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The production value here is off the charts but this is also literally just what it feels like to play Uno.

legendaryjay_ on TikTok

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Therapy is risky because sometimes they'll just ask you their standard "why can't you, though", and you think you're making some good point by saying something like "well if I don't do anything with my life then what's the point of being alive in the first place" and your therapist gets that look on their face and you immediately realise that your dumb ass just got caught, pinned to the ground with your stupid-ass neck between the spikes of a pitchfork, and you are not going to wiggle out of there before you two unpack what the fuck you just said.

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Highlights from the conference room where they nominated contenders for Word of the Year 2023:

• They put Skibidi Toilet on the projector to explain what “skibidi” means.

• Baby Gronk was mentioned.

• We discussed the Rizzler.

• “Cunty” was nominated.

• “Enshittification” was suggested for EVERY category.

• “Blue Check” (like from Twitter) was briefly defined as “Someone who will not Shut The Fuck Up”

• The person writing notes briefly defined babygirl as “referencing [The Speaker]”. He is now being called babygirl in the linguist groupchats.

• MULTIPLE people raised their hand to say “I cannot stress this enough: ‘Babygirl’ refers to a GROWN MAN”

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I kind of wish that the polarities of violence and sex in popular culture were reversed. Like, I wish that writers and filmmakers needed to justify up the wazoo their decisions to show a murder on screen when "they could have just done it tastefully in shadow or something," but no one even batted an eye at a sex scene. I kind of wish that erotic video games were the norm but FPSs were a considered a weird and loser-ish thing to play.

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my collection of "weird social practices that are too funny to be considered rude"

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If you've ever been disappointed by dragonfruit, especially if you felt like it tasted like nothing, then I'm like 90% sure you had unripe dragonfruit, which tastes like nothing. There's a small window of time where it tastes amazing. You must have the patience of a hunter. Do not strike until your prey is at its most delicious

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one of the nice things about heterosexuals i never see talked about on here is that they haven’t already heard all your gay jokes yet. i just really appreciate having a new audience sometimes for my completely automatic responses to phrases like ‘i’ll be straight with you’. so, shoutout to all the innocent hets out there who have a genuine giggle over lame quips that a fellow queer would groan and hit me for. ilu guys. 

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I mean I know a certain level of projection on fictional characters and situations is inevitable and even healthy, but sometimes you got to step back into the real world to remind yourself that Character X is not your shitty parent/abusive ex/asshole boss/bully from high school, and that people who like Character X are not personally victimizing you.

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#LateStageCapitalism

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wheres your whimsy. wheres your fucking whimsy

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“you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious but you can’t say jaquan”

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She talked about you all the time, Yelena. 

She did? What did she say? 

She told me about how you got separated as kids. She was flying that plane. I asked her if she was scared. All she could think about is that you were safe. That never changed, Yelena. She loved you. And always wanted you safe.

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"Every time someone steps up and says who they are the world becomes a better, more interesting place." 🫶🏳️‍🌈

My tribute to Andre Braugher, thank you for Captain Raymond Holt ❤️✨

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Really wish words like “crossdresser” and “transvestite” didn’t get pushed out of people’s vocabulary cause now we’ve got 20yr olds who genuinely believe the two modes of expression are True Transgender and Valor Thief. Seeing takes like “men dressing as women is making a mockery of the transfeminine experience” (predominantly regarding F1nn5ter or celebs in skirts). Like ohhhh you are so right! We need to protect the divine feminine from any measure of mockery. You know what? We should gather weapons and storm our nearest Drag Story Hour and teach those degenerates a lesson.

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Did not see a single one of those coming

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Baby Clifford & baby Snoopy