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thestarsspeak-blog · 16 days ago
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you might like phoebe bridgers but i like her in a much deeper and more annoying and gayer way than you could ever hope to understand or achieve
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thestarsspeak-blog · 22 days ago
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enough about how you chose your icon. enough about how you chose your url. if youre lgbt how did you choose your blog title
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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Labour are red tories, pass it on x
Labour are fucking traitors. After weeks of ‘no deals with anyone’ rhetoric, they’ve just sided with the Tories to take over Edinburgh council instead of the SNP/Green coalition that was going to bring in rent controls and a tourist tax.
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house-ad · 2 months ago
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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A tiny little julien baker in a tiny little venue where I didn’t know anyone and was able to just experience my own company.
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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They say it comes in threes and so far today:
1. My bus to Glasgow was late leaving cos someone wouldn’t get off who was then forcibly removed by police and who, when seeing that I was in the queue, yelled out “hi clerk!” because she recognised me from work
2. I closed my eyes for all of thirty seconds on the bus ride and when I opened them again we were in Scone of all fucking places. Which meant we didn’t get into Glasgow until 3pm, a full hour and a bit after we were meant to.
3. As soon as I got into my hotel and got undressed, the fire alarm went off.
So I went and got pizza and now I’ve drank two pints and I’m away to get on the subway to go to this gig and I swear to god julien baker is the only person I’d put myself through this for.
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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tbh the real advice I’d give to anyone is, do shit alone. go to a museum & go at your own pace & leave the instant you’re done. go somewhere you’ve never been and just wander around, duck into & out of places as it pleases you. linger as long as you’d like.
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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So proud of him for being the best coach, so proud of liz for putting the work in.
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thestarsspeak-blog · a month ago
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Sigourney Weaver by Helmut Newton
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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my favorite college memory was when one of my profs, right before graduation, sat all of us seniors in her class down and said, "do NOT drink a lot the night before graduation" and we were all like "yeah yeah no being late to the ceremony, no stupid behavior" and she goes, "NO not for any of THOSE reasons. there's a bagpipe choir. do NOT be hungover for the bagpipe choir. you won't like it."
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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Can confirm that Lucy Dacus is the most sweet, lovely, talented person.
After rescheduled dates and moving things around, I finally got to see my queen live with the love of my life and it was everything. I heard Thumbs live. I got to sing the words from my whole chest.
“You two are connected by a pure coincidence. Bound to him by blood but baby it’s all relative.”
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house-ad · 2 months ago
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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the relationship between a girl and her favourite mug is something that can be so personal
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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A weighted blanket isn’t enough I need to be vacuum sealed
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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When julien baker sings “I’m in the backseat of my body”
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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thestarsspeak-blog · 2 months ago
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Some of the things they’ve included are so baffling. ‘Choose Humza’? Aye, I will.
Also someone needs to make one of these right back at them because the fucking literal crimes that the Scottish tories have committed against the nation and her people are a hell of a lot more damning than ‘choose the hate crime bill’.
Good on Irvine Welsh for nae letting them use his association for their own gain.
I’ll say it until I die, fuck the tories.
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Irvine Welsh’s to Scottish Tories using the Trainspotting poster to attack the SNP.😂😂😂
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thestarsspeak-blog · 4 months ago
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cannot possibly imagine interpreting julien's music as anything other than cathartic and soul soothing in the way that the greeks intended catharsis to be, as a safe experience of that which is overwhelming etc., and coming out the other side feeling understood and safe
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thestarsspeak-blog · 4 months ago
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for the past few weeks, since we got put into that bloody WhatsApp group, I have felt very little. I went into practical mode immediately, contacted my aunts to see what was happening, found out what ward he was in and started to get things in order if we needed to take any legal action. I even emailed a solicitor that I trust to see how we would take the first steps towards getting an intervention order or a guardianship or something. I didn’t get sad, I didn’t get anxious, I didn’t get angry. the only real thing I felt was exasperation for a fleeting moment and then I was back to being pragmatic.
and people wouldn’t stop telling me how surprised and impressed they were at the fact that I was holding it together. Lucie may be the older daughter and he has two sisters of his own that have care jobs so they knew what to do but for some reason I was doing the heavy lifting of getting things sorted. and I think everyone expected me to go off the deep end considering that a) I'm the crazy one and b) I don’t have a relationship with him and hadn’t actually spoken to him in two years.
but I was sorting shit out and organising things, phoning the hospital and getting updates myself because I wanted to hear what exactly was going on. even though I was shitting myself when we went to the hospital to visit, Lucie was definitely more nervous and I actually ended up supporting her more than the other way around and she told me she was grateful that I was there, etc. which felt great because it was just compounding what everyone was saying - that they were impressed with how I was coping with it all, that they’re proud of me for putting my own things aside in order to visit him and see what I could do to help.
and then things got worse and he’s now being violent and has been sectioned. I'm sat at work wondering if the compulsory treatment order that’s gone to out of hours is for him after he attacked another nurse. and for some reason, I'm still pretty ambivalent about the whole thing.
so I have a session with Julie and I explain all this to her and I realise that anger is definitely bubbling under the surface. which makes me feel guilty because I'm not the one in the hospital bed and if we’re all being honest, there were so many red flags that we should have acted on in the past couple of years and maybe if we had, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
I’m angry that it’s now my job to listen to people tell me how shocked they are, how the man they knew never had an aggressive bone in his body when I know the truth of it. I'm angry that I now have to decide whether or not to shatter their perfect perception of what kind of person he is. I'm angry that I have to explain to his sisters that they were never fully aware of how bad it got. I'm angry that people are only now coming out of the woodwork with stories like “oh I remember one time he smashed a glass” and that nobody stepped in at that point. I'm angry that he gets to wake up the day after and have no recollection of attacking multiple nurses.
I am fucking angry that, once again, we are left knowing the truth of things and having to deal with the fallout while he sits oblivious to what’s happening because he caused himself so much damage with drinking that he no longer understands the situation he’s in. I am fucking angry that his family are running around trying to organise care for him while he sits there and tries to harm the people that are looking after him. I am fucking angry knowing that if he were cognisant of the entire situation, he’d feel vindicated. he’d love the fact that he’s surrounded by people worrying and fawning over him.
and then Julie says something about grief and I get confused because he’s not dead, he’s just unwell and he won’t get better. and she explains that I'm grieving the loss of my fairytale resolution that I will never get. and I tell her that that ship sailed long ago, I came to terms with his behaviour and our history and the fact that he was never going to have a lightbulb moment and apologise for everything and beg to allow him to try and be better. and she said that a part of me had always held onto hope that that might happen. she said it’s like playing the lottery, you know you’re not going to win but you keep doing it for that tiny bit of hope.
and now I will never have the chance to have that fairytale resolution. because he is no longer capable of understanding and he’s no longer capable of forming an apology that would mean enough for me to accept it.
the fairytale ending where I mended my relationship with my dad was never going to happen, I knew that in my rational mind. but I suppose a tiny part of me hoped that one day he’d wake up and realise that he could do the work and try to fix it.
and now that’ll just never happen. and as well as being angry, I'm sad at the loss of that fairytale.
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house-ad · 2 months ago
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