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totally-sarcasm · 13 hours
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Alright, hear me out
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Behold, a sword
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Hilt? ✅
Guard? ✅
Used for cutting? ✅
Infinitely long blade? ✅
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totally-sarcasm · 13 hours
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Scream
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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Dm: you enter through the painting and find that it’s dark. Do any of you have dark vision?
Warlock: yeah I have 10 torches
(While we are discussing how to light the torches…)
Bard: can I intimidate the dark into not being dark
*laughter from party members*
DM: sure. Why not.
*…Natural 20.*
*even more laughter*
DM: y’know what? Fine. The mushrooms that were on the wall are so scared by your big dick energy that they start to glow. It is no longer dark.
Thanks to @the-uno-reverse-card for being an awesome DM and putting up with our bullshit 🫡
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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"would you fuck your clone" = boring, who cares, the answer says nothing about you other than whether or not you're your own type
"would you fuck MY clone" = unexpected, high potential to cause a lot of 'why would you fuck my clone and not me?' drama, reasonable question to ask if you're a mad scientist
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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why is half of youtube filled with 47 minute long videos that look like this
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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do u wanna come over and play drugs
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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is Hank mushroom colored or is mushroom Hank colored?
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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I am literally begging you to have limits. You can be depraved and kinky and all that, but please let yourself have limits, for your own wellbeing and health. There is not a single person alive that is okay with everything that could possibly be thrown at them. I say this especially for younger people, like freshly 18 year olds. Yes, you're an adult, you are allowed to engage in kink, but that doesn't mean that you won't be taken advantage of because of your inexperience. There are predatory people out here who jump on young people who don't know any better and don't know how to stand up for their boundaries. Please take care of yourself
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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THE VERY FIRST STAR TREK SLASH FIC PUBLISHED
“A Fragment out of Time”, published in 1974. Kirk / Spock. page 1 page 2
I had to share it with you because I can’t stop laughing, and every time I reread it it just gets funnier and fUNNIER
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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Sometimes people tell me I'm a good person. I'm not a good person by nature, or by default. I'm a good person because I've decided that it's important to me to act like one, on a daily basis, forever.
My actual nature is that I want power. I want power and I want my life to be easy and I want other people to be forced to be nice to me even if they hate me. I want other people to have to suck up to me, I want to watch people who I know hate me suffer through the indignity of having to suck up to me. I want to hurt people who hurt me. I want all of these things in the same exact deeply recognizable way that a gorilla or a chimpanzee does. I watch those documentaries and I recognize myself, intimately. The fact that I can behave like a good person in spite of that has taken me a long time and a lot of effort to achieve.
What you feel isn't as important for your "goodness" as what you do. And you get good at what you practice. So practice your skills at being polite, pleasant, kind. Practice gently interrupting negative behaviors--whether that's someone's negative behaviors directed towards themselves, or directed towards someone else. The idea that we have to be inherently without sin is such Christian garbage. It's psychological gibberish. We want things! We want everything! That is normal and human and the key is not acting on every bad feeling you have.
I have taken my insatiable desire for power and to manipulate people and I have used it for good. I have learned how to manipulate people into coming to the doctor and taking their blood pressure medication and being honest about their recreational substance use. I have taken my psychology education and I have used it to craft a persona that makes people feel at ease. I go home at the end of the day exhausted, because maintaining a persona for ten hours straight is exhausting, but I do it happy, because I manipulated the people I work with into feeling better and having brighter days. I manipulated my patients into feeling good about their achievements and recognizing where we need to do things differently.
The hard part is that when the mask slips, people find it not just off-putting but deeply upsetting. When I explain things like "I have thought very carefully about how I would conduct a career in domestic terrorism because I would genuinely like to bomb the headquarters of most American insurance companies, but I don't see a way to do it without getting caught and either killed or spending the rest of my life in prison, and at the moment I consider that an unacceptable outcome," people go from "ha ha! my wacky colleague" to "Jesus Christ, I didn't realize there was something actually wrong with you."
Anyway, don't make your kids read the extended works on Machiavelli at twelve, my dad thought he was helping me but all he accomplished was making me sad I'll never be a king.
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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Unmute !
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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sometimes i think about village sign languages and. man…
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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Anyway, here’s why this is the best meme of the 2010’s
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This meme is an internet staple that managed to be versatile, unproblematic, inclusive, and best of all one of the greatest examples of a shitpost. The humour was not in the grandeur, not in the references, not in the junxapositioning of labled words, nor in the relatability of it all. The humour is in the simplicity, the artistic composition of the original image, the three course meal of fashion that was served by the subject, and of course, the iconic pose that changed the way we see one’s hands clasped together with one’s feet shoulder-width apart.
This meme is a reflection of the average: middle class life in the ‘burbs; taking pictures at everyday landmarks such as the uneven sidewalk by your house or the tree you almost crashed into when you just got your learners permit; wearing your favourite matching top and bottom in a picture to show off the 18k gold plated wristwatch and loafers your nana got you for your birthday; the grandest joys in the most average of things.
In a way, I think deep down, we all know that Luciano did not actually have to do it to em, but we, as a society, are better off because he did
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totally-sarcasm · 1 day
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I hate waiting for things to stop being popular so i can enjoy them
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