and kind, and she seemed to adore you, but for some reason she just seemed to get under your skin. You didn’t want to hate her, she made Spencer so happy and that should have made you happy. You just couldn’t put your finger on it. With that being said you found yourself slipping back into old ways once again. You had managed to stay sober, but you were once again falling into bed with strangers. You weren’t proud of it, but hey you needed to forget.

It had been a hard case. It hit way too close to home and lasted way longer than it should have. As you got back to Quantico with the team all you wanted to do was curl up in Spencer’s arms and forget about the whole thing. He’d left the BAU before you though. Maeve had text saying it was urgent and off he’d gone. There went your plan for the evening. You made your way home and before you could even think about what you were doing you’d ended up in the bar you used to frequent all that time ago. You needed someone, and they weren’t there so you went to the next best thing. Time slipped away from you as you continued to drink the night away.

“Can I get another one of those?” You slurred to the bartender.

“That’s it for tonight I’m afraid kid.”

“What? No! I’m not even that drunk! You can't stop serving me.”

“Kid, you’re wasted. Plus we close up in twenty minutes, so you need to call someone to come pick you up.” The bartender said sternly.

“Don’t have anyone to pick me up.” You pouted.

“Kid, give me your phone, I’m going to call someone for you.” You rolled your eyes and handed your phone over to him.

“Call Spencer. I want Spencer.”

Spencer arrived soon after. At least you thought it was soon after, everything was blurring together.

“She’s over there pal. Yeah, I can’t close until she leaves but I couldn’t let her leave alone in that state.” The bartenders voice boomed

“Thank you for keeping an eye on her. I really appreciate it.” Spencer. You picked your head up off the bar top to see your best friend walking over to you.

“Come on. Let’s get you home.” He sighed.

“Don’t want to go home.”

“Let’s drive for a little bit then, and you can tell me why you felt the need to get black out drunk when you’ve been sober so long.” He wrapped an arm around your waist and practically dragged you out of the bar to his car.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s selfish. I’m selfish.”

“Whatever’s going on I promise you it’s not selfish. Come on, I'm taking you back to mine.”

“What about Maeve?”

“Maeve left me.” Suddenly you felt incredibly guilty. Spencer had just broken up with his first serious girlfriend and here you were getting wasted to the point where you needed to be picked up.

“What happened?” You asked quietly.

“We were arguing when that bar rang me and said I needed to pick you up. She said I needed to make a choice. Either her or you. I chose you.” You couldn’t believe it. The one good thing Spencer had going for him and you’d gone and ruined it for him.

“I’m going to be sick.”

You woke up alone in Spencer’s bed. Your head was throbbing and you were more than a little concerned you’d throw up again if you tried to move. You sat there for a while thinking about last night, and about all the events that led up to it. You couldn’t understand how you’d gotten to that point. How you had gone from trying to push Spencer into relationships to subconsciously trying to sabotage them. It didn’t make any sense, unless.

Oh.

You darted out of bed to the bathroom, barely making it in time to spew the contents of your stomach into the toilet bowl. You heard Spencer come in behind you. He pulled your hair out of your face and rubbed your back as you continued to heave.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I think we need to talk about what happened last night.” He said gently as he passed you a glass of water. You gulped it down and placed the glass on the floor next to you. “Are you ready to tell me why you felt the need to get drunk last night?” You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your face.

“I needed you. The case was too much and I tried to pretend it wasn’t, but it was. I needed you but you were with Maeve, and I didn’t want to ruin your night so I thought I’d just go home but then I was there and everything was already so shitting and I couldn’t stop myself. Oh god Spence I’ve really messed up this time. You had to come get me again and Maeve left you and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything,” You were trying your hardest not to hyperventilate.

“Sorry about what?” Spencer was now holding you against his chest.

“Ruining every good thing that happens to you because I’m a mess. I’m sorry that I couldn't like Maeve. I wanted to, I really did, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better friend and that you’re always having to pick up the pieces when I self-destruct. I just, I just want-“ You cut yourself off. You couldn’t say it. You couldn’t ruin the last good thing you had.

“What?” He pressed. “What do you want?”

“You… You make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don’t have the words for yet- good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” You sobbed against his chest. “When I first joined the team I was in such a dark place. I was a shell of the person I am today, and it’s because of you that I’m not anymore. I used to go out and get black out drunk just so I didn’t have to feel anything. I’d go home with random people so I didn’t have to go to sleep alone. It’s because of you that I was able to stop doing that. Until last night anyways.”

“Hey. Hey, don’t do that. Don’t pretend it was all me. You did the hard work, you accepted the help, and trust me that is the hardest part. I just gave you a push in the right direction. A hand to hold onto when it got too hard, and sure maybe last night you messed up but it’s fine. We’ll start again.”

“Spencer. I love you. I don’t want us to pretend we’re just friends anymore; because we’re not, and we haven’t been for a long time. I didn’t realise it at first but I think we’ve both been kidding ourselves if we believe this is just friendship. You hold my hand under the round table, we go out on dates, we both pretend to fall asleep during movie nights so we don’t have to leave each other’s beds. And I think it’s why we both get so jealous when we try to date other people, because it feels like cheating. I think we started dating a long time ago, we both just agreed to never say it.” You were outwardly sobbing now. The words tumbling out of your mouth quicker than your brain could process them, but your brain had caught up now, and the true magnitude of what you were saying was settling in. “And I needed that. I needed it to not be said, because I wasn’t ready to trust anyone like that again. But you’ve buried yourself so deep in my heart and I know if you ever left you’d take the last scrap of my sanity with you, and that’s terrifying. I should be running for the hills at the thought of that, but I’m not. If anything it just makes me want to give you more. I want you to have everything. Everything I have to offer it’s yours.” Spencer was stunned, unable to form a coherent sentence for what you’d just said. You stood in front of him panting slightly after your word vomit of a rant. Eventually he spoke.

“If we’re dating. Does that mean I can kiss you now?” You couldn’t help but laugh. After all that and that’s the response he’d come up with.

“Yes. You can kiss me.”

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