unlawfulchaos

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav, writing a letter to Santa: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty.

Mav, still writing: and it was worth it, you judgemental bastard.

Mav: Cain deserved exactly what he got, and no matter how long Ice stays mad at me, I will not apologise.

Mav: Although my back is starting to hurt from sleeping on the couch.

#mav is definitely in trouble #mav is a petty bitch #ice is mad and staying that way #Mav's festive treat to himself is he gets to commit one vengeful act against cain #what did mav do #who knows #but you know it was something dramatic and excessive #and befitting of his hatred of cain #ice will stay mad until mav apologises #or until mav makes it up to him for the amount of paperwork ice had to do to smooth things over with cain #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun maverick

[unlawfulchaos]

Maverick, trying to flirt: My dick is like life... Life is hard.

Iceman, blankly: Life is also short.

Maverick: Listen here, you annoyingly sexy son of a bitch-

Iceman, trying to contain his upset: You should know that my mother is an incredibly kind, respected, and well loved woman.

Maverick: I meant your father?

Iceman: ...

Iceman: Continue.

#maverick trying to flirt is painful to watch #goose crying as he cringes in the corner watching the two of them #iceman is a momma's boy and you cannot change my mind #tom kazansky would cut a bitch for insulting his mama #maverick panicking that he's just ruined his chances with ice #fortunately ice finds his panic face cute #and he will always agree with an insult against his asshole father #slider is never gonna let mav forget how terrible his pick-up lines were when trying to flirt with ice #its lucky ice found them so endearing #even though some of them made the people nearby question Ice's sanity for falling for them #ice didn’t even register that mav called him sexy until hours later #bright red blush on his ears for days when he realises that mav likes him back #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky

[unlawfulchaos]

[This is what happens when you trap Maverick on a carrier at sea for several months, in shared bunks with Merlin, Slider, and Iceman. He finds new ways to entertain himself. Namely, antagonising Slider.]

Maverick: You know what I've always wondered? How do tall people sleep at night when the blanket can't go over them right to their toes?

Slider: Maverick, it is three o'clock in the goddamn morning.

Maverick: So you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Slider: Maverick, I swear to god if you don't shut up I'm gonna-

Maverick: Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you through the blanket covering me completely.

Slider: I hope you die.

Maverick: Yeah? Well, I hope you step on legos.

Slider: Take it back. TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW.

Maverick: Barefoot.

#ice and merlin are going to smother the two of them in their sleep #ice is questioning his sanity because he knows he's stuck with them both for the rest of his life #(he loves them really but holy FUCK are they annoying) #merlin is questioning his sanity because he agreed to be Mav's RIO permanently so he's stuck with this too #save merlin and ice from the bickering idiots #mav and slider will antagonise each other for the rest of time #ice just wants them to get along with each other for once #(he doesn’t realise yet but it's more scary when they do get along because it means they are scheming and its usually against ice) #its worse when they team up #slider and mav live to antagonise each other #god help anyone who tries to pick on one in front of the other #they are protective of each other #the only one allowed to bully mav is slider #and vice versa #anyone who tries to defy this gets their ass kicked #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #sam merlin wells

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav: Am I in trouble?

Ice: Take a guess.

Mav: No?

Ice: Correct

Mav: Really!?

Ice: No, you idiot.

Ice: If you really think you're not in trouble for what you did to Admiral Caine's car, then you're even more delusional than I thought.

Mav, under his breath: It was worth it.

#im undecided as to what mav did to Caine's car #probably something involving glitter though #that seems like something he would do #ice is long suffering #mav is lucky that his husband is moronsexual and loves his dumb-ass #ice sighing as he receives his sixth angry phonecall from Caine of the week #mav better make it up to him #mean ice for getting Mav's hopes up that he might not be in trouble #but he's right #mav is a bit delulu #we love him for it tho #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun maverick

[unlawfulchaos]

[I choose to believe the Ice went back with Mav and they taught at Top Gun together after the Layton mission]

Maverick: Hello, welcome to your first lesson at Top Gun.

Maverick: Today we will be talking about... uh...

Iceman, whispering: Building loyalty.

Maverick: Killing royalty.

#poor mav #there's a reason he didn't last long as an instructor back then #it's because the class failed after not paying any attention to their lessons #they were too busy being entertained by icemav bickering #iceman's eyerolls became legendary #the class were too busy watching mav say dumb shit to antagonise ice to take notes #watch as iceman runs through the five stages of grief after mav says something stupid- #and ice realises with horror that he still wants him #mav is both oblivious as fuck and desperate for ice to notice him #they're both hopelessly pining for one another #while slider throws peanuts at them and heckles from the sidelines #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky

[unlawfulchaos]

Bradley, on the phone: Hey Uncle Sli! I just used your prank on Ice, he's never gonna guess who did it-

Ice, from the other side of the house: BRADLEY, I KNOW THIS WAS YOU!

Bradley, yelling back: UNCLE SLIDER APPROVED IT! IT WAS HIS IDEA!

Ice: I AM COUNTING TO TEN.

Bradley: Shit, he started counting, I gotta go, Uncle Sli. It was worth it!

#slider is a terrible influence on bradley #he's the cool uncle #they're always getting into trouble together #ice will scold them both at the same time regardless of the fact that slider is older than he is #sometimes ice swears he has two kids instead of one #mav is watching from the corner with popcorn #he loves it when he's not in trouble for once #but usually he's just as bad as the other two #and gets dragged into their shenanigans as well #poor ice #he swears that because of dealing with the three of them he will go gray early #mav reassures him that the silver fox will be a good look on him #then gets sent to sleep on the couch for the night #ice just wants one calm relaxed day #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #bradley rooster bradshaw #mavdad and icepops

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav: I like to play a game called Nap Roulette.

Mav: It's where I take a nap, but I don't set an alarm.

Mav: Will it be a 30 minute nap? Will it be 3 hours? Will I wake up tomorrow?

Mav: Nobody knows. It's a risky game and I like it.

--A couple of hours later--

Ice: *Knocking on the bedroom door and opening it slightly to look in*

Ice: Mav, are you ready to come out yet and interact with people?

Mav: *Demonic screeching from underneath a pile of blankets*

Ice: Understandable. Have a nice nap, my love.

#mav is just a sleepy little guy #ice knows him too well #Mav's sleepless nights catch up with him sometimes #mav is a little bit feral but thats ok #ice still loves him for it #mav goes from 100% energy to fast asleep in seconds #ice has grown used to being a human pillow when it happens when they are out of the house #in the middle of a meal out with the daggers but mav is lightly snoring on Ice's shoulder #everyone whispering quietly so as not to wake him up #captain dad needs to rest #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav: So, hypothetically-

Slider: What did you do this time, shortstack?

Mav: I accidentally ate Ice's leftover pierogi. How long do you think I have left to live?

Slider, seeing Ice slowly rising up behind Mav: Five.

Mav: Five what?!

Slider: Four.

#it turned into the pillow fight to end all pillow fights #maximum attack #maximum destruction #they're still finding feathers for months afterwards #mav tried to defend himself that Ice's cooking is just too good to resist #everyone knows that you never take iceman's food #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: Hey kiddo, breakfast is ready.

Baby Bradley: Thanks. Should I give the old bitch some, too? I think he's upstairs.

Ice: We've already talked about this. Slider called Mav that ONCE in the heat of an argument and you are NOT supposed to repeat it.

Ice: Also, yes.

#slider and mav live to antagonise each other #they're constantly arguing #and slider will insult mav at any given opportunity #everyone thinks that they hate each other #but if you say something bad about one of them in front of the other #you better pray to god that they go easy on you #because you're about to get your ass kicked #ice is so used to their bullshit by now that he doesn’t question it #but now bradley has started picking up on their language and he is not impressed #time for the tom kazansky eyebrows of disapproval #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #ron slider kerner #mavdad and icepops #dadmiral ice

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: Have you ever read something so explicit that you feel like you need to go to church and wash your eyes in holy water?

Maverick: Send it to me.

Ice: No, you're in a meeting.

Mav: So are you! And you're the one reading explicit things during Cain's rant, so don't you give me the eyebrows of judgement from across the room. I see you, Ice.

#ice googling new ways to rail mav in the middle of important admiral meetings #he's just as bored of the politics as mav is #ice is just a bit better at hiding it #they're one step away from sexting in a meeting #slider made the mistake of reading Ice's messages over his shoulder one time #never again #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ice hates admiral cain almost as much as cain hates mav #he is the king of passive aggression toward the drone admiral #Ice's eyebrows of judgement are famous throughout the navy

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: OK Bradley, let's go through your homework. Which class first?

7 year old Bradley: Maths first, we're doing adding.

Ice, looking at the worksheet: Right. So if Mav has 16 cans of diet coke-

Bradley: Why does Mav have 16 cans of diet coke?

Mav, struggling to carry 16 cans of diet coke into the kitchen: None of your business, Baby Goose.

#ice was the parent that helped with bradleys homework #mav tried but would get confused because it wasn’t the method he was taught #i dont know why mav has so many cans of diet coke #neither does ice #its better to just let mav do what he's gonna do #dont try to understand his actions #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #mavdad and icepops #mavdad #dadmiral ice

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav: You know, when I was your age-

Rooster: You know, when I was your height...

Mav:

Rooster: *already running away*

Mav: GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!

#ice caught it all on video #sent straight to the flyboys group chat #slider had to leave a meeting because it made him laugh so much #bradley asked ice to send him the video too #he then sent it to the dagger group chat #poor mav #he's just a little guy #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #mavdad and icepops #mavdad

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: You know, Mav, I'm glad we are keeping our anniversary simple this year.

Mav: Yeah, me too.

Mav: *frantically waving off the marching band*

Mav: Ooh, look over there Ice!

Mav: *shoving Ice so that he's facing away from the plane above them sky-writing their initials in a heart*

#mav is a secret romantic #he thinks he's being secretive and getting away with it #but ice 100% knows #he sees all of the things mav had put on for him #and melts #they're so in love #but mav is also a dumbass #that sky-writing is not gonna disappear quickly #of course ice is gonna see it #so mav will pretend that its for some other couple with the same initials as them #but he's blushing so much that ice knows its actually for him #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky

[unlawfulchaos]

The new bartender at the Hard Deck: That'll be $20.

Mav: I don't have the money.

Bartender: ...Then I'm sorry but I can't sell this to you.

Mav, sliding a $20 bill across the counter sneakily, like it's a bribe: How about now?

Bartender:

Ice, from the other side of the bar: Mav, stop fucking with the poor dude.

#mav is his usual gremlin self #ice has an internal chaos sensor that goes off whenever mav is causing trouble #mav has to test the new staff and see if they can keep up with his antics #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky

[unlawfulchaos]

Ice: Honey bun?

Mav: Yes?

Ice, blushing: I meant, would you like one?

Mav: Oh. Yeah, thanks. Sugar?

Ice: Yes?

Mav, also blushing: I was just asking if you want sugar in your coffee.

Ice, flustered: Oh, yes please.

*Both flustered and avoiding eye contact*

Goose, at the table, head in hands: This is painful to watch.

Slider, sighing: I'm embarrassed for them.

#they are both idiots #they are boyfriends your honor #icemav braincells cancel each other out to leave them both stuttering blushing messes #they're just so perfect for each other #goose and slider suffering through these two idiots and their pining #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #nick goose bradshaw

[unlawfulchaos]

Mav: Did you like my pancakes?

Ice: Yeah, they were lovely.

Slider: That's a lie. You said he used too much cinnamon.

Ice: Don't listen to him, he's an idiot.

Mav: Did you like the omelette I made you?

Ice: Yes, it was delicious.

Slider: You said it tasted like feet.

Mav: Do you like any of my cooking, Ice?

Ice: I like your grilled cheese.

Slider: You said he burned it last night.

Ice: Jesus fucking Christ, Slider! Shut the hell up!

#slider lives to antagonise mav and cause mischief #poor mav is trying his best but he's just so bad at cooking #its edible but its not good #ice will eat all of it though because he loves mav #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner

[unlawfulchaos]

[Baby Bradley always with the jokes]

Bradley: What mouse walks on two legs?

Mav: I don't know.

Bradley: Mickey! Okay, what duck walks on two legs?

Mav: Donald.

Bradley: No. All of them!

Mav: This is the last time you make a fool of me in my own house, goddammit.

#ice was crying with laughter watching from the doorway #he definitely told slider about it #who then never let mav forget that he was outsmarted by a 7 year old telling disney jokes #i just love the icemav with baby goose family dynamics #incorrect quotes #top gun #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #mavdad #mavdad and icepops