trashforhockeyguys

trashforhockeyguys

constantly screaming about hockey

Nicole |18| Canes/Leafs fan living in Caps territory. I also write stuff so that’s cool. Masterlist

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trashforhockeyguys·2 days agoText

trashforhockeyguys:

A/N: SURPRISE.

Everything was fuzzy. His lips were on yours. Or yours were on his? You clutched onto him, like this was all you had in the world. His hand found the small of your back and held you closer to him. Your bodies were pressed against each other, there was no room. It was just the two of you. Just the two of you in your dorm room, nothing from the outside world seemed to matter. You were tangled in his arms and it felt right. 

It felt too right. Too right considering all that happened in the last few days. This felt right in your heart…being with him just made sense. But your head took over. Panic set in. You couldn’t do this again. Not with what was happening. You weren’t going to drag him down with you. 

You pulled back and took several steps away from him. Your heart hammered in your chest. You felt the need to hide, put as much distance between both of you as you could. You could feel all of your walls slamming back into place. You kept telling yourself that you were doing this for him. This was to protect him. 

Keep reading

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trashforhockeyguys·3 days agoText

A/N: SURPRISE.

Everything was fuzzy. His lips were on yours. Or yours were on his? You clutched onto him, like this was all you had in the world. His hand found the small of your back and held you closer to him. Your bodies were pressed against each other, there was no room. It was just the two of you. Just the two of you in your dorm room, nothing from the outside world seemed to matter. You were tangled in his arms and it felt right. 

It felt too right. Too right considering all that happened in the last few days. This felt right in your heart…being with him just made sense. But your head took over. Panic set in. You couldn’t do this again. Not with what was happening. You weren’t going to drag him down with you. 

You pulled back and took several steps away from him. Your heart hammered in your chest. You felt the need to hide, put as much distance between both of you as you could. You could feel all of your walls slamming back into place. You kept telling yourself that you were doing this for him. This was to protect him. 

“I shouldn’t have done that,” You tried to steady your voice, but you knew that it was shaking as much as you were. 

“Y/N.”

“I’m sorry, that was wrong.”

You wanted to fall into him, you wanted to be someone that he deserved to be with. But you’d only end up hurting him. Somehow, you would bring him down with you. He didn’t need that. He was practically on top of the world now, you couldn’t be the one that ruined that.

“I’m not mad.” Like he thought I was worried about that. 

For the few seconds, or maybe minutes, that you were in his arms, your mind seemed to just stop. Everything went quiet and you were able to just breathe again. Like a switch had flipped and suddenly you could have a few moments of peace. 

“It wasn’t fair,” You forced the words out, wishing your dorm room was bigger so you could put more space between you and Carter. 

“Y/N,” He took a step or two towards you, with his hand out like he was reaching for you. 

Your mind automatically caused you to flinch and shy away from him. You felt like throwing up. This was Carter, he wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was necessary. You knew that you had nothing to fear from him. In some small way, you trusted him. You trusted him enough to tell him everything. To be near him…to kiss him. 

He looked like that simple action punched him square in the stomach. He stumbled back a step, both arms securely at his sides. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes again. You wouldn’t drag him down with you. You wouldn’t hurt him by bringing him into your life in that way. You couldn’t do that.

“I’m sorry.” 

Sorry for so much more than you could ever put into words. Sorry for pushing him away, sorry for ever letting him get close. Sorry for being the kind of person that he’d never be able to have a happy ending with. There was so much for you to feel sorry for. So much that you felt the need to apologize. You wished you could just be normal with him. You wished you could just be a girl, falling for a boy. A really fantastic boy. But that wasn’t you….you knew that wasn’t you.

He nodded, hurt spreading across his face, “Yeah…me too,” his voice sounded strange, like he was really trying hard not to show how he really felt, “You know where to find me if you need me.”

You wanted to speak up to get him to stay. You wanted to say all of the right things. You wanted…god you wanted him. Your head was spinning from just the pure thought of it. You wanted to let him in, you wanted him to become a big part of your life. You wanted him to be there for it all. 

But you knew that it would only hurt him in the end. You didn’t want to hurt him, you never wanted to cause him pain. So if you had to cause a little hurt now, to save him from the disaster that being with you would cause, you’d do it. 

You tried to ignore how your whole body tingled and seemed to have a magnate trying to draw you back to Carter. You tried so hard to ignore how you could still feel the ghost of his arms around you, pulling you closer and closer until there wasn’t an inch of space between you. And his lips. The feeling of his lips on yours…you weren’t entirely sure you’d ever felt something like that before. 

Your whole body felt like it was on fire, or buzzing with electricity. It wasn’t something you were used to. You wanted to feel it again, more than anything, but you knew that you couldn’t. You couldn’t go near him again, because whatever that was…next time you weren’t so sure you’d stop. 

“I should go.”

You tried to open your mouth and say something, anything, that would get him to stay. But no words would come. You could feel tears burning your eyes as you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to protect yourself in any way that you could. 

He nodded slowly, realizing you weren’t going to say anything else. You were going to let him leave, even if you didn’t want to. You watched, almost helplessly, as he slowly backed towards the door. There was so much that was being left unsaid. You wondered if he could feel it too…You wondered if he felt the same way you did. You wondered if he’d ever be able to understand what you were feeling…what you were afraid of. 

He might’ve known your past, or at least the important parts of it, but he didn’t know what it really did to you…how it fully changed you. He would’ve loved the outgoing wild girl that you’d once been. The two of you would’ve gone out and done so many stupid things around Philly. You wouldn’t have given any of this a second thought…he would’ve loved her.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You felt something different break when he walked out. Or maybe something break free? You couldn’t be sure. But the next thing you knew, you were running out the door behind him. He was already in the elevator by the time you’d managed to follow, so you quickly bolted down the stairs. You thundered down them as quickly as you could without falling. 

You might’ve been scared. Terrified even. But he saw you. Carter saw you. He wasn’t afraid of the dark and broken parts of you. He saw it, and he didn’t shy away. In some way or another, he knew what he was doing, and he wasn’t running from you. 

So…you ran after him.

By the time you’d reached the ground floor, he was already out the front door. You could see him slowly making his way back to his car, shoulders hunched up to try to block out the cold air. You didn’t think twice about running out, full speed. You didn’t have a coat on, you could feel the cold rip through you, but you didn’t stop. 

“Carter!” You yelled, desperate for him to stop. Your breath formed little clouds around you as you panted, the air burning your lungs. 

He stopped and turned almost as soon as his name left your lips. You weren’t sure what your plan was, but words flew out from you before you even had a chance to think. 

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” You admitted, “I’m scared all the time. I don’t trust well. I- I have nightmares all the time. I don’t do well with crowds of people, or attention. I get scared all the time. I’m scared of people leaving, or of them getting hurt. It kills me everytime the team goes on a road trip, because anything could happen. I don’t like summers because I have to go home, and I hate it there. I hold my breath everytime I round a corner.”

“Y/N-”

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” You kept going, swallowing hard as he started to make his way back towards you, “Carter, I have no idea what I’m doing. But I know that I don’t want you to walk out like this…I don’t want you to get hurt by me, but I’m selfish and I don’t want you to leave….and I have no idea what to do.”

He closed the distance between the two of you. His strong arms pulled you in close. You let his body heat warm your now freezing body. You melted into his touch. You liked the feeling of his arms around you. He felt safe. 

“It’s okay,” He whispered, “I’ve got you.” 

“I’m scared, Carter.”

“It’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve got you.”

You weren’t sure what would happen. Or how any of this would work. You weren’t sure where you and Carter really stood. But you knew that in that moment, you felt safe in his arms. As safe as you’d felt in a while. You believed him when he said he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You believed everything. And for a moment, you had the overwhelming feeling that everything would be okay.

 A week later, you were in the arena, still wearing your Konecny jersey but this time you had one of Carter’s shirseys on. It seemed odd this time. You were actively watching Carter, holding your breath anytime they went back to his end of the ice. Travis and Nolan were holding their own, they always did. 

But you couldn’t take your eyes off of Carter. You hadn’t really paid attention to the way he played. You didn’t really pay attention to goalies all that much anyway. But now…you saw the beauty in it. There was beauty in the way he moved. He looked so fluid, it all looked so easy. 

You thought back to how he stayed with you that night until you fell asleep, holding you close as you curled up under your mountain of blankets. Your roommate didn’t come back until you were almost asleep, but close enough that both of them thought you were long gone. 

You remembered hearing them talk about you. How she said that you seemed so different now, like there was a night and day change between who you were before Carter came into your life and now. You could imagine his shy smile as he nodded and softly said he was lucky to have found you and to have been chosen. 

That simple thing struck you. The way he put it. You thought you’d been lucky to have been chosen by him, and there he was saying he was lucky to have been chosen by you. You never thought he’d see it that way, but he did. He then promised your roommate that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, and he’d try to protect you as best as he could. You remembered the feeling of your heart basically melting at that. You hadn’t gotten butterflies like that since the beginning days of your previous relationship. But these felt like they were good butterflies. They didn’t feel like a warning sign. 

“Carter seems to really be on his game tonight,” Someone stated. 

You could feel your cheeks heat up a little bit. Before the game, you’d gone over to his apartment. The two of you were cuddled up on the couch together. You weren’t used to the level of closeness, but at the same time it was a welcomed change. Before Carter left, you made him promise that he’d win the game. He kissed the top of your head and threw you his shirt before promising he’d do his best. And now you were here, watching him do more than his best.

“Yeah, he’s acting like a brick wall.”

You smiled to yourself, wondering what would happen if anyone actually knew. You both agreed to be quiet about your relationship. The last thing you needed while figuring out whatever this was with Carter, was everyone knowing about it. He understood that you wanted space, and given what was going on..he knew that you didn’t want everyone knowing your business.

And being with THE Carter Hart, best new goalie in the league, meant everyone knowing. So for now, while both of you figured out what all of this meant. What both of you wanted this to be, you’d wait. You’d be quiet about it, and you’d enjoy whatever this was. You could have the space to figure it out. 

But one thing was for sure, you were falling for Carter. No matter how much you tried to fight it, you were falling in love. But for once, you weren’t sure if you wanted to fight it anymore.

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trashforhockeyguys·3 days agoText

You know…love is really weird. I love loved my boyfriend exboyfrined. I made the informed decision to break up with him. I did the breaking up, which is a big sign of growth for me. I care about him deeply, but I don’t have this gaping hole. It’s so strange. We loved each other. He taught me soo much. But at the end of the day, he wasn’t anywhere near my forever he was just my for now. Which is nuts. SO yeah….love is weird. 

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trashforhockeyguys·4 days agoAnswer

speaking of dhm... i just wanted to say even tho it’s just a fic the plot is actually kinda personal and i just appreciate how wonderfully you’ve put it. i’ve had one of these experiences and met a new guy who was just a friend i just met in a class and it was like just after my situation and i randomly opened up about it to him and it kinda went like how carter and the girl are doing. although the guy in my life is still a good friend who’s there for advice. omfg i’m rambling anywayss I JUST ENJOY WHAT YOUR DOING KEEP IT UP JSJSJSJ 😭🙏

Wow okay you just made me cry. Actual tears. Thank you so much for the love. It’s seriously things like this that continue to make me want to keep writing all the time.

I’m also really glad you have someone like that in your life 💕

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trashforhockeyguys·4 days agoAnswer

i know these might be annoying but when we getting an update with DHM it’s literally such a great fic i cant wait to see what happens next for real read all the parts this weekend 😂😭😭😭

Hi so I could give a million reasons why I haven’t be able to update. Because there are sooo many reasons. Bottom line, I am trying to write it. But I do have other priorities. It doesn’t annoy me because I’m so glad people love the story and it’s actually making an impact. They will be back soon though, just can’t say exactly when yet.

Anyway, thank you for the love💕 again, I’m so sooo glad the story is impacting people and all of that😭

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trashforhockeyguys·9 days agoText

So I was just told by some old guy that I can’t be from North Carolina because I don’t sound right. The following conversation went like this.

Me: no sir. I am from North Carolina.

Him: Well you had to have done theater. You don’t have a North Carolina accent.

Me: No sir, I have not. But I assure you, im a North Carolinian through and through. Born and raised and proud of it.

Him: humph…if you’re sure then.

Like sir yes I’m damned sure. My parents are from Virginia. My brother and I were born in Charlotte and raised in Raleigh. I think that means I’m not only southern, but from North Carolina. I wanted to southern sass him but he was old. I had to be polite. My mama raised me to be nice.

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trashforhockeyguys·9 days agoText

trashforhockeyguys:

Welcome to my mess of a masterlist. One day I’ll actually clean it up, but probably not. None the less, please enjoy.

**-smut  

Auston Matthews

Kasperi Kapanen 

William Nylander 

Morgan Rielly 

Tyler Seguin

Jeff Skinner

Mathew Barzal

Carter Hart

Little Reblog because all of the parts for Don’t Hold Me, or at least the ones I’ve posted, are finally on the masterlist. I got a couple of asks about that…so I fixed it for you guys.

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trashforhockeyguys·10 days agoAnswer

Oh that’s good!! I was gonna be an education major there but all the education classes were 8 weeks and I just didn’t feel like I was learning much from it...I wish I could have stayed for the variety of classes though!

So I’m still doing very basic classes. I struggle with my English class mainly because it’s very technical writing, and my major is creative writing. I thrive off of no set boundaries and being able to play with words. I’m not goood at technical essays. So it’s rough. But again, that 8 week thing does kinda kill me sometimes.

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trashforhockeyguys·10 days agoAnswer

Omg I used to go to Liberty online too but I had to transfer cuz the 8 week classes were too intense for me 😅 good luck!!

Oh it’s nuts. I’m not always thrilled with their doctrine either. But I love the classes they have. So I’m just going to stick it out. The 8 week classes suck though. At least my math and science classes are a full 18 (?) weeks.

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trashforhockeyguys·10 days agoText

So I just got a MASSIVE order for my Etsy store today, biggest single order I’ve ever gotten. Im so freaking excited omg. Could scream. I love my job.

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trashforhockeyguys·11 days agoAnswer

I don’t know if you have answered this before, but are you going to continue the wholeheartedly story. It’s so so good, but no pressure if you decide not to. Also all your fics are so frickin good.

I am not going to continue the story. Or at least not in the foreseeable future. I always thought I might go back to it someday, but I just don’t really connect to it anymore, nor do I want to write it. It’ll always have such a special place in my heart though and I’m so happy that people still enjoy it.

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trashforhockeyguys·11 days agoAnswer

wait is your school year already over? do you not have some more time to raise your grade:( sending you positive vibes, you got this keep your head up. school rough for me too rn classes being online bc covid and my struggles w learning just don’t mix lol. don’t give up! <3

Okay so yes and no. I go to Liberty University (online) and they do like 3 subterms within a semester. So each class is 8 weeks long. And my English class ended Friday and I failed big time. So ya know. I’m also dyslexic and I have pretty bad anxiety so that doesn’t help. And it’s just been a rough couple of months in my personal life too. So like your girl is trying.

But omg you got this!! You can do it! All the positive vibes and hugs💕💕

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trashforhockeyguys·a month agoAnswer

i cant wait for the next chapter of DHM 🥺🥺 the last chapter got me so soft i literally love this series so very much it’s amazingly written<3

Y’all are giving the series so much love and I can’t tell y’all how much it means. I feel like this is the series that’s been the most raw out of all of the series I’ve written. I love writing nothing but fluff…but I also like real raw emotions and this series has a lot of them.

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trashforhockeyguys·a month agoText

inanauthorsworld:

❤️: what’s the working title?
🧡: what were previous working titles/ideas?
💛: what is the title based on?
💚: how long have you been working on it?
💙: how has the idea changed between starting it and where it is now?
💜: where are you in the writing process?
🖤: what are your MC names?
💔: give a brief character bio of your 3-5 MCs
❣️: which scene has been hardest to write so far?
💕: what has your favorite scene been?
💞: which future scene are you looking forward to writing?
💓: is it part of a series or standalone?
💗: what genre is it in?
💖: are you planning on publishing it? if so, how?
💘: give us a huge spoiler
💝: who has your favorite character arch? give a brief summary
💟: how is your style different in this work compared to previous ones? has it more shifted for the story or just developed in general?

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trashforhockeyguys·a month agoAnswer

Oh my godddddd chapter 8. You broke me. You killed me. It’s so good and the ending and the everything between them. Hugging carter because she WANTED TO. Thank you. You’re amazing.

Hehehe I genuinely loved how the chapter ended. I didn’t even plan that. It just happened and I’m so happy. There was soo much growth in this chapter and ugh. SHE HUGGED HIM! SHE hugged HIM!

Also hi. You’re an angel.

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