tricktster

[tricktster]

i am making conversations harder on purpose today

[tricktster]

yes, it is the same pub where i ate all the clams

it’s 1:48 pm as i write this post, which means that the lunch crowd at the pub a mile away with the app enabled jukebox that is, insanely, not at all geofenced, has just been forced by some absolute scamp with 17 jukebox credits remaining in her account to listen to the monster mash

again

[tricktster]

it’s 1:48 pm as i write this post, which means that the lunch crowd at the pub a mile away with the app enabled jukebox that is, insanely, not at all geofenced, has just been forced by some absolute scamp with 17 jukebox credits remaining in her account to listen to the monster mash

again

[tricktster]

help my boyfriend got a wrong number text from a chicken salesman and played along thinking it was a prank and now we’re here somehow

[tricktster]

my bestie (a man raised in an extremely wealthy connecticut suburb who is generally very capable of remarkable physical endeavors but also does have to wear watershoes in the river to protect his soft nobleman’s feet from the rocks [which I mention only to provide important context for later]) texted me last night to complain that he was in the unpleasant underground pseudo-mall that is penn station waiting for his very delayed train, had purchased a lot of depressing train station food to occupy himself during the wait, had then indulged in a particularly bleak feast for one, and now was uncomfortably full and very cranky.

Naturally I asked him what he’d eaten, then thought better of it and asked if he could describe his feast like George R. R. Martin would. He told me that describing it like GRRM it would make him feel unwell, but nonetheless shared what he’d eaten because he is a good friend.

Because I am a bad friend, I then described his food at him like GRRM.

(it was a bag of pretzels and two Reese Big Cups with potato chips inside and a brownie and a slice of chocolate cake with pink frosting)

(i know i used facsimile twice in one sentence but i was doing this entirely off the cuff so i apologize for nothing)

[tricktster]

7+7=14+1=15 so last number is 5, 1 gets scooted into the 2 to become 3, 3+4 = 7, 75

[tricktster]

in honor of having covid again, please enjoy this fond memory from the last time i had covid

it’s so hot here that last night i discovered my trader joe’s chocolate wedges, one of which was meant to be my cheeky before bed treat, had fully liquified

in their normal form, they look like this

alas i thought to myself, setting the small round circular tin down on the far side of the bedside table. none of this for me this tonight, i thought, applying my nightly coat of working hands hand cream

in its normal form it looks like this

i woke up at 4 am and went to the bathroom. had to wash my hands obviously. had to moisturize them afterwards, in the dark, too.

needless to say, the first thing I appreciated when it was, at last, bright enough to see this morning was an

absolute

fucking

calamity.

[tricktster]

cute things to text your boyfriend part 5:

when he sends you a pokemon go ticket for community day:

when you make plans for the evening:

when you reminisce about the local ice cream chain’s sundae special after swapping out his light bulbs for smart RGBWW ones and leaving them on toxic green all night:

[tricktster]

mod i prechew them for you and then shove them in your craw. like a mother bird, or alternatively, like “what i do to the succulent husks of the tamales i feed you when you’re not watching.”

Dude this is fate, i just finished chill or be chilled (for the FIRST TIME i cannot believe I hadn’t found it sooner) and now i find joat!!!!!! holy shit im about to DEVOUR this thank you author for the nourishment

HIII i know you sent this a while ago and it's so flattering!!! eight years later and i'm still living my best life as @tricktster's sloppy seconds, i hope u enjoy <333333

[tricktster]

if you are asking this because you have seen my hilarious animated penis display curtain lights on tumblr? yes. it is i, the penis display lights person.

if, however, you are asking this because you are my neighbor from across the courtyard and your windows face this one and you therefore had to endure

The Night I Forgot To Turn Off The Curtain Lights and Thereby Unintentionally Exposed Everyone Across From My Apartment to a Full Ten Hours of an Animated Penis LED Display Occasionally Interrupted by a Marquis Scroll of the Words “BUTTS” and “FART” ?

nah that’s not me i don’t even know what a penus is you’re probably thinking of some other guy

don’t wanna brag but i have successfully accomplished my goal of The Most Annoying Christmas Decor

[tricktster]

don’t wanna brag but i have successfully accomplished my goal of The Most Annoying Christmas Decor

[tricktster]

upon popular request

#clam saga

[tricktster]

I threw up.

cute ways to remind your boyfriend that your birthday is coming up and you would like to spend your special day with him by exploiting your local watering hole’s insane “get your age in free [food item] on your birthday” promotion:

[tricktster]

[tricktster]

occasional reminder that i own a cricut that i use almost exclusively for evil

we are going to be fashionable for my birthday celebration

cute ways to remind your boyfriend that your birthday is coming up and you would like to spend your special day with him by exploiting your local watering hole’s insane “get your age in free [food item] on your birthday” promotion:

[tricktster]

yeah this is my birthday song tradition and i’m afraid it hits harder every year

the mountain goats make music for people who spent their entire lives convinced they would die before they were 17 except now they're 26 and they have a job and friends and hobbies and they're not sure what they're meant to do now that they've survived

[tricktster]

ok everyone read this whole post again in seinfeld voice

One fun fact about me is that there is a pit in the forest. It is a part of me. I do not know where my reflection ends and I begin and I am so entwined with its murky waters I have begun to wonder if I am human at all, or if I am some creation of mud and wood given life against its will. When I die look for me in the pit. I will be in there, watching you.