it still hurts a lot to think how robin williams got me through a time in my life when i was suicidal and that's how his life ended
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the blue is gone bless i'm so happy i decided to dye over it instead of just leaving it
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oh my god it's looking so much better i hope it's actually covering it up and not just an illusion
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i dyed a part of my hair turquoise again but it came out really crappy this time and i was really upset and i spent like two hours trying to convince myself it looked okay but then i just decided to go get brown hair dye and try to cover it up (my hair can take a lot) and i think it's working???? hopefully please just let this go okay i am stressed enough as it is
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i'm stressed and have lost all my confidence and don't even want to go on this trip now
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i want to catch up with free! on the train ride (i'm reallllllly behind even though i know most of what's going on currently) but i'm worried i'll cry through all of it
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i've never particularly liked makeup but i used to be really into it in relation to my confidence issues. then when i was realizing i might be a different gender than i thought i just slowly stopped wearing it and i was kind of relieved? and not that it's not totally completely okay for men to wear makeup but when i actually realized i was trans i felt bad if i wanted to wear anything besides concealer (i always wear concealer because of the dermatillomania) because i felt like even though i couldn't "pass" i didn't want any extra femininity added. so it had the opposite effect. when i thought i was female i felt the need to wear it to be pretty even when i didn't want to. and when i realized i was male i felt like i shouldn't wear it in order to be more masculine even when i wanted to. so lately i've realized it doesn't matter at /all/ and i should wear it if i want to but i was still having the problem where even when i'd want to wear it i would hate it once it was on. WELL i finally found a style i'm into and it's so nice and i'm so happy
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lol i should be asleep
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I GOT MY LICENSE TEST WENT REALLY WELL!!!!!!
also picked up my binder and it's too big ugh but it's very comfortable and llb has the one exchange rule so at least i can get the right size but it sucks to not have a comfy one for my trip and i'm worried about the fit but i'm assuming it's just because it's too big that it doesn't compress right
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i'm so so so nervous help
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it's 10 hours from now and i repeat: i am really flipping nervous
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WELL THEY WANTED A SIG FOR MY BINDER DELIVERY AND I WAS ASLEEP SO I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW UGH
besides that i will be taking my driver's test in the morning and i'm really flipping nervous
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i really hope ae's sweats and joggers go on sale and that they still have xs in a lot of the colors because i will buy them /all/
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i can't sleep because i'm too excited to get my binder
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gosh i need to sleep
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i did splurge for the first time in a month and a half though and bought a haikyuu pillow cushion thing
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it feels like i've blown this entire check tbh but i really haven't i was just spoiled seeing my savings so high and then having to spend a lot of it at once on things i've been procrastinating
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