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toujoursincorrect · 12 days
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Narcissa: Did you beat up those kids?
Bellatrix: No, they apologized.
Andromeda: I heard screaming.
Bellatrix: That was the apologizing.
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toujoursincorrect · 22 days
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James: You never know when you are gonna find your dream person. Anyone on the street could be 'they'!
Remus: It feels like you googled 'How to talk to your bisexual friends'.
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toujoursincorrect · 1 month
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Bellatrix: Well, how was I supposed to know purposeful dismemberment wasn't allowed here?
Andromeda: Where the hell have you been that ANY dismemberment is allowed?!
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toujoursincorrect · 2 months
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Dorcas: Why are guys holding hands?
Remus: Studies show that holding hands can reduce stress.
Dorcas: Oh. I though you were dating or something.
Remus: We are.
Sirius: We’re also really fucking stressed.
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toujoursincorrect · 3 months
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Lily: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with Potter.
Marlene: Really?
Lily: Yes.
Marlene: You accidentally slept with James Potter?
Lily: Yes.
Marlene: Accidentally?
Lily: Yes.
Marlene: I don't understand. Did you trip over something?
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toujoursincorrect · 3 months
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Druella: Are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?
Bellatrix: Pretty sure we all are.
Regulus: I wasn’t.
Andromeda: I was.
Narcissa: I was trying to stop them, for your consideration.
Sirius: I just cause aneurysms naturally.
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toujoursincorrect · 3 months
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McGonagall: Are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?
James: Pretty sure we all are.
Lily: I wasn’t.
Marlene: I was.
Remus: I was trying to stop them, for your consideration.
Sirius: I just cause aneurysms naturally.
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toujoursincorrect · 4 months
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Andromeda: I've never been in a snowball fight before. I don't know the rules.
Ted: huh?
Andromeda: Is there a point system or is it to death?
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toujoursincorrect · 5 months
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Sirius: I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve been feeling nauseous lately.
James: Maybe you’re pregnant?
Sirius: …
James: …
Sirius: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, you because you suggested it, or me, because i just had a heart attack.
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toujoursincorrect · 7 months
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Remus: *sees Sirius wearing fancy clothes*
Remus, sad: I see you have a date. Who's the lucky person?
Sirius: …
Sirius: I forgot to ask you, didn't I?
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toujoursincorrect · 7 months
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Remus: You know what‘s funny?
Sirius: That I‘m in love with you and you still haven‘t noticed?
Remus: No, I—
Remus: WAIT, WHAT?!
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toujoursincorrect · 7 months
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Lily: There is a thin line between being a genius and being a complete idiot.
Lily: My husband and his friends use that line as a fucking jump rope.
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toujoursincorrect · 8 months
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Lily: You’re from London, right?
Sirius: Okay, first of all my parents live in London.
Sirius: I live in the moment.
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toujoursincorrect · 8 months
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Peter, to the marauders: Guys… We’re friends, right? Are we friends?
Sirius: Worse. We’re family.
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toujoursincorrect · 8 months
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Sirius: Self-care is for the weak!
Remus: *coughs*
Sirius: We need an ambulance!
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toujoursincorrect · 10 months
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Ted: It's like feeding two birds with one hand!!
Andromeda: ...Do you mean "killing two birds with one stone"?
Ted, very serious: I would never hurt a bird.
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toujoursincorrect · 11 months
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James: So, you like cats?
Lily: Yes.
James: *tries to impress her by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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