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vergessenegeschichte · 4 months
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vergessenegeschichte · 4 months
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the hardest part is knowing that, even if you come back, it will never be the same. we have different minds and different thoughts and different ways of living. but i don’t think you understand how fucking much i needed you in my life. i don’t think you understand how terrible you make me feel every day of my miserable life. you’re the reason why everything fell apart and why i broke down. you took everything from me. i don’t think you’ll ever understand the impact you had on me. and now, no matter how much i need you, i’ll do everything to keep you far away. you don’t deserve to see how fucked up you left me. it’s not like you ever cared, anyway.
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“You are stronger than you realise. You are crueller than you realise. The smallest words will break your heart. You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago. People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires. You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep. You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat. You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to. Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again. Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place. You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it. You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed. Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive. You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call. You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter. You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin. Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you. People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening. You will be okay. You will be okay.”
21 things my father never told me (via motelstyles)
I am in love with this.
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“I knew that what was left of me would always love you, but never in quite the same way.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald; The Beautiful and Damned
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almost, what if’s, and what could’ve been
i think the cruelest form of love that the human heart can experience is the kind that almost happened, but didn’t. it’s the kind that you planted and hoped would grow, but didn’t even live to reach its full potential.
it hurts because there’s no sense of finality when it comes to almost relationships. there was no definite end because it didn’t even bloom to see the beginning of something that could’ve been beautiful.
it hurts because you’ll never really know what could’ve happened, because it was right at your fingertips and you were so close - so close that you could see what it would’ve been like to be loved by them, to see the kind of future you could’ve had. but in the end, you weren’t close enough. so you torture yourself with questions of what if’s and ideas of what could’ve been. and the truth is, those questions and ideas are one of the worst pains you’d ever inflict upon yourself. it’ll drive you mad until one night you find yourself a heaping mess on your bedroom floor trying to piece yourself together.
but my god, i hope you won’t let this break you to the point of no return. i hope you won’t shut yourself off from love and i hope you don’t spend the rest of your life dwelling on almost relationships, ideas of what could’ve been and questions of what if’s.
there’s a whole world out there filled with people, and one of them could be the one if you give them the chance. don’t spend the rest of your life grieving over a dead flower when you’re surrounded by seeds waiting to be planted.
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“We wouldn’t have worked out anyway.” He says, laughing quietly. But I notice the uncertainty in his voice, how the words roll off his tongue strangely; as if he’s trying and failing to convince himself of his own words. My eyes flicker to his for a moment, long enough to notice the vulnerability beneath them.
I turn away from him and I force a laugh and nod in agreement, desperately trying to ignore the dangerous thoughts forming in my head. I can’t afford to think of what if’s and what could’ve been. To think of us happy together, had we done things a little differently. That would be torture.
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“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”
— Unknown
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I often wonder where I stand with you. Some days it feels as if my feelings are reciprocated, and that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Other days I question whether or not I even cross your mind, especially when I’m waiting by the phone or being left on read.
-But through it all, my feelings for you remain unphased.
-m.t.t.
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“I didn’t cry because it was a stereotypical breakup cry. I cried because my best friend left me. I cried because he no longer wished to be in my life and didn’t want me in his either. I cried because I couldn’t understand what was real and what was fake: were the “I love you’s” lies and the “I’m tired and done,” the truth? I cried because I couldn’t imagine living without him, and I didn’t want to have to enter such a world. I cried because the next day, we were to be strangers again. I cried because it didn’t feel real and I didn’t want it to be real. I cried because he meant the world to me and I truly believed him when he said that he wouldn’t leave me. So, don’t think so little of my emotions. I didn’t cry because I lost “a boyfriend.” I cried because I lost my loved one. My best friend. My comfort. My safe place. My warmth. My home. My reason.”
— yet somehow you can’t understand that.
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“I fell in love with him. His smirk, his laugh, his arms wrapped around me. His temper, his judgments, his silent wrath. I fell in love with all of him. I didn’t fall in love with the idea of him, only the idea that he loved me too.”
— did you love me at all? ( @words-of-heartbreak )
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I wonder in vain because I know there is no tomorrow, this journey of two has run its course, a goodbye unwanted but inevitable, hearts know love cannot be forced, losing you feels like flesh being torn, feeling as if I won’t survive, the ache splits my soul in two, this break I feel I won’t survive, and yet the sun will shine, my body will draw breath, but my life has lost some luster, for I’ve lost my forever and my happiness has fled, no more growing old, no more holding hands when we’re eighty, I now lost in this world of one, now lost without the one who made me. ~ B.T.
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“once upon a time, in a younger year of life, we watched the sunset together every single night. violet glazed, maroon tinged, all the colors of enamorment pirouetting across the cotton candy sky. you used to say that the sun exhaled a final breath of passion before passing over a goodbye. you said that the sun needed a colorful conclusion to the day- just as much as you and i. so now i spend my nights alone amongst wilting grass to catch a glimpse of the show of lights. since then, the sky has burnt such a deep maroon every evening, that the greens look as if they are on fire. i suppose the sun might be angry with you too, and i certainly do know why.”
— you left us both. |(morsus engel)|
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