therealeagal

[therealeagal]

Overlord

So there's this MMO called Yggdrasil. BOO! HISS! MMOS ARE THE DEVIL!

Anyway, it's actually a DMMO. Think Sword Art Online.

ANYWAY. So the main character Momonga (isn't that like, a squirrel?) who is the guild leader for the guild Ainz Ooal Gown, which is this group of friends who pretend to be evil, so all their NPCs are designed to be evil. Except for Sebas, who was designed by Mononga's friend Touch Me which is a very normal name for someone to have probably. And their guild base is called the Great Tomb of Nazarick.

ANYWAY ANYWAY. So Yggdrasil is shutting down its servers for good because reasons and Momonga is hanging out waiting for the last minute before the servers shut down for good and then he and the entire Great Tomb and all the NPCs in it get randomly isekaied to a fantasy world that operates on RPG mechanics because other reasons.

And all the NPCs aren't NPCs anymore but are all living beings now. And as mentioned, evil. They consider humanity to be worthless lower life forms, which is just rude.

Anyway, then Ainz's right hand woman, whose name is Albedo. Anyway, she's really pretty and graceful, but underneath she's a bitch (their words, not mine), so back in Yggdrasil, as a joke Momonga changed her settings so that instead of being a bitch she's madly in love with him and now in the new world she wants to jump his literal bones (Mononga is a skeleton man) but also so does the vampire loli, Shalltear Bloodfallen (he didn't change her settings, her creator was just a freak) so now they hate eachother because they are both in love with Momonga.

Then rounding out the cast are Aura and Mare who are elves and also crossdressers, then there's Cocytus, an icy bug man, and last but not least, Demiurge, who is some kind of demon guy.

Anyway, middle middle middle then Momonga goes to save a village from a bunch of radiers and then middle middle middle middle this guy named Gazeff fights some angels middle middle middle Momonga changes his name to Ainz Ooal Gown. Oh I forgot to mention that Momonga/Ainz is like super OP as shit in the new world, so he runs roughshod over everyone, even beating trained warriors in melee combat despite being a caster. It's kinda dumb but also kinda interesting.

Anyway it's on netflix. There's several seasons out already, but only the first one is available on netflix right now. Might have to look into a...completely legitimate site...to watch the other seasons on.

Cheers!

#overlord #momonga #ainz ooal gown #sword art online #overlord momonga #overlord albedo #shalltear bloodfallen #gazef stronoff

[therealeagal]

Chainsaw Man

So there's these things called devils. And they are like, the personification of human fears, from the most reasonable to the most bizarre, so there's a gun devil, obvs. There's also like, a tomato devil. Well, I guess it's not necessarily all that bizarre. Maybe someone has an allergy or something? Anyway, that's the way it is.

Anyway, the most feared among them all is the chainsaw devil, Pochita, which is a little dog thing with a little tiny chainsaw for a nose. It's even feared by other devils so that when it eats other devils it also totally erases the thing that they are the fear of from existence. Eat a Nazi Devil? No more Nazis. They never happened. Eat a nuclear weapon devil? No more nukes. Eat a devil for the other four things that can happen to a person at the end of their life instead of death? People can only die now.

What would happen if he ate a shonen protagonist devil? Would he erase himself from ever having existed in the first place? But then how could he have eaten the shonen protagonist devil if he never existed? These are the real questions.

Also he has the ability to fuse with this young man named...I wanna say Denki? Ok, it was Denji. With a J. I watched the anime a while ago and don't remember lots of stuff about it. Like the names of literally anyone besides Denji and Pochita (although really just Pochita since I got Denji's name wrong).

Anyway he becomes the eponymous chainsaw man and then he teams up with this like, government agency or something that fights the bad guys and doesn't afraid of anything in order to fight devils that appear in the real world (they normally live in Hell).

It's actually quite interesting.

So anyway, it could use more anime fights and less sloppy drunk women vomiting in the mouths of teenage boys.

AND NO, I DON'T CARE THAT IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE. EVEN ONCE IS TWELVE TIMES TOO MANY.

I'm morbidly curious to know who among you might disagree, but all the same, please do not @ me because I don't really wanna know.

Although maybe there is no one who will disagree. Maybe Pochita already ate the Fans Of Sloppy Drunk Women Vomiting In The Mouths Of Teenage Boys To The Exclusion Of Anime Fights Devil.

Although if he had, how could I complain about you? I'm not sure I like the implications of this line of thought...

#chainsaw man #chainsaw man denji #pochita

[therealeagal]

Thoughts on: the end justifies the means

Decide for yourselves whether my words have value or if they are naught but the ravings of a madman.

Whichever you decide, don't @ me, bro. I'm not here to debate. Just to pontificate.

Let's begin.

Does the end truly justify the means? In other words, if the goal is something "desirable" and "good", might we engage in methods that are otherwise deemed "undesirable" and "bad"?

If you want to be a superhero who fights the bad guys and doesn't afraid of anything, but who also needs to have plausible deniability so that you can get at the villains in ways that the public doesn't need to know about, how acceptable is it to use your children as black ops agents and send them on dangerous missions where they might get murdered and dissected?

If you want to save a city, is it acceptable to sell your soul to a devil to do so?

If you want to bring your friend back to life, is it acceptable to threaten the life of a grievously injured girl so that the cat/human/ant hybrid that is healing her will instead heal your friend?

If you want to save your sister, how justified are you in using the power of a wish granting monster to threaten the lives of the rest of your family if they want to keep her locked away where the wish granting monster can't cause any collateral damage (the wish granting monster is possessing your sister)?

If you want to avenge your unjust imprisonment and/or your mother's murder many years down the line, how justified are you in using your magic water controlling powers on people who live in the same country as your captor and/or the murderer? What if the people you're using your magic water controlling powers on in this scenario also happen to work for a hostile military force?

If the leaders of the country next door shoot a few (dozen?) rockets at you, how justified is it to start killing their citizens? What if the other guys are using human shields? What if they're hiding in a hospital? Is it ok to blow up the hospital to get at the terrorists? Perhaps you can put an embargo on aid - food and water and medical supplies and stuff and junk - to the city where most of the combat is taking place. I don't know, just spitballing.

If a country is being an asshole and you want to end a war without having to accept any conditions for their surrender, is it acceptable to, say, drop a nuclear bomb on two of its cities?

What's the maximum amount of children that need to die to insure eternal world peace and happiness for all for all of eternity until the heat death of the universe before it becomes too many?

So does the ends justify the means? Does it? Does it really? Really really? Really really really? Really really really really? Really really really really really? Really really really really really really really? I could go on, but I won't.

Well, if you were to ask me, I'd say that the answer is an extremely qualified yes. The end very much does justify the means. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, after all.

Kill your family to save your sister and the wish granting monster. Your family are assassins anyway. Fuck them.

Use your children as black ops agents. You're already a vigilante. What's one more crime on top if it means the bad guy can't sell out the human race to aliens?

Use your magic water controlling powers as much or as little as you desire, on anyone and everyone who so little as looks at you funny until you and no one but you yourself judge your vengeance to be well and truly wrought. You are the moral pillar of your friend group. If you're doing it it by definition can't be wrong. Like automatically.

But the yes is qualified. Meaning it has conditions to be met before it counts as yes. Let's really low ball it and say there are only two conditions to discuss in determining whether it counts:

1: Are we talking in terms of the idealistic or the practical?

Idealistically, no. Idealistically, there is right, there is wrong and there is nothing in between. Doing wrong is always wrong, no exceptions, not now, not ever. Idealistically.

Practically speaking, yes. Obviously. The world's not black and white. How trite. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

Of course, that just recursively loops back to the subject of qualifications, so make of it what you will.

-> Give you an example. Murder. How justified is murder? What if it is carried out by a train full of people on one man, who then try to subsequently kill the man investigating the murder? What if the guy that was murdered was himself a murderer? What if he killed a little girl and got away with it?

Is that justice? I don't know. You tell me.

2: Is your justification sincere (irrespective of its validity) or are you, just for the sake of example, invading a country using the pretext of fighting terrorism that originated in a wholly different country - which fact literally everyone is fully aware of - in order to commandeer their valuable natural resources without having to pay for it?

So anyway, if your justification is sincere, then there can at least be some discussion. I mean, you're probably still wrong. But simply dismissing you out of hand is unproductive. If there's a chance, however small, that you might be swayed over to the right side of things, we owe it to everyone to take that chance. Give you an opportunity to own up to your mistakes.

But if it's the second one, then you'll land firmly in the "no slack" category, and you are disqualified from the yes forever.

Give you an example, that thing I said before about the rockets and the hospitals. Even if terrorists were hiding in the hospitals, I'm pretty sure that it's against international law to attack hospitals. And you're a smart cookie. Smart enough to know this fact. Conclusion, you're lying. You're lying about the terrorists. Or at best, you're not lying but otherwise just don't care about civilian casualties.

So you see, my children that life is full of interesting philosophical questions and in the pursuit of these questions I can pretend to be smarter than I am display just how incredibly brilliant I am.

Lo my mind is like unto the sun where the minds of humanity's greatest are but candles. You may worship me now.

#thoughts on #the end justifies the means #or does it?

[therealeagal]

Thoughts on: POTUS elections.

I bet Oswald Cobblepot would vote Democrat. I mean, trying to kill Batman, whatever. But if anyone should care about climate change, it’s Oswald. Him and Poison Ivy.

Maybe Joker, too. No, I think he’d probably be politically left-leaning, but would vote right anyway just to be an asshole.

Two-Face, he’d just decide based on a coin flip.

Scarecrow would vote Libertarian according to some acquaintances I polled.

Killer Croc. Republican.

Riddler. I think Riddler would vote Republican, but not because he agrees with their policies. Only because he’s a raging egomaniac who got mad that a Democrat did something he didn’t like. Like they cut in front of him at the supermarket so he decided that they’re all morons. Something petty like that.

Ra’s al Ghul isn’t American. He can’t vote.

Bane, he’s out too.

Who else? Hugo Strange? I’d say Republican, but do they even believe in psychiatry?

Mr Freeze, Democrat.

Mad Hatter? Republican. Dude gonna grab Alice by the...well, never mind.

Black Mask, Republican.

Catwoman? Is Selina still a villain? She’s been more an anti-hero for a while. Well, in any event, I bet she’d vote Democrat.

Maxie Zeus...well, setting aside the fact that he thinks he’s literally Zeus and would consider the whole exercise a farce since obviously he’s king over all - and also assuming that he would not abstain from voting on account of believing himself to be Greek and not American...I’ll say Republican.

Oh, sorry, did you think this was going to be real commentary about the elections? WELL, SURPRISE! YOU'RE AN APRIL FOOL!

Don't look at me like that. I clearly marked it in the tags. You've got only yourself to blame, you April fool.

#april fool #april fool's day #us presidential election #presidential election #president of the united states

[therealeagal]

Baldur's Gate 3

I have been playing the crap out of this game and I adore it to itty bitty pieces.

I'd say my favorite class is Paladin/Warlock. Bard is a close second.

Scenario: You're some rando who gets kidnapped by psychic squid people. They stick a baby squid person in your brain. But something is rotten in the state of Denmark! The baby squid person isn't bursting out of your skull like it should. What's going on?!?

And you've got psychic powers now...armed with your wits and a bunch of randos, you set out on a whirlwind adventure to save the world.

Baldur's Gate 3 is adaptated - yes, adaptated - from the famed tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons. You fight the bad guys, you roll the dice, you don't afraid of anything. It's a riot. If it didn't get GOTY for 2013 it shoulda. Play it. Love it. If you don't, I hate you.

====

Tangential subject change. Feel free to stop reading now if your constitution and charisma stats are low.

You may recall that many eons ago I incurred the wrath of the death spiral with a rating of the companions you might encounter within the game. I won't point fingers, because it truly is on me for not expecting stans of a certain character to get pissy at me for rating him so low...rest assured, aforementioned stans, I don't actually rate him below Minthara and the Absolute and all. It was a joke.

In fairness, I could have done more to clue people in rather than relying on them to take the time to think about the tone of my rating instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to the low rating. I know what kind of place tumblr is. How could I not have seen it coming a mile off? Mea culpa. I accept full responsibility. Hate me if you will. If you Wyll. (Ha!)

Strike me down. Throw stones if you must.

As a great comedian once said, you're always taking shots from people who just don't get the joke. (that's also a joke. I should start notifying ya'll when I'm making humorous quips [that's a joke too. I won't actually do that except to mock you {just kidding! I love you guys!}])

#baldur's gate 3 #dungeons and dragons #i edited the rating #although it will probably still piss people off

[therealeagal]

Baldur's Gate 3 - companion ranking.

Decide for yourselves whether my list is accurate or not. Whichever you decide, please do @ me, bro. I'm interested to know who your favorite character is!

I switched up my usual intro. What do you think? Anyway. Let's begin. This is a list of the companions in Baldur's Gate 3. I think I got all of them. There's so many. They are enumerated from best to worst.

Wyll Ravenguard, the Blade of the Frontiers. Really got a stick up his ass. I try to romance him and he starts throwing out disapproves whenever I talk to someone else. Motherfucker I'm not the one flirting with them I just want to know what they're up to. Stuck up piece of shit. Also I guess he's a hypocrite that literally sold his soul for power (he says he had a good reason…) But mainly I'm mad about him being a fucking diva when other people flirt with me. Fuckin' Wyll… Wyll stans got pissy at me because they didn't get the joke. Well, his placement at the very bottom of the list was a joke. Don't tell the stans, but my review was completely accurate) What? I didn't say anything. I mean, Wyll Ravenguard is Ao's gift to humanity. There exists no person in this world that is better than Wyll. I could wax loquacious about all the ways in which Wyll is perfection beyond perfection, but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that no matter what Karlach's entry may suggest, Wyll is truly the greatest of the great.

Scratch the dog. Maybe it's just because I'm a dog person, but there's no way you can convince me that Scratch isn't the best.

The owlbear cub, for much the same reasons as Scratch. Although I can't say I have any strong feelings one way or the other about owls or bears...

Karlach. No question that Karlach would take the top spot if Scratch and the owlbear weren't around. As she is the first companion that is both A: a good person and B: not a prick about it on top of being irrepressibly cheerful and kind, there is no question that Karlach is the best official companion (Scratch and the owlbear are more pets/familiars than companions). I mean, Gale is also a good guy too and he's not an asshole about it, but he's kind of a tool. Karlach is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Editing this one in, because I FORGOT WITHERS! Rookie mistake. Sorry, Withers!

Jaheira. I never played the first two Baldur's Gate games, but I understand that Jaheira is a returning character. Either way, she's a fuckin' badass. A regular in my final party.

Shadowheart/Lae'zel. It's hard to choose between the two. They've both got excellent storylines, which are actually quite similar in a lot of ways. And they're both badass chicks. What's not to love?

Boo, the miniature giant space hamster and his human familiar, Minsc of Rashemen. Also often a fixture in my party, because he's funny.

Gale Dekarios. To be honest, I wasn't crazy about Gale at first. Kind of pretentious. But he's grown on me. Yes, he is kind of a tool, but at least he generally likes it when I'm nice to people, unlike a certain vampire who shall remain unnamed... also he eats three of my magic items. Not that I was using them but it's the principle of the matter!

(this is Wyll's true rating, but ignore it because obviously he belongs at the top of the list. PLEASE LIKE ME!)

Halsin. Ever wanted to fuck a bear? In every sense of the word? Well, have I got news for you!

Astarion. WHY DO YOU HATE IT WHEN I'M NICE TO PEOPLE, ASTARION??!?!?!?!?!? IT'S SO ANNOYING!!!

The dirt.

The worms inside the dirt.

The stool of the worms inside the dirt.

Minthara. A giant asshole. Which I guess is to be expected. Still better than Solas. Yes, I know they are from two different games. Shut up. Fuckin' Solas...

The Emperor. He of the gaslighting and the tentacles.

The Absolute. Yes, the main bad guy. I'd rather hang out with the main bad guy than...

Oh, lemme edit this in. Just in case. If you, for some reason, get your dander up about the contents of this list, please refrain from reblogging this to just whinge about what a terrible person I am. Not that I am opposed to someone challenging my ideas, but the death spiral does get tedious quite fast. If you really really got an axe to grind, try the PMs. Please and thank you. :)

#spoilers #spoiler warning #fuckin spoilers #but I don't want people whinging at me #baldur's gate 3 #scratch the dog #owlbear cub #jaheira #lae'zel #shadowheart #minsc and boo #minsc #gale dekarios #halsin #astarion #minthara baenre #wyll ravengard #bg3 withers

[therealeagal]

Thoughts on Atheism.

What is an atheist? Well, broadly, it is a person who does not believe in the existence of any sort of supernatural deity. Not just not believe, but specifically disbelieve.

Of course I very obviously do exist, so they're obviously wrong, but we won't hold it against them.

There's also a much less interesting version of atheists called agnostics, who say there there is simply no way of knowing one way or the other, which is probably true, but still seems like a cop out. You gotta pick a side, bro.

I'm of some minds on the subject. On the one hand I think it would just be pretty interesting if gods were real.

On the other hand, it seems like if there were a higher power they would have made themselves known by now.

And I don't mean a Christianity sort of thing, where God went radio silent, only putting in brief social calls here and there and then fucking off and leaving his cronies to pick up the pieces. We've all seen how that turns out.

If there was an actual factual supernatural entity that was actually factually worshiped and whom you could actually factually physically meet and interact with at this very instant, I'd think that we'd know it, wouldn't we?

I know that religions have probably got all kinds of excuses for why their god(s) Move In Mysterious Ways™.

Maybe they have a good reason to not be around.

Maybe they're keeping their distance out of scientific rigor.

Maybe they're keeping away because of some sort of celestial bureaucracy has got them cross-referencing article 7,273,548 sub-section B paragraph 36 with article 1,938,987 subsection J paragraph 483,929 and they'll come back to us when they're done crossing the "t"s and dotting the "i"s.

Maybe they're so far beyond us that we can't comprehend the scale on which they operate.

Or maybe they're so far beyond us that they just don't care. They never knew we existed and it would be catastrophic if they did. Shout-outs to H. P. Lovecraft, proving that if your ideas are popular enough, you're immune to being canceled even if you're super SUPER racist. Like, he literally said that he thought Hitler was a cool dude kinda racist.

On the other hand, if they're never around are they really worth worshiping?

That's the whole point of worship innit?

The contract is very clear: We gratify their ego, they provide boons to those who blow enough smoke up their asses. Sure, there's the occasional mishap. Some poor fellow stumbles upon a goddess bathing naked in the mountains and she turns him into a deer and has his hunting dogs tear him to pieces, but that seems like a failure of the system to provide a means of filing complaints than any inherent problems with the idea of gods in itself.

Who knows? Maybe if Mount Olympus had a complaint box Zeus (and Hermes...and Poseidon...and Dionysus...and Apollo...) would have spent less time...well, you know as well as I what they spent their time doing.

And if they aren't worth worshiping are they still technically gods, as opposed to simply phenomenally powerful cosmic entities? If even that?

Is a god not defined by the fact of being worshiped?

By that standard, one could theoretically just be a regular dude and still technically be a god.

By that standard, Donald Trump is technically a god at this point. Seems like a good reason to be Atheist if you ask me.

#atheism #agnostic #atheist

[therealeagal]

Pokeemanz, Pokeemanz, Pokeemanz, let's do it.

And Mega evolution is coming back! Hell yeah!

#pokemon #pokemon legends za #pokemon legends z to a #pokemon legends z-a #mega evolution #If Aron isn't in the game heads will roll.

[therealeagal]

Thoughts on cryptocurrency.

Subject of discussion: How is cryptocurrency different from regular money? Well, I'm no economist, but like it's not? Like, at all.

Money is worth what people say it is worth. That's the whole point of money. You give me three goats and a bushel of grain and I will give you this dumb metal disk that is totally worth three goats and a bushel of grain. A bushel is a thing, right? I didn't just make that up?

The difference between cryptocurrency and, say, the United States dollar is that with cryptocurrency the currency is worth whatever the person buying is willing to pay, whereas with the USD the US government tells you the money is worth something and you take it at face value. I think there might be some vague idea of gold somewhere, theoretically backing it - I think the understanding is that you can exchange a one dollar note for one dollar's worth of gold on the condition that you never ask to exchange a one dollar note for one dollar's worth of gold - but I've never seen it. Have you? If it didn't exist would we know it? Or would literally nothing change? I'm pretty sure I read about this in a book once. What's the point of a few tons of gold when you have an army of killer robots buried outside your city?

Also I think there's something called a blockchain involved with cryptocurrency, but I don't actually know what that is. It's all a bit too technical for me.

Money is not really a thing. In fact, it's even less of a thing nowadays, with the advent of online banking. How does 1s and 0s equate to $50,000USD? I wouldn't know, I don't have $50,000USD…Give me $50,000USD.

It is a thing only insofar as we agree that it is a thing. That having been said, you won't find me agreeing that cryptocurrency is a thing. Maybe I'm missing out on the next big innovation. I don't care. I'm an old man, closer to 100 years old than I am to 1000 years old. I don't the time or patience to deal with that shit.

I'm all out of fucks to give at the moment, but if crypto ever turns legit, I think we can both agree that I was totally on board with it the whole time and also that I deserve a lot of it.

Cheers!

#money #cryptocurrency #thoughts on

[therealeagal]

Happy Winter Yulewanzukkahmastice!

I added winter solstice to the list. Don't know why I didn't think of that before.

Also, I remembered to look up what day Hanukkah is this year. At first I was going to wait because it seemed gauche to dedicate my Yulewanzukkahmas post of the year to it because of...reasons...

But then I remembered I don't give a shit.

If someone was bad this year, they can take a hike, but if they're just tangentially connected by six degrees of separation to someone who did bad, I want you to give them a big hug and tell them that they are beautiful. Because honestly, after enough separated degrees we're all connected to someone who done someone else dirty.

So do-badders, take a hike. Everyone else, I'm sending you virtual hugs. You're beautiful.

Love and joy to everyone, everywhere, of every make and model. That's my motto. Actually, my motto is "Eagal is always right" because I quite often am, but if I had a second motto it would be the love and joy thing.

So Hanukkah! It starts today and ends on the 15th.

Next year it starts on December 25. YES! TAKE THE HOLIDAY AWAY FROM THE FAT MAN! HE DESERVES IT!

So Hanukkah! Happy Hanukkah, those of you, my children, who are Jewish. I'm sending you many hugs. You're beautiful.

As for the rest of you, whatever holidays you celebrate and whenever you celebrate them, whether during the winter or even in the middle of June, I hope you have and/or had a good one. I'm sending you hugs too. You're also beautiful.

Those of you that choose to continue to support Santa and his holiday, even though the fat man is my sworn enemy and even though I strongly encourage you to abandon him to dwindle into obscurity as he rightly deserves for his crimes against me, I won't hold it against you. Cheers!

As for you, Nick. Stay on your toes, old man. I'm coming for you one of these years. I'd hate to catch you off guard. It wouldn't sporting if we didn't have a proper duel to the death.

#yule #kwanzaa #hanukkah #christmas #winter solstice #winter holidays #santa claus

[therealeagal]

Rating Disney films

I'm waiting on an event that will occur in my approximate future, so while I wait I thought I would kill time with a rating of some Disney movies. What a lark! But before we begin:

Item: The scale will be F, D, C, B, A. Normally I would consider C to be the base starting point, but since Disney is a heartless mega-conglomerate that would sell orphan souls if they thought there was a market for it, I'm sorry to say that every film is automatically docked a point, so we're starting at D.

Item: I'm only going to cover the ones I've seen, and only the ones from pretty recently. The last ten years, let's say. Otherwise we'll be here all day and I probably will have got shit to do.

Ok, let's go.

Frozen. Elsa and Anna and their hangs-on that no one really cares about. Good music. Idina Menzel? Holy shit I got it right on the first try. Go me! Idina is a great singer, so that bumps Frozen up a notch. Great animation, except for that one bit during Let It Go where Elsa's ponytail phases through her arm, but I guess I'll...let it go. Eh? Eh? Come on admit it, that was funny. A dumb subversion of true love, but then an interesting subversion of the subversion so I'll give it a point. But then there's...everything else. Preventable conflict, forgettable everyone that isn't Elsa and Anna, stupid character decisions, a twist villain who has literally no reason to exist and who is not connected to the central conflict in any way whatsoever. It's the works. Also, I'm told there's some debate over whether the side character Oaken is married to a man or woman. The art style makes it hard to tell. Normally I'd give it a point but since this is Disney, I'm going to file that under "Gay reference so that Disney gets bonus points but it was super minor so that Disney can easily edit it out for international releases in countries that hate the LGBT community". Which loses it a point instead.

Final score: F. Oh yeah. Coming out of the gate swinging. I wonder how much hate I'll get for that.

Big Hero 6. Hiro Hamada and the rest. No musical numbers, but it does have Baymax and jokes about puberty, which are...funny I guess. I guess. It does have a twist villain, but that's a gimme. He's a supervillain. Would Norman Osbourn be half the villain without being the father of Peter Parker's best friend? It loses a point because Hiro's older brother was too good to deserve being Uncle Bened. I wish my brother was as cool as Tadashi was. And that he was also Uncle Bened. I'll trade my brother for superpowers. See if I won't.

Final score: B. SO close.

Zootopia. The furry movie. I saw it. It didn't turn me into a furry any more than 90 years of Mickey Mouse did. Maybe I oughta dock it a point for that. Good story, entertaining leads, entertaining side characters. Catchy music. But it had a twist villain. Get some new material, guys.

Final score: B. Almost got it.

Moana. Good movie. Good characters. Good music. Who knew Dwayne Johnson could sing? No twist villain. Actually, there's a twist hero. Double points for that.

Final score: A. Huzzah! We finally got an A!

Coco: Ah, Coco. Good movie. Good music. Good characters. I will dock a point for preventable conflict, but righting former wrongs makes up for it. Very heartwarming. Double points for heartwarming. Also, another M. Rivera journeys to the Land of the Dead in search of his ancestors. And Imelda is voiced by the same actress that did Manny Rivera. I wonder if that was intentional.

Final score: A.

Incredibles 2. The first Incredibles missed the cutoff. Oops. It's a sequel so...ehhhhh. Another twist villain, but it's a supervillain so normally it wouldn't count, but the villain has no personal connection to Helen and only second-hand connection to Bob, so fuck Screenslaver. Overall, doesn't really stand out.

Final score: D. Ehhhhhhhhhh...

Live Action Aladdin. An acquaintance of mine she got super thirsty over Mena Massoud, so I'll give him double points. Will Smith did...ok I guess. I guess. I liked Jasmine's new song tho.

Final score. Ehhhhhhh...I wanna give it a good score, but I really can't give it better than a C. I'm sorry Mena and Naomi! Forgive meeeeeeeeeeee!

Live Action The Lion King. Yeah...no...

Final score: F. Not even Beyonce could save it. I think I may have committed a crime against humanity by saying that...

Frozen II. A sequel...ehhhhh...good story I guess. I guess. Good music, I will concede. New characters are forgettable and Elsa didn't get a girlfriend. I don't think it had a real conflict? Question mark? Just righting past wrongs wasn't it? I forget. Assuming there were no villains, because otherwise I'd have to dock a point for forgettable villains.

Final score: C. +2 -1. Hey at least it's not an F. I wonder how much hate I'll get for rating the sequel higher.

Onward. Troll brothers, one's a nerd, the other's a slacker. It's actually quite good. Don't remember the music, so it doesn't get any points. It had a "token acknowledgement of a gay character that can be easily edited out for international" so that's a minus.

Final score:

Luca. Another good movie. Very heartwarming. There is some debate over whether this movie counts as "Young boys discovering their sexuality but only in the vaguest possible terms so that it can be easily rewritten for international" or just "Young friends that is only homoerotic if you squint and maybe audiences are reading a little too much into it". And I mean, I could see it. I'm not that good at squinting and I can see it. I'll give you that it's possible. I don't necessarily think it's probable, but I'll take the point anyway because Disney's not dumb, just evil. They knew.

Final score: B.

Ron's Gone Wrong. Being honest, I was totally unaware that this was Disney. I saw the dvd at Wal-Mart and thought it looked cute. Which it is. Very heartwarming friendship. And the kids that the kid wants to be friends with turn out to be good kids and not little shits at all.

Final score: B.

Encanto. Another good one. I have to dock it a point for more preventable conflict, but otherwise, great characters, great music, great story, great ending, great family. Great Scott, have we got another A?

Final score: Yep, it's an A.

Lightyear. Really? This is the movie that Andy saw? But this Buzz acts nothing like that Buzz! Twist villain, token acknowledgement of a gay character that can be easily edited out for international. I mean, I liked it. I like Buzz and I like Alisha and I like Izzy and I like Sox, but is that enough?

Final score: B. -3 +4. I preferred the animated series.

Strange World. Didn't finish it. Stopped halfway and got sidetracked by something else and never got around to picking it back up, but it does have a gay secondary character in the main character's son and I seem to recall he gets a recurring subplot about how fit the guy he likes is.

Final score: Ah heck, let's give it an A just because the gay character wasn't of the "easily edited out for international" variety.

Elemental. Loved this movie. Very heartwarming. I say that a lot. It's Disney. What do you expect? Technically it does have a preventable conflict, but the preventableness is central to the story, so that's a gimme.

Final score: A.

Wish: Bending the rules, because I haven't seen it but I hope to some time soon. I'll be optimistic and wish upon a star that this movie gets all the points.

Final final score: A. Huzzah!

In closing if you don't agree with my ratings, or with the reasons I have given for the ratings, you are, of course, entitled to your own opinions, but I don't want to hear it so find someone else to whinge at.

Please and thank you. :)

#disney #disney movies #frozen #frozen 2 #big hero 6 #luca #coco #moana #zootopia #elemental disney #wish disney #strange world #lightyear disney #encanto #ron's gone wrong #onward #live action aladdin #live action lion king

[therealeagal]

I watched the pony show.

I watched the pony show and actually it was quite good.

You wanna fight about it?

Enter stage left...I wanna say Sunny? Sunny Starshine or some shit. Actually I forget her name already. Lemme look it up.

Ok, it was Starscout. I was close. It counts.

Anyway, she's a wee babboo and she's hanging out with her friends Hitch and Sprout, but Sprout is a douchebag, as children often are, and then middle middle, fast-forward however many years and everyone is an adult. Sunny is an activist.

Hitch...Trailblazer? Anyway, Hitch is the popo. The police. The pig. So naturally, he's the villain of the series, right? Wrong. Come on, man. This is a kid's show. The villain is actually his deputy, Sprout, whose resemblance to Trump is probably a coincidence. Probably.

Anyway, Sunny is an activist, who wants the three pony races to live in harmony, after they were split up in times long past by Twilight Sparkle for some reason or other and Hitch wants to stop her because...he's an asshole I guess? I mean he's not an asshole, because he's actually very nice and he's just trying to protect Sunny, but he's an asshole. You get me?

Anyway, Sunny et al are earth ponies, to be distinguished from pegasus and unicorns.

Then middle middle middle, Sunny meets Izzy Moonbow (a unicorn) and leaves town to find and unite the three pony races with Hitch hot on their trail because...it's illegal to leave town and unite the three pony races? I'm not too clear on what law Sunny was supposed to be breaking.

Anyway, while he's gone, Hitch leaves Sproutald Trump in charge, who within like, a minute, becomes a fascist dictator, with an admittedly quite catchy musical number.

Then Sunny and Izzy go to Zephyr Heights to meet the pegasus princesses whose names are...Pipp Petals and Zipp Storm. Which is weird because the other ponies with two names makes it seem like those are actual surnames and not just part of their given names and I can't imagine a queen would let her daughters have two different last names unless she was blatantly playing favorites about which one she wants to inherit the throne.

ANYWAY. The pegasus can't fly because flying is powered by magic but none of the ponies have magic because they're not united or some shit. Also, Pipp is that most worthless of creatures: a social media influencer! *scare chord*

But I won't hold it against her, because she's a good bean.

Anyway, middle middle middle, Sunny and Izzy and Pip and Zipp team up with Hitch, who's not a dick anymore, and they go to Bridlewood and play Prance Prance Revolution. Yes, really.

Oh, I forgot to mention that this is all in service to reuniting the Unity Crystals which will bring back all the magic.

Anyway middle middle middle, Sprout's totalitarian regime tries to kill Sunny but middle middle everyone lives happily ever after except not really because there is evil afoot but that's something to worry about another day.

Subject of discussion: Does being part of a fandom mean you are part of the fandom? Does being a fan of Star Trek make you a Trekkie?

Does liking Lord of the Rings make you...actually does the Lord of the Rings fandom have a cutsey nickname? I can't recall. Ringy? Lottery? Because Lotr? Lottery? Get it? Nothing? Not even a half-hearted chuckle? Ok.

Does a grown man finding value in the story and messages of My Little Pony automatically make him a "brony"?

For myself, I'd rather avoid the label, as I feel it has too much baggage, but it seems the two are inseparable either way. I don't terribly care one way or the other. If I was that bothered by what other people think I wouldn't do half the shit I do, so call me a brony if you must (although I'd rather you didn't), I'll keep watching the pony show either way.

Cheers!

#my little pony #sunny starscout #hitch trailblazer #izzy moonbow #pipp petals #zipp storm

[therealeagal]

Marvel's Spider-Man 2 (2)

#marvel means never having to say you're sorry #marvel's spider man 2 #spider-man #venom symbiote #venom

[therealeagal]

Marvel's Spider-Man 2

I don't think that's supposed to happen...is that's supposed to happen?

#spider-man #spider-man 2 #marvel's spider-man 2 #peter parker #miles morales #mary jane watson #harry osborn #spoiler warning #for the costumes I guess

[therealeagal]

Socially conscious bullying

Ecce Eagalicus, populi philosophus, Socratis intellectuale progenies!

Don't worry, that will become hilarious in a bit.

Shout-outs to Google translate, which is all-knowing and wise.

Decide for yourselves whether my words have value, or if they are naught but the ravings of a madman.

This is going to be a long one. I'm saving up my rambles these days, and I'm an old man, closer to 100 years old than I am to 1000 years old, so I may repeat some of my old points that I forgot I already made. Bear with me. Or possibly bare with me. Or don't do either of these things. Whatever floats your boat.

Whichever you decide, don't @ me, bro. I am but a humble internet philosopher, attempting, in my own fumbling way, to explore the human experience. I'm not here to debate. Just to pontificate.

Let's begin.

You know who doesn't get enough appreciation for the effort they put in? Socially conscious bullies.

In the old days bullying was simple. You could call someone the spicy f-bomb (the one used against homosexuals) or the "r-word" (the one used against those with intellectual disabilities) and call it a day. But nowadays you could get canceled for that shit.

So the bullies had to get creative. Here on socially conscious tumblr, they had to come up with new words to use to bully people. The goal is only to bully one person, without offending anyone who might inadvertently be part of the group you are using as an example of terribleness.

I mean, I guess you could use a group that almost everyone hates, like Nazis or Vegans. But that's just lazy. You gotta think outside the box or what's the point?

Example: Incoherent. I've been on tumblr for nearly 10 years by now. During my storied career, I've never been called a jackass (well, not by someone else). Nor have I been called an idiot. Moron, no. Fool, sadly not. I was told to get fucked once. Started a tumblr death spiral once because I made a joke about Christian politicians that I won't get into. I thought it was funny, but I guess that's just the perils of comedy.

As a famous comedian once said, you always take shots from people who just don't get the joke.

So it goes.

But more than anything else, I've been called incoherent. And it always makes me scratch my head, because I always thought my style was fairly easy to understand. I mean, ok I jump around a bit. A lot. I go off on tangents occasionally, but it's not like I'm writing in bloody Latin (I told you so).

I guess there's just no accounting for people who are unable to properly grasp my incredible genius.

But then I realized that I was being bullied. Because I had opinions that people didn't agree with. Praising the shit they hated, or criticizing the shit they love. And since they couldn't just call me the spicy F-bomb and call it a day, they had to find a new word to undermine my opinions, since they couldn't rightly contest them (not that I am terribly inclined to entertain dissenting opinions anyway).

I'm not really that upset about it. I will admit that I do occasionally poke the proverbial bear, so it's probably on me. Maybe it was gauche of me to tell that one person to eat shit and die. Which one person? Idunno. I've told lots of people to eat shit and die. I should try to cut back on that, actually.

In fact, now that I think about it, I know it's on me, because you should never tell people that they're wrong. Even when they are. Especially when they are. It just causes more problems.

And also also also! I almost forgot this. I'm sure we've discussed this before, but bullying doesn't count as bullying when the quote unquote "victim" deserves to be bullied. Or if it does, it doesn't count as wrong.

Consider: Is it acceptable to wish death upon someone? Is it acceptable to wish only the most violent and painful of deaths upon another human being (in a purely hypothetical non-actionable manner that in no way suggests you wish to be party to the wholly theoretical death, nor that you wish to instigate anyone else to visit such an occurrence upon another person, regardless of how much they assuredly deserve it)?

I don't know. Do you know? You tell me.

Related discussion: Are "acceptable" and "good" the same, and if not, are they interdependent? Is it possible for something to be acceptable while not being necessarily good?

Is it possible for something to be, in its own way, good, in its own specific context, while being otherwise unacceptable in other contexts?

How about an object example?

Is name-calling wrong? How about insinuating that someone is a homosexual as a method of ridicule? How about making fun of his weight? How about making fun of the color of his skin? How about mocking his insecurities about the size of his extremities?

Is it, in fact, wrong to call Donald Trump a fat, orange, tiny-handed, tiny-penised, piece of shit who's gay for Vladimir Putin? One hates to keep bringing Trump up, but the man is a microcosm of human foibles. He's just so useful.

The lesson here is that liking things the cool kids hate is morally on the same level as Donald Trump, and thus it's perfectly acceptable to bully anyone who expresses anything other than absolute contempt for those things.

Just an example, say, the show that was inspired by Discworld, The Watch, which per our agreement, is probably like unto so much garbage that literally Mein Kampf is better than it.

Anything the cool kids hate, you should hate too. Everything the cool kids like, you should like too. Personal opinions are personal for a reason. Let's make sure they stay that way, huh?

That having been said, in the end, that leaves us with a pickle.

Do we break our own rules to condemn it, thus opening ourselves up to further accusations that we are incoherent, having established that incoherent is like unto the worst of slurs?

Or do we applaud the dedication to social consciousness? It seems rather gauche. The cool kids are against bullying these days, aren't they? I don't know, but it seems like they would be.

Is this a catch-22? It's a conundrum, I'll tell you that much free gratis.

It's important to remember that social consciousness is not about redefining who you can and cannot be mean to. I don't know that there's a formal definition floating around about what social consciousness specifically is, but generally speaking, it's about making sure you're sensitive to the needs and beliefs of, ideally, everyone, but as we live in an imperfect world we must settle for being sensitive to as many people as reasonably possible. It's basically the opposite of being mean is what I'm getting at.

But some people just deserve being mean to. It's sort of a yin-yang sort of thing. Fusion of opposites. With the understanding that the recipient of ridicule - Donald Trump, Hitler, Mussolini, Santa Claus - has in some way earned that ridicule, the goal is to reduce or even eliminate the number of people you might potentially offend other than the intended recipient of your ridicule (provided that they are not similarly deserving of our scorn). That, my children, is socially conscious bullying.

Does any of that make sense or is it too incoherent?

#It's a thinker. #socially conscious bullying #bullying #socially conscious #social consciousness #donald trump #microcosm of human foibles #I oughta use that Latin as part of my intro

[therealeagal]

Hades

You know, I've mentioned before that I don't care for certain genres of video games. It's because I'm a scrub who hates losing and a fake gamer who likes games that are easy, and in neither case have I the patience to Git Gud.

On the other hand, I've also mentioned that I am endlessly fascinated by Greek mythology because I'm a nerd. It's always interesting, if a bit over-exposed. How about a game about mythology other than the bloody Greeks and the Norse? I'm lookin' at you, Kratos.

I guess there was that one Hinduism game some years ago. What was it again? The dude with the multiple arms and the giant planet sized dude who tries to crush the hero with his finger. I think it started with an N...ok I found it. Asura's Wrath. I was way off.

Didn't get enough credit if you ask me.

If one were to make a game based on mythology, perhaps there's something from Africa that would make for an interesting concept. I don't know, I'm just spitballing. Preferably one that doesn't involve freaking Anansi, because he's overexposed too.

ANYWAY.

So I picked up Hades on the strength of being a nerd, not because I had a sudden change of heart viz a viz rogue-likes.

Cast in the role of protagonist, one Zagreus, son of Hades and (so he formerly believed) Nyx, respectively the god of the Underworld and the goddess of the night.

But some how that I forget, young Zaggy discovered that Nyx is not truly his mother. His true mother is actually named Persephone and that's a whole thing, but suffice it to say, she left the underworld at some point because reasons and hasn't been seen since.

Anyway, so then young Zaggy must fight his way out of the underworld in search of his mother. Along the way, he receives help from several of the gods who reside upon Mount Olympus, who are his uncles and assorted cousins as well as his grandmother (who doesn't know she's his grandmother. It's a very top secret hush hush sort of thing), Demeter.

Then middle middle middle, everyone lives happily ever after. Except not really because they're doing a sequel, but I'm sure that game will have everyone living happily ever after. Except for the Titans, I guess, but fuck them anyway.

====

So anyway, as to the gameplay, I was prepared for a slog, and mightily did I toil until - while searching the settings for the volume controls (it's a very loud game) I discovered a nifty little option in the settings menu called God Mode. Fake gamer that I am, I naturally took the opportunity to activate it, providing 20% damage reduction, which reduction would grow incrementally 'pon my inevitable death, capped at 80% and rarely did I turn it back off.

It really does make a world of difference. What once promised to be an unbearable slog was now instead an enjoyable game.

The deaths I still suffer on occasion (on account of being a fake gamer) still manage to advance the story 9 times out of 10, and always manage to entertain and at no point do I feel overwhelmed or frustrated by needless difficulty that the devs refuse to accomodate. Well, except when using the bow. I know it's supposed to be the strongest weapon, but I'm more of a button mash kinda gamer. Perils of being a filthy casual, I guess. Gimme Excalibur any day of the week.

The only thing missing is a sword beam and a Japanese highschooler who wants to be a hero.

That's a reference by the way. It shows that I am very clever. But it's an anime reference, which cancels out the cleverness and instead shows that I'm a jackass.

P.S. If you are offended by my use of God Mode, which invalidates everything that you - as a REAL gamer - went through to Git Gud, then please remember that I warned you several times throughout this post that I am both a filthy casual and a fake gamer, so... well, I won't tell you to eat all of the shit and then die, because I am a nice person, but I will think it. Really hard.

P.P.S. This is totally unrelated, but WHY DID THEY CHANGE THE WAY THAT POSTS ARE MADE? I HATE THIS FORMAT (is that the right word?). WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE OLD WAY!? NEW IS BAD! CHANGE IS SCARY! ARGNOEHAOAFEHJKHSGDGSHGJKDHGJKDGHDK!

#hades supergiant #hades game #greek mythology #kratos #hades #zagreus #demeter #persephone #hades 2

[therealeagal]

Thoughts of the day

If Polonius is always wrong, doesn't that mean that brevity isn't the soul of wit? Meaning you have to be as pompous and long-winded as possible if you want to be called wise. :hmmm

I guess that explains why Shakespeare is so popular. HEY-O!

Or is that actually the point of the joke in the first place? :hmmm

Alas, despite my encyclopedic knowledge of literally every other subject in existence, Shakespeare has the better of me, be he either brief or tedious.

#hamlet #polonius #shakespeare #i've never actually seen hamlet