tornskinpoetry

[tornskinpoetry]

“It feels strange not to want. To not have a person I feel like I physically need. To not feel like I am missing a part of myself anymore.

Yet I close my eyes at night and I still wish for a now faceless body next to me. It’s almost lonelier now.”

Not feeling a longing pain does not mean I am happy // What I want to say {m.a)

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #thoughts #heart break #love #spilled ink poetry

[tornskinpoetry]

It's my 8 year anniversary on Tumblr… terrifying 🥳

#8 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #it’s been longer than that but I deleted previous iterations

[tornskinpoetry]

“We were never meant to be more than we were. We both needed that comfort from someone else

We wouldn’t have survived a relationship”

Comments on what could have been // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #ldm #you’re gonna go far

[tornskinpoetry]

"You're back. I don't know how I feel about it. I'm sad for you that it didn't work out with her. In the same thought though I can't say I don't feel a little gleeful and self-satisfied that the reason you left ended up failing. But at the same time, it no longer feels the same to have you back. I don't know if I want you in my life anymore if it's not going to feel the same. I know it never will because I don't think I could ever go back to what was knowing how quickly and easily you left the first time. I also don't know how to talk to you anymore. I used to be able to say whatever was on my mind to you and ask you any questions but now I find myself rereading texts time and time again before hitting send and wanting to call to ask you questions but I no longer feel like I can. I want that ease again and the comfort that came with it. I don't think that space exists for us anymore.”

Almost lovers // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #break up #MR

[tornskinpoetry]

“You checked in on me. Only 6 months too late in my opinion. It’s not too hard to follow through on what you said you were going to do and show that you can have empathy for someone. It screams guilty guilty guilty the way even in checking up on my you were hesitant. Hearing from you after I’d already moved on cut to the bone a wound that had been long healed. Yes I’m doing better. Yes I get why you reached out you said you would. But for me it feels like you are only now seeking forgiveness and closure that the distraction she brought you is gone. I’ve been aware for months now that what we had was over. I don’t need the closure from you. I found closure myself in my comfort music, and my tears and my plants and candles.

You’re treating me like a situation that needs to be handled. It’s too much like you’re trying to smooth things over that staying friends would iron out all the wrinkles and make your life easier. It feels fake and forced the way we are now. Like all the memories and emotions from the past can stay neatly behind us. I don’t know why you feel the need to reach out now. But I am doing better. Yes I’m doing better I don’t need the closure you seek for yourself.“

How closure fits my life // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #heart break #thoughts #break up #mr #taylor swift #closure #anger #frustration

[tornskinpoetry]

requested by flowers-for-sappho

[tornskinpoetry]

being tangled up around unresolved feelings is so crazy because one of us certainly fell for the other and i don't know if it's me or it's you.

#ldm

[tornskinpoetry]

[tornskinpoetry]

And I wondered what it was like to be chosen. I was never chosen. I was a maybe, a probably, sometimes even a definitely but never the one, never the chosen one.

Unknown

[tornskinpoetry]

“I didn’t love you. I couldn’t love you. I didn’t know you.

I knew you. I’d met you. For two years. On and off. But I didn’t know you.

There were moments I thought I loved you. I thought it was a crush. Maybe it could be more.

I could text you while heart broken from whatever new guy I’d been with and you’d come right over. I could just want company and you’d always be there but we never actually talked.

You sent me the photos from your family trip. It threw me so off guard. We never talked. Why now? The beginning of the end for us.

I should have known then. But I didn’t want to see what would make this hard. Now you’re gone and I didn’t get my closure.

I wish I had gotten to love you. But now you’re off. Gone to you’re new adventure. To be the amazing person I saw in you but could never love.”

To the boy who was there for me whenever I needed him: I love you Luc thank you for everything, for the experiments, for the learning about who I am, and for teaching me what I love about myself// What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #goodbye my love #ldm #thank you Luc D Metevier for being the truest love I could have had while at UMASS #so glad you’ll never see this #i wish i could have not felt like this #we could have been #i shouldn't have been surprised

[tornskinpoetry]

"So there it is, just as I thought would happen you got to know me and now you want to leave. It's nothing new anymore don't worry darling. I'm used to it but I'm beginning to wonder if that's the problem. I don't want it to hurt so I keep my distance don't let you get to know me you feel the space and move on."

I always care though even though I know I can't change it // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #heart break #love #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #break up #spilled ink #unrequited love #NR

[tornskinpoetry]

“I don’t know why I do this to myself. Push away people. He liked me. But I couldn’t pass up the idea that he didn’t. I hooked up with another guy the night after our date at a party his friends were at. Of course they’d tell him how the boy had marks the next day and so did I. I decided for myself that it meant that now he wouldn’t like me and cut him off. I didn’t give him the opportunity to stay.”

The hookup was worth it though // what I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up #nr #rc

[tornskinpoetry]

being tangled up around unresolved feelings are so crazy because one of us certainly fell for the other and i don't know if it's me or it's you.

[tornskinpoetry]

“You are the example of a perfect gentleman coming and picking me up and paying for my meals. Something no one has ever done for me before. I feel so uncomfortable with it because I feel it’s something I don’t deserve. That when you inevitably change your mind about me that you’ll regret the time and money you spent on me. I wish I didn’t feel this way.”

You haven’t promised to stay yet // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up #nr

[tornskinpoetry]

"I love the feeling of your name on my tongue - the way the shapes of the letters feel in my mouth. The softness is just like the feeling of your mouth on mine and our tongues meeting gently. Warm and fuzzy feelings envelop my thoughts in the silences after saying it."

I just don't know if you feel the same // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #du und ich #NR #his name

[tornskinpoetry]

I’ll find love elsewhere now. I’ll find it in the barista who calls me darling, in the cats that brush up against my legs, in the hugs my friends give me, in the customers who call me mija and mami, in my pets when they snuggle up to nap with me, and I’ll find it in my family in my cousins who want me to move closer to them so we can finally be as close as we have always wanted to be. I’ll find comfort in the soft fur of the animals I love so much, in warm coffee, and in sunshine on my bed in the morning.

And I’ll remind myself that it was always there. // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #thoughts #love #spilled ink poetry

[tornskinpoetry]

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”

— Lauren Oliver