thewul - Tumblr blog

thewul · 3 days

Text

Chapter VII, Black Swan

Monstera

As I got out from the bank on Bay street I was blinded by the sun and put back my sunshades in a hurry, I also felt disorientated, going left or right, everywhere I stepped I was a rich man, on the run maybe but who isn’t nowadays

All of the the daily worries of life seemed a million years away, filling the fridge, buying milk, screw buying milk any given Sunday, the economy, the job market, to hell with the job market, with slaving, the day I am broke again Uncle Sam will sell the shirt off his back, paying taxes who wants that, all am paying now is Tequila shots to nice babes, and those luxury hotels around the world, I could go around the world with that money, where you have people taking care of everything and all you have to take care of is unwrapping your hotel sleepers, free at last free at last thank God Almighty free at last

I didn't know what I wanted to do I wanted to pull my teeth out for having gone through all I went through slaving for pennies, and to walk to the nearest beemer dealership buy their most ever expensive car, before I remembered that I was on an island, Billionaire, I needed to calm down figure out my next move, rich and on the run, make the run rich, what I knew is that they would never go to the FBI say they've been robbed of money that's not even supposed to exist, and so I could do anything and anything makes you crazy, they would look for the money but it was right there where I left it

Sidney Poitier knew his business, general account, temporary expenses account, close the temporary expenses account, even armed with bazookas they wouldn't get that money back, police was everywhere in the Bahamas, from the moment you set foot in it, suddenly I froze on my tracks and walked back in a hurry to the bank, Sidney Poitier was there behind his Mahogany desk almost expecting me

Sir, what a pleasant surprise, what can we do for you this time? Yes, I need a Bahamas passport, no wait make them two, he paused and smiled, But of course, that can be arranged, for a fee, the face of an open mouthed Dillinger flashed before my eyes, I really coined him this time, his only time

I looked at my providential banker with the traits of someone from whom the whole world might slip at any time, and asked what should I do next? Which made him laugh in his gentle habitual manners, Buy a sailboat Sir he answered, The world you see has many horizons and many sailboats, true, absolutely true, nothing but the truth so help me God

As if struck with amnesia, barely realizing that his whole world had so suddenly turned upside down Billy Perkins headed for the door, past the lobby of the private bank, its luxury leather sofas, mahogany tables and Monstera plants shaded by an octagonal glass roof, into the harsh sunlight of Nassau, with his sunglasses still on

Brooklyn Bridge, New York, 5AM

After O’Connor, Sullivan and Richardson died in unclear circumstances which he knew more about than he cared to admit to himself, the thought that he was next crept on Weissman, he became convinced of it, even how he couldn't keep his calm around Dillinger, who smelled fear worse than a shark smelled blood

That Weissman was scared because of something he did made its way into Dillinger's mind ever since the day he caught him typing over the keyboard in his office, while he was on the phone with the bank of all people, but Weissman knew that Dillinger usually wasted no time acting on his suspicions no matter how much he deemed him to be insignificant, perhaps, surely, he thought the only reason why he didn't act until now, so far, but he would, he always did, and then there was the timing of it with people at Allstate dead already with both the police and FBI still on the cases, there was even talk of the FBI making it one case not three as they suspected foul play in the 'accidental death' of O'Connor

So much so that the anxiety pills that he started gulping off prescription didn't cut it for him anymore, all of it pushed Weissman to the brink a little more each day, leading up to a failed suicide attempt at home late at night on a rainy Tuesday, but let us go back to how he got there, and what he is going to do next after a sleepless night, unassuming and selfless to the point of blending with the gray floor carpet, literally eaten alive by his lack of guts, doesn't act on the numbers he stole or tried to, frozen by fear when learns about the murders, of people who tried to steal from Dillinger same as he did, or in the case of O'Connor had a large share of it

Tries to backtrack after that but he doesn't know what spreadsheet he put that number on the company has thousands of them, tens of thousands, anxiety almost killed him when he figured out he couldn't delete the entry, already on medication for a heart condition that had deteriorated over the last weeks, in the end Weissman jumps from a bridge at night, as the only thing to do after he tried gazing himself in his home garage sticking a hose from the exhaust inside his car and locking the windows, but failed

They find his car, a boring Chrysler, doors open with a 50's music tape still playing, and the loaded handgun he couldn't use on the passenger seat, case closed as a suicide after the detective learn that towards the end he could not stand looking anyone in the eye and mumbled incoherently when asked about anything, Weissman and his tuna wraps killed Weissman the successful billionaire

He is the guy who failed at being successful, but who was successful being a failure, and his mistake was wanting a change, he regrets it, he regrets wanting to change things, ruining his meaningless life, passes on his lifetime chance to become a billionaire because he knows it's billions, passes on his life after that, we have to imagine his last moments driving for hours not knowing what to do, until he finds himself on the Brooklyn bridge at night, he ran out of smokes started smoking again, he ran out of gas, of booze, it's time to go, he ran out of luck well he never had much

Weissman killed himself for the simple reason, there's always a simple reason even when matters are complicated, that he couldn't be back to the office in time next morning, and that Dillinger was going to know beyond suspicion that something is wrong with him because he never showed up late, not once

128 miles separate Atlantic City from New York takes some 2 hours and a quarter, that is the distance that Andrew Weissman makes by car in the middle of the night, boozed up, going through his cigarette pack to make up for all the years he had stopped smoking, on his way to the Brooklyn bridge, he finds himself there, or we put him there because Atlantic City doesn't have the right settings for Weissman's finale, it’s raining probably, how could 'Cook' Weissman not have rain on his parade, cops seen him speed on the road, the one thing that could have saved his life, but they don't bother they're having coffee, he's barely over speed limit

He finally finds success in life as a New York statistic, his glasses that he had broken in the middle and fixed with black tape wash up the shores of Long Island a couple of days later, as a further testimony that he didn't make it, in the Big Apple of all places

Allstate Insurances

Anyone missing from the company? Sick leave, vacations, resignations? Just this guy On a leave? No, No what on vacations, did he resign? Show me his resignation letter, his recommendation letters, Mister McPherson? He never showed up again, What does he do? Data entry technician, manages our spreadsheets, It's him ,Motherfucker! Shut up McPherson, why was that account number on a spreadsheet to start with? Someone thought it was a nice place to hide it in plain sight and Perkins found it figured out what it was, We need to fly to the Bahamas right away, When did he bail from the company? On Thursday, five days ago, No need to travel then, Why is that? The money is gone Mister Dillinger, let me guess young, smart, underpaid and over qualified of course, never asked for a promotion or a raise, too proud to ask, How do you know? It's my always like that Mister Dillinger, all this time he's been waiting for an opportunity to screw the company, look at those files, he's the only good looking person in the whole floor, typical black swan, they don't belong with ugly ducklings, not even with white swans, it's your fault that you got robbed he should have been atleast executive by now, It's you who blocked his promotion McPherson, His boss said he needed him there! What do we do now? What can you do, it's FBI stuff, if they learn about that offshore account you two gentlemen will be spending time, a whole lot of it, behind bars, There has to be another way, I know these types Mister Dillinger, if you don't let go he will get you killed because they don't take chances, a bit of a loner, with a sense of humor? That's him, I remember him now I met him once in the executive floor and when I asked him do you work here he looked at me and replied do you? With a broad smile, he knew who I was, I could have fired him on the spot but somehow he remembered me of my early days, Well you better follow my advice then and forget about that money, Hell no he is not getting away with it, call for the jet we're leaving right away, He did already, again Mister Dillinger there's worst things in life than getting robbed, he's rich now and that means he can get even if wants, Get even for what! For having been underestimated Mister McPherson

Humpty Dumpty

I was like Humpty Dumpty, sometimes falling in the box of happy sometimes falling in the box of unhappy, and people go about life like that, some of them their whole life without knowing arguing that's life to themselves and to others, maybe life is many things above all it's what you make it, before discovering that happiness is found inside, that it's not what you have or don't have, it's who you are, that true you have to have something even if its little, and out of that little something make great things, and what was wrong with Humpty Dumpty all this time, watching for people who could push him to his fall in the box of unhappy, is living in his shell and worrying that it cracks

In a prison of my own doing in a way until I learned otherwise, I like to think however that I have been waiting for my time, in all it's been like fishing those blue marlins with Uncle Joe, it's only patience that pays, and life is what you buy into and what you don't buy into, but most of all it's what you know that others don't, and the first thing you ought to know is yourself

It's what you get for staying stuck in a dead end job, you end up diminishing yourself, your sense of self worth, little by little it gets to the point where others consider you a failure, I had seen where that road leads and we do brush upon each others all day, form opinions which at best may be called superficial and at worst judgmental upon the grounds of the lackings that we chose to ignore in ourselves because it's easier to find them elsewhere, and what comes next is buying into that BS that yourself, which I never did no matter how great the odds stacked against me

There are things beyond losing hope, there is the will to make it, as if we are thrown in the midst of it all so that we are taken apart and put back together anew sometimes often contrariwise the sum of our illusions, conceptions, misconceptions, about ourselves, about others and about life itself, as if it didn't care about the red meat of our T bones that the things of life kept chewing on, the large tender steak that we all are at some point in life, and for some reason was only interested in the bone that's left

But what you do what we all do keep the good memories and ditch the bad ones which altogether serve a purpose both the good and the bad, that maybe, often, we don't see it until we find out that the good is what we lean on to keep going and the bad always pushes the bad down the drain where it needs to go, so that we are cleansed and whole and some us mighty, not in the sense of who we are but in the sense of what we have coped with, of who we have become

Yet we refuse to be taken apart because of our stubborn convictions that we know better and our fear of the unknown, all the while we are finding out that we never know any better than life, in what it holds that is good that is but an expression of our maker, and in what it holds that is difficult, dire even, that is no different than the bitter medicine we refused to drink as tearful children

We find injustice in tragedy and we are overbearing in success, while the truth of the matter it seems is to seek fairness in ourselves and measure towards life, that offers us always the chance to become more than we are in its joys and in its sorrows, in all of it that is neither fair nor unfair, but necessary

Under all our many considerations, above all that life cannot be any different than the sum of our aspirations, of our indifferences, of our achievements and of our failings, yet we judge ourselves under the harsh light of having succeeded at this and failed at that, oblivious to our real worth that is to inspire life and to keep trying

And there's a lesson in life that keeps repeating itself of embracing the good memories and ditching the bad ones, it's the only lesson you need in life

Sometimes you don't know what you're waiting for, what life has in stock for you, it's pretty much the same patience game as fishing blue marlins, there is the conviction that life holds many things same as the sea holds many fish, and your grand prize in it

That comes, always, in due time, if life sees that in you, that you know how wonderful it can be even with the simplest of means, without bitterness, without rancor, or anger, about what you have or not, expecting yes, hopeful, believing in a brighter future, even when things are difficult, because they are difficult

I can't count how many times I felt down and I laughed to tears because of something I saw happening in the street or anywhere else, what life is, always throwing you a lifeline in the middle of it all, appreciating life which is many other things than money, fame or being successful in the eyes of others

We have to be our own success, the success that we believe in, and find your own happiness that is not given or granted but comes from within, that comes from the realization that we make our happiness same as we make our unhappiness with our own hands

Our own way of being towards ourselves, towards others, and towards life itself which when it looks upon us has to find gratitude for it gives many many things without asking anything in return

Chapter VIII

Humpty Dumpty needed to spread his wings and fly, and we all do, all of us Humpty Dumpties, you get angry because the lift is taken, because someone stole your cab Humpty Dumpty, yet the more you frown at what life is or isn't the more angry it gets at you for not seeing what it offers, sunrises and sunsets being the least of them, and we can all wake up to a beautiful sunrise, or take a walk to see a beautiful sunset, but as long as we don't wake up to that reality of what life is and what it has to offer we have we are still on the wall, constantly wary of falling off

Often, crawling from an unhappy box only to fall in another and another, short selling liberty is short selling yourself, keeping still, frozen still, in a situation entrenching ourselves in it, numbing ourselves to it, where what we really needed was to get out of it, even if it meant risking what we have in life, which in my case wasn't much, and you cling to it because it's all you have, you cling to the tree and forfeit the whole mountain and the valleys behind it, that stretch as far as the eye can see, and its streams and its rivers leading to the sea

But you're flying high now and you can see clearly, you see all of the unhappy boxes where you fell one after the other, stretching under you wings, you see that they are worth nothing if you don't believe in them, that all this time you owned the whole casino and they wanted you to own a broken slot machine with two cents in it

Nassau, Bahamas

Hello, Sir? Yes go ahead They have just landed Very well, thank you very much Welcome

Where is our goddamn money?! We did expect your visit, the account number you are mentioning is closed It can't be! It very well can be, and it is the case Its our goddamn account! Ours! Numbered accounts are not nominative accounts, you knew that perfectly, we are always very thorough in informing our numbered accounts holders and you have been informed same as everyone else Where is he now How could we know? You will regret this! Security will see you to the door, you have no more business here What do you mean by that? That you should leave the Bahamas, which can be arranged for you if you so insist You will hear from our lawyers! You know we don’t think so, have a nice day gentlemen Not a word more Mcpherson, we're leaving

#HUGO BOSS #sunset creek

0 notes

thewul · 3 days

Text

Sender Unknown

I found a stack of postcards in that deposit box, couldn't recognize the handwriting, they looked odd in themselves as if someone put them there on purpose, what was the purpose to whom they were addressed or even who wrote them I had no idea, but I kept them because I felt they related to the story, my story or maybe it wasn't just me but also that of a complete stranger, as life has strangers, as we are often strangers often to others and at times to ourselves

***

Dear you,

I am sorry for writing so late, I have been unaware that you were looking for me, that is my general condition, being unaware of things that are meant to be inasmuch as we pursue them without complacency towards ourselves or others,

congratulations on having bluffed for so long on a strong hand, or maybe it wasn't always like that, but what matters the most is remaining who we are,

before anything it is ourselves that we bring to the table, in the revealing truthfulness, of it all

***

Wasn’t always like that,

Money fast cars and dames, there’s been times of doubt, there’s been times of hardships, times of coping, days of just trying to make it to another day, that you don’t know what to make of now that much has changed, the people the faces and the places, and so little at the same time as we don’t as much change who we are as we find our way in life,

sooner or later, but always out of the stubborn necessity of life to make us what we are,

so much so that we don’t think anyone would believe it, and yet these are all our days, the changing times of our fabric

ps. do write me at tax evasion row, still in between places

***

And poker is life you know, sometimes you have fine players sitting at the table, you admire the styles and show some of your best, and it doesn't matter if you're winning or not because you're having such a good time, good laughs and plenty of learning about life's hard earned lessons, which is all more than money can buy, more than money can buy

And sometimes you have those other types who just want to see you throw your hand and quit, and still you beat them because deep inside you refuse to let them have the best of you

And as you grow in life, and in the game, you learn who to sit with and who not to sit with, around that poker table, which is life you know

***

A simple name plaque with brass letters and a locked door, you don't walk in there to ask for a car loan, it felt intimidating that way but you shook it off, it's when they get used to see you just breaking even or just getting by that they bet big, probably more than they should have, but you have to read the players not just the cards they're throwing at you, for reasons

***

Although you looked nowhere rich to be honest, you know that spring that a lot of money puts in your step, it wasn't there, but you could be, you could be, and that possibility made up for everything else going on in my mind during the short while I saw you crossing the garden's paved walkway

***

Is it what you hoped for, or never thought possible, wealthy beyond dreams, were those your dreams or did you just grab them like fleeting clouds passing by, but what does it change, in the way you smile at people, lend an ear or a helping hand, not much or a great deal depending what you stand for, what you believe in

ps. Admired the confidence of 'having business' where you were the least expected, and the timing of it, probably more than anything else

***

I am writing you from the Graycliff, I feel like I could stay here forever, ended up buying this two floors hotel that feels so out of time, I am not as much hiding here as having some rest from all of it, most of all from what is expected of me, to be always impeccably confident oblivious to the fact of if whether I felt like it or not

Perhaps you should come to visit, you probably didn't, in a hurry with your riches why wouldn't you be, rich and on the run, just what you wanted without knowing, and its been pretty much my life with its necessary getaways here and there, where I could afford to write you these postcards why not

***

I might not be there if and when you visit, crossing peoples paths and their flurry of business cards, which I inevitably counter with mine and the half story they tell, consultant with this bank that bank, big money big business and little time

Gone the day after for more of the same on another continent, inspiring others to remake the world, because it's too much on my own, forgetful at times of others lifetime successes as they piled up, and contemplative of my life's success, and its sobering lack of personal doubts, call it regrets

#HUGO BOSS #sunset creek

0 notes