vocalstudies

[vocalstudies]

10/17 1:33pm

you came to me in a dream

helping me walk up the stairs

you laid me down

I felt your energy within your touch

I woke up reaching over and saying your name

my grasp was filled with nothingness

Forcing myself back to sleep

[vocalstudies]

#Pictures

[vocalstudies]

100% have none of it anymore aside from my dog. The universe works in mysterious ways

I hate the entire concept of working to live, own a home, marriage and have children.

sure it’s something I thought I wanted at one point with a partner

now I just absolutely despise and dread everything about it

I want to sell everything and leave

100% leave everything behind

I’ve been looking into volunteering farms in rural Italy

I also have so much responsibilities to take care of here

the debt, my dog, car, my things

I can’t stand looking at my material possessions idk what it is

but it’s not for me right now

[vocalstudies]

Never in my 30 years of existence did I think I’d absolutely lose everything that was once familiar

It’s time to close the chapter on my old friendships, old relationships, my literal home or sense of home lol, career and means of transportation.

everything in my life has gone so different and I’ve experienced major life changes (was in denial for 2 yrs)

I get it now — it was never about sacrifice. It was always about perseverance and redirection of what wasn’t working anymore.

only the greats fall countless of times and get back up again

I’m feeling 100% humbled … as much as it sucks I’ve accepted the loss

[vocalstudies]

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

— Nayyirah Waheed

[vocalstudies]

I’m thinking abt you & its 4am

I cried a lot because I miss you esp at times when I shouldn’t

Suddenly it’s Aug & it’s the 2nd yr around the sun without me

I hope to achieve happiness & find my life partner like you someday

it’s been a struggle to move on

I want to so bad

can’t force it tho

I keep flaking on my dates & making out w strangers in different cities

surface level stuff

I just want to feel anything but this

[vocalstudies]

I’m being really mean to myself right now

I don’t deserve anything good

[vocalstudies]

I hate the entire concept of working to live, own a home, marriage and have children.

sure it’s something I thought I wanted at one point with a partner

now I just absolutely despise and dread everything about it

I want to sell everything and leave

100% leave everything behind

I’ve been looking into volunteering farms in rural Italy

I also have so much responsibilities to take care of here

the debt, my dog, car, my things

I can’t stand looking at my material possessions idk what it is

but it’s not for me right now

[vocalstudies]

Pride wknd

#Pictures

[vocalstudies]

SF BE LIKE

#Pictures

[vocalstudies]

Me w any animal in my roomies & i’s home haha

[vocalstudies]

Kinda miss purp princess me lol

just dyed back to black sigh

#Pictures

[vocalstudies]

2 diff edc fits

#Pictures

[vocalstudies]

Free SOLO coachella trip thanks to my bro <3

#pictures #gpoy

[vocalstudies]

Free EDC trip <3 love my homies

#pictures #gpoy

[vocalstudies]

“Promise you im a good person, im kinda going thru something tho”

“We want different things, dont think its gonna work out”

“I’m always down for new friends, yeah you did come off pretty bold”

Anyways im never getting at another woman again 👹 forever alone srsly

hahahaha these are 3 different ppl in a span of 2ish years

[vocalstudies]

ugh this was months ago but so freakin accurate 🥺

Sometimes I wish I said less, kept quiet or just minded my own business.

I always replay stupid shit I did and wish that I could retract it. Thinking of ways I could’ve done it different. I replay all the embarrassing things I’ve done in my mind until it continues to progressively bother me. Why is that?

On the other hand my thought process is — why is it looked down upon for being overly expressive? Why can’t you speak your truth? Why can’t you be understood?

I find myself over analyzing and I say too much to new people in my life, job interviews, complete strangers, friends, coworkers etc

I say too much and look like an absolute needy freak to strangers or say too little/or nothing and look like a complete asshole for not responding.

Either way I feel vulnerable

I just want to find balance