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unwelcomechanges · 8 days
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I have a death list. Of people I really wish that bad karma would come back and fuck over.
I don't wish anyone dead. Not really. Well sometimes..., but not really.
I just wish, that somehow justice will provide and they get to pay for what they've done. I want them to feel what they made me feel.
I can't believe that either my forgiveness or my letting go would have any positive effect on them whatsoever.
So I can't let go. I don't think it would be fair, if I did. I think that there is more learning in it for them, if they got to feel what they do to other people.
Because while they are out there having fun and and living their life, not giving a fuck about the people they step on, I am lying amputated in a deep, deep dark hole.
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unwelcomechanges · 18 days
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Anyone who has the gun in his hand is God.
Until he pulls the trigger, then he's the devil.
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unwelcomechanges · 28 days
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Looking for bruises on a rape victim is so yesterday.
Most rapes are psychological. Often the victim is confused, scared and quiet. Like drowning.
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unwelcomechanges · 29 days
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unwelcomechanges · 1 month
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I've never been uglier than I am now.
Stupid Internet gurus tell me to start loving myself as I am.
But what I am right now is caused by repetitive and ongoing abuse, so yeah, kind of hard to start loving that.
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unwelcomechanges · 1 month
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You can easily lose yourself in empathy.
.
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unwelcomechanges · 1 month
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unwelcomechanges · 1 month
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Now it's war! Again.
And you're propably gonna win it. Again.
Cause basically you're a warrior and I always refuse to degrade myself to become one.
.
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unwelcomechanges · 1 month
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I feel more comfortable living under a rock as a homeless looser (although that is really not very great)
than having to face up to everybody's expectations as the winner everybody believes in. Cause I can never live up to that anyway.
And I know this because I have tried being both. More than once.
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unwelcomechanges · 2 months
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If you knew,
FOR SURE(!)
that if you got up and left an unhealthy, abusive life,
that you would, in fact, have to stumble around in the streets for a few years, unwashed, afraid, poor, humiliated, homeless, meeting all kinds of desperate people, cold in the winters, thirsty, fighting a lost cause constantly, being abused again and again and again by the surrounding world.
Would you then want to get up and leave that abusive situation you were in?
Would you?
Or is it so, that we ever only leave an abusive situation if we believe, that there might just be a better life waiting for us somewhere out there?
So if you have, in fact, REALLY lost all hope of getting to a better place... Then what.....?
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unwelcomechanges · 2 months
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This lovestory, that we have, has lost all greatness. Now it's just sad and stupid.
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unwelcomechanges · 2 months
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unwelcomechanges · 2 months
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Is it possible to heal from trauma, while you are still being abused.?
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unwelcomechanges · 3 months
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I have closed so many doors now.
And it's true that when one door is closed, others open.
However, in my case, every new door seems to be way worse than the previous.
I feel like life is spitting in my face.
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unwelcomechanges · 3 months
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I am just so tired of seing dumber, lazier and more unethical people than me having success, fame, richness and easy lives.
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unwelcomechanges · 3 months
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I can honestly say, that I don't fear death.
There's nothing anymore in my life, that I feel, would be very sad to say goodbye to or never have to live through.
Death feels kind of welcoming and kind.
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unwelcomechanges · 4 months
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Everytime I think I'm good at something, universe presents me with someone who is so much better than me.
If I have a day, where I think I look good, someone breathtakingly stunning passes by.
And so on..
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