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AIN’T NO REST FOR THE WICKED

these are bookmarks I made for vaulthunting Voyage, its a borderlands charity zine you can still get, all proceeds go to the extra life charity 

get it here: xx

a lot of wonderfully talented people worked on this zine so please consider getting yourself a copy!!

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Part of a conversation between myself and my brother during our most recent Borderlands 2 session.

i hate Badass Loaders more, personally.

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Aha! I knew actual stats/backstory/profile/whatever images existed as BL2 promotional material but I hadn’t seen them in years and I finally tracked them down!

Official ages (and planets of origin bc that interests me I guess) of all Borderlands Vault Hunters:

BRICK: 36 as of BL2 (31 in BL1; 41 in BL3) / homeworld: Menoetius

LILITH: 27 as of BL2 (22 in BL1; 32 in BL3) / homeworld: Dionysus

MORDECAI: 39 as of BL2 (34 in BL1; 44 in BL3) / homeworld: Artemis

ROLAND: 34 as of BL2 (29 in BL1; would have been 39 in BL3) / homeworld: Promethea (which has unofficially been confirmed as a location in BL3)

AXTON: 26 as of BL2 (would’ve been 21 in BL1; 31 in BL3) / homeworld: Hieronymus

MAYA: 25 as of BL2 (would’ve been 20 in BL1; 30 in BL3) / homeworld: Athenas (really, you’re gonna just add an S to this one?)

SALVADOR: 36 as of BL2, same as Brick (would’ve been 31 in BL1; 41 in BL3) / homeworld: Pandora

ZER0: age unknown / homeworld unknown

GAIGE: 18 as of BL2 (would’ve been 13 in BL1; 23 in BL3) / homeworld: Eden 5

KRIEG: age unknown / homeworld: Hera. I can’t actually find an “official” one of these (this looks like a fanwork to me?), but the information is accurate.

And, surprisingly, there’s a Captain Scarlett one as well

CAPTAIN SCARLETT: 29 as of BL2 (would’ve been 24 in BL1; 34 in BL3) / homeworld: Eunomia

So, what did we learn?

A lot of Greek gods, mostly. Also that Mordecai is old as balls.

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This one was a blast! I recently played through the Borderlands Series again and it was so amazing. Expect more Borderlands doodles. This time I wanted to go for a clean line look.

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Video Game Challenge ↳ [1/7] male characters: Krieg the Psycho (Borderlands) “Still can’t hear me, can you? The little voice in your head trying to remind you of a time when we could go hours, days even, without screaming about our desire to ride bicycles made of meat? I don’t even remember…”

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Maya Headcanons Because I Feel Like It

her favorite foods are some of the nastiest combinations of things that she doesnt seem to understand should absolutely never go together like sardines and peanut butter but no one can convince her its gross

she is only content to wear dresses if she doesnt have to wear fancy shoes with them

she carries a traumatic pride in her siren tattoos and abilities because of her upbringing that she doesnt hide but will never talk about willingly

she plays the dumbest echo games to pass the time

she says cringe culture is dead and never judges anyone else for the things they enjoy but also calls herself cringe

she adopted a spiderling once and promptly forgot about it and didnt remember until she accidentally fast travelled to sanctuary with it and it started freaking out about being fast travelled

she carries a set of photos in her holo deck that no one is allowed to see and everyone assumes are sentimental in some way, when they are, in fact, just tiny inspirational kitten photos

she once grabbed zer0s hand because theyre friends why wouldnt she hold hands with her friends and they stared at her for too long and then stared at their hands for too long and stared at the ground for too long and it got really awkward and zer0 said "Well, this is awkward/Do I have enough fingers?/I am uncertain." and it got too awkward to keep holding hands but it was also too awkward to stop so she just stood there until they let go to go do something else

following that incident zer0 did give her a very awkward and unnecessary apology gift in the form of a cool class mod they found that they covered in sticky notes with doodles on them

which sparked an ongoing gift trade every once in a while where they just give each other cool shit covered in sticky note doodles

they both keep all the sticky note art

she and krieg make friendship bracelets with tina on their downtime

she learned all her friendship bracelet skills from krieg but everyone thinks tina taught her all these intricate weaving techniques

krieg does anything she asks so she asks him to tell her when he doesnt want to do what shes asking because she knows what it feels like to do what you dont want to for someone else no matter how bad it is and she thinks its very cute in a very sad way when sometimes hell violently shake his head when she tries to give him a friendly pat on his arm and will give him the space he wants until he makes it explicitly clear hes okay with touch

tina invited her and krieg and zer0 to a dress up tea party but krieg and zer0 had nothing "fancy" to wear so she haphazardly stitched a dress out of salvaged bandit shirts for krieg and gave zer0 a sundress shed saved and kept from somewhere and both of them loved their new outfits so much that they didnt take them off for weeks

sometimes she drinks with axton and sometimes she just hangs out with him while hes drinking and they gush about hot people and sexy guns and inspirational kitten posters

he sends her memes and asks for judgment on his bad flirting

shes not as close with salvador but they still find time to rage over uno every couple weeks and its the best bonding experience theyve had with each other so far

she and gaige get up to hijinks like its nobodys business, which it isnt

maya actually LOVES pranking people and gaige is one of the best people to do that with

they bond over growing up in more "civilized" places and learning that they like life on pandora much better even if the healthcare is some shady unlicensed guy with big needles and food isnt usually that good and they slaughter on a regular basis

she comes home living her life the way she wants to with people she loves and trusts and is content knowing that she doesnt know what tomorrow brings but she has a family now and even if theyre gone one day or shes gone someday theyll always have had this, even just for a little while

i spent so long writing this and i need to go to bed i just needed to talk about her i love her so much

ill probably make more of these for everybody

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Another AU to add to my list of AUs: a jpop idol AU

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Listen, I know it's "cringe" and everyone is supposed to hate it because it's bad or whatever the excuse is for the current entry, but I legit love the Borderlands series.

Unlike most other games I've played, they add gay and bi characters and ironically play them straight.

In 2, you hear about how Hammerlock had a boyfriend and you're helping to find a memento left behind when the guy got eaten (long after they broke up, it's not a 'died for gay character growth' trope). Axton is revealed to be bi, but the only thing they go to town about is his ex wife and how is is "engaged to his turret".

In the pre-sequel, Janey had a wife that also got eaten, and you help her exact revenge. She's also a stalker of Moxxi, and while they do make fun of stalkers with it, they never make fun of her for being a lesbian.

3 really takes the cake, though. When you meet Jakobs, he tells you in no uncertain terms that he and Hammerlock are dating. Stuff like "my darling partner, love of my life". Their wedding is an entire DLC! When they are together they actually interact like people rather than just generic rep tossed in for the sake of Woke Points! And there is even an entire section where Jakobs talks about how he feels so inadequate for being so different from Hammerlock, thinking that he'd be better with someone more like him. You don't even get this kind of stuff with straight characters in media!

And Wonderlands has the gay skeleton pirates exes and their antics. Which, once again, have great dialogue with each other through the end of their story.

Like, yeah - it shows that the people who worked on it really care about it. Usual modern dev issues with bugs and balance aside, everything actually feels good and evolves with each entry. But I honestly really love the series because it has explicitly canon gay characters, and not once do they make this big deal about it or use it as a joke.

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If you could look into their brains all you would hear is elevator music

They have no fucking clue what's happening at any given moment

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broke: farming weapons or whatever

woke: farming the Marry Me emote so you can propose to your girlfriend

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Moze: man, no girl is ever gonna want to date a weirdo like me who’s living life on the run and has a giant metal killing machine as a BFF :/

Gaige, from five galaxies away:

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Borderlands 2 Locations rated by how well I would fare there as an ice cream truck driver, sorted by worst to best

DLC locations excluded because I'm a broke bastard and the list is long enough as it is.

19: Caustic Caverns

There's nothing there! The only customers I would get are Threshers and Varkids, both of whom I have a boiling, seething hatred for, and there's acid lakes everywhere! That'll ruin my truck! All I'd have for company would be Elyse Booth's severely depressing echos and the (frankly bangin') ambient track.

Most requested flavour: Varkids love the taste of soft, tender ice cream vendor.

18: Southern Shelf

Have you ever looked at a glacier and thought: Yes, that's the perfect place to have me some of that cold sugar cream? Me neither! And given Captain Flynt's propensity for torture I don't think it's the safest turf to drive a truck through. My one (1) customer would be Sir Hammerlock way up on Liar's Berg, and he'd mostly buy my stuff out of a sense of obligation and pity. Also Claptrap is there.

Most requested flavour: Minty Chocolate, by Sir Hammerlock and Sir Hammerlock only.

17: The Bunker

I bet Angel's never had ice cream. I bet Angel's not allowed to have ice cream. I bet I'd just make myself sad trying to describe the taste the different flavours I have to her, knowing full well she'll never sample them.

Most requested flavour: Berry Mix, most requested but never eaten as again, Jack won't let me through to the control core.

16: Wildlife Exploitation Preserve

Not only do I have to listen to the screams of victims of torture and experimentation, I also have to contend with all manner of starving and mistreated beasts attracted to the smell of my truck. And as cute as they are, I'm pretty sure having a puking skag try to get into your freezer is unsanitary.

Most requested flavour: All of the contents of my truck, after it's been flipped over by hungry skags for the third time this week.

15: Arid Nexus

Now that's just a depressing locale. Nobody sees the ruins of their former home and thinks man, I could go for some soft serve right now. And once again, my clientel would consist of mostly bandits, so I get to be vaguely sad and constantly fearing for my life and cream.

Most requested flavour: Pistachio, a sad flavour for sad people stuck in the past.

14: Sawtooth Cauldron

Is a bitch to navigate even on foot, you think I can get my ice cream truck through there? I get hopelessly lost there even when I can somehow get myself from Point A to Point B situated 100 feet below without shattering my ankles along with every other bone in my body, you think my truck can handle these stunts?

Most requested flavour: Rocky Road - nuts to crack a bandit's teeth and marshmallow to pull them out.

13: Opportunity

Now initially, Opportunity scores some points by being a clean environment filled with workers who have experience with the process of exchanging money for goods and services. Naturally, these workers only have a five second break to work with, so I would probably have to invest in some kind of ice cream cannon to immediately transfer that milky goodness into the workers' waiting mouths. All that's left is to become a class traitor and completely sell out - and become an asset of the Hyperion corperation for life and after death.

Most requested flavour: Hyperion's™ © ® Handsome Jack's™ © ® Butt Stallion's™ © ® Glitter Cream.

12: Lynchwood

We have canon evidence that there is a demand for ready-to-eat cuisine in Lynchwood, given their grilled skag stands. With my truck, the Lynchwoodians don't even have to cross the street to get their fix, I'll come straight to their doorstep! My only problem is Nisha, and the iron fist she rules her kingdom (sheriffdom?) with. Do I trust myself to run an ice cream truck without breaking any laws? Given that while writing this I am literally listening to the Borderlands UST which I priated I absolutely don't.

Most requested flavour: Malaga (rum soaked raisins). It's Nisha's favourite. All other flavours are illegal.

11: The Fridge

I know that the general code of conduct when you see someone shoplifting is to ignore it, but when there's a tunnel rat up to their elbows in a tub of soft serve, I've got a health code violation on my hands - or rather, on theirs. On the plus side, I just know these rats are always, always hungry and Laney has proven that with some kindness shown they're ready to act like a person and consider alternatives to cannibalism.

Most requested flavour: That One Fucked Up Old Bay Seasoning Ice Cream From The Brian David Gilbert Video, You Know The One.

10: Eridium Blight

I have one customer and one customer only: Mal the Human Man. That's alright, because Mal the Human Man is aching for the normal human activity of shoving frozen sugary udder juice into his facial orifice and making uncomfortable small talk. Also, you can't beat that Eridium Blight view. And it's got a place called Lover's Leap - what a romantic location to enjoy a sweet treat!

Most requested flavour: Cosmopolitan, the most average flavour.

9: Hero's Pass and the Vault of the Warrior

Close your eyes and imagine with me: You're about to enter the vault, taking the final step in your fight against the man exploiting and aiming to eradicate Pandora. All of a sudden, you hear it - a jaunty little jingle. Why not have a last ice cream before facing your destiny?

Yeah, I don't get a lot of repeat customers.

Most requested flavour: Y'know when people were convinced the world was going to end in 2012 and ordered food with gold flakes on them because they thought they weren't going to have to pay? Yeah, I don't think I'll see them again.

8: Frostburn Canyon

Now I readily agree that it is far too cold to sell ice cream in Frostburn Canyon. However, the cult of the Firehawk politely disagree - no cold confectionary treat is too cool to douse the flames of passion in their hearts or something. That's fine by me - I'll just make sure to slap on a temporary firehawk tattoo to avoid getting human sacrificed.

Most requested flavour: Dark chocolate and flamin' hot chili.

7: Three Horns

The high rating of these locations (yes, I combined Three Horns Valley and Divide, what are you gonna do about it) hinges on one locale only: Bloodshot Stronghold. If I play my cards juuuust right, I might become a Marcus-like figure to them, a deity to be praised and sacrificed to because I'm the bitch who brings the ice cream. If I play my cards wrong I'll just get shot on sight, of course.

Most requested flavour: Flanksteak seems like a banana ice cream kinda guy to me. Banana ice cream enjoyers DNI.

6: Thousand Cuts

You can't tell me the Slab King wouldn't like ice cream, and buckets of it. Bet he has a real sweet tooth. My wellbeing of course hinges on his slabs recognizing the jingle of my truck and remembering not to shoot me in the face.

Most requested flavour: Strawberry with a little waffle and a tiny umbrella.

5: Tundra Express

Is it unethical to exploit the sugar addiction of an unsupervised child? Absolutely. Am I still gonna sell all of my ice cream to Tiny Tina? Again, absolutely. Am I terrified of what will happen if I cut her off for having had enough sugar for the day? AB-SO-LUTELY.

Most requested flavour: Blue (whatever that tastes like) with lots of sprinkles. Like, covered in sprinkles. Eclipsed by sprinkles.

4: The Highlands

The entire concept of an Ice Cream Truck was made for the people of Overlook. No need to leave your house, the food comes to you! I'll even write a little get well soon message on the napkins! And it's always a pleasure to serve a town where 99% of people are aware of transactions that don't involve bullets and/or expletives.

Most requested flavour: Cherry and cream, a fun flavour, if a little tame. Old Reliable.

3: Sanctuary

The people of Sanctuary need some cheering up, and pronto! These folk must have an appetite for sweet treats, and once I get my top surgery I won't even have to be afraid of encroaching on Moxxi's territory of big boobed gastronomy. Alas, Claptrap is there.

Most requested flavour: Some fruity mango-melon to shake off that pre-apocalypse blues.

2: Any of the arenas

I'd have to refurbish my truck into a concession stand, of course, but I really think business would be booming! Who doesn't want put some supremely unhealthy stuff (ice cream) inside their body while watching other people put some supremely unhealthy stuff (bullets) inside each other's bodies?

Most requested flavour: Salted caramel with popcorn bits.

1: The Dust

It's hot as ass, you've got the Hodunks who I just know would go googoo gaga over needlessly sugary artifical flavours in frozen cream, you've got the buzzard academy that play volleyball all day and will most definitely want to cool down with some iced cream, and should I ever get into engine trouble, I have Pandora's best and best looking mechanic right there!

Most requested flavour: Refreshing lemon-lime for the volleyball players, but you know I always hold back pint of cookies and cream for (Borat voice) my wiiiife Ellie.

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Posting some of my favourite Gaige drawings because I'm not sure if or when I'll post about her next ♡

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Fallout Shelter Online Hero Cards for Piper Wright

Cait

Curie

It's cool that they have Curie's Ms. Nanny form. I also like that Nat is with Piper.

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Tales // The Onion “Local” Headlines

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Vintage lobster postcards.

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psas with luz