tillytillytilda

[tillytillytilda]

I absolutely adore your tenth doctor fics, here's my fiction request:

I'd love to see a 10 x reader fic in which there's a scene where to doctor does his mind reading ability on them, be as creative as you like about it, loads of detail if ya like 💖💖

Title: Memories

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: The Doctor is forced to look through Y/N's mind though together the two make a rather surprising conclusion.

Word Count: 1.9K

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I hope you enjoy this lil piece of fluff.

“Y/N? Y/N? Are you okay?” 

Y/N tried to open her eyes, unable to see much of anything other than flashing lights. She must be in the TARDIS then, she reasoned in her hazy sort of mind. The colors seemed to be about right for the TARDIS too. Something else was coming into focus. A face. A rather worried and scared face with brown eyes and a messy head of brown hair.

The Doctor was staring down at her, one hand on her cheek while the other supported her head. It was then that she realized that she was in fact laying down. Well sort of. Her body was on the floor but the Doctor had propped up her head, probably so he could get a better look at her. 

“What happened?” she asked, her throat dry and her voice hoarse. The last thing she remembered was leaving the TARDIS with the Doctor. Had something happened once they got onto whatever planet he’d taken them to? 

“You got hit with something while we were exploring,” the Doctor said, taking his hand away from her face to grab his sonic screwdriver. He started scanning her with it, examining every inch of her face. “It was some sort of ray. Came right at your head from behind.” 

Y/N didn’t think she’d ever seen the Doctor so worried before. He usually stayed calm and collected, even in the most dangerous of situations. She felt fine. There was no pain anywhere at all. Though the more she thought about it, there was a bit of an itch in the back of her head. Not on her scalp, but in her actual head. She must have made some sort of face since the Doctor immediately started to ask her questions like, “What’s wrong?” and “Are you in pain?”

“It’s like an itch,” Y/N explained, gesturing to the back of her head where it occurred. “It’s in my head.” The Doctor scanned the place she gestured with his screwdriver, brow furrowing a bit. 

“That’s right where it hit you,” the Doctor said. “It might have done something to your mind.”

That thought scared her. Y/N always knew that physical danger was a risk she took while traveling with the Doctor but the thought of something alien being in her head did not sit right with her at all. 

“Can you get it out?” Y/N asked him. The Doctor was in deep thought, an expression she often caught him having after a particularly long day of different adventures. 

“There is an ability that I have,” the Doctor said slowly. “It would allow me to sort of access your mind, make sure there’s nothing wrong.”

“Do it,” Y/N urged him, not wanting to wait any longer and risk something happening. She didn’t know anything about what she’d been hit with but she’d hate for something bad to happen, especially when they were in the TARDIS. 

“It’s incredibly invasive,” the Doctor warned her. “I’ll see all your memories. And…well you might see some of mine.”

Y/N paused for a second. The idea of something going through her head was not a very pleasant one. But if it was just the Doctor, that should be fine. She trusted him more than anything in the world. And if he was willing to allow her access to his memories to try and save her, then she should be fine with doing the same. 

“Alright,” Y/N said, nodding. “Do it.”

The Doctor slowly placed his fingers on her temples as both of them closed their eyes. And then it began. 

Several of her own memories flashed before her eyes. Things from her childhood, school, going to university, and then-

“Sorry, what exactly is going on?”

Y/N was pretty sure she was dreaming. She had to be. There was no way her boss at the coffee shop had just turned into some sort of huge slug monster. And there was definitely no way this man, whoever he was, had just stabbed him with some sort of device. The man didn’t seem too concerned with answering her questions though, instead barraging her with ones of his one. 

“Do you work here?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Have you drank any of the coffee in the back? The one your boss made for the employees?” 

“No, but-”

“Excellent! You’re not infected yet!”

“Hold on, infected? What are you talking about? Who are you? What’s going on?” “Oh sorry, I’m the Doctor,” he said as if that explained everything. Y/N still stared at him though her concentration was broken as a roar came from the back of the shop. “And that is your other co-worker.” 

The man, the Doctor, rushed to the back, his coat flying behind him leaving Y/N bewildered. She glanced behind her at the door where all their customers had rushed out once her boss started changing into…whatever he was. She could just leave. But instead, she followed behind the strange man, not looking back again. 

“That was amazing,” Y/N said a few hours later, her face a bit flushed from all the running they’d been doing. “I mean…really, you do that everyday?”

The Doctor was smiling at her, leaning against a blue box that was in the alley he’d led her down as they walked away from the coffee shop. Normally she wouldn’t follow strange men into alleyways but the Doctor made you do things you wouldn’t normally do. 

“Wellll, not everyday. Sometimes I just explore. No big dangers. Just travel.”

“That sounds incredible,” Y/N told him, honestly. “How do you do it? I mean, you’d need a ship, right? If you’re traveling through space.” She hadn’t wanted to believe the whole “aliens are real” thing, but she had just helped cure an alien slug disease. 

“That I would. It’s right here,” the Doctor said, tapping the box behind him with what he’d called his screwdriver. 

“That?” Y/N said, looking at the box with a combination of skepticism and interest.

“That’s an old police box or whatever. Not a spaceship.”

“Want to bet?” the Doctor asked, his grin growing. “If I can prove its a spaceship, you’ll go somewhere with me.”

“Where?” Y/N asked, already feeling herself being sucked into his world. 

“Somewhere fantastic.” 

Y/N lost her bet though she didn’t really care that much. The TARDIS was as amazing as everything else about the Doctor. So she went on an adventure with him. And then she went on another one. And another one. And soon she had a key to the TARDIS and a room and she only saw her friends and family on holidays. And that was fine for her. 

They went to an alien party for her birthday. The Doctor had even gotten her a dress. A new one, not one pulled from what seemed to be an endless closet in the TARDIS. It was beautiful and thankfully short enough that she would be able to run if they got into any trouble. They weren’t expecting trouble but you never did get what you expected with the Doctor. 

When she came into the console room in the dress, her hair done to the best of her abilities, Y/N cleared her throat a bit, surprised to find the Doctor wearing a suit. Not his usual pinstripe one, but a black suit. And when he turned around, he was wearing a bowtie. 

For a second the two stared at each other. The Doctor’s jaw fell open for a quick second and he quickly broke into a grin and turned back to the console. Butterflies erupted in Y/N’s stomach and she had no clue why. 

“You look great,” the Doctor said, flipping things on the console. Y/N smiled and went to stand next to him. She liked to watch him drive the TARDIS. 

“You look good too,” she said with a nod. The Doctor glanced over at her and when their eyes locked, their smiles both grew a bit wider. 

The memories were flashing through even faster and now they were almost entirely about the Doctor. Everything about it. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about some new planet or species or flower. The way his hair was always in its odd messed up fashion and how Y/N would occasionally mess it up even more just to tease him. The swooshing of his coat, the movements of his hands, the tone of his voice. All of it was flashing through her eyes. Until it settled on a new memory. One that occurred later the same night as the previous one. 

When she realized what it was, Y/N tried to skip it. To force her brain to think of something else. She’d been so panicked at the thought of some alien something in her head, she hadn’t even thought of this memory. But the more she tried to skip it, the faster it came until they were suddenly there in the moment.

“It’s actually quite amazing how they were able to set this all up so fast,” the Doctor was saying, explaining with his voice and his hands as he often did. He rattled on about something as Y/N listened carefully, nodding and laughing at the right moments. 

She watched him, watched his eyes, his smile, his hands. And the thought just slipped in as quietly as a mouse would. She didn’t even realize it until suddenly it was echoing in her head. 

Wow, I’m in love with you. 

The memory stopped the second her own voice echoed that thought over and over again. And then suddenly there were more memories. Not hers though. But memories of her, from the Doctor. All the same moments, but from his own mind. And they were amazing. 

Y/N had never seen herself as beautiful as she did through the Doctor’s eyes. Her eyes, her hair, her skin, her lips, everything seemed to practically glow with joy and…and love. She saw herself how the Doctor saw her. A fantastic, incredible person who he couldn’t believe he got to travel with. And then she saw the moment she had stepped out into the control room of the TARDIS, in that dress. And a voice echoed throughout her head again. It echoed the same words as before but this time in the Doctor’s voice. 

Wow, I’m in love with you. 

Y/N opened her eyes, practically falling backwards as she felt the Doctor’s fingertips leave her temple. She stared at him, unable to fully process what had just happened. The Doctor…the Doctor knew she loved him. And…and he loved her back. 

The Doctor was staring at her, breathing slightly heavily as if they’d just been running for a bit. He was looking at her carefully, trying to judge her reaction before actually speaking. Y/N wasn’t sure how to react so instead she started with a simple question. 

“Am I alright? My head, I mean,” she said, gesturing to her forehead. The Doctor seemed confused and then remembered the whole reason for the mind reading thing in the first place. 

“Oh, yes. Yes, you’re fine,” he said, nodding. He waited for a bit before saying, “What you saw-”

“I love you.”

The three words hung in the air as Y/N carefully walked towards him, gently taking his hand in hers. 

“I love you,” she said again, wanting him to know that she’d meant it. She had felt the darkness in his mind during those brief moments she’d been there. Not fully felt it, not like he did. But it had been there. The doubt, the darkness, the fear. “I see you and I love you.”

“I love you too Y/N L/N,” the Doctor said with a small smile, pressing a kiss to the knuckles of the hand holding his. “I love you too.”

Tenth Doctor Taglist (If you wish to be added, just let me know) @girl-inthestars

#Tenth Doctor #Tenth Doctor/Reader #Tenth Doctor x Reader #Doctor Who #Memories #Mind Reading #Fluff #Getting Together #Love Confessions

[tillytillytilda]

Another Taylor song fic I thought of that would work really well for the Doctor Who/Taylor song series- coney island 😭 (Ten x reader by the way)

Coney Island - Tenth Doctor/Reader

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: "Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go."

The Doctor and Y/N watch as they slowly drift apart from one another.

Word Count: 3.7K

Break my soul in two

Looking for you but you’re right here

If I can’t relate to you anymore

Then who am I related to?

The Doctor was missing. Not physically. Physically he was right there, right in front of her, flipping switches and buttons on the console. But he wasn't there at all. He hadn’t spoken all day. Or what counted as day to Y/N. 

She sat on the jumpseat, wondering when he was going to say something, anything. She didn’t want to be the one who spoke first, the one who broke him out of the concentration he obviously had. But she would have liked some acknowledgement of her when she walked into the control room of the TARDIS. 

He had been like this for days. When they visited other planets he was fine. He was normal, or as normal as he could be. He laughed, he joked, he saved the day. But once they got back to the TARDIS, he was back to his regular ways of silence. 

The silence almost killed her. Even the TARDIS seems quieter than normal. Whether the Doctor’s strange mood had affected her as well or the machine sensed that it was best to be quiet, she wasn’t sure. What she did know was that the man standing in front of the console was not her boyfriend, not the alien she’d fallen for. And the idea of that scared the crap out of her. 

Not only did she want her boyfriend back. But she needed him back. Y/N had been traveling with the Doctor for so long that their fates were basically intertwined. Their lives were intertwined. So when he was missing like this, she felt as if parts of her were slowly disappearing as well. 

And if this is the long haul

How’d we get here so soon

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you

She didn’t understand how it had happened like this. Y/N had been in hard relationships before. Every relationship reached a hard point at some time. But not so fast. It had only been a few months. Sure, it felt like years. But that was just the way their lives went. Surely, something couldn’t have happened in a few months. Could it?

Y/N brought her legs up on the jumpseat, curling up in on herself. The Doctor didn’t seem to notice. He was still switching things and she had to wonder whether they were actually going somewhere or if he was just using the repetitive motion to distract himself. 

Had she done something wrong? Had she somehow ruined the delicate balance her and the Doctor apparently had? Wracking her brain, Y/N couldn��t think of anything she had done lately. It had all been pretty normal. They’d been a close call a few weeks ago. She’d barely gotten into the TARDIS while being chased by aliens with knives. But she was fine now. 

And besides, he’d seemed okay afterwards. Other than obsessively checking up on her throughout the night. And that behavior was the complete opposite of the one now. She didn’t know what had happened but Y/N had a feeling in her stomach that it was her fault and she hated it.

And I’m sitting on a bench in Coney Island

Wondering where did my baby go

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go

Sorry for not making you my centerfold

So there she was, sitting on the jumpseat, wondering what had happened to the fun relationship she’d know only a little bit ago. And it had truly been fun. Not that you would know much about that by looking at them now. 

Life with the Doctor before had seemed like a never ending carnival. There was always something going on, some new thing to look at, colors that were so bright it was as if you’d never seen them. It was amazing and fast and bright and brilliant. And she was brilliant too. That’s what the Doctor said at least. 

The Doctor gave out compliments like he breathed air. Especially if you were his companion. Everything you said was fantastic, brilliant, amazing, spectacular. If you were his companion, you were basically the most important thing in the world to him. You were everything. At least, it had felt that way. 

It didn’t feel that way now. Maybe it was her fault though. Maybe she should have paid more attention to him. After all, she had gotten a bit distracted with all the planets they were visiting. Maybe he thought that she wasn’t giving him enough attention, enough appreciation for all the wonderful things he had shown her. 

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointment, close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

Y/N closed her eyes, not wanting to look around the TARDIS anymore from fear that she might cry. It was like this pain in her heart over and over again. Every time he moved, she got hopeful that he might look over at her, but then disappointment would flood over her. 

She should just go to her room. Escape the icy atmosphere that surrounded the control room of the TARDIS. But that felt like giving up. Like saying that whatever was between them was too big to cross. So she sat there, wondering what had gone wrong. Wondering what the man who stood only a few feet away was thinking. 

The question pounds my head

Whats a lifetime of achievement

If I pushed you to the edge?

But you were too polite to leave me

The Doctor didn’t know what to do. He usually knew what to do. Usually he had some sort of plan, could come up with some ideas for what to do. But not now. Not with her. He couldn’t even risk glancing over at her. He didn’t want to see her face, see her watching him. Because he could feel her watching him. 

He didn’t even know how it had happened. Well, actually he knew what started it. The day she got hurt. He’d been furious, ready to go back out there and show everyone on that planet why he was called the Oncoming Storm. But he hadn’t. Instead he’d retreated into his own thoughts which was really more dangerous than anything else in the universe. 

The silence was starting to get too much, even for the Doctor. He spared a quick second glance at her, seeing her curled up almost in a ball on the jumpseat, her eyes closed. His hearts felt a pang. What did all the things he had done mean if he has also done this to her? 

She should have left already. Should have packed her bags, left to go find someone who would treat her right. Who wouldn’t be so terrified of losing her, who didn’t get so caught up in his own head and adventures. But she hadn’t. And he didn’t even know if she ever would. He should tell her to leave, but he couldn’t do that. If she wanted to stay, he could never force her out. 

And do you miss the rogue 

Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

Will you forgive my soul

When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?

The Doctor wondered if she missed the person he had been when they met. Every adventure changed him a bit. Every person he couldn’t save, every time he saw the darkness that hid in the cosmos across the world, it darkened him a bit. And he was sure she noticed. He was sure that she noticed how the periods of silence, the periods where memories were too much to speak of, grew more frequent and longer. 

She probably missed who he was. After all, he had smiled more, coaxing her into his world of stars and destruction and comets and death. It had seemed like paradise at first. That’s what she told him one day when they were on a particularly nice looking planet. Traveling with him was paradise. And that’s when he had realized two things. 

One, he never wanted her to stop thinking that. He always wanted her to think of him and his adventures like that. As something full of life and colors and goodness. Two, he wanted her to stay exactly as she was right then. Bright eyed, full of happiness, practically glowing with love for traveling with him. He would give her the world if it meant she would stay like that. 

But she hadn’t. It had been a slow process but eventually she had lost some of that happiness, that glow. And now she was sitting on a jumpseat, curled into a ball. He wondered if one day she might forgive him for everything that had happened? When she was older. That was another thing on his mind. She’d just had a birthday. Another year older. Another reminder that he wouldn’t age, he would just regenerate. And one day, she wouldn’t be there for it. 

Maybe one day she’d forgive him. When she stopped trusting that he knew what was best. When she was old enough to no longer care about what they had. 

‘Cause we were like the mall before the internet

It was the one place to be

The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dream

Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

Before all of this, before the birthday and the injury, the Doctor and his companion had been a sight to see. Always laughing, always holding hands or touching in some way, always happy. They would tease each other with loving comments, the adoration in their eyes plain to anyone who saw them. 

At one point, when they’d visited an alien colony that could not be described by any word other than suburban, Y/N had even joked about settling down one day. And for once, the Doctor hadn’t immediately laughed the idea away. He’d just smiled and gave a bit of a ‘maybe’ nod before pulling her away. And while it might not seem like much. It had been enough. 

But that had faded. There was just silence as two individuals sat in the TARDIS, thinking about what-ifs and could-have-beens. 

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointments, close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

The sun was setting. Both literally and metaphorically. The Doctor had them stationed over Earth, over London specifically with the sun setting. And the sun was setting on them. On the two of them. They could both feel it. Feel the cold of it set in. 

The Doctor had no more switches to press, so he stood there, staring at the console. It was weird to just stand still for him. But he didn’t have anything else to do. He felt lost. No idea what to do though he knew that whatever he did would end in disappointment. How could it not in the situation they were in?

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to imagine that he was somewhere else. Somewhere warm with Y/N beside him. And she was smiling and laughing and her eyes glowed with love. And it was perfect. Then she shifted on the jumpseat and the imagination ended, leaving him with a cold feeling of loss. 

Were you waiting at our old spot

In the tree line

By the gold clock

Did I leave you hanging every single day?

Y/N was in London and she wasn’t quite sure what to feel. She had taken a break from traveling with the Doctor though not from the Doctor. At least, she was pretty sure not from the Doctor. She’d told him something about wanting to connect to her family, about needing to reground herself before traveling again. And he’d bought it. Or at least pretended to buy. He’d taken her home, kissed her on the cheek, and promised to write.

And he did. Sometimes the letters were later than he promised which was odd for someone with a time machine, but they arrived. They made plans sometimes though most of the time those got canceled by one of them for some reason. 

And sometimes she just didn’t show up. One time they had arranged to meet at their old spot, the place where they had first met. It was a nice spot. It was very pretty which is why she’d been there the day a man with a long coat hopped out of a police box. And she had gone to the spot. Seen the golden clock near the spot and the man with dark hair and a long coat standing near it. 

And then she’d walked away. She didn’t even know why. But she’d just walked away. Maybe it was too much. To suddenly see him, be near him. It happened more frequently after that. She would miss things and then write or call him explaining why. And he took the explanations, but he didn’t believe them. She knew that much. 

Were you standing in the hallway

With a big cake, happy birthday

Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey?

A universe away

It was her birthday and the Doctor was a universe away. Literally. He had taken the TARDIS far far away from Earth. As far as he could go really. It had been a bad decision. A terrible one, really. Even if she had been missing their meetings on purpose. (When had he started referring to them as meetings and not as dates?)

But he couldn’t stand it. Any of it. He couldn’t stand the thought of standing there with her friends and family, watching her blow out those candles that meant she was another year older. Another year farther away from him. Her birthday was already painful enough without the added distance between them. 

His phone was ringing. He didn’t usually carry a phone. He actually usually forgot it was there. Until it rang that was. And he knew who it was. There was only one person who would be calling him and especially today. He didn’t answer it. No, the Doctor put the phone back in his pocket. 

He wondered where she was. Was she standing in the hallway of that small flat she’d gotten? With one of those big birthday cakes? The kind with the vanilla frosting that was colored red? That was her favorite. Maybe she didn’t care about that though.

The Doctor didn’t know what she cared about. He didn’t even know if he made the list. If he didn’t, that was probably his fault. He’d been the one to start pushing her away. It was his fault if she was upset. And honestly he should be happy she still writes him. Still makes promises of returning to travel with him. As if she hadn’t taken everything she owned off the TARDIS. That’s not what you did on a break. 

And when I got into the accident

The sight that flashed before me was your face

The Doctor had almost died. He was still catching his breath on the TARDIS. There had been a gun pointed at his head and if it hadn’t been for a very very lucky twist of his arm to grab his sonic screwdriver, he probably would have been toast. Well, he would have regenerated, but still, this version of him would have been toast. 

The one thing that he had thought of though hadn’t been the TARDIS, or the friends he’d made in all his adventures, or the people he’d saved. It had been her. Her beautiful smiling face as she laughed at something he said. That had been what he thought about when he almost died. And for some reason, it surprised him. 

It shouldn’t surprise him. They were together, right? And he loved her. But somehow it had surprised him. Because his last letter had gone unanswered for so long. Because he hadn’t heard from her since the birthday fiasco. Or he assumed it was a fiasco. He’d heard from her best friend though. Heard that she had apparently written a science fiction novel about traveling the universe. That had made him smile.

His hand was at his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his two hearts. There was going to be some sort of event for the book. He should go. He had to go. He had to see her. Just this once. Maybe just this last time. 

But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

“There are just so many people I’d like to thank,” Y/N said, grinning ear to ear as she looked over the crowd. She hadn’t expected people to actually care about the book that had come from her diary of traveling. But they did. And so here she was, giving a speech about it. 

The book was not a love story. There was no romance whatsoever. Something that many people had applauded, believing she was taking a stand against the way so many novels would focus on romance above all else. They didn’t know the real reason and she didn’t want to tell them. 

“My family and friends are all such amazing people who have been by me every step of the way. But most importantly, I’d like to thank-” Y/N said, scanning the room. There was movement in the back of the room that drew her eyes. And right as she was about to mention the last person she wanted to thank, the person she could thank because he wasn’t even here, he walked in. 

The room was dark and he was far away but she knew who it was. It was unmistakable. And all the breath left her lungs. She had been going to thank him, but because it felt like the ending. Like thanking him to a crowd of strangers for a book he didn’t know existed was the final nail in the coffin. But here he was, staring right at her. 

“Sorry,” she said, realizing she’d been staring off into space. “I just lost my train of thought. But thank you.” 

And she walked off stage. 

I’m on a bench in Coney Island

Wondering where did my baby go?

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go

Sorry for not making you my centerfold

He cornered her outside. She’d been trying to leave quickly but she hadn’t been fast enough. The Doctor grabbed her hand, forcing her to turn around and look at him. She wasn’t crying, not yet. But she felt like it was getting close. 

“What do you want?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the book?”

“Why didn’t you come to my birthday party?”

“Well why did you keep missing our dates?” 

There were so many questions, all of which had the same answer. So the two stood there, staring at each other. So many answers laid in their eyes. 

“Where’d you go?” Y/N asked softly.

“I was traveling near this one system-”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

There was more silence before Y/N let out a watery laugh, the sort of laugh you make when you don’t know what else to say. She swiped at her eyes as the Doctor’s hand went out to wipe away her tears before thinking about it too much and just putting it down. 

“What happened to us?” Y/N asked him. “I mean, there isn’t an us, is there?”

“No, I don’t think there is.”

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointments, close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

“We can’t keep doing this over and over again,” Y/N said, taking a deep breath. “I thought I was lost without you, but I’m here. I’m okay. And…you’re okay without me, right?”

“Yeah, I-I am,” the Doctor said. There was a tug of disappointment in her heart. Part of her had wanted him to tell her that he missed her so much and he needed her to come back. But that wasn’t the truth. And the larger part of her had known that. 

She shivered a bit, glancing over at the setting sun. This was it. 

When the sun goes down

The sight that flashed before me was your face

When the sun goes down

But I think that I forgot to say your name

Over and over

Sorry for not making you my, making you my

Making you my centerfold

“I got into a bit of trouble,” the Doctor said, which made Y/N laugh a tiny bit. 

“Trouble? You?” she said in a teasing sort of tone that was so close to what they’d had before. The Doctor laughed as well, a bit of his usual light coming back into his eyes. 

“I know, but it was some bad trouble. Almost got me,” he said and because he could see the concern enter her face, he quickly added, “I’m okay.” He paused for a second, mulling over the words in his mind. “When it happened, when I thought I might…you know, I just thought about you. You just flashed into my head.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say about that, so she shared a secret of her own.

“I meant to say your name,” she nodded back at the building where the event took place. “You were the most important person I wanted to thank.”

“I’m honored,” the Doctor told her with a small smile though that quickly faded. “I’m sorry for not paying as much attention to you as I should have. For drawing back from you and everything. For not showing up to your birthday.”

There was more silence as Y/N wiped away more tears. The Doctor wanted to hug her. He didn’t. 

“I’m sorry too. For missing the dates on purpose. For…for everything,” she said. Her family was waving to her from across the street. They were still waiting for her to get some dinner. “I have to go.”

“Yes, of course,” the Doctor said with a nod. He held out a copy of her book. He must have picked it up at some point. “Sign it for me?”

Y/N smiled softly, a bit of a gentle glow in her eyes as she nodded, scrawling her name with a bit more care than usual. Then, before she could overthink it, just as she was handing it back to him, she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. 

“Goodbye Doctor,” she said before walking across the street and out of his life.

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#tenth doctor x reader #Tenth Doctor/Reader #Doctor Who #Tenth Doctor #Angst #Based on a Taylor Swift song #Request #Request are Open

[tillytillytilda]

Hey! I love your work and was wondering if you could write a fluffy one shot with the 10th doctor and a female or gender neutral reader who are dating! I love fluff and need more of it in my life! Keep up the great work!!

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: A visit to a planet with a pecuilar summer rain leads to a sweet moment between the Doctor and his companion.

Word Count: 1.2K

A/N: I always loved the idea of dancing in the rain so I hope you enjoy my best attempt at a fluffy one-shot. My expertise defitnely lies more with angst.

The rain was green and it was staining her face.

Y/N looked up at the clouds, enjoying the feel of the warm rain against her face. It felt like regular rain but she could already see spots of green on her face and clothes as it stained the area it touched. The Doctor had assured her that it wouldn’t hurt her though and that the stains would come out with just a touch of regular Earth water. So she stood in the rain. 

Apparently the rain here would change taste to reflect the season and color to show the emotions of the planet. Not the people of the planet, but the planet itself. And the green rain meant happy, ecstatic, which wasn’t really a surprise considering the entire planet and all its people had just been saved by the Doctor. 

It was a summer rain and Y/N had always thought those were the best ones. They were usually warmer than a usual rain, but still cold enough to cool you off from the intense heat. Not that this planet was very hot, but still. Y/N had always loved summer rain and summer in general. Summer had always been the time of freedom, the time to do whatever you like 

Traveling with the Doctor was like an eternal summer. Sure, there was work to do like saving galaxies and plants of people, but that didn’t feel like work. It was an adventure with the man, well alien, that she loved more than anything. So it was perfect. It was like endless summer and it was glorious.

“That’s where you wandered off to,” came a familiar voice that caused Y/N to turn with a grin. 

The Doctor had been busy talking to all the people of the planet underneath the giant canopies they’d set up to protect themselves from the rain. And while Y/N had listened to and spoken to them as much as she could, she often found that wandering off led to much more exciting and interesting things. Not that she ever went too far. She had traveled with the Doctor for long enough to know to never go too far. 

“I wanted to feel the rain,” she told him, twirling a bit. He was hiding underneath a large purple tree causing just small spots of green to appear sporadically on his face and coat. It was nothing like the way she was almost covered. 

“Interesting fact about the summer rain of this planet, it tastes like strawberries,” the Doctor said, grinning a bit. 

Y/N licked her lips, surprised to find that he was actually correct. Not that it was a rare occurrence, but still even after all this time, she still found the insanity of other planets surprising. She held out a hand for him to come join her, gesturing excitedly. 

“Come dance with me,” she called out, a wide and almost shining grin on her face. The Doctor was smiling, but he shook his head. 

“There’s no music,” he said though just as he spoke, a band started up back at the celebration and the wind carried the song all the way to the pair. Y/N’s eyes lit up excitedly once she heard the music, gesturing even more now for him to come and join her. 

The Doctor left his spot leaning against the tree, barely reacting when he stepped out from under the cover of the leaves to get hit in the face with rain. He soon stood in front of Y/N, looking down at her with a small, loving smile. 

She looked up at him, admiring his face and hair, even if it was slowly turning green. The rain made his hair fall flat against his forehead so she put a hand up to slowly push the bangs out of the way of his eyes, a gesture that made his smile grow even more. Y/N blushed a bit, something she still didn whenever he looked at her like that despite the fact that they were together and had been for a while. 

“Dance with me,” she requested again, her tone softer this time. She saw the hesitation in his face before he softly sighed. 

“Just once and only for you,” he told her to which Y/N’s smile brightened. The Doctor couldn’t help but smile as well. 

His one arm went around her waist while the other one gently grasped her hand. Her free hand went to his shoulder, laughing a bit at how stiff they were. Soon though, the couple relaxed just by looking at each other. The music was playing softly in the background as the two swayed a bit, not really caring about whether or not they were dancing well. 

“Green is really your color,” the Doctor said as he pulled her closer, both his hands going to her waist. Both Y/N’s hands went to his shoulders. 

“You said that about purple when I fell in that lake a few weeks ago,” Y/N said with a small chuckle. The Doctor shrugged a bit, a smile that could only be described as lovesick on his face. 

“It is my fault every color is your color?” he asked, causing Y/N to laugh even more. 

“You are an absolute flirt,” she told him with a nod. “The worst flirt I’ve ever met.”

“Come off it, you’ve met Jack, haven’t you?” the Doctor said. “And don’t you mean the best flirt?”

“I certainly do not,” Y/N said though she certainly did and they both knew it. 

The two stayed there, swaying in the rain even after they were both thoroughly stained green, the music was over, and the rain had died down to a little more than a drizzle. The people of the planet had come to look for them though all of them had soon left about seeing what seemed to be an intimate moment between the Doctor and his companion. 

“We should be off soon,” the Doctor whispered, scared to break this moment but also knowing that they couldn’t stay here forever. 

“You’re right,” Y/N said with a small sigh. She reached up to gently bring her lips to the Doctor’s though. 

The kiss first and foremost tastes like strawberries. It was sweet and gentle and it reminded her of summer. Of running through the grass in bare feet, finding hidden gems in ponds and streams, of endless days and nights of adventures. That was what kissing the Doctor felt like. It’s what loving the Doctor felt like. Endless adventures. And she loved it. 

Her hand went up to caress his cheek as the two slowly pulled away from each other, mostly because if they didn’t, they’d end up standing there all day. They didn’t pull away much though, just enough to rest their foreheads together. Both of them were smiling like idiots. 

“I really like summer rain,” Y/N said with a bit of a giggle. The Doctor laughed as well, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. 

“Me too,” he told her. “Off we go though. Ready for another adventure?” 

“With you?” Y/N said, taking his hand in hers. “Always.”

So the Doctor grabbed her hand, dragging her along back to the TARDIS. Not that that was the last they saw of that planet. The two returned about every year or so. Time was tricky in the TARIDS. But they would return when the summer rain did and the people would strike up the band and the Doctor and his companion would laugh and dance. And everything was perfect in the summer rain. 

Tag List: (If you wish to be tagged in all oneshots or just Tenth Doctor oneshots, let me know)

@girl-inthestars

#Tenth Doctor #Doctor Who #Tenth Doctor x Reader #Tenth Doctor/Reader #Fluff #Dancing in the Rain #Summer Rain

[tillytillytilda]

Morning Sick (Ninth Doctor x Reader) & Baby Names (Tenth Doctor x Reader) - Request

Pair: Ninth Doctor/Reader & Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: A look into a first time pregnancy with both the Ninth and Tenth Doctors.

Word Count: 1.2K

A/N: This was a challenge to write since I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy being 18 and having no interest in it but I hope the requester enjoys it!

Morning Sickness - Ninth Doctor

Y/N had gone through probably hundreds of adventures with the Doctor, had seen far off planets, met amazing aliens. She’d fought space pirates, saved an entire race all by herself, even become a godlike figure in one instance. But the thing that took her down was morning sickness. Because of course it was. 

For what seemed like the fourth day in a row, she had woken up and immediately rushed to the toilet to empty the contents of her stomach. It was a rather unpleasant experience though not the most unpleasant she’d ever had. Just like every other day, she felt the Doctor come up behind her, probably having heard the sounds of her retching from the control room. 

“Again?” he asked, his tone sympathetic and Y/N was thankful he hadn’t taken to giving her one of his usual sassy remarks that he seemed to have an endless supply of. 

“This is your fault,” Y/N managed to get out in between bits of throwing up. That made him chuckle a bit as he knelt down behind her and gently held her hair out of the way. 

“Now how do you reckon that?” he asked her, using his other hand to gently comb any tangles that might have found their way into her hair. 

“Well last time I checked, I’m only like this because of you,” Y/N told him, believing that she had finally finished throwing up. Or at least was done enough that she could properly talk. 

The Doctor helped her up off the floor and helped her change into new, not sweat soaked clothes and got her back into bed. She tried to insist that really she was okay and she could go to whatever planet he wanted if he just gave her a few minutes but the Doctor wasn’t going to hear it. 

“If you’re like this because of me, then it’s only fair that I make sure you’re okay,” he told her with a bit of a grin. He could probably see from the cold sweat covering her face and the paleness of her skin that she was definitely not okay. “Besides, we’ve been needing a quiet day.”

So he got into bed with her, gently pulling her towards him. He’d taken off his usual leather jacket leaving him in just the regular grey t-shirt he wore everyday. As much as she liked the jacket, Y/N found she liked him even better like this. He seemed so much more vulnerable and the fact that he was okay being like that in front of her meant the world. 

The two quickly found a comfortable position with her head resting on his chest. His hand rested on her stomach where a noticeable bump had taken place. Y/N had taken to getting new clothes whenever they went out, preferring the larger fashions that hid the bump. After all, the Doctor had acquired a few enemies and she didn’t want them to know that his wife was pregnant. 

“Did you feel that?” Y/N asked him suddenly, sitting up a bit as her hand rested next to his on her stomach. The Doctor looked up at her, his wide eyes revealing that he had definitely felt that.

“That was a kick!” he said, both hands going to her stomach now, one of them covering hers. The two waited silently for another kick though they didn’t have to wait long as a few seconds later, there it was. 

“Feels like a fighter already,” Y/N said with a smile. The child would have to be if he was the child of the Doctor. “We should really get working on the nursery.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” the Doctor said, waving off her comment. “The TARDIS will fix that up for us.” The TARDIS seemed to hum in agreement which just made Y/N smile. 

There were lots of things for them to worry about. The name, the gender, the fact that their chosen “career” if you could call it that was having adventures throughout time and space, but at least right then, the baby was kicking, she was throwing up, and the two of them were together.

Baby Names - Tenth Doctor

“We’re not naming him Alonzo.”

“Why nooot?”

Sometimes Y/N felt like she already had a child. This was one of those times. The Doctor was currently looking at diapers while she looked at baby formula all while they tried to pick out baby names. And once the Doctor had thought of Alonzo, he was not letting go. 

“And what if it’s a girl and don’t say-”

“Alonza.”

“Don’t say that, that’s exactly what you shouldn’t say.”

The name discussion had been going on for almost the entire time they’d been at the store. The Doctor had wanted to go to some alien baby store he’d heard about on some planet galaxies away and three thousand years in the future, but Y/N had insisted on a human one, her time. For the first few trips at least she had told him. 

“Whenever we leave I could Allonsy, Alonzo!” the Doctor was saying as he grabbed practically every brand of diapers there was. “Just think about it.”

“I have and that’s why I’m saying no,” Y/N said with a small chuckle. She was actually upset which he knew very well. She actually thought the idea of it was adorable. She just didn’t want to know her child after a singular adorable idea. 

Their discussion continued into the baby foods aisle where an older worker smiled at them softly. Her smile seemed to get a bit concerned when she saw just how many things were in their cart. The Doctor had a habit of just getting everything since to him, money didn’t tend to often be an object. 

“First time parents?” she asked them to which Y/N nodded with a bit of an embarrassed smile. 

“Thinking of names yet?” the woman asked. 

“Actually we’re probably going to go with Alon-”

“We’re still thinking,” Y/N interrupted, sending her husband a look. 

The woman laughed again before helping them to actually sort out what they needed. Apparently the thirty boxes of diapers the Doctor had grabbed would be a bit too much as would the twenty something pairs of baby shoes. The two soon to be parents listened closely, the Doctor’s hand holding Y/N’s. 

“Have you baby proofed your home yet?” the woman asked to which the two exchanged a look. 

“Welllll, not entirely,” the Doctor said, images of all the ways a child could hurt themselves in the TARDIS flashing through his mind. Not that the TARDIS wouldn’t try her best to make sure that nothing happened to them but accidents did happen. 

“Then that will be one of your first steps,” the woman told them as she set the final thing in their cart. 

“Thank you so much,” Y/N said earnestly, a hand going to her stomach as it often did. “We really were just a bit clueless.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” the woman said with a small laugh. “It’s nice to see such a young couple having fun.”

The Doctor and Y/N followed her to the checkout where the woman asked them questions that the two tried to answer as vaguely as possible. They tried not to lie whenever they could but questions like, what do you do for a living was rather hard to answer. They seemed just about to leave when the Doctor snapped his fingers as if he’d suddenly remembered something. 

“What do you think-”

“Please don’t do this-”

“Darling, just let me ask. What do you think of the name, Alonzo?”

#fluff #Doctor Who #Ninth Doctor/Reader #TenthDoctor/Reader #Pregnant Reader

[tillytillytilda]

Oh Should’ve read the Post… Um same request but with 9 and 10

- Simp Anon

You're all good! I'll get working on those for you then!

[tillytillytilda]

12th, 4th or 7th doctor x Pregnant!Wife! reader

Hi, so unfortunately as of right now I can only write for character who are in the first three seasons of the 2005 series. I’m really sorry but I haven’t watched 12, 4, or 7 at all yet.

[tillytillytilda]

Hoax - Tenth Doctor/Reader - Request

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: Despite the occasional lows of a relationship with the Doctor, Y/N wouldn't have it any other way.

Warnings: Mention of a stabbing as well as descriptions of blood

Word Count: 3.8K

A/N: This was my first request so I was pretty nervous. This was definitely a difficult song to work with but I actually ended up liking it a lot. If you wanna request a fic, I'm always open and I'll be posting a complete list of characters you can request soon.

Request for: @fandomsarefamily1966

My only one

My smoking gun

“Doctor?” Y/N’s voice sounded throughout the empty TARDIS as she searched for her boyfriend. Boyfriend sounded like such an odd word for him. It seemed so normal and human for what he was, for the amazing, eccentric alien man he was. And it didn’t quite seem to sum up all she felt for him. But at the same time, calling him her soulmate all the time seemed even odder and a bit dumb so she settled for boyfriend. She had never thought she could feel this way before. But the evidence of her feelings was hidden inside the missing man she was searching for.

Sometimes the Doctor would disappear for long periods of time. Y/N often wondered whether he was actually in the TARDIS or whether he had gone off on an adventure without her. She preferred to just pretend that he was just somewhere in the maze she called a home. It was too much to imagine him just going off without her though she supposed he probably did whenever her human body forced her to sleep. So she tried not to sleep much.

It was a hard life, but she didn’t think she could live any other one. The reasoning and evidence for why was in the man she was currently trying to find. The Doctor. She couldn’t imagine living without him. He was the only one for her.

Which is why she was relieved when she eventually found him in the library, half dozing off with a book in his hand. Apparently even Time Lords could get a little sleepy. She hid a bit of a smile as she gently took the book from him and grabbed a blanket to put over him.

My eclipsed sun

This has broken me down

Y/N stood slightly behind the Doctor as everyone rushed up to greet him. It didn’t matter that she had also helped to save them, that she had been running alongside him and risking her life as well. Because he was the Doctor.

She tried not to let it bother her especially as she looked at his face, at the happy and proud smile he wore. That smile alone was worth stepping back and letting him eclipse her. Even if she didn’t even really need to step back to do that. Y/N was sure that she could be trying her absolute hardest to shine brighter than him and he would still win. Because that’s who he was. He just naturally shone brighter than everyone else in the room.

So Y/N smiled at the aliens who approached them. She answered the questions people had about the Doctor. And she ignored the amount of times people told her how different she was from the Doctor’s last companion. She didn’t want a reminder that she was not the last person he’d traveled with and she would not be the last.

“You alright?” the Doctor murmured to her during a few second reprieve. Y/N looked up at him, meeting his warm brown eyes and smiled a smile that was only slightly faked.

“Never better,” she answered.

My twisted knife

My sleepless night

The knife was twisted deep into her gut and for a second, Y/N couldn’t breathe. It was like all the breath had been sucked out of her. She looked down though it didn’t feel like she was looking down. It was like watching a movie from someone else’s eyes. All she could see was dark red. Dark red blood staining her shirt, staining her hands. She could feel the pain. It wasn’t a dull pain either but harsh and biting. Her breathing was quickening as a hand went to the knife, to try and pull it out.

“It’s okay, don’t do that,” said a voice that seemed far off. A hand appeared on hers and gently guided her hand down. “It’s okay. I have you. I got you.”

The voice was familiar and as her head slowly looked up, she saw him. The Doctor was staring at her, trying to be calm and collected. But Y/N could see that look in his eyes. The look of a man who was going to kill every last being on this ship the second she was okay. And that look almost discounted any positive, kind, caring, and comforting thing he was saying.

Her body was going into shock as her breathing kept getting faster and faster, unable to think about anything other than the fact that there was a knife in her and her boyfriend didn’t want her to take it out. She was panicking now. Tears were flooding out of her eyes as she tried to catch her breath, tried to say something, anything.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. Wake up. Wake up.”

Wake up? But she was awake. She was awake and dying. What was he talking about-

Y/N jolted awake with a gasp, sitting up almost instantly. She could feel a hand on her back as she glanced to her right. The Doctor was sitting up next to her. The memories flooded back now. She was alive. The Doctor had patched her up. That incident had been almost two months ago. But still, the feeling of having a knife in her stayed, just like the scar.

“Are you alright?” the Doctor asked, concern flooding his features. Y/N stared at him for a few seconds, a hand going up to dry her own tears. She swallowed the lump in her throat before nodding.

What else could she do? She couldn’t tell him what the nightmare was about. She didn’t want to see that look on his face, the look of shame and guilt. She didn’t want him to pull away again. So she just nodded, forced a smile and remembered a time before when she had told him nothing would happen to her.

My winless fight

This has frozen my ground

They argued again. Y/N couldn’t remember why. It was probably a dumb thing. Some dumb thing she’d done or hadn’t done and now they were arguing about it. She hated it when they argued. It always created an icy atmosphere in the TARDIS that lasted for hours. At the moment, they were two hours in and Y/N was already regretting whatever it was she had done to start the argument.

She hated the icy cold silence that followed a fight. Usually she would go to her room to avoid it but right now she had decided to stick it out, to see if maybe being in the room would make it go past quicker.

The Doctor was fixing something in the TARDIS. He had probably explained it before and she had forgotten since he tended to explain a lot of things she didn’t understand. So there he was, laying on his back underneath the controls, doing something with his screwdriver as she sat on one of the few chairs available in the control room.

The silence would probably continue for a few more hours. Until eventually he would get up and just ask her if she wanted to go somewhere. And instead of insisting on talking about whatever had started the fight, she would say yes. Because he was looking at her with that look, that warm doey eyed look and she couldn’t say no to that.

Stood on the cliffside screaming, “Give me a reason”

Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in

Sometimes Y/N wasn’t sure whether the blind faith she had in the Doctor was enough. It wasn’t often. Most of the time she was completely and totally sure of the Doctor. He knew practically everything. He knew more than she did about it all at least. And she knew that was enough. That he was enough.

But sometimes there were quiet moments where she was basically begging for something to give her another reason to follow this man everywhere. Some reason other than the love she had for him. The love she hoped he had for her just as strong.

She loved him with everything she was. She didn’t think she’d ever love someone this much. But she knew the Doctor had loved others, maybe just as much as he loved her. Maybe more. And she knew that he would love others after she was gone. He would be heartbroken for a little bit, she hoped selflessly, but he would move on. He was the Doctor. He was this huge insurmountable force. You don’t expect someone like that to love you with everything they have.

Still, she believed in him and the love she had for him. It was one of the only things she believed in. And so most of the time, her blind faith in the Doctor was enough.

There were times though when she thought that he didn’t think she was enough. When he would get this look in his eye, like he was somewhere else. Like his mind had left his body and wandered away from her.

Don’t want no other shade of blue but you

No other sadness in the world will do

The Doctor hadn’t slept in over a month. And while she knew he didn’t need it like she did, Y/N was nervous. Usually he would join her in bed if just to hold her while she slept. But he hadn’t been doing that either. No, instead he’d been spending hours just in the control room, staring off into the distance. And Y/N wondered what kind of things he must be thinking of. What kind of thoughts he snapped himself out of when he saw she was up and ready to go on the next adventure. So the next time she saw him like that as she came out of a rather lonely bit of sleep, Y/N quietly approached him, resting a hand on his arm.

He jumped a bit and was probably about to launch into some speech or other about their next location when Y/N brought a hand up to his face, forcing him to look at her and not anywhere else. His eyes refused to meet hers though

“Where do you go when you’re not here?” Y/N asked him quietly, wanting him to understand that this was a serious thing, not something he could just brush off because he didn’t want to deal with it. “And I don’t mean physically before you make some sort of remark,” she added as his mouth opened to speak.

The Doctor was silent for a few seconds and Y/N felt as if he was going, going off to that place that caused the great big sadness in his eyes. She waited patiently, a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Gallifrey,” the Doctor said quietly. “I think about it. And I think about people I’ve traveled with in the past. Everything that’s happened to them. Everything I do to them.” He finally met her gaze. “And then I think about what might happen to you.”

My best laid plan

Your sleight of hand

They had been about to die. And Y/N had come up with a plan. She was going to be the one to save them. Not that it mattered though it kinda did to her. But she was going to save them. But then the Doctor had done something, hidden something up his sleeve or something. And suddenly he had saved them. He had saved everyone. They were back in the TARDIS now and Y/N was leaning against one of the railings, staring at the Doctor with annoyance.

“What is it?” the Doctor asked her as he flipped a switch on the controls. “What’s wrong? You’ve had that look on your face.”

Y/N wasn’t going to say anything. She wasn’t going to say a word. Because it didn’t matter. They were alive. The planet they’d just been on was alive. Everything was good. Perfectly good. But still, it bothered her which was why, trying not to sound like a child, she said,

“My plan could have worked.”

The Doctor looked back at her, confusion on his face before it slowly lifted away as he realized what she meant. He chuckled a bit as if she’d told a mildly amusing joke.

“You’re upset by that, are you?” he asked, glancing back again. When he saw Y/N’s eyebrows furrow together in confusion at his amusement though, his smile dropped. “You are upset by that.”

“It’s just,” Y/N started, realizing that this was starting something she wasn’t sure she could finish. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just…it could have worked.”

She could have pushed it harder. Made him admit that he liked to be the one to save the day. But she didn’t. She just gave him a small smile and kissed him on the cheek softly making him think it had been a temporary annoyance and not something that had been brewing under her for a while.

My barren land

I am ash from your fire

Sometimes Y/N felt like everything she was came from the Doctor and in a way it had. After all, traveling with the Doctor changed a person. It changed who you were. It depended on the adventures you went on, but it always changed you. And personally, Y/N felt she was better off for it.

It changed you to have someone constantly calling you brilliant or amazing or fantastic or any of the other dozens of one-word compliments the Doctor would call her right before he launched into an explanation on why her comment had been so brilliant. It changed you to see all the things you did, to know that you were not the only planet with life, not by a long run.

Loving the Doctor changed you even more. Sometimes though it felt as if she was just the ash that came from the fire of the Doctor. She had been nothing before and now she was what was left when the Doctor burned brightly. She was the remnants of his brilliant, selfless, dynamic, goofy, troubled self. She was the parts left over. Because that’s what she did. She tried to take all of it, all his troubles onto herself to avoid him the pain.

Because she loved it when he complimented her. She loved the things she saw and did, the people she met. She loved loving him and being loved by him.

Stood on the cliffside screaming, “Give me a reason”

Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” Y/N said quietly, looking in his deep sad brown eyes and feeling as if her heart was going to be wrenched out of her chest by the look in them. “I’ve got you and I believe in you.”

“I’ve given you no reason to,” the Doctor said, his voice hoarse like it always got when he was upset. “Absolutely no reason to.”

“I believe in you anyway,” Y/N told him, pressing a kiss to his forehead before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I will always believe in you. It’s the only thing I do believe in.”

Don’t want no other shade of blue but you

No other sadness in the world will do

“Why?” the Doctor asked her, eyes looking for an answer. “You’ve heard the things I’ve done, the people I have hurt.”

“You did that for a reason,” Y/N insisted, not willing to believe for a second that he could get anything less than perfectly amazing. “You have saved so many people. And I don’t care what else there is to it.”

There was silence for a few seconds as the Doctor once again looked away from her. Y/N didn’t force him to look back. She just studied him, studied the way his luster, his fire seemed to be almost gone. The way he seem almost despondent. It broke her. It broke her more than anything ever had. And for a second she wondered whether this was worth it. If letting a person have this much control over her was worth it. But it was him. So of course it was.

“You could be with someone else,” the Doctor said, his voice cracking a bit. “Someone safer. Someone who’s not so sad and broken.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Y/N told him, shaking her head. “I want you. I don’t care about how sad you are. No other sadness in the world will do for me. I just want you.”

You know I left part of me back in New York

You knew the hero died so what’s the movie for?

Y/N’s gasping breath and hand clutching her heart clued her into what was happening. The Doctor’s pained look probably would have helped too but she tried not to look at him. Another nightmare, worse than all the others though. She frantically pulled the blanket aside, eyes going down to check her stomach, to make sure all that was there was the old t-shirt she slept in and not a blood stain.

“Again?” the Doctor’s quiet voice said. He was in his suit meaning he had probably just been poking his head in to check if she was awake when he had seen her thrashing around in her sleep. At least that’s what she assumed. She was so out of it she couldn’t even remember if she’d gone to sleep with him holding her. Then the argument came back. No, he definitely had not.

Y/N just nodded her head, still gasping for air. Sometimes it felt like she had left a part of her in New York, on that adventure that had almost killed her. And during the nightmares it felt like that piece was calling out to her, screaming for her to come back. She couldn’t get over it. Couldn’t stop feeling that dagger going into her gut again and again and again.

You know it still hurts underneath my scars

From when they pulled me apart

“You didn’t have to worry! I would have kept you safe,” the Doctor was saying, throwing his hands in the air. Then his hands went back to the console. Like they always did whenever the two argued. Like pushing buttons and turning knobs calmed him somehow. Like it kept the storm that lurked beneath his skin underwraps.

“Like you kept me safe in New York?” Y/N fired back before she could even think of it. The Doctor, a man usually so full of energy was still. His hands weren’t moving. He looked like he was barely breathing. And Y/N had never regretted saying anything so much. “I’m sorry. I didn’t-I didn’t mean that.”

She did, a bit. She could still feel it sometimes. The phantom pain of being stabbed and having a knife twisted in her gut. She did mean it. But she shouldn’t have said it. Shouldn’t have added to that sadness the Doctor carried with him.

You knew the password so I let you in the door

You knew you won so what’s the point of keeping score?

“If you had actually listened to me during New York, that wouldn’t have happened,” the Doctor said, turning around and Y/N could see the sadness in his eyes, yes. But there was also anger. “But you just had to run off.”

“You always run off without me. Why is it any different?” Y/N argued back though there was no real bite behind her words.

“Because you are human! You can be hurt,” the Doctor said, running a hand through his hair. There were a few beats of silence between them. She didn’t know why he was still arguing. He had won whatever this argument was. She was done. That was obvious.

But what you did was just as dark

Darling, this was just as hard

As when they pulled me apart

And then,

“Rose would have listened.”

The words felt like getting stabbed all over again.

Y/N had never met the infamous Rose, but she knew the Doctor had cared for her, probably loved her. She knew that it had never been a thing, not like they were a thing. But still, she often wondered whether she was just a replacement, a person to fill the Rose shaped gap in his life. She told herself that no, she was being dumb. But she couldn’t help but compare herself to the mysterious Rose.

And being compared to Rose by the Doctor…

She turned and left. She’d never done that before. Y/N had never left an argument unfinished but she did now. She fled down the hall, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She was going to sleep. She was going to sleep and going to hope that it was all a nightmare. That this was a terrible nightmare derived from her worst fears.

My only one

My kingdom come undone

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said quietly, sitting on the edge of her bed. Y/N heard him though she wasn’t sure whether she had recovered from her nightmare enough to respond. “I shouldn’t have said that. Or compared you to Rose. I am so sorry.”

Y/N looked up at him and she could tell he meant it. The anger was gone. There was only sadness, the deep kind that threatened to engulf everything. She held her arms out to him and soon he was holding her against his chest.

My broken drum

You have beaten my heart

They were quiet and for a few seconds all she could hear were his hearts, pounding in a steady rhythm. Her own heartbeat was scattered and crazed as she tried to calm her breathing. It was easier to do when listening to his heartbeat.

“You deserve better,” he murmured softly, causing her to lift her head from his chest to look up at him. “You deserve better than me.”

“There is no better,” she told him quietly, smiling softly in an attempt to get him to lighten up a bit.

Don’t want no other shade of blue but you

No other sadness in the world will do

“I don’t want anyone else but you,” Y/N told him, looking up at him. “I don’t care if we fight or if you’re sad sometimes. I want you. I believe in you and what we have. Forever.”

For a second the Doctor got that far away look in his eyes, like that word had some sort of secret meaning she didn’t know. But then he was back and looking at her with some sadness but some happiness and relief too.

“I love you,” he told her, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you too,” she said quietly, slowly bringing her lips to his in a soft and simple kiss.

They stayed like that for a while. Him holding her, occasional soft and sweet kisses. But mostly just sitting there. Together.

Tag List

@girl-inthestars

Let me know if you wanna be added to the list

#Tenth Doctor x Reader #Tenth Doctor/Reader #Tenth Doctor #Doctor Who #Angst #Song Fic #Request #Requests are Open

[tillytillytilda]

Can I just say how much I love your Tenth Doctor with Taylor Swift songs fics? And a request for a Ten x reader one with hoax? I mean, the lines "Don't want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do" honestly works way too well 😭

Ahhhh, I'm so glad you love them! I'll get started on your request right away. Thank you so much for your support! <3

[tillytillytilda]

Masterlist

Requests List

Doctor Who

Ninth Doctor

Morning Sickness - Request

Tenth Doctor

All Too Well (Taylor's Version)

I Almost Do (Taylor's Version)

Wonderland

Hoax - Request

Coney Island - Request

Baby Names - Request

Summer Rain - Request

Memories - Request

MCU

Ikaris

Goodbye

Steven Grant/Moon Knight

Coffee?

Original Character Fanfictions

Infinite - Parental! Tony Stark Fanfiction

Skyler - Eventual Harry Potter/OC Fanfiction

Until the End - Marauders Fanfiction with Non-Romantic OC

[tillytillytilda]

Coffee? - Steven Grant /Reader

Pair: Steven Grant/Reader

Summary: Due to her sister's Egypt obsession, Y/N spends a lot of time at the museum. And with a certain someone.

Word Count: 1.6K

A/N: Just a little something I thought of while in the shower after watching Moon Knight. No spoilers for the Episode One. Maybe I'll do more with Steven Grant, who knows.

Y/N looked up at the museum with a sigh before glancing down at the smiling little girl who was holding her hand. It was Wednesday which meant museum day. Every Wednesday, Y/N and her little sister Lucy went to the museum. Not just any museum, but the museum with the biggest collection of Egyptian stuff in London. It was their thing. And even though Y/N was starting to get tired of seeing the same stuff every week, Lucy seemed to like it.

Once they were inside, Y/N pulled out her phone, wanting to double check the tour times. They had gotten there way later than usual. Usually, they were the first ones in so Lucy could hog the exhibits all she wanted. But a faulty alarm clock had landed them here in mid-morning so Y/N wasn’t sure of the tour times. Sure she could probably ask someone but most people here seemed like they’d rather do anything else than their jobs.

Unfortunately it seemed they’d come at a time where all the tour guides were busy. Even though Lucy probably knew more about Egypt than any of them and also knew all the tours by heart, Y/N knew her favorite part of the tour was proving that to whoever was giving it. So she’d be more than a bit bummed.

Looking up from her phone, she realized Lucy wasn’t standing right next to her. Y/N scanned the area, panic grabbing her a bit until she spotted her sister across the big entrance hall. That panic was renewed when she saw her talking to a man Y/N had never met before. She knew Lucy was smart enough not to walk off with a total stranger, but still, she rushed over, using an arm to swipe her sister behind her as soon as she could reach her. Whatever they had been talking about, the two of them had obviously been very interested though as neither of them even noticed her until she was right there.

“Um, hello, who are you and why are you talking to my sister?” Y/N said, staring at the man who very quickly put his hands up in a defensive position.

“Oh, no, no. I work here,” he said, pointing to his nametag. Steven. He seemed a bit nervous which was a bit understandable since Y/N had been a bit abrupt. She let her hand drop as Lucy came to stand next to her, giving Y/N the ‘I’m not dumb enough to talk to a total stranger’ look.

“Oh. Sorry. I just, she’s my sister,” Y/N said, feeling her face flush a bit at the misunderstanding. “My parents would kill me if something happened to her.”

“No, it’s my fault. Sorry,” Steven said, his hands in his pocket as he awkwardly looked around.

“He was telling me about Egypt,” Lucy said excitedly, her eyes wide. “He knows a lot!”

“Oh, are you a tour guide?” Y/N asked, hopeful that they had possibly found one.

“No, I’m actually-”

“Stevey!”

Y/N looked over at the sound of the unpleasant interruption. The source of it was an equally unpleasant and stern looking blonde woman who was staring at Steven with distaste.

“You should be at the gift shop,” she said, nodding over to the shop in question. Oh, he just worked at the gift shop. But he had known enough about Egypt to impress Lucy in what was a very short amount of time.

Steven waved an awkward wave of goodbye before shuffling back to the gift shop. Y/N could have just let him go. But she glanced down at her sister’s pleading eyes for her to do something. And if she was being honest, he was kind of sort of very cute.

“Actually,” Y/N said, catching the attention of both the woman and Steven. “I was wondering if he could be our tour guide for like three hours? I can pay you double of what his salary would be for that time. And the price of any gift shop things sold in that time.”

Steven and the woman both looked shocked but the appeal of getting double his salary obviously enticed her. She glanced back at Steven who looked both nervous and excited about the offer and sighed.

“Alright then but three hours only and I want that payment now,” she said, holding out a hand. Y/N grabbed the bills from her purse, a fat stack of cash her parents always gave her and dealt it out. With a smile, Steven then joined them.

Steven’s tour was in fact the best one she’d ever been on. And she could tell Lucy felt the same. Usually at this point, Y/N would trail behind and go on her phone but this time, she was attentive and engaged and having actual fun. Lucy was even more so. And because it was a private tour, Lucy and Steven would go back and forth on different Egyptian things and gods and burial procedures. It was morbid but Lucy was having fun and that was all that mattered. And Y/N couldn’t help noticing how nice Steven looked when he smiled.

At one point, Steven even told them something that Lucy didn’t know. The girl had stared at him and then back at the artifact and then back at him again, mouth open.

“Did I do something?” Steven asked nervously, looking down at her. Y/N just laughed and shook her head.

“I think you just told her something she didn’t know. She’s not used to that,” Y/N said before Lucy launched into a million questions including the name of the book where Steven had learned that. Which he was happy to give.

At the end of the three hours, they returned to the entrance hall, all of them smiling.

“Well, that’s the tour,” he said, gesturing with his hands to where they’d just came from. “Thank you for this. I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Y/N smiled and nodded, more happy than ever to be able to do it.

“Well then, are you available this time next week?” Y/N asked glancing down at Lucy who nodded her approval.

“The same tour?” Steven asked, glancing back at where they’d came from, a bit confused.

“We always do it on Wednesday. She likes it even though it’s exactly the same,” Y/N said, giving Lucy a lighthearted elbow. “We’re usually here earlier but we can be here at the same time as today next week. I can talk to your boss, arrange it like a weekly thing? My parents always give us way too much money. I think they’re hoping we go to like an amusement park or something expensive instead of this.” She was talking way too much. Y/N wasn’t sure why she was suddenly nervous.

“Well, this is just as exciting,” Steven said with a small chuckle. “But if you can get it figured out. I’d love to do that again.”

“Perfect, see you next week Steven,” Y/N said with a small smile.

And next week came and on the tour they went. And then the week after that. And the week after that. Every week it was more or less the same tour though Steven usually had some new fun facts to share. Unbeknownst to the two girls, he spent hours researching everything even more than before just so they had a reason to come back.

And everyone was perfectly happy with the arrangement. The girls’ parents believed them to be “actually having fun” based on the amount of money they spent, Steven’s manager got paid copious amounts of money every Wednesday, Lucy had a new friend to talk about Egypt with, Steven got to do tours, if only once a week. And Y/N was falling rather hard for her new friend.

It started out with questions about Egypt. And then they would talk about their personal lives in the few seconds Lucy was silent as she closely examined everything as if it had changed. And then Steven was ending the tour just a few minutes early so he could talk to her.

It had been about four months since they’d started their private tours and after one of them, Y/N told Lucy to go ahead and wait by the gift shop. After much whining and complaining, she did so, if only to talk about how inaccurate they were to the poor sap who had to cover Steven’s three hour tour.

“Is everything okay?” Steven asked, his voice a bit nervous. The nerves usually were gone when it was just the three of them but Y/N noticed them popping up whenever it was the two of them. “You were quiet today.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Y/N said, swallowing a bit of her nerves down as she tried to think of the right way to say this. “I was just…I was wondering, whether you’d like to go out?”

Steven stared at her for a few seconds as if he hadn’t quite heard her.

“Out? Like, go out with you? You and me? Out?”

Y/N laughed a bit at his awkwardness, relieved she wasn’t the only nervous one. She nodded with a small smile.

“Coffee?” she asked him. “We could go out for coffee or whatever you’d like. I just…I like you, Steven. I think you’re nice? Sorry, I’m terrible at this.” She was smiling, albeit, awkwardly.

“No! No, you’re nice too,” Steven said, smiling as well. “Coffee sounds really good.”

“Then it’s a date.”

#MoonKnight #Marvel #MCU #Steven Grant x Reader #Steven Grant/Reader #Fluff #Meet Cute

[tillytillytilda]

Wonderland - Tenth Doctor/Reader

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: "It's all fun and games until somebody loses their mind"

Y/N meets the Doctor and is swept into a whirlwind of love, sadness, and madness

Work Count: 5K

Flashing lights and we

Took a wrong turn and we

Fell down a rabbit hole

Y/N was never walking to work ever again. Ever. Usually she took the Tube, but she’d decided that it was pretty nice outside and it would be rather lovely to walk through the streets of London. Never again.

She’d seen some flashing lights out of the corner of her eyes about a block away from work. Y/N turned only for a man to practically run her over. Both of them fell to the ground with Y/N groaning at the impact.

The flashing lights seemed to be getting closer though Y/N’s vision was partially blocked by the fact that a man was basically on top of her.

“Oh sorry,” came the man’s voice as he popped up as if running people over was a common occurrence. He held out a hand for Y/N which she took.

She was probably about to say something sarcastic or annoyed or just plain mean if she hadn’t spotted the source of the flashing lights behind the man’s shoulder. It was like nothing she’d ever seen. It was…It was basically indescribable. But if she really wanted to try, it looked like a giant mutant mix between a white rabbit and a caterpillar. The body was all caterpillar like except for occasional tufts of white fur that seemed to be sprouting every second or so. The head was just a regular rabbit though it looked meaner than any rabbit Y/N had ever seen. The flashing lights seemed to be just balls of light that swirled around the monstrosity’s head.

You held on tight to me

‘Cause nothing’s as it seems

And spinning out of control

“What the fuck is that?” Y/N practically yelled. The most surprising part was not the creature though. It was the fact that the man, who was still holding onto her hand by the way, wasn’t surprised at all. He was looking up at the thing curiously as if he wanted to get closer.

“Alien,” the man answered, finally looking at Y/N. If it was a normal day and she had run into him at the coffee shop or something, Y/N probably would have been blushing. He was rather attractive with deep brown eyes and brown hair that sort of stuck up in odd places. It was the type of hair that always seemed to look effortless but Y/N had always figured men spent hours on. Not that she was worried about his hair at the moment when apparently there was an alien in front of her.

“Al-Alien?!” Y/N shouted though it was no use since the rabbit creature seemed to have locked eyes on them.

“Run!” the man shouted, tightening his grip on Y/N’s hand as he started sprinting down the pavement and took her with him. Y/N wasn’t entirely sure where they were going, but it was probably better than where they were.

The two ducked into an alleyway, breathing heavily as they tried to catch their breath. Y/N put a hand to her chest, feeling the way her heart was racing faster than it probably ever had. Her brain was doing double duty as it tried to make sense of everything she had seen.

“So that…that thing is an alien?” she asked, staring at the man who was currently brandishing some sort of device of some sort. Y/N was beginning to wonder whether running with him was the right idea since he seemed to be a bit insane. Though, there was a rabbit creature on the loose and he was the only one who seemed to know what was happening so maybe he was the only sane one.

“Yes. It came down and attempted to take the form of the first thing it encountered,” the man explained, still waving around his device thingy.

“Which was? Because there’s no way that thing already existed here,” Y/N said, shaking her head. “I mean it’s like something out of a book. Or a horror movie or something.”

“I have no idea what it came across,” the man admitted. “But I need to figure it out or else…”

“Or else what?”

The man suddenly turned to look at Y/N who looked behind her as if he was staring at someone or something else.

“Book! That’s it! You are brilliant! I found it right near a library. It must have come across some creature in a book!” the man said, excitedly. “I’ve just got to find which one and then it’ll be all sorted.”

Y/N was not used to being called brilliant. Especially not by a very handsome man. And she liked the fact that she had apparently been able to help though she hadn’t been meaning to. It was a nice feeling despite the terror she still felt. The feeling of having someone look right at you and compliment you especially since there seemed to be no ulterior motives with this man. He wasn’t trying to get her to do anything. He had complimented her just because.

Didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things?

Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?

Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?

“Right, let’s go then,” Y/N felt herself saying even though she hadn’t entirely made her mind up about what to do. However, even if this man was whatever he was (He was definitely not human, Y/N was pretty sure of that) she doubted even he had the ability to search an entire library for the right book in time. And even if she was terrified, she wasn’t just going to run or stay here if she could help.

“You don’t have to come,” the man said, already heading out of the alley. “It’ll be dangerous.”

Y/N felt a small bit of anxiety creep up into her throat but she pushed it down, following him out of the alley. Her parents had always told her not to rush into things, to think them through, to not just make decisions off the cuff. Y/N had always been very bad at listening to them, but that was one rule she had always followed. Until today apparently.

“You’re going to need help. Unless your magic stick or whatever can read hundreds of books at once,” Y/N said, heading down the pavement while also glancing behind her as if the creature would just appear.

“It’s a sonic screwdriver,” the man said, sounding a bit annoyed though he was smiling as he looked at her. Y/N caught his gaze for a few seconds before quickly looking away. His eyes were way too pretty to belong to a whatever he was.

“I don’t know what it is but that’s not a screwdriver,” Y/N told him as they neared the library. Thank God it was close by. They climbed the steps, both of them taking two at a time while also looking over the shoulders.

“I’m the Doctor,” he said as if he had suddenly realized he hadn’t given his name. It wasn’t exactly much of a name though.

“Doctor Who?” Y/N asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Just the Doctor,” he said with a grin as if it was a question he got a lot.

“Yeah okay,” Y/N said, not wanting to question it. “Y/N. I mean, I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you,” the Doctor said with a smile that made her want to melt right then and there.

“Ready to go wabbit hunting?” Y/N joked with a smile that unknowingly made the Doctor feel almost the same way.

“Oh, I am more than ready,” the Doctor said with a grin. “Actually, I am rather curious about how it will defend itself. Whether or not it will attempt to turn into something else or whether it even can.”

Y/N raised a rather confused eyebrow at him. Was he insane? Well, they were obviously both a bit crazy. But still, he was definitely crazier.

“Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?” Y/N told him with a bit of a laugh. “If the rabbit eats you, I’m taking the sonic thingy and leaving.”

Ooh, didn’t it all seem new and exciting?

I felt your arms twisting around me

I should’ve slept with one eye open at night

“That was amazing!” Y/N said, throwing her arms up in the air in triumph. “I mean that was absolutely amazing! You were all like ‘Zzzzz’ with your sonic thing and I was all like ‘Bye Bye Bunny’ and then it was like ‘Ahhhh, nooooo’!” Her face was a bit flushed from both running and excitement.

Their plan to turn the creature into a real rabbit had worked rather nicely especially after Y/N had found that the book the creature had taken its form from was Alice in Wonderland. Apparently the creature had gotten confused with all the different possible forms. It hadn’t taken long for them to turn the rabbit real and gifted it to a nearby pet shop. The Doctor was now walking backwards as he watched Y/N’s rather enthused reenactment of the past hour or so.

“It’s a sonic screwdriver,” the Doctor reminded her though once again he was smiling so Y/N figured he wasn’t actually annoyed. “But that was a rather accurate retelling of the story.”

Y/N laughed, finding herself enjoying all of this much more than she would have ever thought she would. It was crazy how much she had liked almost dying several times. But the Doctor made it all seem so exciting and fun. She stopped once the Doctor did, in front of an odd looking blue box.

“This is my stop,” the Doctor said, nodding to the box. Y/N looked at it with a raised eyebrow.

“You live in a box? Are you homeless?” Y/N asked him with a small nervous laugh. It was not the first time he had given her the impression he was crazy. The Doctor laughed in response to her questions though.

“You’d be surprised at how roomy it is. But it’s actually my time machine/spaceship,” the Doctor told her. Y/N’s jaw dropped as she did another look at the seemingly innocent blue box.

“You’ve got a time machine and a spaceship?” Y/N asked, eyes wide.

“Did I not mention that bit?” he asked with a proud sort of look. “Want to take a look?”

Y/N nodded vigorously as the Doctor opened the door. She stepped inside, looking around at what was a very large and impressive spaceship though she really shouldn’t be surprised. After the giant rabbit creature, she didn’t think anything would surprise her.

“It’s-It’s-It’s amazing!” Y/N said, a hand covering her mouth a bit. “I mean, really, this is amazing! It just looks so…wonderful.” The Doctor was standing behind her, obviously very pleased at her reaction to the spaceship. Y/N looked back at him, unable to stop her smile from growing when she did so.

“Nothing else you want to mention though?” The Doctor asked, raising an eyebrow as he gestured sort of flippantly around. “About the size or….”

“What? You want to question how all of this fits into that small box?” Y/N asked in a teasing sort of tone.

“Weeeeeell, people usually do,” The Doctor said with a smile and a shrug.

“We just defeated a giant alien rabbit caterpillar creature with a sonic whazit. I don’t think anything will surprise me anymore,” Y/N said with a laugh. The Doctor took a step forward, his eyes practically glowing as he smirked down at her.

“Do you want to bet?”

Y/N looked up at The Doctor, meeting his gaze. There was something in his eyes that made want to both step closer and step back all at the same time. On the surface, he seemed so warm and comforting, like that really warm spot by a window that a cat liked to lay in. It felt like she could spend forever standing here, taking in the radiating warmth of gaze and his smile. There was something deeper though. She hadn’t noticed it before. Something that seemed to alerting her to the fact that he was not in fact human. That he was something older and maybe, more dangerous and darker than human.

She should have made some sort of excuse about having to get back. After all, this was already insane enough without her running off on some adventure. Because she could tell that’s what he wanted her to do. To run off with him and do things like this, fighting creatures and helping people, everyday. But she was too drawn into him. She couldn’t get over all the little moments they’d shared in just the past few hours. In particular, she couldn’t get over the way his arms had moved around her as he attempted to shield her from debris falling due to the giant rabbit. And even though it was probably a bad decision, she still smirked up at him.

“That sounds like a challenge,” Y/N said. “I 100% bet that you can’t find anything in the whole of time and space that will surprise me.”

We found Wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And we pretended it could last forever, eh, eh

“Well then, get ready Y/N L/N because I am going to win that bet,” the Doctor said, zipping away from her and to the controls. He started flipping them and turning things as the ship began to slowly rock. Y/N grabbed onto the nearest thing, trying not to fall.

She was smiling though, smiling more than she ever had before. This was amazing. It was wonderful. The fact that she was currently hurtling throughout time and space with a gorgeous man she just met was absolutely wonderful. And it didn’t take long for it to get even more wonderful. Because the Doctor was definitely pulling out all the stops.

The planet they landed on was covered almost entirely in roses. Well actually, according to the Doctor, they weren’t really roses. They were just aliens who looked like roses. They would move out of the way as the Doctor and Y/N walked through the planet, exploring the rose covered fields and the odd forests. It was a planet with no humanoid life form meaning they had plenty of time to talk.

The Doctor would explain the history and interesting facts about everything they saw whether it be the trees, the glowing bugs, the beautifully colored sky. He would also tell Y/N about all of his adventures, or at least the happy ones, as he said. Y/N should have been tipped off to the fact that there were sad ones, especially with the far off look in his eye, the one that held the same sort of deep darkness Y/N had felt earlier hiding below the surface. But she brushed that detail away as he launched into a rather lengthy story about lighting the Olympic flame.

In return, Y/N told him about her life. Her normal, ordinary, human life with her regular job, friends, family, and hobbies. The most amazing thing though was despite the fact that his life was so obviously more interesting, he treated her stories as if they too were tales of far off lands. He would smile at the right moments, laugh at the right moments, and when she would mention anything just a bit sad, he would give her a comforting sort of smile that had her forgetting what sadness felt like.

Y/N didn’t know how long they spent on that planet. Long enough that eventually, the roses began to sing. The Doctor said that might happen. That sometimes all the roses would band together and sing so loudly that it would reach the entire planet. So they stood there as a chorus of flowers from across the whole planet serenaded them. And it truly felt like that one amazing, glorious moment could stretch out forever. That she could spend forever standing with the Doctor and listening to singing roses.

We found Wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And life was never worse, but never better

If it wasn’t for the fact that Y/N was with the Doctor, she might have been afraid of getting lost. After all, they had been walking for quite a long time. And since the planet didn’t have any sign posts or anything, there was no way of knowing where they had come from. But she wasn’t scared at all. After they listened to the roses singing, he led them back the way they came, seemingly able to remember exactly the right road.

“Time to go home then?” Y/N said, a bit nervous of his answer. She didn’t want to leave. Even though she had her own life, she didn’t want to leave his. It was like he was this giant magnetic force drawing her in over and over again.

“Weeeeeeeell, we could go somewhere else,” the Doctor said, a grin on his face. “One more adventure? And then right home?”

Y/N wasn’t sure if she had known that he was lying when he said one more adventure. Maybe he really had meant it. But she was definitely lying when she agreed,

“Yes, one more adventure.”

Because she wanted so much more than that.

So we went on our way

Too in love to think straight

All alone, or so it seemed

One more adventure turned into two and then four and then six and now they were in the double digits. It all went so fast though. Y/N had learned how to survive on less than four hours of sleep and only one meal a day just so she could keep up with the Doctor. It didn’t matter though. Because she was falling and she was falling fast.

Sometimes when he gave her that smile he reserved only for special moments or winked at her over some inside joke, she could feel the wind rushing behind her ears as she fell harder and harder for the amazing alien man she traveled with. And unknown to her, he was starting to feel the same way. The Doctor tried not to fall for her, but it was hard too, especially when she made it so obvious how much she liked him as well. So they continued on their way, traveling the stars and the planets, staring at each other when they didn’t think the other was looking.

That particular day they were on their way to a planet known for his remarkable hats and tea. When they stepped out of the TARDIS, it seemed entirely empty, something Y/N was just a bit surprised at. Most planets they went to were full of people or animals or something interesting. The Doctor always chose the best places to show her and he was yet to run out and didn’t seem he would anytime soon.

But there were strangers watching

And whispers turned to talking

And talking turned to screams, oh

“Where is everyone?” Y/N said in a hushed voice as if afraid to wake up whatever wasn’t there. The Doctor glanced around before grinning a bit.

“I almost forgot. The occupants of this planet are a bit squirellish. I’ve been here before but that was with a different face. So we can just go on our way and they should start to come out once they see we don’t mean any harm,” the Doctor said with a grin, grabbing her hand as if he was about to start running off and pulling her with.

Y/N was going to ask what he meant by “a different face”, but then she realized he wasn’t pulling her on. He was just walking with her and holding her hand. Fingers intertwined and all. A small blush came to her face as she continued through the landscape they’d found themselves in.

There were lots of hedges, almost as if they were trapped in a hedge maze that had been left half finished. She liked it though. Especially since as they continued their walk, the Doctor explaining everything they saw, she started to hear hushed whispers all around them.

“I think it’s-”

“It is!”

“The Doctor.”

“He’s different.”

“Who’s with him?”

“Where’s the blonde?”

The last question caught Y/N’s attention as she turned to ask who the blonde was when the Doctor’s eyes lit up and her eyes went to look at what he’d spotted, which turned out to be a table just set up in the middle of a clearing.

“I told you we’d have tea!” the Doctor said excitedly and Y/N thought that tea was now her new favorite beverage if this was how much he liked it. He rushed them towards the table and Y/N was surprised to find mouse like creatures that came up to her thigh rushing around. The rest of their height was made up by amazing and extravagant hats that came up to around her waist.

“This is amazing,” Y/N said with a grin, trying to ignore the talking that surrounded them. The Doctor seemed to be able to ignore it quite easily so it must not be important.

The Doctor seemed to be about to respond when suddenly there was a loud screaming noise. Both of them popped up from their chairs though while Y/N looked terrified, the Doctor just looked concerned.

“It’s this way,” he said, starting away from the TARDIS. Y/N glanced back towards the way they’d come, not enjoying the idea of running headfirst into danger. Sure, they’d helped with the rabbit monstrosity. But that had been at home. That had been when she could run off and hide under her covers if she needed to. This was an alien planet with no way of getting home without the Doctor.

Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?

Didn't you call my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile?

But she followed him because that’s what she always did. Rushing into something new. He was holding out his hand and Y/N took it, thankful for the comfort it brough. That comfort was soon replaced with terror as another scream pierced her ears.

Then they were running towards it. The Doctor’s long coat trailing behind them. Y/N focused her attention on him instead of the path in front of them. She trusted him to know where he was going. Besides, she liked to look at him. It helped keep her sane in the crazy world she’d found herself in. He glanced at her, flashing those warm brown eyes she loved so much. God, she really was in love with him.

They reached the scene of the screams to find a terrifying sight. There were several beheaded mice-hat creatures and what looked like a cross between a toad and a frog with a crown standing in front of them. Y/N’s grip on the Doctor’s hand tightened and he spared a few seconds to send her a big comforting grin.

Didn’t it all seem new and exciting?

I felt your arms twisting around me

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses their mind

The Doctor’s attempt to confront the terrifying toad-frog ended rather badly as invisible forces picked Y/N up. She tried to scream, but found a hand over her mouth. Fortunately, the Doctor spared a glance back and noticed her. Unfortunately, the only thing he could do was to rush after her as the invisible hands threw her into what she could only assume was some sort of a death pit.

And then there they were. Falling as the Doctor’s arms twisted around her, trying to both hold her and grab his sonic-thingy. There were tears in Y/N’s eyes as she realized that this was how she was going to die. On an alien planet with a man she had basically just met in a death pit. It had all seemed so exciting and new at first. So amazing. And now she was going to die.

But then they hit the ground. And it wasn’t hard. Her bones didn’t break or crack. It was soft. Soft as a blanket. She opened to her eyes to find the Doctor staring at her, concern in his brown eyes. His one hand rested on her waist to keep her steady while the other hand was turning her face every which way to make sure there weren’t any cuts or bruises.

“We’re alive,” Y/N whispered, a hand going up to wipe away her tears which seemed pretty silly since she should have known the Doctor would protect her. The Doctor beat her to it though, gently wiping away her tears with a look Y/N had never seen before. Now that he knew she was okay, he seemed…angry.

“Yes, we are,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “With no thanks to them.” He looked up at the top of the pit, glaring. “When we get back up, I want you to go to the TARDIS. I’ll give you the key. And then wait for me.”

And Y/N had a feeling she knew where their next stop would be. London, her time. And then he would leave. And she would never see him again. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t leave him.

Oh, darling, we found Wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And we pretended it could last forever, eh, eh

“Wait for you?” Y/N repeated, confused. “No, I want to be with you. I don’t want to leave you.” She was terrified and she hated the angry look on his face, but she didn’t want to leave him. Not now and not ever. “I won’t ever leave you.”

The Doctor got a pained look on his face and somehow that was worse than the angry one. He ran a hand through his hair, really fast as he stood up. Y/N stood up as well, watching him, hoping he wouldn’t send her back to the TARDIS. Was that too much? Had she said too much?

We found Wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And life was never worse but never better, eh, eh

“I don’t want you in trouble again,” he said finally. He still wouldn’t look at her. “I can’t lose you.”

“Then don’t make me leave,” Y/N said, carefully taking his hand. He looked at her then and she tried to give him a brave smile. “I want to stay with you.”

The Doctor looked like he would agree for a second as his hand went to pull her closer to him. His eyes held so many things. They felt like they held stars and galaxies. Y/N smiled even more looking into them. He was smiling too, but it wasn’t his usual one. It was sad and resigned. Then the hand holding hers dropped and before she could realize what was happening, she felt the metal of his sonic thingy against her temple. And then things were going dark.

“I’m sorry,” she heard before she passed out. “I love-”

I reached for you

But you were gone

Y/N woke with a start, a hand immediately reaching out to her side, searching for the familiar material of a trenchcoat or a pinstripe suit. All she felt though was a blanket. A familiar blanket. She looked at where her hand had landed to see her favorite blanket that she had left at home. Then she spotted the lamp she’d first picked out for her flat.

She was in her flat. She was in her flat. She sprang out of bed, almost falling over, but managing to run out into the kitchen/living room area. No blue police box. No Doctor. He was gone. He had left her. She was alone.

I knew I had to go back home

You search the world for something else

To make you feel like what we had

And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad

Y/N knew that he wasn’t coming back. The Doctor was gone. She’d never seen him again unless she tried to scan every history book in existence for a chance of catching a glimpse in the background of some old photo. (She had considered) But no, she had to live her life again. Though how she was supposed to do that she had no clue.

It had apparently only been a day since she’d left meaning she had to explain why she had become so withdrawn and depressed since the day before. She just chalked it up to the odd attack in London with the rabbit the day before and everyone seemed to believe her. That was the easy part. The hard part was going back to life.

It was impossible to find joy in any of the old things she loved to do. How do you enjoy reading when you had seen places more amazing than any of that? She tried to do new things but all of them were lackluster. None of them compared to the feeling of traveling with and loving the Doctor. But still, she tried.

She wondered if the Doctor was doing the same. If he too was searching for something to replace her. She didn’t want to think about him replacing her with someone. So she thought about the places he might go to get over her. It wasn’t a comforting thought but it was better than focusing on memories she had with him.

Maybe he would find someone else though. It wasn’t like they’d broken up. They weren’t even together. They’d barely known each other. Still, it felt like a break-up. It felt like her heart was broken in a thousand pieces. And being unable to explain it to everyone else made her feel crazy. How could she feel this way when she had barely known him? But still, she had loved the Doctor, even if it drove her mad. Maybe that had been why she loved him. Maybe she had loved the madness. The madness of the Doctor.

#tenth doctor x reader #Tenth Doctor #Doctor Who #Tenth Doctor/Reader #Ten/Reader #10th Doctor/Reader #Angst #Breakup #Moving on

[tillytillytilda]

OMG im so glad youre alive 😭 im sorry for the random question, i was just rereading your doctor who fics today and reading them is genuinely really helping me thru a breakup so i just wsnt to say thank you and i hope you're mental health will get better :(!! focus on yourself and take care!!!

No worries! Your question really made my day. I'm so glad my stuff as helped you!

[tillytillytilda]

ARE YOU ALIVE? I MISS YOUR FICS 😭

Yes, I am alive! I’ve actually working on another Taylor Swift inspired Tenth Doctor one shot which I’m hoping will be out soon. Sorry for the disappearance. Mental health is brutal

[tillytillytilda]

Goodbye - Ikaris/Reader

Pair: Ikaris/Reader

Summary: With the Emergence so close, Ikaris faces a difficult choice when he finds himself more upset about the loss of humanity than he thought he would be.

Word Count: 827

Warnings: Spoilers for Eternals

A/N: I wrote this very fast at 3 A.M. so it is really not my best, but I really liked this idea with Ikaris. I'll probably write a much longer thing with this concept detailing more of Ikaris and Y/N's relationship, but this is just to get the idea out and to see if people are interested.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. That was the only thing that repeated in Ikaris’ head as he sat on the couch, not paying attention to the whatever mindless movie was currently on the TV screen. Instead his gaze was on a certain woman whose eyes were practically glued to the screen, a smile on her face. They were watching her favorite movie though Ikaris wasn’t exactly sure what it was. All he knew was that it made her smile. Not that he could enjoy it at the moment.

When he had left Sersi all those years ago, he had never thought for a second that he might find something else. He had figured that he would wander the Earth aimlessly until finally the Emergence began and his purpose was fulfilled. But then something strange happened. He’d met someone.

It had been a completely normal meeting. Just bumping into her on the busy streets of New York, the city he had been living in at the moment. If you could call what he did living. It shouldn’t have meant anything at all. Just another random interaction with another random human who was bound to die. But for some reason when she smiled at him, he found himself smiling back. Actually smiling back.

“I am so sorry. I’m usually much better at not completely running people over.”

“No problem. Really.”

“I’m Y/N. So you know who to address your angry complaints too.”

He laughed. It wasn’t even really a joke, but he laughed anyway.

“Ikaris.”

“Like the kid who flew into the sun?”

“Exactly like that.”

For the first time in a while, Ikaris was actually enjoying an interaction with a human. It was a strange occurrence that just kept occurring. Before he knew it, they were meeting for coffee, getting dinner, and going on walks. They hadn’t had an actual discussion about it, but he was basically living with her now. It wasn’t official as he had heard her friends say, but he spent most nights there. Like he was right now

“Hey, you alright?” Ikaris was broken out of his thoughts by her gentle voice and it brought a soft smile to his face. She had torn her eyes away from the movie, staring at him with a furrowed brow. She was worried about him. Even though her entire planet would be destroyed in less than a week, she was worried about him. Not that she knew that though. Not that she could ever know. The thought of that threatened to wipe away his smile so he forced it back on.

“I’m fine. Just…thinking.”

“Wow, a looker and a thinker. I got lucky,” she teased before ending in a yawn. “I think I’m gonna turn in for the night. You’re free to join me.”

Ikaris imagined for only the briefest second what would happen if he did join her. If he just pretended like she was going to live forever and nothing would ever puncture their safe little space of warmth and movies. But that was only a dream and one that went against everything he believed in. The Emergence was necessary. It would bring life to so many more wonderful and beautiful things. He looked away from her, not wanting to be tempted anymore. The thought that nothing could be more wonderful and beautiful as her was banished from his mind as quickly as he’d thought it.

“I think I’ll stay up a bit,” he said. She shrugged, obviously used to the way he would sometimes just become aloof and a tad broody as she liked to say. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, getting up from her spot on the couch.

“Love you,” she mumbled to him on her way to her room. Ikaris watched her go, his smile slowly fading as he did. For a few seconds he closed his eyes, wanting to cement the image of her in it. That maybe even after his memories were erased, he would still remember her.

Once he was sure she had truly gone to bed, he stood up. He had to do this. He had to go see Ajak, to make sure that everything would still go exactly to plan. Ikaris couldn’t stay here, waiting to watch her die. He couldn’t watch her die knowing he was to blame. He didn’t leave a note. He didn’t even leave a trace of his presence. He had no real belongings so he kept none there. He just disappeared, like a ghost.

As Ikaris flew up into the sky, he wondered whether she would have preferred a goodbye. He thought that this was better. To leave her with only happy memories. Maybe it would have been better to have never interacted with her at all. But still, maybe she would have wanted a goodbye.

Staring down at her apartment building, he whispered, “Goodbye,” before shooting off into the sky.

#Ikaris #Eternals #Marvel #MCU #Ikaris/Reader #ikaris x reader #Ikaris/Y/N #Ikaris x Y/N #Ikaris x You

[tillytillytilda]

you are the queen of angsty tenth doctor fics and for that I thank you

I-This is the highest compliment I have ever received and for that I thank whoever said this 😂 I will wear my crown forever and always (😉)

[tillytillytilda]

I Almost Do (Taylor’s Version) - Tenth Doctor/Reader

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: “Oh we made quite a mess, babe, it’s probably better off this way.”

The Doctor thinks about his past companion and resists the urge not to reach out to her. 

Word Count: 2.1K

I bet

This time of night you’re still up

I bet 

You’re tired from a long hard week

I bet 

You’re sittin’ in you chair by the window

Looking out at the city

And I bet

Sometimes you wonder ‘bout me

It had been a very long day for the Doctor. Sure, it was pretty par for the course between the mystery, the aliens, and the running for his life. But still, it felt longer than it was. Probably because there had been no one at his side, hanging onto his arm and whispering smart ass comments into his ear. He leaned against the console, deep in thought. 

He wasn’t sure what time it was for her, but he would bet anything that she was still awake. Probably tired from her own long day. Last time he’d heard she was working in a small Astronomy shop. It was fitting. She always enjoyed space and the stars. That was why she had joined him in the first place. He could just picture her, sitting in her armchair by the window, looking up at stars. Even when she had been traveling with him, she would end almost every adventure with just sitting on the edge of the TARDIS door and looking out at space. He’d warned her enough times about falling out, though it had mostly been teasing. She had always just looked back at him with that grin and soon enough, he was sitting next to her and pointing out every star and planet and speck of space dust he could.

The Doctor wondered if sometimes she would catch the sight of some star that he had rattled on about and thought about him. If maybe she would smile fondly on the adventures they’d shared together, all the nights spent looking and talking about stars until even the Doctor was close to falling asleep from the pure coziness of the moment. He shook his head at the thought, turning to the console. He had to find another adventure. Something to keep his mind off this. 

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that everytime I don’t

I almost do

I almost do

While one hand was working the controls, the other one slipped into his pocket, finding the cellphone that he had refused to use and also refused to not carry. He still remembered when she had pressed it into his hand one day after grabbing lunch on Earth. She had made a remark about how it would be useful if they were ever separated. Looking back now, the Doctor could realize that she had known even then that she would be leaving. Maybe she hadn’t been sure when, but she had known. 

He had spent hours staring at the device like it was some sort of ancient puzzle he had to figure out. He could just call her. He could just picture it now. Calling her up, asking her to meet for lunch or tea or coffee or anything, meeting up with her, just talking to her again. He could do it. Just as he was about to take the phone out, the TARDIS lurched a little and his hand immediately came up to grab another control. 

I bet

You think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply

I bet

It never ever occurred to you

That I can’t say “Hello” to you

And risk another goodbye

The only thing that hurt almost as much as missing her was the thought that she assumed he hated her. That was probably what she thought. Or that he had forgotten her. It wouldn’t be an unreasonable assumption. He had had so many companions. She probably thought that he had just gotten a new one, moved on to the next person. The Doctor couldn’t blame her for thinking that. It wasn’t like he had done anything to fix that assumption. She’d tried to call him only once to which she had gotten no reply. So she’d probably assumed he didn’t carry the phone. 

There had been another time where he had stopped by Earth, wanting to get what might be the most delicious scone he’d ever had. While waiting for it, he had suddenly remembered who had first taken him there. A waitress had come up to him, saying that a young girl had come in a bit ago, asking them to watch out for a young man with messy hair, a suit, a trenchcoat, and Converse. That the girl had left a message for him. It wasn’t long. Just an address and an invitation to stop by. The Doctor had left without the scone. 

Never one to give up immediately, the Doctor soon found that any visit to modern London ended with the same thing. A message with an address and an invitation to come visit. The shopkeepers and waitresses who had relayed the message seemed quite amused, all telling him that the girl had been rather insistent as well as more than a little annoyed at being ignored. Every time, the Doctor had just politely smiled and nodded before hurrying back to the TARDIS. 

He knew that it probably hurt her to think that he didn’t want to see her. It wasn’t that though. He wanted to see her more than anything. But he also wanted to drag her back into the TARDIS, back into a life of adventure and fun and just being together. And he knew they couldn’t do that. Because she didn’t want that. She wanted to live a normal life. She wanted to live on the Earth she had helped save. Any meeting with her would end in a goodbye. 

And even if he managed to convince her to come with him, even if he whipped out the most beautiful locations and fascinating stories, it would still end. The curse of the Time Lords after all. He could spend an entire human lifetime with her. And it wouldn’t be enough. Because he would still have to watch her grow old and wither and die. So no, he wouldn’t go to her new flat just to say goodbye again. 

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that every time I don’t 

I almost do

I almost do

And still the urge was in him to just call her up. Maybe he wouldn’t even say anything. Just dial her number, the only number in his phone. She’d probably answer. Maybe she wouldn’t even wait for him to say anything. She would just launch into some ridiculous anecdote that would make him laugh and smile like nothing else could. He wouldn’t even really be talking to her. She would be talking and he could just listen. Or maybe it would go to voicemail. He would still be able to hear her voice then. 

With a sigh, the Doctor ran a hand through his hair. It was a terrible idea. He knew that. He knew that he couldn’t live like that. Talking to her sometimes but not actually having her. It was why she had left. The inability to live what she had called “half a life”. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he’d made things clearer for her, she would have stayed. If he hadn’t relied solely on stolen looks and soft touches. There was no use in wondering though. 

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

It's probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

In my dreams you're touching my face

And asking me if I wanna try again with you

And I almost do

They were better off this way. He could never give her the life that she wanted. And she wasn’t able to live his life. It was a mess, to be honest. That the two of them had somehow found each other only to end up being apart. The Doctor wasn’t even sure that she wanted him. It was just a feeling, a hope really. 

The Doctor rarely slept, less now since he had no companion. Sometimes though, he would get sick of the traveling endlessly without anyone to talk to and so he would try to fall asleep. That always made things worse though. Because his dream was always the same thing. She was always right in front of him, laughing and smiling, brushing hair out of his face. And he was smiling up at her despite the fact that he knew this was fake. He knew this wasn’t real but he couldn’t help smiling because she was right in front of him. And he wasn’t sure what she was laughing about but he didn’t really care because she was laughing and she was looking at him and touching him. And then the eventual words came out of her mouth, asking if she could come with him, if they could restart everything and it could all be what it used to be. 

That was when he woke up. Specifically when he opened his mouth to answer. He never thought about what his answer would be. Because even if that happened, actually happened, he wasn’t sure if he could trust her not to leave again. And the Doctor didn’t know if he could survive her leaving him again. So when he woke up, he shoved the dream far away and set off to the next adventure. He told himself to not sleep again until he was nearly dying from exhaustion. But that wouldn’t last. Eventually he would get lonely and he would sleep if only to see her for a few seconds.

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that every time I don’t 

I almost do

I almost do

As he had been thinking about his dreams, the Doctor’s hand had slipped into his pocket, fiddling with the top of the phone that laid there. He knew that as long as he had the phone, he’d be tempted to call her. But at the same time, the idea of leaving it somewhere else in the TARDIS, of letting it sit there, alone, gathering dust made him always keep it in his pocket. He was sure the phone was probably all covered in fingerprints now. Maybe he should clean it. 

His other hand came up to run itself through his hair as he sighed. Where to go to now? Maybe Earth? He did miss it. He could go somewhere other than London. He often forgot there were other places on Earth other than London. Wasn’t his fault that was his favorite. Still, it would be just his luck if he went to America only to find out that she had taken a holiday there for the week. And he knew he couldn’t chance seeing her at all. Because then it would all be over. He would run to her and it would all be over. So he couldn’t go to Earth. Still, his hands moved at the controls, almost against his will. 

I bet

This time of night you’re still up

I bet 

You’re tired from a long hard week

I bet 

You’re sittin’ in you chair by the window

Looking out at the city

And I bet

Sometimes you wonder ‘bout me

He was not technically at Earth. He was floating above Earth which the Doctor thought was a little better. He opened the doors of the Tardis, leaning against it as he stared down at the mostly blue planet. It was funny how small it looked, especially when comparing it to the other planets around it. 

The Doctor knew she was down there, somewhere. Probably sitting by the window, looking at the same stars that surrounded him. And even though he knew she couldn’t see the TARDIS, part of him hoped she would see something that made her think of him. He hoped she thought about him as much as he thought about her. Because even when he moved on, and he knew he would eventually, he didn’t think he would ever completely stop thinking about her. Every time he got a particularly good scone or rambled about stars or brushed against the phone in his pocket, he would think about her. He’d probably think about finding her. He did that already, almost going to find her everyday. Maybe one day he finally would. 

#tenth doctor x reader #tenth doctor/reader #angst #doctor who #Tenth Doctor

[tillytillytilda]

All Too Well (Taylor's Version) - Tenth Doctor/Reader

Pair: Tenth Doctor/Reader

Summary: "It was rare, I was there. I remember it all too well"

Flashes of the Doctor and Y/N's relationship and after inspired by the Taylor Swift song "All Too Well"

Warnings: Brief moment of implied sex

Word Count: 8.1K

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold

But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow

“Right, well here we are.”

There was a bit of a breeze as Y/N and the Doctor stepped into the TARDIS. Not that she noticed. Y/N was too preoccupied gaping around at the gigantic spaceship that had somehow fit itself into what seemed like a tiny police box.

“But-But it’s-”

“Bigger on the inside,” the Doctor said, leaning against the door and grinning at her stunned reaction.

Despite the cold air that had followed them into the TARDIS, Y/N somehow felt like she was home. Sure, it was a bit strange and definitely a bit alien, but the TARDIS just seemed to emit a welcoming sort of energy. And it helped that when she glanced back at the Doctor, he was smiling just as wide as she was.

“Alright then Doc, where are we going first?” she asked, eyes lighting up at the thought of an adventure.

And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house

“Donna seems to be doing well,” Y/N said with a laugh as her and the Doctor entered the TARDIS after a nice and long visit. Donna had been taking some time off lately which she attributed to the so-called sexual tension that occurred every time Y/N and the Doctor were in the same room.

“Oh very well I think though I could do without the looks from her every time we’re a foot away from each other,” the Doctor said, chuckling a bit as well. Y/N stood in front of her, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“We should probably tell her, don’t you think? I mean, she’s gonna be mad if she finds out she’s given us all this time to get on with it and we’ve already been getting on for a week.”

“Hmmm, you’re right. However, I am enjoying this alone time a bit,” the Doctor said with a grin before leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. Y/N gleefully kissed him back though pulled back after only a few seconds.

“Something wrong?” the Doctor asked, a quizzical expression on his face.

“I forgot my scarf at Donna’s!” Y/N said, just now realizing why her neck felt so bare. “It was my new dark blue one. The one with the stripes.” The Doctor chuckled a bit, kissing her cheek.

“We can grab it when we go to pick her up next week. I have a great idea for tonight though.”

And you’ve still got it in your drawer, even now

The Doctor could barely even think straight as he glanced around what used to be his bedroom on the TARDIS. He’d never needed one before, not really sleeping for longer than an hour. After discovering the joys of cuddling though, he had quickly claimed a room for his own, one that really just existed so he could pull Y/N into bed after a particularly stressful adventure. Not that that mattered now.

There was too much stuff in the room. Too many memories. He should just leave and let the ever changing corridors of the TARDIS swallow the room up. Books, jackets, pencils, drawings, notes were all scattered around the room, thrown haphazardly by Y/N when she’d been packing her bag. And while the Doctor knew he wouldn’t be strong enough to never step foot in the room again, he still grabbed a familiar dark blue scarf and stuffed it into a drawer. That was one thing he didn’t think he could handle anymore.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide eyed gaze

We’re singing in the car, getting lost upstate

Y/N didn’t think she had ever laughed this hard in her life. Her and the Doctor were on their way back to Earth, though he was yet to actually reveal when they were going. With the Doctor though, the journey was sometimes more fun than the destination which was definitely the case now. Last time they were in her time, Y/N had picked up a CD player meaning she could now blast her favorite songs throughout the TARDIS and today was no exception.

“I never miss a beat! I’m lightning on my feet!” Y/N sang out loud amidst giggles. It was hard to not laugh at the Doctor trying very badly to sing along despite having never heard the song before. At first, it had been sweet of him to try and sing along though by now he was just doing it as loud as he could to make her laugh even more.

Their rather out of tune and loud karaoke session was brought to a halt when the TARDIS seemed to suddenly land or at least, it had stopped. Ever excited for whatever awaited them outside the doors of the TARDIS. Luckily though, she had developed the good sense to always look before she stepped since when she opened the door, she found what seemed like a whole galaxy awaiting them. And while it certainly wasn’t the Earth that she was promised, that didn’t stop her wide eyes and grin as she looked back over her shoulder at the Doctor.

“Seems like you got a little lost there, Doc,” she teased as he came to stand behind her, more than a bit bewildered.

“Wha-I could have sworn I had it right,” the Doctor said, glancing back at the console. Y/N just laughed, leaning back against his chest with a soft smile.

“Well, I think this is just as beautiful and fantastic as whatever it was you wanted to show me,” Y/N said, more than content to just stand there and look out at the stars. “Oh, I absolutely agree,” the Doctor said, though unbeknownst to her, he was actually just staring at the beautiful woman in his arms.

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

Y/N had always thought that nothing would be more beautiful than the sight of far-off planets full of life, skies full of stars, and galaxies full of colors she didn’t even know existed. But truthfully, the most beautiful thing in the whole universe had to be a certain brown-eyed alien man who at the moment had gotten leaves stuck in his hair.

They had decided to take a short pit-stop on Earth and when they’d arrived, the trees were in that gorgeous phase where all the leaves had turned brown and red and orange. It was ultimate fall weather meaning Y/N had insisted upon walking through a nearby park. It wasn’t long before several of those pretty leaves had fallen directly into the Doctor’s hair.

“Come here,” Y/N said with a laugh as she gently reached up to brush the leaves out of his hair. The Doctor obliged happily. Even if he didn’t really mind the leaves in his hair, he did enjoy the feeling of Y/N’s fingers through it.

She looked up at him, smiling as she brought their lips together for a short but loving kiss. Pulling back, she just whispered to him, “I’ll race you to the end,” before taking off in a sprint to the end of the path. The Doctor was momentarily surprised, something that rarely happened before he set off after her, grinning.

And I can picture it after all these days

The park was exactly how she remembered it. It was a bit later in the year than the last time she’d been here so the leaves had mostly fallen off the trees and now laid forgotten on the ground. She’d been avoiding this park ever since she got back. She actually had an entire mental map of London blocked off to help her avoid going to any places with particularly harsh memories.

Y/N paused at the end of the path, looking down it and finding almost the exact place they had stopped for a brief and now heartbreaking moment. She could see it in her head. The leaves in his hair, his brown eyes looking at the trees around them like they were as beautiful as the stars in the sky, the way he smiled over at her, the smile he only ever gave her.

It took a few seconds to realize she was crying. She glanced up at the sky as if a blue police box was just going to come crashing down and he was gonna rush out. That wasn’t going to happen though. It was over. They were over. And she had to deal with that. So with one last glance down the path, Y/N turned away, wanting to forget every single picture of the Doctor that laid in her head.

And I know it’s long gone and That magic’s not here no more

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

Y/N’s tone was cold as she crossed her arms, staring at the Doctor from her spot by the TARDIS doors. She had barely stepped into the box before speaking and while she didn’t realize it at the moment, later she would wonder how she had missed the fact that there was no warm welcoming feeling to stepping into what was supposed to be her home. Perhaps it had something to do with her glaring at the man currently standing by the console.

“I saved your life,” the Doctor said, not wanting to talk anymore about it. Everything had worked out in the end. The right people had been saved, the bad guys had been vanquished, and Y/N was alive. Everything was fine now.

“You killed them! They were refugees. They were scared. They were just trying to survive and-”

“Survive by taking over another planet? By killing those people and taking what they had?”

“We could have helped them! We could have talked in them! But you had to go in there and kill them all!”

“They were going to kill you! They would have killed you and I was supposed to give them a second chance?”

The two of them were almost nose to nose now, glaring at each other. They had never fought like this before. They were usually on the same page. But not now. At the moment it was like they were in completely different books. They held each other’s gaze for a few more seconds before Y/N looked away.

He had that look in his eyes. The so-called Oncoming Storm. Never before had that look been directed in her direction. And while she knew that it was mostly aimed at the now dead being that had almost killed her, the fact that he looked nothing like the man she had fallen in love with scared her. It was cold and hard with absolutely no sign of remorse. Y/N took a few steps back after looking away. For the first time, she understood why so many species across the world were so terrified of him.

I might be okay, but I’m not fine at all

“You’ve got to get out of bed.”

Y/N looked up at her friend for a few seconds before pulling the blanket over her head. It had been nearly a week since she had watched the TARDIS disappear with the Doctor inside. She could barely remember how calling up her only remaining friend. How she had gotten into her guestroom was a complete mystery. Her friend was the only person who knew the true nature of the Doctor and as such was the only person who still kept in contact with her after she had just disappeared.

“Y/N, he’s...he’s not coming back. You’ve got to get up,” her friend said, gently sitting on the end of the bed. “I know that traveling all around was fun and exciting and beautiful but that’s over and you’ve gotta to be okay with that.”

“I am okay with that,” Y/N said, pulling the blanket off her head as she sat up. She looked over at her friend, teartracks obvious on her cheeks. “I am completely okay with never seeing anything other than this dusty old planet ever again. But...But I’m not fine with never seeing him.”

Her friend looked sympathetic though Y/N thought she didn’t really seem to understand it. It was impossible to. To her friend it had been a whirlwind romance with some weird alien man. Her friend simply assumed that she missed the adventure, the stars, the planets. But Y/N would give all that up to turn over and see brown eyes and a smile. Instead though, all she found was an empty bed and more tears.

Cause there we are again on that little town street

You almost ran the red ‘cause you were lookin’ over at me

Wind in my hair, I was there

I remember it all too well

When her friend had first offered them the keys to her car for a drive from the city into the country for the day, Y/N had almost declined. After all, they were only supposed to popping in real quick before heading back to the stars. And more than that, she hadn’t driven a car in so long, she wasn’t sure she could. The Doctor had just simply plucked the keys from her friend’s hand and sent Y/N a grin that was always guaranteed to make her agree to whatever it was he was proposing.

“I can’t believe you know how to drive a car,” Y/N said with a laugh. The strangest sight she’d ever seen had to be the Doctor, driving an actual car. Not a spaceship, not some sort of futuristic space car, but a regular, everyday, her time, car.

“I am over 900 years old. You pick things up when you live that long,” the Doctor said with a grin. He looked over at her and for a few seconds, completely forgot that he was driving.

It was absolutely incredible how even though he had seen her hundreds of times, she still managed to distract him almost every time. He still maintained that she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen and this moment proved it. She looked completely relaxed, something that was rather rare on the TARDIS since they were either going to, in the middle of, or returning from some sort of death defying adventure. But at this moment with the sun hitting her face, the wind blowing her hair back, and her laughter gracing his ears, it couldn’t think of a better moment.

“Doctor!”

His head turned quickly toward the road, momentarily forgetting that this was not in fact a police box shaped time and space machine. He managed to quickly put on the brakes for the red light though, glancing back over at Y/N who was now completely laughing her ass off.

“Oh I’m 900 years old. I know how to drive a car,” she was saying, obviously trying to mock him. He just rolled his eyes though, continuing the drive as soon as the light turned green.

“Oh shut it,” he muttered though he had never been smiling brighter.

“I am going to remember this next time you try to drive.”

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red

Used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed

And your mother’s telling stories ‘bout you on the tee-ball team

You tell me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me

“That’s you?” Y/N asked, staring at the pictures in the photo album. She’d found it while rummaging through some old boxes that had been lost in the depths of the TARDIS. She looked closer at the pictures, studying one of them very intently.

“All me,” the Doctor said, looking through the pictures next to her. “You know bringing it closer to your face doesn’t make it clearer,” he teased though he did try to look over her shoulder in order to see what exactly she was looking at.

“I’m sorry, is that a piece of celery?” Y/N asked, trying very hard to hold in laughter but failing. She pointed at a picture of the Doctor who seemed to have a leafy vegetable on his jacket. The Doctor made a face at the picture.

“It was purely for medical purposes,” he defended though that was what really made Y/N burst out laughing.

“Medical purposes? Oh please, do tell,” she said. She turned towards him, obviously now waiting for what she assumed would be a very interesting and probably very long-winded story. “

Well, if you insist,” the Doctor said before launching into a story. He had loads of them and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get through all of them, but that didn’t matter. He had forever to tell Y/N every single story of his past and to make more stories of his future with her.

And I know it’s long gone and

There was nothing else I could do

“You always just run straight first into danger!”

“So do you! You cannot just expect me to stay put while you run off doing God knows what!”

“You don’t know what you’re doing! Why can’t you just stay put!”

It was an argument they’d had loads of times. One that never seemed to ever have any sort of resolution. It always just ended with one of them getting mad enough that they stormed off into the TARDIS. And the next time they saw each other, either for the next adventure or to eat, they just pretended like it hadn’t happened. But it had happened. And the arguments were getting too frequent and too angry to ignore. Y/N ran into danger too much, the Doctor was too ruthless when she was in danger, she wanted to spend more time on Earth, the problems kept piling up and up and up.

At the moment, the two of them were standing across the room from each other which should have been an improvement considering how they usually ended up nose to nose, glaring at one another. But right now, the gap between them just felt like it was enlarging the chasm growing. The chasm that was slowly swallowing up their friendship, their relationship, and Y/N all in one. For the first time, her anger melted away as tears started to roll down her face.

The Doctor looked shocked. His anger didn’t melt away like hers but he was able to push it below the surface. The TARDIS was silent for a few seconds as they both stood there, unsure of what to do.

“Y/N, I-”

“I just...I can’t- I can’t do-”

Her soft voice fell away as she pushed past the Doctor, wanting to try and find somewhere, anywhere else to be. She mentally waited for him to grab her wrist or to say something. But nothing like that came. So she continued walking away as the Doctor watched her go, the chasm between them becoming more and more uncrossable.

And I forget about you long enough

To forget why I needed to

Everyone said that the best thing to do was to just forget about him. Forget about the man in the blue box who had stars in his eyes and the smile of the sun. That was the best thing to do. Move on with your life. And at first, she was all for it. Even thinking about him hurt. And she wished there was some way to forget him. To erase every presence of the Doctor from her mind. Without any such technology though, she settled for just pushing away any thought of him.

It worked for a bit. She got a job, eventually got her own place, made some new friends. Her life wasn’t great or amazing or even above average, but it was a life. And slowly she started to forget him. Her first thought in the morning stopped being him. Sure, he was her second and third and fourth thought for a while but slowly, that faded too.

The hardest part though was that the bad parts were the first to go. The sadness, the anger, the absolute heartbreak began to fade, but she couldn’t get rid of that feeling of love. That feeling of loving someone and being loved in return. Every so often, when she began to think too much about the good and not enough about the bad, she began to do the worst thing she could. She missed him. She forgot how good it felt to just forget that the Doctor and his ridiculous machine and adventures existed.

Whenever it got real bad, she would go to the park she’d first met him in, when he had just been some strange man with a long coat. And she would sit on a bench and wait, as if the TARDIS was going to suddenly appear and he would jump out and say that “he hadn’t really meant it” and “what did she mean it was actually months later, it was supposed to be just a few hours” and they’d laugh and laugh and he’d hug her and kiss her and they’d be running away from aliens by tea time. The Doctor never came though.

So Y/N was left with the memory of why it was easier to forget the Doctor entirely. That even the good memories, good as they were, ended up in pain. And so she would get up off the bench. And maybe she would come back here months later. But one day, one day she would forget the Doctor entirely.

‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We’re dancing ‘round the kitchen in the refrigerator light

Down the stairs, I was there

I remember it all too well, yeah

While time of day seemed to lose all meaning when you lived in a time machine that doubled as a spaceship, the TARDIS seemed to currently be in a night mode. It was one of the things that Y/N liked most about the ship. It always seemed to be able to tell when she was getting to the point of exhaustion and as such, always darkened the lights a bit. It was especially helpful for when the Doctor was so distracted over some new location that he failed to notice the fact that Y/N was only half awake.

Y/N snuck down the hall of the TARDIS, again grateful that the lights were not turned all the way off. She had woken up rather refreshed and was about to ask the Doctor where they were going next when she had realized that he was still sound asleep. And while she knew that he probably didn’t need to sleep, it was probably just as relaxing for him. So she settled to let him go and to try and go find the kitchen to make some tea for when he woke up. It wasn’t that hard to do so, especially since the TARDIS seemed to really like her and as such, always made sure what she was looking for was easy to find.

It only took a few minutes to find the kitchen and a few minutes more to start brewing the tea. Y/N opened the refrigerator, searching to see if they had any actual food though she doubted it. She also began humming a song she had heard the last time they went down to Earth. Well, it started out as humming before it turned into a full vocal concert with a few little twirls added in. It wasn’t her fault that the kitchen had some pretty good acoustics.

“So this is where you snuck off to.”

Y/N whirled around at the sound of the Doctor’s voice. Maybe a few months ago she would have been embarrassed, but now she just grinned at him. He looked good all the time but Y/N was particularly partial to when he had just woken up. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t wearing his regular suit and jacket or maybe the way his hair stuck up in all different directions or maybe it was that no one else got to see him like this. That he trusted her enough to sleep next to her when he was at his most vulnerable.

“Come dance with me,” Y/N said, reaching her hands out to pull him closer. The Doctor looked a bit wary as he began to put his hands up in a sort of defensive position before Y/N just pulled him closer to her, humming as she did so.

“We are dancing in front of the refrigerator to no music,” the Doctor said though he was really just watching her dance while holding her hands.

“Like this is the strangest thing you’ve ever done,” Y/N said with a laugh, shaking her head at him. And while he didn’t dance, he was more than happy to stand there with her if that meant she laughed like that.

Maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much

“I don’t understand why we can’t just spend a little bit of time on Earth! You love it there! You talk all the time about humans and how amazing and interesting we are! Why do we only go there when it’s in danger!” Y/N was saying, annoyed at once again having her request turned down. At first the Doctor had been fine a break on Earth. That was until he had realized that Y/N wanted him to join her.

“I don’t do the domestic thing,” the Doctor said, shaking his head. He was fiddling at the console, probably trying not get upset at her. The last thing they needed was another fullblown argument. “I said you can come and have a break if you’d like!”

“I want a break with you! Am I really asking for too much here?” Y/N asked, feeling like somehow, the two of them had gotten on completely different pages. “I mean, do you really think I’m going to be running off after you on adventures when I’m-”

Y/N stopped suddenly, not wanting to finish that sentence. The Doctor had stopped fiddling and was very still now. She had been about to cross one of their now many unspoken rules. Don’t mention the fact that she would get old. That while it might happen slowly, Y/N would get old while the Doctor stayed exactly the same. Sure, he might regenerate before then, but he wouldn’t get like she would. Old, hard to get around, useless.

It was silent as they both stood there, neither one saying a thing. As much as they loved to look ahead at new adventures, the two always walked the fine line with looking too far ahead. They didn’t talk about what would happen when Y/N could no longer run fast enough to stay alive. About what they would do then. And while Y/N had always kept up a bit of hope that maybe the Doctor might settle down into a sort of domestic life that hope was getting smaller and smaller as the days went on.

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

‘Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there

I remember it all too well

There was more yelling on the TARDIS. It was getting almost unbearable now as the angry voices got louder and more frequent as the days went on. Where the adventures were less fun and more tense, like the pair was going through the motions rather than actually enjoying themselves. It was the same stuff over and over again as Y/N seemed to push closer and closer towards the line of what exactly he planned to do when she was too old for this.

They were getting closer and closer to their breaking point. They could feel it. Everyone they encountered could feel it too. There were no more jealous looks at the laughing couple who always seemed like they were the happiest in the universe. Now they were treated more like a bomb, like they were about to go off at any second. Despite that though, they kept trying. There were still kisses on the cheek, pet names, and smiles but they were strained, like they were being forced rather than doing it willingly.

Then one day, it happened. The breaking point had been reached. They had just gotten back and Y/N wasn’t sure how they had gotten on the topic of changing up their routine again, but somehow they had. Whether it was a snide comment about being domestic from the Doctor or a half-veiled attempt at getting him to agree to it by Y/N, here they were. And then suddenly, there they weren’t.

“You are scared!”

“I am not scared! I am the Doctor! The Oncoming Storm! I have faced Daleks and Cybermen and things you haven’t even seen in your nightmares! I am not scared of being domestic!”

“Yes you are,” Y/N said, shaking her head. “You are terrified and you are running. You are so terrified of losing something that you refuse to even have it. You are scared and you can’t even admit it!”

And you call me up again

Just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

There was silence at Y/N’s words and for a second, she thought the Doctor was going to admit to it. That he was going to admit that he was scared and that she was right and maybe then, finally, they could fix this. Maybe then they could patch together what had been broken. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d stomp off and they would go at it again tomorrow. There were dozens of scenarios that ran through her head in the moments of silence. The only one she didn’t consider was-

“This isn’t working.”

Y/N stared at him, eyes wide. She was crying. Already she was crying.

“Wh-What?”

The Doctor wasn’t looking at her. He swallowed thickly, looking at the floor and at the console, anywhere but her.

“This...You...Me. It’s not working. It was never going to work. And we were...we were naive to think it would.”

“No. No. Stop it.”

“You are obviously not enjoying yourself anymore and honestly, I’m not either,” the Doctor said. If Y/N wasn’t trying so hard to stop her head from spinning, maybe she would have noticed that he was no longer just fiddling at the controls but was actively steering the ship. And it wasn’t to a new adventure.

“You’re being cruel,” Y/N said before she could think. “You...You can’t just. No, no, we can fix this and-”

“There’s no fixing it,” the Doctor said. It was the firmest he had been. His mind was made. Y/N felt the unmistakable feeling of the TARDIS landing. The Doctor gestured to the doors, not moving from his spot, not even looking at her.

Y/N stared at him, her mind still trying to catch up. The Doctor always fought for everything. He fought for everyone. He was the one who saved people, who never gave up, even when the odds were against them. And it hit her that the one person the Doctor had decided wasn’t worth fighting for, at least not anymore, was her.

I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

‘Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

Y/N sat on a bench as she watched the blue police box that had been her home for almost two years disappear. It was the same park where she had first met the Doctor. She could still see the moment in her minds eye. He had come out of the box looking very confused. She’d thought he was drunk, especially when he started asking what year it was. That was until aliens began shooting at them. Out of pure terror, she’d picked up a large rock and thrown it at them, catching them off guard and earning her her first of the Doctor’s smiles.

Now though, she didn’t get any smile from him. All she got was the feeling of being abandoned. She should have seen this coming. She knew that he hadn’t stayed with his previous companions until the end. That eventually they too had been left behind, abandoned to return to their old lives. For some reason though, she had thought she was different. She had looked into his eyes and never once considered the possibility that he one day might not want her. After all, he had treated her like she was the world.

She was nothing now. Just an abandoned piece of nothing. She had her phone in her pocket. She knew she should call a friend though the motion wouldn’t come. She just sat there, shivering a bit. She had forgotten her scarf. But she just sat there, unable to do anything but look through memories.

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

Time had always been an odd concept for her, now even more so. Time was passing her by, day by day, same sun and moon and stars. But she stayed the same. She sat in her friend’s guest room, unable to do anything but stare blankly. She tried to read but it all fell flat. What use was fiction when you had seen things more fantastical than anything any author could come up with? Nonfiction was too risky with the possibility that a certain man might just pop up. The TV faced the same problem. Everything was too bland now.

So Y/N sat in her small room, trying to find a way to feel better. It was impossible though. Her friend encouraged her to get a job, but even that was hard. Every application asked the same questions, strengths, weaknesses, skills and every time she drew a blank. Her friend had also tried to get her a dating profile, claiming all she needed was to get back in the game. But that wasn’t it.

Y/N wished she could just go back to who she was before the Doctor. But she had no clue who that girl was. How did you go back to working a 9 to 5 job and dating a regular guy and living your normal life when you knew what was out there? And who was she if not the Doctor’s companion? She had spent so much time trying to be the perfect companion, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend and now that it all meant nothing, she didn’t know what to do. She glanced over at the application, scrawling the words ‘Doctor’s companion’ under the skills section before crumbling it into a ball and throwing it across the room. Then, she laid back into bed, closing her eyes.

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

“Are you wearing plaid?”

Y/N looked back at the bed, smiling as she saw a slightly sleepy Doctor looking back at her. She glanced down at the flannel she had grabbed from her dresser, not even noticing the pattern on it. She had been far too happy.

“You have a problem with that?” she asked him, making her way back over to the bed. She sat down on the side of it, just close enough that she could run a hand through the Doctor’s hair. He closed his eyes, letting out a small hum of happiness before grinning up at her.

“Well, I much rather like you without it,” he said, a cheeky grin on his face. Y/N playfully rolled her eyes.

“Thought you would have gotten over that last night,” Y/N said though the fact that he apparently still wanted her did make her smile just a little brighter.

“Gotten over you? Never. Now, I do believe we have a bit more time before we pick up Donna,” the Doctor said, sending her a look that made Y/N almost fall over laughing.

“You are terrible,” Y/N said, shaking her head.

“But you love me,” the Doctor added causing Y/N to smile and nod.

“But I love you.”

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

Y/N had finally gotten her own place. It had taken some time between the moping and the finding a job and the saving but she finally had it. A flat all to her own. It was small, definitely not bigger on the inside, but it was the first thing that was completely hers in almost three years.

She had gotten used to walking home by herself. She often worked late and while the dark used to scare her after being almost killed by aliens so many times, it had lost its fear factor. She usually spent the walks home trying to go over everything that had happened at work, fearing that even a moment of mindlessly daydreaming would lead her right back to where she had started.

She had just gotten to the door of her flat when she heard a very familiar sound. Y/N froze for a second before looking around wildly, hoping for a look or even a glance at the police box and its owner. No such chance. For a few seconds she wondered if she was going crazy. After all, normal people did not just hear things. She decided that she must have just heard something similar and assumed it was the TARDIS. She didn’t linger on the fact that nothing sounded similar to the TARDIS.

Her not very sound judgement was quickly revealed to be very wrong when she opened the door to find a box sitting on her kitchen table, a box that had definitely not been there before. She approached it carefully, hating the fact that it was the Doctor’s voice in her head that reminded her of all the terrible things that could be in it.

Whatever parts of her heart that had been mended broke at the sight of what was in the box. It was everything. Every book, every drawing, every and anything that Y/N had ever gotten on their travels or that she had ever given him. It was all packed neatly in this one box. She had no clue how it all fit though she guessed Time Lord science had helped. She should just pick it up and pack it away in her closet. Instead though, she reached in, pulling everything out one by one.

It was hours later when everything had been pulled out, put back in, and then pulled out again and after she had drained all the tears from her body that realized one thing was missing. Only one item of hers was missing and she doubted it was because he had simply missed it.

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

You can’t get rid of it

‘Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

That had been a close one. He had caught a glimpse of her, walking home by herself. And he was sure she had heard the TARDIS. He didn’t know how long it had been for her. Just that it had been long enough that she had gotten her own flat. He was yet to get another companion. He knew he would eventually. The Doctor always had a companion. But at the moment, the thought it just felt unfair.

Without thinking about it, the Doctor headed down the hallway to the room he knew all too well. Stepping in, he tried to forget the fact that he had promised himself when he’d packed that box that this would be the final time he went in there. It was like he was watching himself instead of actually doing it as he made his way over to a drawer, opening it up. Laying there was a familiar sight, a scarf.

He gingerly picked it up, well aware that the best thing to do was to leave the room and let the TARDIS swallow this room up so it never appeared again. Instead though, he just held the scarf, studying it closely.

He had done the right thing. In the end, it was the right thing. Maybe the way he’d done it hadn’t been right, but she was fine now. She was getting her life back together. He couldn’t have let her continue on with him. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. And so the Doctor ended up where he always did, in the TARDIS, alone.

Staring down at the scarf, he gently brought it up to his face. It still smelled like her, despite the days spent in the drawer. He could remember when that smell surrounded him constantly, how both it and her had become so ingrained in his life he couldn’t remember a time before. Now though, this was all that was left. The Doctor could still remember the first time she had stepped into the TARDIS.

She’d been so excited, so happy, so innocent, ready for a new adventure. And he had been so willing to give that to her. To go off into the stars, maybe show off a bit, try to do anything to get her to laugh like that again. That had been the worst part of the end. The fact that she had stopped laughing. She had stopped smiling. He could see the adventures wearing on her as stops on Earth became more and more frequent, the way she dropped hints at taking longer breaks, at staying on Earth for a while. He couldn’t do that though. He wasn’t made to be domestic. And the thought of living a life on Earth, of having nothing to distract him from the fact that she was getting older and he never would. It was too much.

The Doctor pulled the scarf away from his face. He should have put it with the rest of her things. He should throw it away. She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t let her come back, couldn’t try to start again and watch the same thing happen. But he couldn’t do anything other than gently setting it in the same drawer and closing it. Maybe he would give it back one day. Maybe he’d drop by, check in. But then the thought of seeing her with someone else, seeing her live the life he couldn’t give her with someone else occurred. No, he would find something else to do with the scarf.

‘Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known

It was rare, I was there

I remember it all too well

It had been almost two years since the Doctor had left her and Y/N was existing. That was all she really could do. It felt impossible to thrive in a world where you knew the stars were so close but you could never touch them, but she tried. It was a slow promise of putting herself back together. There had been many stages of numbness, depression, anger, but she was starting to get to acceptance.

She went places without fear of memories now. They still happened. Sometimes she would walk down a street and suddenly the image of the Doctor’s eyes or smile would appear in her mind’s eyes. But she had learned to ignore it. By now, all she felt was pity.

Y/N felt bad for the Doctor. Because she knew him, maybe better than anyone else. He’d told her once that what they sometimes felt like the only real thing he’d ever known in his world where everything was always changing and ending. It was a rare thing, she mused. A Time Lord falling in love with a human. She now realized that maybe they had always been doomed.

Because the Doctor would always run. He would always be terrified of losing those around him. And so he would push them away, kick them out, make it so that even if he did outlive them, he didn’t have to watch it happen. The fact that he had let her get as close as she did was rare. But it probably wouldn’t happen again. Not for a very long time.

So despite the overwhelming sadness and anger she felt towards the Doctor for everything that had happened, she also felt pity. Because in the end, he would always end up in the TARDIS, alone. It almost seemed like a fact of the universe, something unchangeable. And the fact that she almost thought they would end up differently seemed laughable now.

Wind in my hair, you were there

You remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there

You remember it all

The Doctor tended to avoid modern day Earth. After all, he figured it was best if he never ran into Y/N again since he wasn’t sure either of them could take that. The TARDIS had another idea though as it seemed insistent on him going there. As it turns out, there was in fact an alien problem, something that was honestly very common on Earth now that he thought about it.

He figured it out. He always did. It was hard though. Of course the aliens had decided to set up shop right around all the places him and Y/N had visited whenever they were on Earth meaning he was fighting them and the memories that swarmed in his head. The wind catching her hair as she laughed at something he said, the way she had tripped coming down those stairs over that causing him to catch her, just the general feeling of being with her and having someone who loved him completely. Someone who was going to be there forever.

He finished up on Earth as soon as possible, making his way back to the TARDIS. As he was stepping in, something told him to turn around. Some deep feeling inside of him. And so he did. And standing just across the street was Y/N, staring at him.

The Doctor wasn’t sure what to do. Pretend he hadn’t seen her? It wasn’t like she could do anything about it. Go over to her? And say what? How are you doing? I’m sorry I kicked you out and left you at a park after breaking your heart? All the different scenarios ran through his head interlude with every memory he’d ever had of her coming roaring back, tugging at both his hearts. Then the simplest thing in the world happened. She rose her hand in greeting.

The Doctor slowly raised his own hand, giving her a little wave. Y/N seemed to smile as he slipped back into the TARDIS, memories following him behind him.

It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well

Y/N was really rather proud of herself. She could walk anywhere she wanted without fear of memories. Sure, they cropped up but now she didn’t even have to force herself to ignore them. Sometimes, she would even smile at what was now just a funny memory. She was actually on her way home from one of the stores her and the Doctor had visited before. There had apparently been a bit of a disturbance down the street but she didn’t even consider the fact that it might be alien.

Starting down the street, Y/N smiled at the memory of when she had tripped down a set of stairs, causing the Doctor to have to catch her. Looking back, they really had been some adorable idiots. Turning the corner though, she was met with an entirely new flood of memories. Because there he was. Him and the TARDIS. He was opening the door, making her think that perhaps the disturbance had not been entirely Earthly afterall.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get worse, for some reason, he turned around. Their eyes met and even though he was across the street, she could still picture those warm brown eyes. He was probably panicking. She realized that she wasn’t and that brought her a bit of a smile. Slowly, she raised her hand, waving a bit. It took him a few seconds to wave back before getting back in the TARDIS.

Y/N watched the TARDIS disappear, standing there for a few seconds after that. Then she smiled. What they had was over. And while the Doctor may still be running, from her, from the memories they shared, she was okay for now. She continued down the street, now just reminiscing on all the things she remembered all too well.

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