vent-talks

[vent-talks]

*scrolls thru posts* yeesh

#no not back lol was just bored #did end up making like #many diff blogs #google docs just never felt righ tjklfdsflds #then had episodes then deleted them all soooo #im also #the lonliest ive ever been lol #and saddest :) #i just go to school and work and repeat #ive crawled out of some rlly dark places tho so proud of that #despratley trying to get some form of closure on some stuff so i can move on #no luck on that #honestly the only thing keeping me going is the hopes ill move out next year #but with my luck who knows lol #mostly writing for myself since i dont think anyone remembers this blog anymore #but uh #yeah future me it gets so much worse lol

[vent-talks]

*has too much thinking time at work*

Welp

#decided im done with vent blogs #was thinking on it for a while i swesr this was just a oush i needed lol #10% cuz of recent evebrs but the rest is other stuff so #gbai lol #im just switching to more private stuff #if i do end uo liking blogs better itll be a new one

[vent-talks]

Realized something I had thinking on for a while ig

#dont love the answer but uh #guess i needed a reality check lol #i rlly do need out of this house man

[vent-talks]

Made it through the day...

Im gonna be okay.

#rough morning....but ill live #im alot calmer #ill be okay #vent talks

[vent-talks]

What do I do what do I do nononononono pls no I can't I cant

#g od no please #idk what to do #whay do o do i cant #im gonna throw ip #oh god #i feel so sick ph god #i dont wanna beg i cant bed #god o want to pls

[vent-talks]

Pls I'm dreaming I'm having a bad dream pls I wanna wake up this osnt real

#whyd i do that why #oh god

[vent-talks]

Nononono onono oh God no I fucked up I fucked up n onononononono

#im gonna throw up oh god oh god #nononono #n o nonono #no please no

[vent-talks]

ew this slushy was 90% syrup i want it out, maybe if i gag enough i'll actually puke lol- *pukes* . . . *desperately fighting the bad ideas away* oh n o

#god fucking damnit i should n o t have learned that skill during swim suit season #'thats a surprise tool that'll help us later' immediatley played in my head after h e l p #summer im not as depressed so h o pe f u l ly nothing will come of this a c k #vent talks #eating disorder tw #just in case idk

[vent-talks]

The shift between laughing and sleeby tired to fucking panic was a weird experience I'll say that

#like realizing I wasnt just tired and that something was w r o n g was #g od

[vent-talks]

I got high for the first time and it was the ordt experience of my life and I was on the phone with my fucking boyfriend ik I scared him gdi

#i feel so fucking bad #i asked him to call an ambulance at one point then immediately told him not to #i shouldnt have said that gdi whyd i ask that #i was freaking tf out hhh #im so sorry im sorry

[vent-talks]

me: god i hate how my body looks ive literally been having nightmares about it-

all my actually plus sized friends: : /

me:.....sorry

#i always feel guilty abt it gdi #like 'bro ur litteraly so skinny compared to us why're u complaining' #i dont fucking know!!!!! my brain just hates the site of me ig!!!!!!! #but fucking i can't vent to anyone about it cuz i just end up feeling like an asshole

[vent-talks]

'i need to do some crying but my tear ducts seem too proud so im gonna be doing some drinking instead'

felt that in my soul everyone is so happy i dont have access to any sort of substances cuz i would've drunk myself into a coma by now

#bout to start asking around if anyone has weed or drugs or litteraly anything man

[vent-talks]

honestly think the only thing i could stomach rn is a smoothie, idk if its cuz i feel sick af or grief or whatever but i took like 2 bites of food today and that was 1/2 only so i could take pain meds for my headache

#i have springs break this week and i comeplety forgot too #and i dont hae work till friday #i was kinda hoping to get out the house :/ #i hate having a cold rn

[vent-talks]

idk how she made store bought waffles taste so fucking good in the morning but she did

[vent-talks]

it hasn't even been 12 hrs and im already trying to roleplay to cope :/

#i havent even said it directly out loud yet cuz that makes it real #but uh...guess....it happened #the fact its so hard to type abt it oh fuck

[vent-talks]

spent my first valentines single again after like 3 years : )

#i simply ignored it #but just kinda hit me ahahhaahahahahhahahahahahaha #i hate this house #*goes into my fantasy world bai*

[vent-talks]

hah finally hit me in my small lil world that I have no audience

#planning to release a webcomic #some random merch #wanting to make prints from a drawings #just hit me that I have like....no following lol #ive been ignoring it cuz im depending on my comic to be what hits off but like #what if it doesnt lol #meh fuck it #was hoping fo rhte extra cash cuz retail sucks ass if its not the holidays #but hey im still gonna do the comic cuz it fucking means too much to me so #if it doesnt hit off it doesnt hit off :/