trivialbob

[trivialbob]

I was tagged by @mstacobelle and @littlerunnergurl: Name 5 things that really irritate you, and what you do to keep that irritation from turning you into a serial killer, or just slapping people on a street corner in your town.

Let's see.

When the grocery store has a sign that says 4 for $10 or $2.99 each. I am accustomed to that horrible pricing at convenience stores but hate that my grocery store has started to adopt the "or" practice. So I simply refuse to buy one OR four of that item at the grocery store, no matter how much I want it. I have many little personal boycotts. They bring me much satisfaction, even if store managers don't notice it.

When the grocery store has a sign that says 4 for $10. Period. Bob! What's the problem? The problem is when my wife wants to buy all four items even if we only need one. No, no, no. 4 for $10 with no footnote means we can buy one item for $2.50. Yet she still wants to buy four. This is why I never complain if she hands me a grocery list, and I shop by myself. The savings are in my control!

Drivers who disrupt the smooth flow of traffic. Those who drive way too fast or a bit slower or even the speed limit if the rest of the vehicles are going faster. Awful. Or the people who brake on the highway, start to exit, and only then use a turn signal. Isn't there some sort of social contract or state law that says be predictable and don't disrupt your fellow travelers' lives, even if you are hyper-miling in your hybrid or pleasing Gaia by making that turn signal bulb last longer by using it less? I cope by thinking these drivers are someone's lovable grandparents. I wouldn't have lost my shit at my grandparents. When I'm following a slow driver and being tailgated by an aggressive one, I love to simply move over and watch the two jerks annoy each other.

Centipedes. Damn, even if every insect is one of God's creatures, centipedes creep me out beyond belief. Any living thing with more legs than a tarantula is heinous, except those puffy green caterpillars. A centipede in my house makes me shriek. Satisfaction is derived from spinning the monster to death in the vacuum cleaner or feeling a satisfying smush from stepping on it. They're only targets inside the house. Outside they are fine.

"Special" episodes of TV shows. A black and white episode, to be artistic? Ick. A musical version? Yawn. Seinfeld S09E08, with the Indian wedding where the timeline was in reverse? Not for me. Even worse are "Very Special" episodes, often with music-less endings and nowadays a toll-free number appearing on screen. The Bicycle Man episode of Diff'rent Strokes was one of the first. It was a "sit-com" episode about child molestation. Just because a comedy show is (or used to be) entertaining and popular doesn't mean it has to "start a conversation." The remote control, or the round knob on the TV when I was 12-years-old, provided relief.

#M*A*S*H irritated me a lot too #I coped by watching it with my best friend while we drank a lot and complained non-stop #We really enjoyed doing that

[trivialbob]

@mstacobelle tagged me for the five things that make me happy list.

Admiring my lawn after I mow it on a nice summer day. Though I may be dirty and tired, the silence and feeling of accomplishment that follows pleases me. Bonus points for seeing Ella's normally white feet turned green from running through grass clippings. It's cute. Sometimes she leads me around the back yard as I push the Toro, dropping a tennis ball in front of it, forcing me to stop and throw the ball for her.

Labels facing forward inside the refrigerator, kitchen cabinets, and hall closet. When I see labels aligned properly, a calm joyfulness sweeps over me. It may stem from working at grocery stores during high school and college. Sometimes after my wife cooks or bakes I quietly check the cabinets and fridge, turning labels of things she used back to the way I like. I also have to move things back to where they belong. (Honey, condiments always go on the shelves of the left-side refrigerator door. That was clearly stated in our wedding vows.)

Listening to the Blues Brothers version of Soul Man while I'm driving.

(Longtime readers will be sick of this one) Finding pizza flavored Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Crackers at a grocery store. Oddly, the best flavor of Goldfish is poorly stocked at stores I frequent. If the pizza flavored crackers are even there, they're disrespectfully located on the bottom shelf, like cheap liquor. I know I could order them online, but I prefer grocery shopping in a store, even if my (Gold)fishing net is empty. Bonus points if the Goldfish crackers are on sale.

Getting rid of coins I find in this house and our cars. Before I go to the grocery store I gather all the loose change I can find. At the self-checkout I feed those coins in like I'm a chain-smoking retiree in front of a one armed bandit. When the coins are gone I pay the balance with plastic. Dumping in $2.87 of loose change makes me feel like I used a $2.87 coupon. It's my money, but I still feel like I got a discount.

Hearing Walker Hayes singing Fancy Like while I'm driving.

Driving my wife's car and not having to first make a beeline to the nearest gas station. That's both happiness and relief.

Hanging out at the brewery with our friends and/or dogs. Since the place first opened Sheila and I have gotten to know most of the employees and a lot of the regular customers. I can go by myself and still end up sharing a table.

Being at the airport dog park when a Boeing 777 or Airbus A330-900 approaches overhead. My dogs don't care, but I think it's cool seeing the larger airliners.

Getting our travel trailer backed in perfectly at a cool campsite, getting it leveled, then walking around with a beer, checking out other trailers and RVs, and meeting new people and dogs.

I listed more than five because I'm pretty happy in general. Also Kim, I like to under promise and over deliver!

#I guess I get carried away sometimes

[trivialbob]

A cold morning. There was a tiny bit of snow on my truck and also on the roof of the house. Looks at calendar, notes it's the second half of April.

The airport dog park had CLOSED signs posted at the entrances. Airport PD does this whenever VIP planes arrive or depart. I could see people and dogs all over the park. I assumed airport authorities forgot to remove the signs after FLOTUS departed MSP last night.

We've had some really warm days here in March. I wore shorts one time. Once I hit that point, any return to winterish weather feels unbearable. For our walk at the park today I wore my heaviest winter coat.

[trivialbob]

Last night I went to our local brewery. I got the last available parking spot. Something was up because there were several black SUVs with tiny antennas and little LED lights in the grills, as well as several of the police department's marked squads, in the parking lot.

A city police officer stood at the front door. I expected to be told I couldn't go inside, but he was quiet. Inside everything looked normal. More officers were inside, posted by different doors. At the bar I asked what was going on.

The First Lady was in the brewery's private event room, delivering a campaign speech. Those of us in the main room never got to see her. I went outside briefly to check out all the vehicles. Apparently I don't look threatening, nor did I get too close to the black SUVs, because none of the people wearing little pins on their dark suits asked me to leave.

When the even was over I saw all sorts of people file out to white vans and black SUVs. I find VIP motorcades interesting. Cops block traffic, then a procession of vehicles pass quickly by, many with red and blue flashing lights. There's always an ambulance in there too.

One time last year Sheila and I arrived at the brewery on a beautiful afternoon as a smaller motorcade (lacking white vans and an ambulance) was leaving the parking lot. We had just missed seeing the VP's husband. He had been in town for something and stopped by the brewery for a beer. If Sheila and I been there a few minutes earlier we could have met him inside. The bartenders said he mingled with customers let a few people take selfies (ussies) with him.

[trivialbob]

Last night Sheila presented a session on how to use an AED (automated external defibrillator) to a group of pickleball players. The age demographic of this group made it more meaningful than, say, doing it for a pee wee hockey team. I went along because it was held in the private dining room of a pizza restaurant. Mmm, pizza.

Sheila brought her own AED. She also had a training AED and a dummy torso from her job to use for demonstrations. AEDs are everywhere these days, it seems. Getting a little familiarity on how they work is a wise. They're really quite easy to operate too.

About 20 years ago another person and I actually hooked up an early model of one to a possible heart attack victim. The victim wasn't breathing, but his heart condition was such that the AED would not deliver a shock. The device will only shock under certain circumstances. We were told the machine won't shock a person with a normal heartbeat nor a body with no electrical rhythm (total flatline). When our AED didn't detect the correct condition for a shock, all we could do was continue CPR until an ambulance arrived.

When Sheila was done with her presentation we went to a nearby brewery to meet up with some friends and participate in a jigsaw puzzle contest.

There were about ten tables, each with the same puzzle. The first two teams to complete the puzzle won a prize. The first place team finished in about 45 minutes. Second place was about 10 minutes behind that.

I had not worked on a puzzle in ages. It took me a bit to get into the swing of things, matching colors and looking for the edge pieces. Our team of four got about halfway done in about an hour and twenty minutes when we decided to call it a night. Sheila and I got to keep the puzzle. I think I'm going to try completing it at home. I'd definitely do another contest like this, so a little practice isn't a bad idea.

You don't exactly need to bribe me to go out to a brewery. However, I like fun little events like this that the breweries host to attract more customers.

#It was a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle

[trivialbob]

My city has a biennial "Curbside Cleanup" event in April. People can set out large items for a special trash collection. We put things out starting on a Thursday. They are collected by trash haulers on Saturday.

In the days leading up to the collection people ("scavengers" we call them) drive slowly through the neighborhoods looking for scap metal or items that are perfectly usable. It's kind of fun to watch the procession of beat up pickup trucks, U-haul trailers, and small cars with stuff tied to the roof.

Sheila and I sometimes host a watch party in the driveway. This year her brother grilled his Billy Burgers (amazing smash burgers) for all of us while we drank beer and waived at the drivers.

This year I got rid of an office chair, a couch, an ottoman, a usable vacuum cleaner (I left a sign on it stating that it worked), and a broken carpet shampooer. All but the couch were taken by people before the city came by on Saturday.

One year I put out a different couch and ended up helping a guy load it into his van. He didn't look poor. I asked what he was going to do with the couch. Perhaps it would go in the basement for the kids to use while gaming and eating chips?

"I own some rental properties. I like finding usable furniture to put in them." I got rid of something I'd replaced with a new couch, he got a couch for free. Nice how that works out because the couch didn't (yet) make it to the landfill.

Something inevitably seen on every block are office chairs set of for collection. Two years ago I put one out at the curb. Two years before that was another one. This year my current chair's "leather" was cracked. The latch or gear that can be set to not allow rocking or reclining sometimes worked. More than once I'd lean back and exclaim "oh shit" as I fell backwards. My neck and shoulders were starting to hurt when I worked.

That's no way to live.

This afternoon I went to a business that sells professional office furniture. The showroom is open to the public. A guy asked me some questions about how I sit, where I keep my keyboard, and so on.

He showed me two not inexpensive chairs. I loved the first one I sat in. I did try the other one. Then he said I could look around the used furniture showroom. I saw some decent, heavy-duty chairs there, but that first one I sat in, the new one, was perfect for me so that's what I bought. It will pay for itself because I won't be buying Target/Costco/Staples office chairs every other year.

My desk right now is from Ikea. It's held up okay, maybe 6/10 in how much I like it. New desks at today's store were very sturdy and high quality.

And expensive.

But I saw some used desks that had a few dings or scratches that cost lest than my Ikea desk. They looked like they'd last a lifetime. I wish I'd shopped here earlier.

#My chair has a 10 year warranty #which is longer than I plan to work #It can be fixed right at that warehouse if that is ever needed #And thank goodness I did not have to f'ing assemble it

[trivialbob]

Today's entertainment was Gun Bingo.

There's a rural golf course surrounded by farm land not all that far from where we live. When an employee at the course holds up the "Silence" sign, the cows cease mooing.

At the course is a decent bar and grill. Sheila, her brother, and I went there today to see what weaponry we could win in a bingo session. The three us of came home as well armed as the Wermacht in June of 1945. (Empty handed, for you who aren't WWII buffs.)

One my my BIL's friends at our table won twice. He selected two deer rifles. Two more at our table also won, but they got cash because there were multiple winners in those rounds of bingo. One winner, one gun. Two or more winners, cash.

If you're thinking that people drinking beer and eating bar food while playing bingo drove home with rifles or pistols on the back seat of the pickup truck, you're wrong. Winners got to see the actual firearm they won, but they still need to go to a gun shop and do all the proper background checks and transfer paperwork

#Two pistols had teal colored frames--ick

[trivialbob]

Yesterday a group of family and friends did the annual Putting Challenge in my wife's hometown. It's basically bar hopping with a purpose. Our group had 16 players (four teams of four players). Other friends and family showed up to watch and hang out at the bars.

There was a fee to play. It included a t-shirt. Five bars in the nice little downtown had putting greens set up inside. I was terrible at putting. I was more interested in talking to everyone.

The VFW's hole had combat boots for obstacles. I thought the little green circles could have been a mine field. Have firecrackers go off if struck by a golf ball. No one listened to my idea.

At another bar players had to sit on a horse saddle while putting.

I got a the high score at this one. "Sir, that's enough. Put down the putter, other people want a turn." The starting point was outside the frame of this picture. You had to hit the ball up a ramp and get it through a narrow slot, then it would come down the side you see here. Looked easy. Wasn't, for me.

People wore costumes or matching t-shirts. My son Jack and daughter-in-law Ali were toasty warm. The outside temperature went up a lot during the day, and the bars were crowded. Eventually Jack and Ali had to ditch the costumes.

Sheila, Jack and Ali love the pull tabs. Sheila opened a $200 winner. The three of them split the prize. Do you think they walked away with more money than when they started?

No. Winning cards just mean you can get MORE pull tabs.

We also stopped by the cute little coffee shop. Everyone I was with agrees that non-chain coffee shops are cool.

When evening rolled around, and all the pull tabs were opened, Sheila and I and two friends of ours from out city hired a car service to bring us home. It's a two person operation. I thought we'd ride in some older mini-van. Instead the driver showed up in a black, late model Suburban that was immaculately clean. That was nice.

Today Sheila and I will return in my car to get her car. I would like to find a place to have brunch or lunch while we're out, maybe somewhere that doesn't sell pull tabs.

It's sunny. Today's high is forecast to be 72°F. There's nothing on the calendar so it should be a pleasant, relaxing day.

[trivialbob]

My SIL suggested to my wife that she get these for me.

Let's just get this out of the way: They are not pizza flavored. Pepperidge Farms doesn't make the Crisps in my favorite flavor. This does not surprise me, because PF barely makes enough of the pizza flavored regular Goldfish crackers.

These are tasty though. As the package states, they are definitely light & airy. They're basically the regular crackers, but bloated.

I'd eat more of them right now, except my SIL and BIL stopped by with a pizza for lunch. A really good one. I'm stuffed. You might even say bloated.

So I had Goldfish crackers and pizza, just not together.

[trivialbob]

I should figure out how to transfer my many iTunes song to my phone. I'm too lazy to Google it, and there aren't any more teenagers living here who I'm sure would be glad to figure it out for me in return to being on my phone plan.

There's an old iPod in my desk. I used to use when running, but I don't feel like trying to get it working again. For a long time I used my phone or one of our Alexa devices to listen to music. I could simply say, for example, "Alexa, play Take A Chance on Me, by Abba" and that song would play.

After a while more and more songs were only available if I paid $7.99 a month for Prime Music.

Eventually if I requested a specific song, Amazon would just play something else by the artist, or something in the same genre. Of course there were more notifications saying I could sign up for Prime Music, now just $9.99 a month.

As of late, when I listen to songs in playlists I had already created, there are now limits on skipping songs. After three or four skips, I can only listen to the playlist start to finish, with only the ability to pause.

Today I wasn't even able to fast forward through the same song, like advance from 0:20 to 1:55 in that song -- unless I sign up for Prime Music.

Tonight I had to sit through two commercials before I could watch a show on Prime Video. That was after I had to hit the down button to get past the advertisement showing on the home screen.

None of this has made me want to pay $9.99, or even $0.99 per month, for Prime Music.

All this, combined with the garbage items that shows up at the top of my product searches on Amazon, is really making me think over how much longer I want -- or even need -- Amazon.

#It's a sucky experience all in all

[trivialbob]

This day has been suitable only for a long nap.

It's rained on and off. The temperature is 39°F. Ten degrees colder and we'd have snow, which I prefer over rain. It's so gray one might think the upcoming eclipse arrived a little early.

Despite the gloomy weather I was pleased to see this mallard couple appear in my front yard today. As long as my wife and I have lived in this house a pair of ducks has taken up residence somewhere nearby. They walk through front yards, where no dogs can get them. Our dog Ella chased ducks out of the back yards a few times, but she never hurt them. A few times I've seen them standing on rooftops.

The nearest pond is a few blocks away. Some of us longtime neighbors guessed the ducks come to this street because long ago an elderly woman, who lived across from my house, used to set out tons of bird food. Some hung out in her yard.

But the best case for a mallard's lifespan means these two couldn't have been here when that woman, who is long gone, was putting out all that feed. Why does one couple show up annually, and no other couples? (There was a second male a few times in past years, but not this time so far.)

I don't understand why, but I'm happy to see them.

[trivialbob]

Yesterday I spent a good deal of time on the phone, seeking assistance through a company's toll-free number. I had tried the email route, but eventually I needed to speed up things.

Surprisingly, I was able to reach a live human after very little interaction with a HAL 9000 call tree, sparing me from going down a call path like this:

Do you want A or B?

Wait! Where is C? I want C!

Please say that again.

C, please.

See? What do you want to see?

I didn't even have to beg, "Person! Operator! I'm pressing zero! I want to talk to a real live person!"

Perhaps AI has determined that after 45 seconds of non-productive interaction a caller is automatically connected to a living, breathing employee.

It's obvious when call takers read from a script. Several times I was put on hold. Each time, when the employee returned to the line, she thanked me for my patience and for doing business with the company. As friendly and helpful as the woman was, I detected a wee bit of weariness from saying that phrase repeatedly.

Long ago, a call like this would have killed my afternoon as I waited with a corded phone in hand, watching the clock and waiting to reach a conclusion. This time I had my cell phone and ear buds. As I waited on hold or patiently explained what I needed, I did housework.

This was some real multi-tasking! Unlike a few people I work with, when the woman asked me a question I didn't have to say, "Please repeat the question, I was multi-tasking." Folding laundry does not keep me from paying attention.

At some point during the call the woman mixed up my first and last names. She started calling me Mr. Robert. I found it endearing.

She shares a first name with a character in Pulp Fiction. A scene kept running through my head as we interacted. At the satisfactory conclusion of our call I really wanted to say, "Yolanda, it's cool, baby, it's cool!"

But I'm not sure her script would have had a reply for that.

#Youtube #Come on Yolanda what is Fonzie like? #He's cool

[trivialbob]

We went to the Minnesota Twins home opener yesterday afternoon. At game time the temperature was 50°F. Sitting outside for a few hours might chill me so I wore flannel-lined jeans, a knit hat, and a medium weight jacket.

I got warm though I was fine when the sun was covered by clouds. It felt like a 10° temperature swing when the clouds blocked or allowed sunshine.

The grass in the outfield had splotches in places. So much in professional sports is just perfectly done. This surprised me a little.

The security people at the main entrance annoyed me. I set off a metal detector. A grumpy man shouted to another guy, "Blue jacket! Check him!" My goodness, was someone going to tackle me?

Then he yelled at me to go to secondary screening. His tone suggested "OMFG!!! It's ISIS!! He's got two AKs!!"

A second high-strung security person tersely asked me if I had a case for my glasses. Yes, that's exactly what set off the metal detector, and he already expected that. I've been to other professional sporting events and the same thing has happened. They all know glasses cases do this, yet these two idiots seemed a little freaked out.

After that I was pissed off because of how they spoke to me. But the next person we saw was a ticket taker. A grandfatherly sort of fellow, he smiled, welcomed us to the park, and said "Have a nice day." That calmed me down.

The Twins lost. We left a little early. It was still fun getting out to the park and going out for a drink downtown.

[trivialbob]

Last night Sheila and I went to the brewery for a short visit. We never bring more than one dog with us. It's just too much. I keep track of which dog's turn it is to go with us.

Sulley was up to bat this time.

He's not my favorite dog to bring to bars and restaurants. Ella and Oliver are easy. They like strangers and welcome affection. Sometimes I look like an ogre in the process, especially when Ella grabs someone's arm with her big Grinch paw after they stop petting her.

Damn, man, don't you ever pet this nice dog, or do I have to do it all?!

After getting some love, those two will lie down and nap. Ella likes to be under the table. Oliver prefers the middle of an aisle where he can be in the way. It's a power trip, I think, making people walk around him. Then I go on a power trip, forcing him get back to our table.

Sulley doesn't trust strangers. People want to pet him, but he will bark at them. Sheila decided to work on this problem.

Last night a rather large man came over to see Sulley and say hi to us. We had some things in common, so the three of us talked for a while (and drank beer). Sheila asked this guy to give Sulley some small treats. He was happy to help. Sulley's love of treats overcame his stranger-danger feelings.

Later, a couple we know well joined us at our table. The husband fed Sulley more treats. By the time we were ready to leave Sulley was looking for other 50-something men to give him treats.

It might be time to give him extra slots in the dog rotation.

#“So if I'm not an asshole people will be nice to me?” #Yes that's how it works

[trivialbob]

Dogs on Blankets. Midwestern home. 2024.

#art

[trivialbob]

April showers bring May flowers.

Maybe we're getting icebergs next month?

[trivialbob]

This was certainly a fun Easter Sunday.

My dad and I drove to my sister and BIL's farm outside of the cities. Relatives from both sides of the family were there. All are excellent people whom I'm always happy to see.

Food included prime rib, honey baked ham, and a smattering of other dishes and desserts that made me feel ten pounds heavier tonight.

Several of us went out to the barn after dinner. Cathy said I could drive the tractor if I was careful. Oddly, the "fob the turns on the tractor" looked suspiciously like a rock. Nonetheless, I did an excellent job maneuvering around the barn.

So I was told.

Cathy's farm pets include three miniature donkeys, three goats, two miniature Highland cows, and a barn cat named Hazel. Sometimes there are chickens at the farm, but I guess at this time of the year they are vacationing in Mexico. Or in someone's tummy.

The goats like me.

The cows are vicious...

... unless they get brushed.

I'm taller than the Duncan and Stewart, so I wasn't actually worried they'd hurt me. They're kind of mean though about how much more hair they have than I have.

Here are the donkeys. When Sheila and I got our first Australian Shepherd years ago she instinctively herded them into the barn. Eventually they got sick of Ella and chased her around the field. Ella didn't mind that at all.

My sister and BIL have dogs too. Hazel (a Berner) and Walter (a Dobie). Also vicious unless sufficiently pet, fed, and brushed.

We all ate and drank to our enjoyment. My sister, a good hostess, had toiletries available in the guest bathroom. I meant to take that unopened tube of Burt's Bees, but I forgot it :(