tragedyface

[tragedyface]

Bistro Huddy AU where Lexi is Bridget and Fezco is Nico.

Maddy is Nicole obviously.

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexi howard #lexco #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

IF season 3 happens it should have no mention of Fezco but end with Lexi driving out to a weed farm and you just see a the back of a shaved head going down the farm house steps to her

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexi howard #lexco #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Fezco: to be topa the game like me you gotta have complete control of everyone and everythin' in yo life

*

Lexi: Hey I know you're super busy but do you think you could drop everything to drive me to the library?

Fezco: Of course baby!

*

Fezco: Yo I been thinkin' that we should be branchin' more into the middle class adult market. The sad MILFs an' what not

Ashtray: Nah that's dumb, we ain't doin' that

Fezco: You probably right

*

Fezco: Rue you owe me 50 dollars

Rue: No I don't

Fezco: damn, my bad Rue, musta been thinkin' of someone else

*

Faye: Can I have half your sandwich?

Fezco: hell naw Faye! You can NOT have half my sandwich! .... just take the whole thing, I'll make another, it's no trouble

*

Fezco: Complete. Control

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Fezco: Go unload the car

Ash: 'Go unload the car' what?

Fezco: Go unload the car now, how 'bout that?

Ash: That how you talk to people

Fezco: That how I talk to you

Ash: Yo I wanna talk to yo manager

Fezco: Wha'?

Ash: Yo Lexi!

Fezco: No no no, we all cool here playa, no need to go nuclear

#fexi #fezco and lexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fez and lexi #fezco x lexi #lexco #lexi x fez #lexi howard #fezco

[tragedyface]

Ashtray: Yo I found this kitten outside. It's smol, like a runt or summin'

Fez: Yo Ash, put him back, I don't need another responsibility when you get bored of it

Lexi: Awww is that a kitten? Let me see! Who's kitten is this?

*Ashtray does not even need to look at Fez*

Ashtray: Ours. His name is Purrari

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco #fez and lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco x lexi #lexi howard #lexco #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

SEASON ONE RE-WRITE

Lexi: um, I don't know. I've never really been in a situation where two guys have been interested in me.

Cassie: That's 'cause you're shy.

Lexi: I guess so, but I've also never been in a situation where I've been interested in two guys.

Cassie: That's also 'cause you're shy.

Lexi: What if...there was someone who I thought liked me? How do I handle that?

Cassie: Do you like him...or her?

Lexi: Him. Yeah. I do. I don't know him that well but I'd like too

Cassie: so get to know him?

Lexi: yeah....I'm gonna do that

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco x lexi #fezco #fez and lexi #lexi howard #lexi x fez #lexco

[tragedyface]

"Lexi! Look what I can do! Lexi! Hey! That's my girl Lexi over there! She pretendin' not to know me! LEXI!"

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Ashtray: she knows I don't let you handle the money

Fezco: I got my allowance!

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Lexi's usually happy for Fez to take the lead in bed except after a performance when she's like "take your pants off and sit your ass down cus I'm gonna ride you like you're a merry go round horse and i'm full of molly"

And he's just like "Yes ma'am"

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Rue: I was trying to find Fezco last night but he's gone AWOL, you know where he's gone?

Lexi: *panics* Oklahoma!

Rue: Fez is in Oklahoma?

Lexi: ....yes

Rue: what's he doing there?

Lexi: He is...at...a...farming convention

Rue: he's at a farming convention? In Oklahoma?

Lexi: He is indeed...doing...that

Rue: OK, so Fez is in Oklahoma

Lexi: that is...what I said

Rue: So if he's on Oklahoma what his car doing parked outside your house?

#fexi #fexi hive #fezco and lexi #fezco #fez x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez #fezco x lexi

[tragedyface]

Fezco: Lexi I can tell somethin' is up with you. Why you ain't tellin' me baby? Is it me? Did I do something? Cus if I did I'm sorry-

Lexi: No! No! It could never be you

Fezco: Then what is it? Come on, talk to me

Lexi: There's this new teacher at school and he's just been making me feel weird. Like he's really nice to me and I thought he was gonna be 'that teacher' for me, the Robin Williams one. But the other day he touched my leg..."

*The principles office the next day*

Fezco: So i'm just givin' you the heads up so you can fire his ass so you ain't payin' his medical bills when I beat him featureless

Principle: And you said you're.... Lexi's father?

Fezco: That ain't what I said

#fexi #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fexi hive #fezco x lexi #lexi x fez #fez and lexi #lexi howard #lexco #fezco

[tragedyface]

Fezco: I GOT A NAME!

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

Ashtray: Lexi's here"

Fezco: Shit. Aigh't , listen up *looks around at Laurie's crew* my girls about to come in here so all of y'all need to be cool as hell and be coroberatin' that this here is a book club and not a drug deal.

Lexi: Hi, is this a bad time? Ash said you had friends over

Fezco" Hey sweetheart. Naw, just chillin' with my book club

Lexi: You're part of a book club?

Fezco: Sure am!

Lexi: what's the book?

Fezco: Huh?

Lexi: What book are you reading?

Fezco: err *looks around* err *looks around more* *spots a book* yeah, we read... Where them Cradads -

Lexi: Crawdads

Fezco: Crawdads be Singin'. Yeah. Was a dope ass book!

Bruce: Really? I found it problematic and frankly too saccharine to be taken seriously but that's just one man's opinion

Bruce Jr: I feel like the author thought 'To Kill A Mockingbird but make it all white'

Mullet with the machine gun: I did like the twist

Bruce Jr: Saved it man, saved the whole damn book!

Fezco: So yeah, broad opinions

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi x fez #lexi howard #fezco

[tragedyface]

Ash: I think we should get a guard dog

Fezco: Ash we got enough shit going on

Ash: I think it's be good incase we ever get raided again. And you know how Mouse used to sneak up on us. We foreal need a dog. A smart one too

Fezco: ...OK...I guess...

Lexi: Don't get anything cliché, you don't want to advertise that you sell drugs

Fezco: Got it

Faye: I'm allergic to most dogs so you need to get a hypochondriac one

Fezco: Hypoallergenic?

Faye: Gesundheit

Ash: and not any 'narc' dogs that can sniff drugs a mile-a-way, we don't need to get narced on by our own guy

Fezco: So we need a dog that is a good guard dog but not an obvious drug dealer dog, is hypoallergenic, is real smart and ain't got the best nose...welcome to the team Mayor McCutie

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi howard #lexi x fez

[tragedyface]

AU where Fezco is famous and Lexi doesn't have a clue who he is

"My roommate dragged me to this party in the Hills and disappeared so I just sat down on the nearest couch I could find. I think I must have stumbled upon this unspoken VIP area because everyone kept looking at me and there was just this one guy there. So I asked him 'it's OK that I'm sitting here, right?' And he says 'yeah, you good. What's your name?' So I tell him and he says that he likes my name and it's a nice name"

"So he was trying to flirt with you. What did you say?"

"...I said thank you"

"Of course you did. Did you get his name?"

"He had this crazy unique name -Fezco?"

"....I think you should Google that"

"He texted me"

"What!?"

"He said he's filming near campus and asked if I want to come see the set"

"And his trailer I bet"

"Have you seen him again?"

"He's been away but we talk a lot"

"What do you talk about?"

"Everything?"

"He has to go to this premier and asked if I wanted to go! Like as a date!"

"Why are you freaking out?"

"Because it's a date! And a movie premier! Like, I can't wear a sundress and cardigan to that!"

"He said he'd 'send something over'. Like who does that?"

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fez and lexi #fezco x lexi #lexi x fez #lexi howard #lexco #fezco

[tragedyface]

In my head Ashtray greets Lexi kinda low key rude like

"Yo Blair Waldorf in the house!"

And Lexi's like "...thanks?" not getting it at first.

And it carries on like

"Who ordered the nerd?"

And

"You get lost on the way to the Gilmour Girls set?"

"Fez! Velma here for yo' ass"

And one day she snaps she's like "Thanks for the intro Scrappy Doo"

And he's like:

And Fezco and Faye are like

"OMG! You are SO Scrappy-Doo! Good one Lexi!"

And Lexi's just like

And Ashtray respects her.

#fexi #fexi hive #fezco and lexi #fez x lexi #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexco #lexi x fez #lexi howard #fezco

[tragedyface]

*Fezco taking down all Lexi's dark academia spooky season decorations and putting up wholesome Christmas decorations whisting 'god rest ye merry gentleman*

Lexi: And you just have to do that right away?

#fexi #fexi hive #fez x lexi #fezco and lexi #fezco x lexi #fez and lexi #lexi howard #lexco #fezco #lexi x fez