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unionleaks · 7 years

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Entry 1

My name is Cade Driscoll and I’ve been abducted by aliens. I know how that sounds, but I’m writing this one a tablet that has a holographic interface keyboard, so if you’ve found this then I hope you realize this isn’t an ipad or android device. I got this from an actual alien.

Anyway, I’m here for the long haul, and this tablet is how I’m going to stay sane. I think I should write like I’m having a conversation with someone, because I’m seriously lacking in conversation and or interaction with anything else living. I’ve only really talked to about three other humans, and while none of them spoke English, all of them made quite the effort to kick the snot out of me with varying degrees of success.

Alternately I’ve talked to two aliens, both of whom spoke amazing English, and neither of whom has tried to hurt me. One them even patched me up and gave me this tablet. Shout out to Dr. Sunshine, you’re the first good thing to happen to me in what I’m guessing is about three months. With all that out of the way, I guess I should get to the “talking.”

Okay, so I was in a park, drinking alone, which is as sad as it sounds. In my defense I was distraught. I’d just moved out to L.A. to be with my “actress” girl friend to find that she’d not quite gotten around to breaking up with me.

Seeing as how I had enough money to buy whiskey, but nowhere near enough to buy a ticket home, or my old apartment, it seemed like a good enough idea at the time. The scene is me, whiskey, no bag, in a sketchy park, sitting on a bench, in the middle of the night in a town that I had no business being in. What could go wrong?

Just as I started to actually cry I was overcome with the urge to shout at the sky, describing my plight with a fantastic amount of slurring and cursing. With gusto, passion, and a legendary fart, I stood up, pointed at the sky, took a deep breath, and was blinded by white light.

I screamed, like you do when you are blinded by sudden bright lights, and dropped my whiskey, which is a shame, because the more I think about it, the more I really think I deserve some whiskey. Then I began to float upwards, which earned a second scream, this one slightly higher pitched. I tried to move, but no matter how I squirmed, I continued to ascend through the light.

Then, just as I was beginning to adjust to my surroundings, the light accelerated me up. Despite the gentleness of my floating, even I, not a physicist or any other kind of scientist, could tell my velocity was unsafe. In movies, everyone always tells you not to look down.

I should have taken that sage advice. I looked down, saw the L.A. skyline below me, knew I would die if the light dropped me, and fainted. You know, like you do when you realize you’re being abducted by aliens.

I awoke to the cell I now sit in. It’s about seven feet cubed, concrete as near as I can tell, painted navy blue, with a single light bulb on the ceiling, a cot with a surprisingly warm blanket, a sink, a silver toilet that is very cold, and a sliding door that is the only entrance and exit. I should hate it, yes, but it’s the only place I’ve received food or had to run or fight in.

As the least sucky place on this space station, I don’t quite want to smash it to pieces with a sledgehammer. On a positive note: there’s gravity, which is nice, and now I’ve got a writing tablet. Play Jefferson’s theme song here.

Anyway, so I woke up here, alone, and as near as I can tell, three months ago. On the cot there was a tray with a glass of water and a blue bowl of sweet smelling, green gunk that I’ve come to call nutrisoup, neither of which I consumed. I set the water on the sink, and the bowl on the cot, going for the metal tray.

For a long time that I could not measure I stood just to the side of the door with the tray held like I would swing at the first person who entered to grab me. Of course, my captors, seeing me posed like that, did not come near me, but it was a long time before I myself came upon that conclusion.

That was a harrowing moment. I didn’t really know where I was or what had happened, or anything, really. I knew I was in alone, in trouble, and there wasn’t much I could do about it, so I settled for hoping for the best.

Over the sink there had been a mirror, so I put down the tray and looked at my reflection. No scars. My hair was still blonde and still there. Both eyes. I didn’t even have any teeth missing, which was actually new. I’d gotten in a brawl without dental, lost one of my molars.

My clothes had been replaced with a blue jumpsuit that matched the walls and black boots. The cloth felt soft on the inside, but the outside felt like leather, and in each forearm there a black, square metal stud. I touched the stud on my left hand, and felt it vibrate all the way through my arm to the other side.

The next step, it seemed, was obvious. I looked for a way to get out of the jumpsuit. With the mirror’s aid I confirmed that there was no zipper, front or back. No buttons either. It was like it had been poured onto me. It wasn’t entirely flattering at that.

I got thirsty, so I drank the water. Mistake. The world spun, the walls turned purple, then lost all color, and I collapsed.

Woke up Day 2. I didn’t know that, still can’t prove it, but it’s my best guess. Woke up on the cot. Metal tray with a bowl of nutrisoup and a glass of water on the floor. Hours go by and my brain plays with the different scenarios it can envision. They all end poorly for me.

My stomach growls. Nutrisoup was starting to look good. The water hadn’t killed me, so I tentatively took a sip of soup. It tastes like pure caramel, but has the texture of poorly juiced kale. It goes down easily enough, but sits heavy in your guts.

My stomach roars, so I gulp the soup down, avoiding the water. An idea occurs in the minutes afterward. It would have been a stupid idea, if it hadn’t worked. Preemptively embarrassed for either outcome, I touch the door, and… it opened. It had been unlocked.

Joy like you wouldn’t believe floods through me as I come face to face with a long, unmarked hallway and another door, hopefully unlocked too, on the other side. I sprinted down the hallway, and a piece of the wall swung out like a bat for my abdomen.

I spun over the bar, colliding with the floor, face up, chest screaming in pain from having the air knocked out of it. The bar tilts up, and then slams down on my forehead. I go out like a light.

Day 3 was no easier. I avoided the bars, only to get dropped into a pit. The pit squishes me, and I black out again.

Day 4 I eat my soup and get to the end of the hallway. The door reveals another hallway, this one shorter, but occupied by a pool. Suspicious, but seeing no alternative, I jump in. About halfway through, an alarm blares, and immediately after an electric current was applied to the water.

My muscles seized. Every nerve screamed a dark chorus of agony. My vision goes black.

Day 5 was a rough one. I supposed that I am the victim of a serial killer and illuminati member with access to a sadistic underground complex, really great doctors, and psychedelic water. A lot of self-pity and even more tears.

Day 6 I woke up with hate in my heart. I get through the obstacle hallway and observe the pool. The electric shock goes off at regular thirty second intervals. I manage to swim through and pull myself out on the other side, but my left foot was shocked.

It moves, but I don’t have any feeling in the offending toes. The numbness slows me down, makes it so I limp a bit, but I’m in the third hallway. Careful examination revealed swinging poles in the ceiling and odd, person sized divots in the walls. The poles are dodged with careful movements, but far more terrifying were the walls.

They would routinely shoot out towards the divots if you got close. I flirted with getting past one a few times, but the walls would sense it, and shoot out. Nothing had killed me so far, even though it should have, so I gambled, and stepped into the divot.

The wall stopped just short, leaving me feeling like I was standing up in a coffin, until the wall retracted, so I ran out onto the other side of the obstacle. That was when I finally got the end of the hallway. It opened to a small room with a table, and two chairs, though one of them was occupied.

The alien who was waiting for me can best be described as a humanoid spider. She had two legs, each with way too many joints, and each had four clawed toes like compass points. I found myself preoccupied with her six arms. Two were holding a tablet, much like the one I’m writing on now, while another two fiddled with something behind her back, then the final two were engaged in separate tasks: one squeezed what was unmistakably a stress ball and the final gestured for me to approach.

In retrospect, perhaps I should have been angry. After all, what I had been through up to only that point could be reasonably defined as kidnapping and torture. The sight of a genuine alien however, a genuine alien, left me somewhat in awe.

This wasn’t a government conspiracy or a grainy photograph or anything like that. She sighed, a feminine voice coming from behind her mandibles, “Hello, my name is not pronounceable in your language, so you may call me Pit Master Clicks. I’m in charge of you.”

I don’t remember the exact name of the scientist I’d been listening to, but what he’d said had stuck with me. He suggested that we were reasonably sure that other forms of life may have come into being, but if they did they were very far away. If something was advanced enough to visit us on earth, it was because they were probably advanced beyond war, starvation, and all the other things which too often define the human experience. Something that advanced would probably look at us, spit in disgust, and then pass us by.

It was such a striking image that it had stuck with me and the idea sounded true enough, so I’d latched onto it. So when I was face to face with this Pit Master Clicks, I only had one question, “Why?”

All eight of her eyes rolled, and she sighed condescendingly. “I don’t know why we took you specifically. That’s between you and my superiors. What’s between me and you is rather simple.”

I nodded sheepishly, so she continued, “Your planet is filled with some of the most devious, violent and unwholesome creatures the Union has even encountered. You will fight for our amusement.”

“Oh,” I licked my lips, trying to choose the best words, “shit.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “Pretty much.”

“Union?” I asked hopefully, queuing up my questions.

“Union of Planets dear,” she glanced over at her tablet, chuckled girlishly, and then refocused on me, “You’re going to fight for our amusement.”

“I don’t want to fight anybody,” I said slowly, “Can you, like, drop me off back home?”

“I couldn’t care less what you want,” Clicks said like she was feeding a child candy, “Your parents are dead. Your girlfriend estranged your friends and then she broke up with you. Your bank account is closed. Nobody knew or cared if you were in L.A. You. Are. Going. To. Fight. For. Our. Amusement.”

“Shit,” was all I could manage.

“Now you’re getting it,” she nodded, and brought out the thing she’d been fiddling with.

It was a neon green Remmington 870 shotgun with pump-action. She showed me the butt of the rifle, where my initials had been carved into it. “Just like my dad’s…” I muttered, “I sold that.”

“We’ve scanned your brain and seen approximations of all your memories,” she set the gun on the table and pushed it towards me, “although some modifications and improvements have been made. This one is non-lethal, unless we want it to be lethal, and cannot be shot at me or any other Union representative.”

I took the gun, staring at it at arm’s length. I’d always hated it from the moment I’d actually shot it. The room we were in rotated one hundred and eighty degrees, and Clicks sighed happily. “The pit is waiting.”

She gestured behind me, and the door opened. I stepped through into a giant, circular arena. The floor was sand, tightly packed and wet so it gave a little with each step. All around me were grandstands filled with aliens like Clicks, but also frog things and lizard people, and even a few beings that looked human, but their skin shone like stars.

After doing a full turn to look at the arena, I looked up. There was a glass dome, and beyond it, the infinite blackness of space, peppered with stars, and the familiar blue orb of earth, about the size of a basketball in the distance. My stomach twisted, and my bowels threatened open rebellion.

Then, the door behind me opened again, and a human walked out, but he didn’t have a shotgun. “Is that a samurai sword?” I asked, pointing to the naked blade.

His face twitched, and he growled, “Ka-ta-na desuyo.”

And with that, I’m just about down for one night. My hands hurt and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll pick this back up when I can

#aliens #alien #abduction #journal #union #ufo #ufos

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