unwelcome-ozian

[unwelcome-ozian]

Hi. I'd like to find records or some proof of a place torturing me during early childhood, resulting in DID. I'm diagnosed with DID, some in our system have memories of it, but don't have addresses or anything. I was born in 1965 and grew up in Los Angeles county. Are there any libraries, hospitals, or other places I can search through old records to find something? Also, were some parents told the experiments could increase their child's intelligence? My parents would never let me be tortured.

There were numerous ‘studies’ in/of intelligence during that time. You can check university sites for studies completed during the decade you’re looking for. Universities and hospitals often complete research together.

Depending on your race/ethnicity would also play a role in the experiments. They are numerous.

You can ask for your complete medical records to see if anything shows there. 

Newspapers, if you choose to search them, would use the terms ‘studies’, ‘tests’, and  ‘measures.’

Los Angeles county is huge (4,058 of land).  So perhaps narrowing it down to a city, or smaller area would be beneficial.

Parents during that time, for many reasons, allowed their children to be “tested”. They were unaware of the extent of the experiment or details of the experiments.

Oz

#answers to questions #Los Angeles #child experiments

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#gaslighting

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Types of dissociative disorders

#DID #dissociation #dissociative disorders

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#small wins #healing #recovery #abuse recovery

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I've seen a bit on ‘‘kitten programming’’ but I'm not sure exactly what people mean by it. Is it just cat epsilon programs?

Beta Programming- Sexual programming spanning from rigid gender stereotypes on one end of the spectrum (Princess Programming) to hyper-sexualised conduct at the opposite end (porn/sex/BDSM Programming). 

     Beta Programming requires absolute submission from women/men in order for them to perform their tasks. Early sexual torture will be used to anchor programming. These alters will develop sexual abilities that are for the pleasure of others. These alters are programmed to have charm, seductive skills, charisma, and creativity. This Programming eliminates ensures the alter is  lacking sexual inhibitions. Kitten alters are created with this Programming. (Look for the Greek letter Beta)

Oz

#answers to questions #kitten programming #beta programing #TBMC programs

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#support #validation #trauma recovery

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#trauma survivors #trauma recovery #breathe

[unwelcome-ozian]

Not trauma related, just looking for advice.

My partner and I both have DID and have been together for a few years. Over that time, there have been a lot of conflicts and clashes, and within the past year we've gotten very close to breaking up. We even took a "break" a few months ago, although that didn't last long. It's a very emotionally intense relationship. Part of me doesn't know why I stay. But they're the only one who knows my alters as themselves, as people, and I trust them not to judge me for it. I don't know if I could do that with anyone else and it scares me. Because I want to be known as myself, not just the name and the person that everyone else knows me by, my everyday personality. I am also scared of making a decision I can't take back. What if I end up regretting it later, but it's too late? But I am tired of their reactions. I am tired of walking on eggshells. I am tired of waiting on them to change. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and stay and support them, but sometimes I don't know if they even want to get better. I am a few years older than them so it feels like I might be unfair in thinking that way. Of course I'm going to be more mature. I just really don't know what to do. Do you have any advice?

I’m not certain what you mean by ‘conflicts and clashes.’  Does this mean there was physical aggression? If yes, then I encourage leaving for safety reasons.

An ‘emotionally intense’ relationship. This isn’t the same as a loving and safe relationship. 

Can you express your concerns openly and feel heard? (even if they disagree)

Do they respect your boundaries?

Walking on eggshells also is concerning. 

There can be an age difference in a relationship, but, safety, emotional, physical and spiritual isn’t a matter of maturity.

I’m become concerned with negative cycles in a relationship. The intensity, break up (time away), then returning. This type of cycle can lead to a trauma bond.

Ultimately you get to decide if the relationship is something you want to stay in. People don’t change because we want them to. 

Lastly, are you being known as yourself(s) if you feel you have to walk on eggshells? Being known, all parts of you, is being seen and safe.  

It is scary to not know. What is the cost of you staying? Is it worth that?  You get to choose.

Take care,

Oz

#answers to questions #advice #relationship advice #DID

[unwelcome-ozian]

This may be an odd question to ask , but do you know of any organised abuse groups consisting of Au Pairs working in Europe (specifically the UK). Anything similar to an Au Pair where the trafficker works amdist a family as a nanny to traffic the child in their own home?

I haven’t heard of any groups connected in this fashion. The information I have is Au Pairs being trafficked.

Can you narrow down the area you’re asking about? If that’s not possible I understand.

Oz

#answers to questions #Au pairs

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#depression

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Hello Ozian First of all, thank you for all that you do. We've asked a couple of questions before, years ago... but barely remember that time.

We are in a bit of a difficult situation right now. We were diagnosed with DID in 2016 by a DID specialist, back then not even knowing RA existed, having no trauma memories at all and thinking we only have 2 kid alters. Over the years we uncovered more and more alters (>100 but we stopped counting) and when reading and talking to other systems saw a lot of similarities with RA systems.

Only once we started to feel safe with our psychiatrist (after 3 years of therapy) small children started fronting and telling horrific stories about all sorts of abuse, including having to perpetrate it to younger children. It was hard to come to terms with that but we did.

We met with a DID specialist end of 2019 who had some pointers as well that maybe our mother has DID too, that is how we could have gotten accessed, and about something specific potentially being a program. Hearing him say that, acknowledge our pain was extremely helpful.

In 2022 out of the blue our psychiatrist suddenly said he isn't sure if we are traumatized at all. That started the worst year of our adult life, I think it kicked off a "if you lie about being hurt" program, we self harmed in severity we never had before, were basically paralyzed mentally the whole year by shame and self hatred. We even found the programmed kid but were unable to help him. He has cuts all over his arms and legs, they are all the same length and all vertical, I have no idea what is up with that. This December we finally got to talk to the specialist again. He said again that we fulfill all DID criteria, also listed all the cptsd symptoms and said we have all of those, but not a trauma memory. Which is true, the kids tell stories but those are not clear memories, we cannot be sure if they are true. We asked a couple of times but he too suddenly keeps saying he just does not know if we are traumatized at all.

And now we are kinda lost. We don't know what to believe anymore. But we know that to help the kids we need to first affirm that their pain is real, so we need to know that anything, be that RA or some "regular" trauma (CSA mainly) happened. I know kids can misinterpret things but I just cannot believe that nothing at all happened and we just made everything up and gave ourselves DID?

Which means we need to find trauma memories. And if we ever want help from outside, from the specialist or our psychiatrist, we need to be able to find something that convinces them. Something specific.

I guess our questions are:

is it possible to have DID without any trauma, in your opinion?

is there any way to proof that we are traumatized? (not necessarily RA, any trauma at this point would help us to find a way to help the kids)

how do you find trauma memories?

I know you can't say if I have or have not experienced RA. But if I may ask, is this something that can happen? No trauma memories at all after almost 7 years of therapy? And very young children who compulsively want to tell stories of horrible things and shake and want to hold onto the psychiatrist when they do? And internal rules that we have to commit suicide if we are not intelligent enough, or make a mistake or make someone angry or if we throw up (that last one has caused a phobia since we were 11).

Sorry that was long. I just feel very lost. Like I lost the last two people in the world I thought would see me and understand.

Thanks and I hope you are doing well!

This is a lot. 

I don’t understand what information your psychiatrist went by to state he was uncertain you were traumatised at all. That has me a bit gob-smacked. Did he share with you the reason he came to this conclusion?

One of the symptoms of DID and trauma is a lack of memories. The stories alters/part share are the memories of the trauma.

The kids, and you, don’t need outside validation that your pain, and their pain is real. Yes, children, and kids misinterpret things but this doesn’t lessen the impact of what occurred. 

You don’t ‘need to find trauma memories.’ 

Is it possible to have DID without any trauma, in your opinion?

A history of trauma is not one of the diagnostic criteria for a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, according to the DSM-5. However, the DSM-5 does emphasise the prevalence of trauma in client presentations of DID. Source

It's thought that long-term trauma is a root cause of dissociative disorders, with dissociation occurring as a coping strategy that allows people to distance themselves from a trauma that may otherwise be unbearable. Source

Is there any way to proof that we are traumatized? (not necessarily RA, any trauma at this point would help us to find a way to help the kids)

Their story is the proof. Their fear is the proof. Validate them. Recovery/healing is how to manage the response and how to develop healthy coping skills. It’s also to develop ways how you and all parts can be engaged in a fulfilling, healthy, and the life you want.

How do you find trauma memories?

Parts/alters hold the memories of trauma. 

But if I may ask, is this something that can happen? No trauma memories at all after almost 7 years of therapy?

The second question in this part of your ask suggests it is happening in therapy.

I apologise for the delay in responding.

Take Care,

Oz

#answers to questions #DID

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#abuse recovery #healing #abuse survival #surviving abuse

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What role would the cat goddess Bastet have in a TBMC system created for covert intelligence gathering? UK government programming. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Her name was originally B'sst which became Ubaste, then Bast, then Bastet.

Her task would depend on which form of Bastet the role was modelled after.

She has been called: The Lady of Dread and The Lady of Slaughter.

Bastet rode daily with the sun god, Ra.

Bastet protected the souls of the dead during their journeys in the underworld.

Associated with fertility and pregnancy, Bastet earned the title “the Eye of the Moon”.

She had a twin sister. (Twinning)

Oz

#answers to questions #Bastet

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#just liked it #survival

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Is there any connection between any MK-Ultra programming and Las Vegas?

Are you talking about the government project or TBMC locations in Las Vegas?

I need more clarification. For example cults/high control groups, government, this sort of thing.

Oz

#answers to questions #Las Vegas

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#self forgiveness #forgiveness

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Advice please for silence programming that feels more physical than mental? I know that is not be the reality but the IP enforcing it silences the body whenever it’s active in a way that feels physical rather than mental. We’ve hit a wall because this specific affected alter is willing to heal & is seperate from cult perspective, but still cannot talk externally

Silence programming can be linked to the trauma that occurred. For example if a part were to share they may feel as if they were drowning. 

I suggest continuing to work towards the body feeling safe. Logically we as people can look around and see that we are safe, but our brains need to know we are safe.  

There are other ways to communicate. I encourage exploring some other ways. Don’t push, as this could be completed in steps. With assurance that the part, and body are safe.  With time the goal is to increase the window of tolerance.

Oz

#answers to questions #advice #silence programming