tizane-westwind

[tizane-westwind]

the church of england was literally started because henry viii, a man who cheated on his wife multiple times and had at least one child with one of the women he cheated on her with, wanted a divorce that the catholic church wouldn’t give him.

you are the last people who should be saying anything about the sanctity of marriage, you absolute clowns 💀💀💀

#heeeeeehehehehe

[tizane-westwind]

*bows dramatically*

I’ll be here all week.

My wife, confidently: I know Critical Role has a relationship with Wizards of Waverly…Coast?

Me, already booting up this app: I love you so much

[tizane-westwind]

I’ve been thinking about “you can’t pin joy like a moth” all day.

[tizane-westwind]

Here's a fun question. What's a weird looking animal that you love? Currently digging the red-lipped batfish.

Who is she?

I AM STUNNED BY HER

i like binturongs. the musk they release apparently smells like buttered popcorn and they look like dr seuss characters

[tizane-westwind]

[tizane-westwind]

Yeeeessss! We did it anon!

big fan of mrs concepts’ rewrite idea!! okay so i’ve never bullied anyone before so i’m just gonna use some of the most menacing(-ish, they’re kind of lacklustre) emojis i can find, and hope for the best

😡😡🤬🙄🤬😠😠😠😾(why is there an angry cat? why isn’t the angry cat giving any standard ‘unhappy cat’ cues??)😠😠☹️🙄😞😠😡🤬😤😤😤

😡😤write the blurb😤😡

ok thank you for your time. hope i didn’t decimate you with my phenomenal bulling and unparalleled antagonising message

The sky is an angry pink, a sure sign of storm on the horizon. You try not to look. Try not to think about what you're doing. The choice, after all, was made hours ago. It cannot be unmade now.

If you look up at that sky, frothing with clouds launched from some unseen master's spraypaint can, you will question yourself.

If you look down at the grass, crisp and brown from a summer without rain, you will find another question waiting. And another still in the incline, the curve stretching up, up, up toward that stormy horizon. Another still, in the tread of your worn canvas sneakers, slipping here and there as you grind your teeth, force your legs to carry you ever higher.

You can't afford the questions. You can't afford much at all, except the acid in your thighs, the aching clench of your calves, the sweat trickling down your brow. You don't think about any of it.

You climb. You climb, and you keep the words in your head. They came to you, unbidden, like a song in the middle of the night. They came to you, and you knew they would work. They always have before, for anyone fool enough to shape them.

Are you a fool? Outside answer suggests yes. Outside answer suggests anyone who strides--no, not strides; runs--up a slope that crests like a capital D at dawn must be a fool. Mad, at the very least. But you know, in your heart, that this will work. That one must sacrifice much for this sort of collusion. It's the oldest formula in the world, isn't it? Height times slope times hubris. No room for question. No room for letting the madness settle in your belly.

You climb, as near to a run as you can manage, up and up and up, and the words come. The words shape, salt-hot, breathed in sharp, ragged pants. Any god worth stretching toward will listen. The oldest ones always do. That, some part of you understands, is the danger.

Make the deal. Make the deal with the oldest words, multiply height and slope and hubris, demand what you must. God will answer. Which one, you can't say, but it matters little. Climb. Ask. Make the deal.

When you reach the top, the spell will catch, pull tight, an enduring knot yanked to absolution. Invisible hands will clasp. Salt-rhyme words will burn.

The person who slides down the other side of this hill--who will they be? You will not know, not for certain. Not until you return home, to that little room with its scratched-silver mirror. Until you peer into the glass.

Who will look back? Will you find the deal has been accepted? Will you find the old gods--whichever is good-humored enough to listen in on the prayers of mortal fools--wanting?

Whose eyes will gaze back?

You grit your teeth. You repeat the words. You climb.

[tizane-westwind]

girls who said “girls can lift chairs too” when the teacher asked for strong boys to lift chairs are gay now - i don’t make the rules

[tizane-westwind]

Okay, fans of my wife.

Hear me out. Bully novel into re-writing the song with me. Better yet, I’ll rewrite the face swap song and then novel should write a lovely short story about the face swapper. 😈

is this an instance of mrs concepts mishearing the song, or was this a deliberate creative decision she made in effort to improve the song and it’s imagery. either way. i’m a face swap song fan.

She laughed SO hard when I read this aloud to her.

She knows the song quite well (“especially in the year of our lord Stranger Things”), but she’s having a rough week and when her brain offered up an edit, she accepted it gladly. I, too, will be singing this version all day.

#novelconcepts #thats my wife #let’s swap faces!

[tizane-westwind]

I mean i quite like my brain, i’m really very fond of it i just think it’s a design failure that i can’t pop it out of the ole skull basket every night and plug it in to recharge. travesty really

[tizane-westwind]

“We were always calling ourselves the ‘Scooby Doo’ gang, like we were Daphne and Velma and Shaggy and Fred.” — Maya Hawke

STRANGER THINGS 4 + Scooby Doo

#why did I expect Dustin to be scooby?

[tizane-westwind]

the special relationship is as strong as ever, lads

[tizane-westwind]

The Pattern

[tizane-westwind]

The most loathsome motherfucker on the planet.

What a perfect illustration hof how the super rich see themselves. So obscenely rich they can buy out a Disney World ride, but so elitist and greedy that no one else is good enough to ride it with them.

I wish this miserable creatin a painful death.

#bless bogleech.

[tizane-westwind]

All of this, yes. I have been working in banking/lending fields for (woof) over ten years now.

Spoofing is the new method of scamming folks. Another method of determining if they are real is to tell them your unable to talk at the moment and you’ll call them right back. You can attempt to get a phone number from them if you’re feeling plucky, but if they’re any good at scamming it won’t be easily traced back to them. Then call your bank yourself.

Any financial institution worth their salt will require some sort of security screening to ensure you are indeed you. Even when they call you. But you have every right to screen them as well for your security. It’s a two way street and if they can’t give you any information they don’t need yours.

twice now, i have been called by scammers pretending to be bankers telling me i'd been scammed by someone else, and that they, the scammer/banker, would cancel the fraudulent transactions made in my name as soon as i gave them a bit of information to confirm my identity.

the second guy called me from my local bank branch's number and told me "someone in another city is attempting to make purchases with your debit card information" and after i expressed obvious distress he told me "don't worry, this is what i'm here for. we're going to get your cards/accounts cancelled/closed and then we'll all i need you to do is verify the 6-digit code that i've sent to your phone"

that 6-digit code was the code to reset my online banking password 🙃 which i didn't realize at the time. he then got into my online banking account and e-transferred himself $2,800. my bank reclaimed the money but i had to close my bank accounts, then open new bank accounts, cancel my debit and credit cards, get new debit and credit cards, alert two credit unions that i was a victim of fraud, change all my fucking passwords, etc etc

sorry if this shit is obvious to other people but it was not to me so:

if someone calls you, claiming to be from your bank telling you that there are suspicious charges on your account, hang up on them and call the number on the back of your debit card. worst case scenario, you hung up on someone and called a different person back but at least now you know you're talking to someone from the bank. best case scenario, you just hung up on a scammer and are already on the line with someone to report it.

keep your head on a fucking swivel out there

#scams #banking #when I call my dad there’s a 50/50 shot my mom will answer #don’t trust anyone

[tizane-westwind]

[tizane-westwind]

Listen. I don’t have an explanation for this… because one time I jokingly said, “yeah but have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time.” And my lovely wife pointed out I have watched films with more than one of them in the cast.

But like, Lindsey Lohan doesn’t have a twin and she sure coulda fooled a person in parent trap. Movie Magic - I rest my case.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3nqGIMbuRHs is this your wife

When I say Julien is the REASON I found out about my wife’s…skill set.

Me, years ago: you have to watch this, it’s hilarious

Her, blankly: …are. Are those not the same woman.

[tizane-westwind]

This makes it sound so much worse than it ACTUALLY was. I do not think Al Pacino and Ian McWhatshisface look the same.

But Al was not the pal I was picturing…

My wife (famously cannot tell Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock apart): why does he look like…this might be the wrong actor—

Me (a walking IMDB page): can’t wait