theunforgottenforgotten

[theunforgottenforgotten]

"Remember"

I still remember the way you smiled at me for the first time we ever met. I still remember when you told me your name. I still remember your favorite song when I first ever asked you. I still remember sneaking cigarettes to you at our job for part of your birthday gift. I still remember the first time we hung out. I still remember when I asked you to the dance. I still remember you telling me what your family said about me for the first time ever. I still remember your suit that matched my dress.

I still remember when you asked me to be yours. I still remember our first kiss. I still remember our first hug. I still remember all of our firsts together. I still remember when we first had dinner together. I still remember what it was. I still remember what our restaurant was. I still remember which booth was ours. I still remember what your favorite drinks were. I still remember your nickname for me. I still remember our drives together.

I still remember the first time you let me try it. I still remember the first time I got sick around you. I still remember our first argument. I still remember our first "I love you." I still remember our first group hang-out. I still remember our first block in the relationship.

I still remember when you texted me those heart-dropping words. I still remember what happened that one night. I still remember when your mother texted me that you were gone. I still remember when your step-father drove around with me searching for you. I still remember when your sister and I took your mothers car, looking in all the places she could think. I still remember finding out who took you. I still remember going to him, yelling at him. I remember not being able to eat with your sister, the food she paid for at the gas station. I still remember helping your sister move some things to her place that same night.

I still remember staying up late, texting your parents about where to go next by looking at the map while they were in the same area. I still remember them telling me where the workers last saw you. I remember when they said they'd keep searching. I remember waking up the next morning feeling ill. I remember the next morning, with your family. I remember trying to figure out what to do next. I remember when you texted me where you were. I remember taking out my entire savings to run to you forever. I remember lying to your parents for your sake. I remember driving in your mothers car, half way there. I remember turning back around in fear. I remember telling your parents what you texted me.

I remember their anger, their blame. I still remember crying and letting out everything to them. I still remember the next day, taking my mothers car to the location I knew you were at last. I remember you begging me the night before, but I knew I wasn't on my way. I remember how bad I felt when you were scared and wanted me. I remember when we found you, you didn't react to me. I remember your mother and step-father smoking cigarettes. I remembered that your mother never really smoked. I remember rushing to the hospital that they were taking you to. I remember sitting, waiting for them to tell me that I could see you.

I remember that when you finally would talk to me, you said I looked terrible and skinny, I hadn't eaten for almost four days. I remember when you let me get you food. I remember letting you hit my vape. I remember laying on the hospital bed with you, while you read to me. I remember being on the phone with the cop. I remember when you and I talked about it all but I knew you weren't okay. I remember you telling me that you wanted to shoot a cop in the head by stealing his gun, then shooting yourself.

I remember when I left, I cried. I remembered that after my therapy appointment the next day, your mother told me you went into the psychiatric hospital. I remember staying at your house for hours after classes, alone in your room. I remember your mother going through your room to make it safe for you, to protect you from the cops. I remember napping the day you were going to come home. I remember your mother and step-father wanting to talk to you once you got home. I remember seeing you when you walked into your room for the first time after a week.

I remember how you still smelled like the hospital when I hugged you. I remember how things slowly was becoming normal again. I remember how things went wrong again. I remember how you tore yourself from me. I remember our last argument. I remember you not talking to me for days before randomly messaging me that we had to talk. I remember you breaking up with me. I remember our last cigarette together. I remember going to your house, multiple days after school, crying while you were fine. I remember you would act fine then treat me like I was nothing.

In the end, you may not care. In the end, I will always remember. Even now, I don't think I could forget. There is more to the story, but it would take forever to explain everything that I still remember. Even after 14 months.

#spilled heart #excerpt from a book i'll never write #heartache #i love him #spilled ink #poets and writers #poets on tumblr #writers #poem #writer things

[theunforgottenforgotten]

facts

tw homicidal thoughts

bpd culture is wanting everyone who disrespects your fp to die a horrible death

.

[theunforgottenforgotten]

mood but on acid

[theunforgottenforgotten]

One fine day I will be happy without you by my side. One day I can smile happily without having you in my life. One day I can walk away easily and just let go of what we had before. One day I will meet new people and discover new things with them. One day I will be stronger & nothing will break me anymore. One day I will develop new feelings for someone else. One day I will meet the love of my life. One day I will get over you. One day I will stop crying for stupid reasons. One day I will stop crying for missing you. One day I will be okay. I will be fine. But not today.

[theunforgottenforgotten]

Swallowing the sun.

I like to do this sometimes so I wrote this poem about how it feels.

[theunforgottenforgotten]

““Can I see you again” is such a sweet thing to say.”

— Unknown

[theunforgottenforgotten]

Sunshine

What does it mean for someone to be your sunshine?

It means that they can make you happy even on your darkest days. That they can make you smile even while you are crying.

It means that they pop up in your mind when that certain song plays on the radio or when you see a pretty sunset.

It means they make you laugh even at the most stupid jokes or make your day better in general.

When someone is your sunshine, they are your joy. They are the reason you get up every morning and the reason you go to bed with a smile on your face. They are the reason you feel like a part of you is missing when they are not around.

When someone is your sunshine, they hold your heart with care and make sure to not drop it anymore than it already has been. They stick around even on your worse days and stick around on your absolute best days. They are there for you every single time and are always happy to help you even if you don't want any help.

Having someone as your sunshine is hard to find but when you do find it, you will never want to lose it. You will try your hardest to not lose them because you know that you will never be the same without that sunshine.

#i love him #spilled heart #excerpt from a book i'll never write #female writers #writers and poets #spilled ink #lovers #lovely #inlove #relationship #love poetry #i love you #i love them #loving #romantic #him #beloved #my man #my heart #heartland

[theunforgottenforgotten]

1 am thoughts

You start to think that as each day goes by, you are losing yourself more and more to your mental health. You see that you are changing but you have no clue how to change it, you have no clue where to begin in order to fix it. That is already frustrating, but when someone you love can't handle it, then it is even worse.

You beg for them to not focus on your mental health because you know it is bad and you also know that they need to focus on themselves a bit too. They refuse but then they want time away from you because they can't handle your intense mood swings or your anxiety over little things. They yell and you just break.

You break and you get angry. You want to feel something other than anger so you try to release your anger but it ends up going wrong and now both of you are even more upset at each other. You argue and argue over the littlest things. They tell you that they need a break from you and you then break down in tears. They don't understand why and think that it is terrible of you to break down like that but they don't understand that you feel as though you lose a piece of yourself when they are gone.

You are going to have to adjust not being near them for a little bit. Not having that part of yourself for a bit. You have to pretend that it is all going to be okay but you are now scared that they are going to get to thinking and realize things. That they are going to stop loving you and will leave you soon. You can't stop thinking about it while you are trying to convince yourself that it is okay to take a break from each other and it can be healthy in a way. But somehow, there is a part of you that is always expecting the absolute worse.

So now you are drinking heavily to get through the night without them, you only wish to be in their arms and to have everything back to normal. You just want things to be okay again. Who could blame you?

#i dont know #i love him #excerpt from a book i'll never write #spilled heart #heartache #spilled ink #spilled words #i dont fucking know #i mean #anyway #sadgirl #sadcore #sad aesthetic #i hate this #i hate everything

[theunforgottenforgotten]

Just Pretend

Just pretend that you are not stressed out from the hours of work, or the hours of arguing, or the hours of homework that you have. Just pretend that you are not burnt out with everything in life. Keep going because you know that you have to, because you know that you have no other choice.

Just pretend that you are not hurting from all of their words, that those words don't cut through you like a sharp sword. Just pretend that you don't feel that lump in your throat, that you don't feel your heart beating like crazy or beating in your stomach, that you don't feel those burning tears start to come up like bile.

Just pretend that those arguments don't affect you or make you question if they really love you. Pretend that everything is okay between you two even though you feel them slip farther and farther away everyday, every fight. Just pretend that you don't have more bad days with them than good.

Just pretend that your mind isn't slowly breaking, that you are getting more and more tired despite sleeping enough. Pretend that you aren't hungry but you can't remember the last time you ate only because you don't really feel the hunger until you stop and think. Pretend that you don't struggle to even take a shower.

Just pretend that you are okay. Always smile and say that you are fine despite you telling yourself that if you hear "Are you okay?" one more time, you will break down completely. Pretend that you feel alone even with a group of friends. Pretend that you want to hang out with people even though you sit on your bed, absolutely dreading these social events you somehow agreed to.

Just keep pretending until you are okay again. You got this. You are not alone.

#depressing shit #i hate this #this is depressing #depressing quotes #spilled ink #it's 3am #spilled words #heartache #spilled heart #sadgirl

[theunforgottenforgotten]

Monster

We all have our own definitions of a monster. Some people think of actual fictional monsters. Then you have those who find their minds to be the monster. When we say that our mind is the monster we mean that our mind has become what we have feared for a long time. We have become the person we never wanted to be. Everyone has their own definition of who they don't want to be, or how their mind has become.

Sometimes we end up becoming the exact thing that we hate in order to save ourselves from hurt, from pain. We take that role of being a villain. Not just to others but mostly to ourselves. We scare away what we want most while chasing it at the same time. We sometimes do it as a response to our past in fear that whatever happened before might happen again.

That is until we accept everything and we accept the fact that we are now our own worse enemy and the person we hate the most. Eventually, we stop caring about people leaving. We hold the door open while they walk away because we already predicted for this to happen.

Sometimes the sad part is that we become the villain and watch it happen from a distance. It is as though we are watching our lives like a movie. Like how we yell at those people in horror movies to not go into that house or don't open that door. We are yelling at ourselves to not become the villain, to not become cold or heartless. To not let the ones we love leave. But we also know that we can't do anything but watch. We watch ourselves slowly slip away and become the worse person we can imagine.

"Just pull yourself out of it." But it is not that easy. If it was that easy, we would do it every single time it would happen but that is not how it works. We sometimes have to wait it out and hope to find ourselves again or we just watch ourselves slip farther and farther away until we accept how we have changed. If it was that easy, so many people wouldn't be struggling so much and wouldn't be so alone. But it is never that easy. It never will be unless you are patient with it and don't lose complete hope.

#sadgirl #sad aesthetic #im sorry #heartache #spilled heart #female writers #excerpt from a book i'll never write #it's 3am #spilled ink #spilled words #sorry #writers and poets #i hate my existence #i hate everything #i hate this

[theunforgottenforgotten]

fucking love this

the poem where i don’t say ‘i’ by a.dp

ID in alt reblog