torispn15

[torispn15]

Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?

I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.

Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.

Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.

Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.

“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.

MOUNTAIN LODGE

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

Being an adult woman is just like “oh my tummy hurts” “oh my head hurts” “oh the burden of being alive is so heavy today” and then carrying on with your day.

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

NO girl dont ruin your early 20s by staying home every saturday and lamenting the death of your childhood while also being afraid to even act like a 20 something year old bc you still feel so young yet so old and lost all at once haha you’re so sexy!

[torispn15]

everyone calling abaddon the most boring spn villain has clearly forgotten cole. because what’s not to forget

[torispn15]

Data, laid across a couch dramatically: I am so sad that I do not have emotions. I dream every night of feeling, I am so scared that I will never experience emotions, it is my one wish to do so. Today I hugged Geordi and he smiled at me and I felt so happy, I wish I understood how it feels to love...

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

Oh my god, food extract is not the same as an essential oil.

Food extract is the flavoring of something cooked down into a carrier oil or alcohol that is safe for human ingestion.

Essential oil is the pure extract of the plant refined down and distilled for concentrated medicinal purposes to a significantly higher strength than simply adding ground up mint leaves to your water. The two are not comparable in any way.

Cinnamon extract and cinnamon essential oil are not the same thing.

One is about 100 times the strength of the other and can also cause acute organ failure. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the food extract.

Sweet gods I’m not trying to be mean, I want you to be aware and safe and stop putting yourselves and others at risk. Please.

[torispn15]

Hey why is Columbo the new gender. Why is he the new gender.

[torispn15]

finally watching its a terrible life and i cannot wait to see how gay dean smith actually is

[torispn15]

“The time of hot chocolaty mornings and toasty marshmallow evenings.”

Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997) dir. Karl Geurs

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

[torispn15]

How are you doing? You want to talk about me now?

[torispn15]

I threw a dog on the ground today 😭😭😭