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it’s been a while …

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TW CHECK #

for a long time myself and people around me having believed that i suffer from a personality disorder, more specifically bpd, because we have out of getting help and treatment for so long. my lack of control over my emotions and relationships have caused me a great deal of loss. i was in a long term relationship with someone, and because of my problems with my mental health being untreated it often got the best of me and i would have many outburst or rage or sadness. she was the only person who could help me. many people know that people who suffer with bpd often develop one or two people known as favourite people (fp). my parents and friends and myself all believe that she was mine. she left recently because she could no longer take the treatment i gave her, and i could not be more sorry for it. i know i was awful and i regret not getting help sooner she might have stayed with me if i did. since she has left i feel i can no longer function. i have made in total 6 attempts to end my l1fe and have picked up on some rather unpleasant habits to help me cope. i am in a great deal of pain, my days consist of complete breakdowns multiple times a day, breakdowns that include screaming, crying, anger, thr0wing up, shaking, se1f h@rm, substance@buse, su1c1de attempts, and agonising pains. i have these breakdowns multiple times a day. and every song, every objects, every movie or tv show reminds me of her in some way. often causing these breakdowns. i would do anything to have her back, my pain and suffering without her is excruciating. but unfortunate she has moved on, and my family worry that i can no longer continue in this world without treatment. today is the day i start getting help. my parents are hopeful that cahms will help me, but honestly i am not so sure. i need my person back, i believe that is the only way i can truly heal. but i know she will never come back.

#mental health #tw throwing up #tw self h@rm #tw su1c1d3 #tw self sabotage #tw substance abuse #tw breakdown #tw cvtting #mental health awareness #untreated #untreated mental illness #suspected bpd #favorite #person #favourite person #fp bpd #mental illness #self h@rm #tw self destruction #bpd

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i truly would be, and i’m so so sorry for the things i’ve done

today's mood, 06/09/2022.

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what will i choose this time i wonder

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i go through this loop at least 4 times a day if not

more, its exhausting

My day everyday

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tw.

everyone thinks im ok because i haven’t cvt in a while, but im actually just to exhausted to do it.

#mental health #tw cvts #tw cvtting #tw self h@rm #depression #mental health awareness #mental illness #self h@rm #tw self destruction #tw self sabotage

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"are you ok?" no but im hilarious and so cool

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crying over this

Nick’s mum: So, do you like this girl?

Nick: Well, her dog died

Nick’s mum:

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obsessing over heartstopper <333333

#heartstopper #charlie and nick

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tw

10 days gone like that

#mental health #tw cvts #tw cvtting #tw self h@rm #depression #mental health awareness #mental illness #self h@rm #tw self destruction #tw self sabotage

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possible tw

i guess it never really went away…

#mental health

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she said she fell out of love with me weeks ago…

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TW

purposely triggering myself 🙃

i cant stop

im addicted to making my addiction worse

#mental health #bpd #bipolor #tw cvts #tw cvtting #tw self h@rm #depression #self h@rm #mental illness #mental health awareness #tw self destruction #tw self sabotage

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omg i literally fucking hate how this makes me feel

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it’s hard being polyamorous with jealousy issues :/

#polyamarous #jealousy