tstskun

[tstskun]

I might take my own life someday.

[tstskun]

I want to die

[tstskun]

This made me cry...

[tstskun]

Sometimes I wonder what's it like to be normal. When things get calm and nothing to worry, I get suspicious. Thinking that ut shouldn't be like this. What's really wrong with me.

[tstskun]

Thought I knew how to communicate. I was so confident about it, thought I would make mistakes but will go through it. But now, sitting on my desk wondering what the hell I'm doing. I don't even know what's my next step. Wish someone would just lead me and tell me what to feel.

[tstskun]

[tstskun]

I just realized

I didn't get excited like yesterday for so long... It was lovely to know that there is one person interested in what you listen. Cares about your little detail. Doesn't know what to do but tries hard to get to know me.

I haven't felt this feeling for so long.

[tstskun]

“A relationship where you instantly miss each other right after being together.”

— Unknown

[tstskun]

[tstskun]

Life sucks...

They say there is soulmate

But you are your own soulmate

[tstskun]

I never actually connected with him, emotionally...

We never talked deeply or I opened my heart. Maybe he didn't too.

Well, sometimes he looked handsome and felt like he's the one.

But all along he was stranger to me.

What he did was all blurry. All the memories.

He made this delusion in his head that he would win me someday.

That I would love him back as he did to me all this time.

I would actually tell him that I love him.

But it was all made up in his head...

I was never attracted to him. We had no chemistry.

He was never chill next to me. Always nervous.

Finding his words. Or just remain silent.

I wanted to know what's in his head in that moments.

Maybe if we were friends first, everything would've been different. You know.

Indeed, I know that.

Led by his stupid emotion, he was fooled by me again.

End of the day, he was the one hurt.

He wrote me a letter few days ago.

If he said to me these by face to face. Long time ago.

I would've change my mind.

Maybe not....

Well, this complicated relationship or I would say mess is finally over.

[tstskun]

tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves

[tstskun]

being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure

[tstskun]

Caroline Chagnon

[tstskun]

― Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Véra

[tstskun]

Things I wanted to say

But I'll never put into words

Maybe I can't...

[tstskun]

I just want to rest. That's all I'm asking. For my sake, stay out of my life just for once. I'm tired of all this bullshit. Feel like I knew this all would happen like I was predicted it. So... no longer listening my feelings. Live the life bcuz life goes on even if you have goddam depression or whatever.