twilightmomentswithyou

[twilightmomentswithyou]

unfortunately i Do feel better when i clean my living space and eat enough fruits and veggies and go outside and generally remember i am a mammal :| real pity that knowing this does not make it easier to do those things

[twilightmomentswithyou]

well i may not be the prettiest person in the room or the coolest person in the room i think im at least the third funniest

[twilightmomentswithyou]

just curious as they're always things i've never questioned just doing but people in my life are often surprised that i don't mind doing them alone

🔁 pls reblog for sample size

#i have done all of these things alone #eating alone is my favorite though because it also gives me a structured time and place to read a book

[twilightmomentswithyou]

Uh Oh, The One Other Guy Having The Same Problem As You Got Zero Replies To His Post On Reddit That He Made 5 Years Ago

#literally the worst

[twilightmomentswithyou]

ADHD

[twilightmomentswithyou]

[twilightmomentswithyou]

adhd moment

#every day

[twilightmomentswithyou]

i will no longer be embarrassed i will no longer be a victim of insecurity i will no longer plague my mind with worries i exist i am allowed to exist i am allowed to take up space i will not let others dictate my experience i will live i will live i will live

[twilightmomentswithyou]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[twilightmomentswithyou]

are u ever sick w longing. and i don't just mean romantic longing. i mean longing for a place you barely get to see, longing for friends you no longer have, longing for feelings you might have left behind in your childhood, longing for creativity, longing for a rich and more expansive life, longing for less inhibition. longing for more passion. longing for ur life to be so incandescent w something it thaws all the frost in ur bones. are u ever so consumed w it it rends ur heart in two. do u understand me

#sobbed in my car once on my way to get groceries #bc i saw a father getting his kid from school and helping them into his truck #and i was hit so hard when the realization i'll likely never have that #so i cried #and then on my drive home from that #two is better than one by blg came on and then i cried AGAIN

[twilightmomentswithyou]

Please reblog this if fanfiction has been beneficial to your mental health.

[twilightmomentswithyou]

#I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE LLAMA SONG #memory unlocked #i performed that in french class in high school #how cringe #HOWEVER i sing the badger song all the time so that's the winner

[twilightmomentswithyou]

i love every cat in the entire world. every cat on the planet.

[twilightmomentswithyou]

She hasn’t responded to you yet because she’s busy being openly pathetic on Tumblr. Give it some time

[twilightmomentswithyou]

its me and my obsession with boybands against the world

[twilightmomentswithyou]

adhd symptoms are always just mild enough to seem fake but just severe enough to make everyone on planet earth think you’re an asshole for having them. not a big fan of this paradox tbh

[twilightmomentswithyou]

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

#amen