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weebsinstash · 2 days
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Screaming crying throwing up at LiliLuci polycule idea!! Omg what if you were trying to avoid Lucifer's advances and you thought Lilith showing up would make him stop paying attention to you?? Lucifer instead starts yapping about you trying to help him with his depression and help out with the Charlie's hotel and now she's interested!! Instead of taking you out of the spotlight it just made it 110% worse and now you're not sure how to get out of this.
Before I was thinking of poly LiliLuci, one idea my brain kept circling back to is "you yell at Lucifer for being a bad father and he's totally turned on by it actually" and I just feel like Lilith shows up and Lucifer has like 200 different memorized stories about you to tell her and you accidentally unintentionally pull them both 😩
Just. Ok follow me here. Lucifer showed up at the Hotel being a straight asshole. Just picture you're sitting here as Charlie's friend, you've watched her repeatedly try and fail to call her mom, and when she finally starts mentioning her father, it's in kind of vague terms, wait what do you MEAN you havent spoken to your only remaining parent in 5 months what's he even DOING, and, you're THERE for the phonecall between them and it's PAINFUL. Then the guy shows up and you think, oh he's just a funny little goober! That makes sense! And then he just. Starts beefing with Alastor. Calling his daughter's friends losers. Cannot follow a conversation to save his life. Kind of immediately shits on what Charlie has built and it instantly gets him on your bad side.
So picture you're just sitting at the bar and you've had a few drinks because you're INTENSELY frustrated and you're just watching Alastor and Lucifer go at it with this petty nonsense, but, what, are YOU gonna yell at the Devil? If he's getting riled up over Alastor being petty, what would Lucifer react to what YOU want to say?
But you're watching them continue to argue over such STUPID BULLSHIT and you've had enough and you just, "Lucifer Morningstar do you even know where your daughter is right now?" In like THE mom voice, you're finally walking up to him, RILED UP AND PISSED, "you know the other week I had to tag along with your daughter when she went to a porn studio to try and convince a sex trafficker to give one of his best earning employees some time off by asKinG HiM ReAlLy NicElY and he publicly humiliated her and even put his hands on her and WHERE WERE YOU AS HER FATHER?"
And Lucifer clearly didn't know that even happened so you just start going at him. "Oh did she not tell you, or were you just not paying attention when she did? Your daughter is so completely sheltered and unaware of THE POSSIBILITY of other people being bad that she literally walks up to people who treat her like total fucking garbage and she smiles and she's polite and she TAKES IT, and where were you? She's getting mocked on, national television or whatever the fuck you call it down here, and where were you?"
You look over at some point and Alastor is just sitting there with an entire bucket of theater popcorn, just in absolute DELIGHT, and you jab a finger between him and Lucifer, "your daughter finally asks you for help and you're too busy beefing with a cannibal with a bad haircut! Oh noOooooOoo, he called you SHORT? Yeah, you're fucking short. You've been short since even before the language I am using to speak to you now was created. Get over it. Oh no Alastor is hurting your feelings? Yeah well he's a fucking loser too, who cares? The literal actual fucking Devil shows up and he's trying to fight with you? Clearly he's an egotistical nut job and you're BOTH too grown for this shit!"
Absolutelt sending myself at the idea of Reader going like, "and also, awwwww, it makes you feel small when people draw attention to your height?" And you just, PLUCK HIM OFF THE GROUND BY HIS SIDES AND SWING HIM AROUND IN THE AIR AND SET HIM UP ON THE COUNTER, so now he's like more at eye level with you too btw, and you're just "Wheeeeee! Did you like going uppy? Did you like going uppy like a big boy? *turning to everyone else in the room* he likes being on the counter because it makes him feel tall :)"
But you just spend like 15 minutes straight tearing this man a new asshole and you're finally like, towering over him, "and what do you have to say for yourself?!" and. He's blinking. He's blinking. He's blinking. Suddenly his upset expression completely falls away, "ok can I be real with you for a second here. You're really doing it for me right now. Are you single?"
You're just turning to Alastor, "exorcise this man" as the Overlord grips his cane, "GLADLY" because Alastor draws the line at Lucifer looking at you and visibly blushing for obvious reasons, and also. Obviously I swing more towards female readers but bonus points if you were in a tank top or something kinda lower, nothing too revealing but, you're chastising Lucifer and maybe even to mock his height you lean forward to speak to him and he's just. His eyes are just noticeably bouncing between your face and your chest as sweat rolls off his brow and he's thinking "oh God I know I'm supposed to be listening to what she's saying and it's about Charlie and it's really important but also 👀 boobs"
You think Lilith will save you and Lucifer and her like kiss and whatever, you're thinking oh good OBVIOUSLY he still loves his wife, and, we're talking within 5 minutes Lucifer is ALREADY DRAWING HER ATTENTION TO YOU and rambling about all the times you were mean and deflecting him in like, A GIDDY FLUSTERED WAY? as Lilith is looking at you with like Ara ara mommy energy, Lucifer just, SLINGING AN ARM AROUND YOUR WAIST, "oh golly you should've seen it, she yelled at me for not looking after Charlie better!"
"Oh, did she?"
"Yeah! And she picked me up and swung me around! ☺️ she yelled at me and called me half a man with a short temper, it really stung! 🥰"
"It sounds like the two of you have been having lots of fun :)" and you're just like MAAM NO THIS IS Y O U R HUSBAND, WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON RIGHT NOW???? ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED she would show up to your hotel room for like a girl chat or a quick conversation but she'll be wearing like, THE MOST fuzzy pink "no officer I don't know where my husband is" fuck me lingerie kinda robe like imagine she ALSO has no boundaries in completely different ways. You open your hotel room door and she's out there in a robe and you're just chatting and she uncrosses her arms as she keeps talking and it's like Lilith you look like you were literally about to go and seduce your husband 💀💀💀 you basically have Morticia Addams in lingerie casually talking to you about "so Charlie was wanting to take a family outing sometime later this week and she and my Lulu and also myself were hoping you could come along--" and she's just got her titties in a push up bra like. I could not, she would have me visibly staring, sweating, shaking, quaking. I feel like she's a bloodhound for that shit too, being able to tell when you're nervous or embarrassed. Lucifer can't read cues to save his fucking life and she is TOO smart
But also. What if Lilith is the one who takes charge 👀 like you slip back into the Hotel one night and you get caught with hickies on your neck (maybe or maybe not because you were trying to send a message about not being up for grabs) and privately, perhaps after an argument with some harsh words from you, maybe you even lose your temper and SLAP HIM, then you've got Lucifer laying his head in his wife's lap DEPRESSED DEPRESSED, potentially even crying, and she's just petting his hair, "don't cry Ducky, she doesn't even know how you feel. Don't be so sad, it'll just take time" and having to comfort him, meanwhile, potentially behind his back, she's pulling her own strings, got her own schemes. Noooo, you and her Lulu can't fight, she already has so many things she wants to do with both of you :( her poor silly babies, breaking each other's hearts--
Not to say Lucifer is incompetent, I just. We know Lilith is his Morticia and she's gotta be a bad bitch and I feel like. She would be the one to be the most concerned about between them. Or would it be Lucifer, with his deadly pride and power?
Either way now I can't stop thinking about Lilith gifting you certain clothes because she knows Charlie/Lucifer would love to see you in them, and lowkey manipulating you into spending more time with her family, blurring the lines of what's considered private for both them AND yourself until you're no longer questioning how appropriate some of their invitations are. Oh, join Lilith and Lucifer for dinner? Well, we all went out to dinner with Charlie last week so- oh, this would be without Charlie? OK that's fine, I mean we already went out shopping without her last week and that went totally fine so surely THIS won't be anything weird, right :) so where are we going to eat? Oh it's called Ozzie's? Sounds fun, what's the atmosphere in thst place like, sounds pretty casual--
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weebsinstash · 3 days
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Thinking bout how mean demi Alastor would be regarding the post cheating/meltdown/breakup sex… he’s still a sadist and now that he’s more comfortable with physical intimacy and like 20% more deranged that def gets reflected in his “catering to your needs”. Overstim, edging, anything that leaves you at his “mercy”
Reader, visibly sweating because YOU know that HE knows most of the dirty dirty nasty NASTY SHENANIGANS you've committed in the last month or two of Just Straight Up Sluttery: so Alastor, now that you've discovered this new part of yourself, surely you've, uh, developed some new tastes and healthy outlets for intimacy?
Alastor, who's just spent the last several weeks rounding up all your sexual partners and he does mean ALL of them to torture every last detail of what you did out of them, and has recently discovered how much he likes the feeling of a riding crop in his hands, along with a list of kinks where cheating/cuckoldry is definitely NOT one of them: oh yes :) healthy outlets :) so anyways my pet, about your punishment--
You're just like "ok Alastor um, since you're new to this and old fashioned you probably want to, cuddle, and, ease into it, and--" bitch he wants to tie you up. Bitch he has developed SUCH a craving for watching you tied up and helpless because, oh you're so sweet and vulnerable and need him to protect you ❤️ his sweet vulnerable little doe ❤️ aw, your struggling is so cute ❤️ do you want to be let go? Guess you better beg nice and pretty~
I dunno man... I was LITERALLY discussing a concept like this with an asexual buddy of mine actually, the amount of aces horny for Alastor is giving, truly, and we were MUTUALLY like, "listen... listen... asexuality is real and we respect that, ok... but it's also a spectrum... and I want this man going his entire life and afterlife not caring or having a taste for those things UNTIL he meets you and he has to deal with, discover, and come to understand all his new desires" and I keep thinking of multiple ways to swing that?
Just him having his equivalent of his first schoolboy crush and not knowing why he can't stop himself from laughing at your jokes? Why is he suddenly so... POSSESSIVE of your company? Why does he want to hurt the men who come around you even more than usual? He goes to Rosie for advice and she's just, DROPPING HER TEA CUP, "oh ALASTOR HONEY, you've got yourself a little crush!!" and all but squealing with delight as she wants ALL the details and, well, Rosie IS a trusted friend... and once he starts talking about you, he can't stop himself for some reason, he just enjoys sharing little details and stories and things about you amd, oh gosh Rosie you should hear this thing that happened the other day it was just the most charming little--
I want this man coming to take you back and he's kicking some door down and he finds you THROATING A GUY. I want it AWKWARD. I want him finding you doing something that immediately makes everyone involved go OH SHIT. I want some dude freaking out hollering "THE RADIO DEMON?!" because he and a buddy were spitroasting you on your hands and knees and you give a very recognizable "alastor????" around the dude's meat CLEARLY KNOWING THE GUY and your unlucky one night stand has his Oh Fuck moment as he makes perfect eye contact with the notorious cannibal who is currently witnessing this, uh, gentleman having his hand fisted in your hair as he--
Just the mental image of, it's the end of the night or even the morning and the fucking sun is coming up or, their time equivalent of sunrise since I don't think they have like days and nights, but, Alastor is just sitting there reading a book humming to himself, completely put together not a hair out of place, with candles going, a gentle song on the radio, and beside him you're just facedown completely naked in bed with welts all over your ass as his shadow gives you a nice aftercare massage. Dude just sips some coffee, humming and smirking as he regards you "now did we learn our lesson about... making impulsive unsafe decisions without consulting our partner?"
you, still face down as your legs still refuse to stop shaking: that if I want to get fucked really hard all I have to do is commit adultery?
Alastor, who has recently discovered all the Super Fun New Ways he can fuck 'discipline' you for riling him up and getting him jealous on purpose because now that he's finally acting like this it's all but making you a cat in heat 'being a brat', smiling with legitimate sadistic glee as he reaches for a pair of leather gloves: incorrect :)
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weebsinstash · 6 days
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I noticed you bitches like drama and men being just a little pathetic so you know what I've been thinking of lately. Wouldn't it be so funny if you got a red string of fate, you know, whole destined soulmate shebang, but you've got two of them, and on the ends are MORTAL ENEMIES WHO WOULD RATHER KILL EACH OTHER THAN SHARE YOU
I want you DEAD, in HELL, finding out you've got one string for Vox and one string for Alastor and they HAAAAAATE IT, at each other's throats IMMEDIATELY
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I want you walking down the street, somehow magically the perfect distance from both of them when your strings appear for the very first time, two leading in opposite directions. Like I picture Vox is broadcasting live and his string suddenly appears and, he tries to play it cool because he's on the air but he's clearly excited and geeking out a little, but, wait his string disappears? And reappears? And disappears? And homie is hooked up to his little TV network, and he finally notices and sees through one of the tvs on some street corner somewhere, there you are, stepping forward, back, forward, back, kind of just, making your string go in and out of the whole 'distance rule', still obviously shocked yourself, and you just awkwardly look up to the tv and flash a clearly very nervous smile, "oh hey, um, I think this is us maybe?" and nervously holding up the hand attached to his string
Meanwhile you turn to look in the other strings direction and Alastor is Suddenly Just There. He's pulling a fucking Batman on you where you just turn around and he's all but silently materialized directly behind you and you're nearly falling over yelping in surprise.
THEN VOX AND ALASTOR SEE EACH OTHER AND SEE THE STRINGS AND IT'S ON SIGHT. Vox is just slamming his hands down on his desk, "NO, FUCK OFF ALASTOR, GET YOUR OWN SOULMATE" meanwhile Alastor is. Slightly more composed but his ears are pressed back and he's grating his teeth as he looks between you, who he's already so eager to get to know everything about, and his old business partner and he's immediately growling out an "Absolutely NOT"
I want you awkwardly flipping between both of these men like Hell's most precarious drama filled job interview. "OK well, his head is literally a TV so I bet he likes video games like I do whereas you don't seem the type, BUT, Vox is also just kind of a mean person? And Alastor you're a fucking cannibal serial killer? But we kinda have similar values.... but I love tech.... HE would make me feel smart and YOU I feel like would threaten my intelligence and make me feel stupid and-- oh my god is that literally it, am I so crazy i get both of you to balance me out in different ways. What about you guys. You guys ever make out with each other or anything--"
Like these two are wanting to get to know you and bond with you and I just picture Alastor is repeatedly suggesting you two go to a diner or a cafe or somewhere to grab a bite to eat (and also because he TOTALLY isn't trying to lead you away from the TVs on the street) and Vox is like having a little hissy fit through the screen but he's keeping his distance because he knows if he faced Alastor head on he would wreck his shit
But like.... imagine scenario c where you don't want either one of them and you're just like IMMEDIATELY "uh, no, no thank you? I actually um, am not looking for a relationship right now, and, uh, also you're both just. Awful. You're both just legitimately awful people and I don't want anything to do with either of you or all the drama you cause, quite frankly you guys can go make out with each other and I think we would all be better off" cause. I mean it was already a competition to win your heart but this is Even Worse because both of them are trying to "win you over" before the other one can and they're just SMOTHERING YOU. Like imagine one of your strings appearing and there's a knock at your door and suddenly your other string appears and you're hearing arguing voices outside and you open your front door and they're like. Strangling each other on your doorstep. Immediately pushing their way into your apartment and commenting on all your belongings
Alastor just like sarcastically commenting on all your tech while Vox is thrilled you have things in common. You and Vox just deliberately using modern slang and pop culture lingo just to annoy him by saying shit he either can't understand, finds annoying, or both. Vox thumbing through your cds and chiding you for having older music in your collection while Alastor tells him he's too low intelligence to appreciate the classics and starts asking you about your tastes in more 'retro' things. The entire time both of them are looking at each other "try not to break anything you clumsy oaf" *meanwhile is picking up and touching all your shit himself*
And of course... imagine the drama if you reject them and they catch you out on the take for another man. They scour the city looking everywhere for you, even TEAMING UP because they want to find you that badly, and they find you in a club in some dude's lap dangerously wasted as you put your tongue down his throat. You're all but riding the dude to kiss him. And finally Alastor and Vox are agreeing on something! You're PEELED off that man and, wherever he goes you sure don't know because you're WASTED! You're just giggling and messing around, swirling your finger in circles on their arms/chests, "oh my gosh, itssssyouuuuu guys!! Heyyyyy!!!! Come have drinks with me and my new friends!!!" and you're just so drunk they're uncomfortable with it. Alastor is getting some unpleasant nostalgia and Vox is worried how many other people are in this club, having their eyes all over you, Lucifer only knows what all you've been up to
If they find you with hickies or some shit on your neck you basically lose Personhood Privileges. You're like. Getting carried out of there, Alastor's just scooping you up, "cmon darlin!" and you're so drunk you're just like "oh my gosh you're so strong ☺️🥰 wheeeeeee~" and, you're just drunkenly slurring and being chatty and asking them all kinds of questions (and maybe saying some real inappropriate shit that makes them nervous about leaving you alone or around other men), meanwhile they're, like, carting you off to one of Alastor's secret hideouts or Vox has a hidden apartment to get his own space away from the Vees, you're just getting toast and water and getting tucked in still really fucked up as they're doing everything from, Alastor dutifully removing all your makeup to Vox helping take off your shoes for them to tuck you into bed. You're just drunkenly purring with contentment as one of them throws a blanket over you and you're just nice and burrito'd up, already falling asleep
Imagine they're just about to leave the room and you're just, so quiet and soft and, "... that guy i was with... wouldnt take no for an answer, so... i was just... kissing him so he maybe would leave me alone... but then he kept asking for more... I don't know what I would've done if you guys hadn't shown up. Thank you" and just rolling over and conking out as both men stare at you like the shocked tails meme
By the time you're waking up, you're stumbling out of the bedroom to see them both still there with you, politely chatting over some coffee and scrambling up to you now that you're awake, leaving you more than just a little confused. Wait, the two of them are getting along now? Well, your little disappearing act and all the little stunts you've pulled made them realize that, they both individually have their own strengths and weaknesses, and, they even wound needing to work together to help you, and, really isn't that just so indicative of times to come? Clearly you DO need both of them, and, maybe just maybe if it's for your sake and safety, they can set their differences aside. Heck, maybe even teaming up to help find you and just, figure this whole mess out in general reminded both of them of old times. Maybe they even missed their old friend a little bit. Maybe if you get them drunk and horny enough you can even get them to make ou--
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weebsinstash · 7 days
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Yandere Alastor having a huge alcoholic meltdown before deciding to take you back is making me crazyyyyyy because like. He sees you crying because you see him spiraling and takes it as confirmation you still love him and need him!!! Sure those scoundrels led you astray but you’re clearly miserable, he just needs to intervene more firmly this time for your his own good, no matter what you say.
One thing that really does it for me is the concept of, he's having an intense public breakdown for, WEEKS, MONTHS even, just spiraling spiraling spiraling, every time you think he's hit his lowest, you hear something worse: being drunk in public, starting fights over perceived disrespect, being extremely hostile and standoffish to those who try to speak to him, AVOIDING ROSIE, like....honey you destroyed this man
and then... all it takes to knock some sense into him is Vox showing you up on the big screen for Alastor to see, the Radio Demon watching you look upon his image with legitimate concern and PITY, like you're looking at a puppy being kicked or something. He hadn't seen your face (in person anyways) in what feels like AGES and then he finally sees his precious beloved beau again and you're. Crying, FOR him, BECAUSE of him. You're crying and that dirty nasty flat faced capitalist bastard is mocking you for all of Hell to see and THAT is something Alastor won't tolerate
Can you even imagine like. It becomes too much, you're crying and getting taunted by Vox and Alastor is like VISIBLY SHAKEN by the sight of you, amd, you just feel too much guilt, you run off absolutely sobbing and don't even see if Alastor manages to sober himself up enough to stand before you do. You just can't watch, it's torture. Which also leaves you completely unaware of how seeing your image seemingly renewed the absolutely WASTED Radio Demon's strength. You spend several days curled up in bed, refusing to watch TV or get on your phone, but, wait, doing your word searches and crossword puzzles or playing solitaire just makes you think of Alastor too--
Meanwhile he's like absolutely tearing through Hell personally tracking down every man you've so much as blown a kiss at behind his back and, well... you know what he's known for. These men might not have even known you were the Radio Demon's piece and are begging for their lives, but Alastor doesn't care. They've defiled you. They've tainted you. They've dirtied you with their disgusting grimey pig hands. There's no taking that back. If he can't exactly reach into their minds and remove their memories of seeing your exposed body, hearing your wanton noises, then, Alastor will just have to remove their minds from their heads entirely, won't he? Brain is such a tasty organ meat.
I just. The mental image of Alastor finally coming to fetch you and he finds you in like. the worst situation possible and I mean that. He's either finding you drunk in the gutter yourself because you started binge-drinking because of how seeing him Like That made you feel, OR, he's finding you getting railed in a sex club. I mean it. I want this man kicking down a door because he's finally coming to take you back and he thinks his precious boo is being tormented by gross men and you're like, a willing participant in a Czech reverse gloryhole. I want this man absolutely convinced you need him to survive and he walks in on you doing something that strikes him as so WILD that it instantly confirms WHATEVER INSANE THEORIES he had. I want a yandere Alastor who got cheated on because he never wanted sex (or, needed to become attached to you enough to want it and you lost patience before he reached that point) and he sees you cheat on him, dump him, and immediately run headfirst into the wildest kinkiest craziest shit to the point he thinks you're having a mental health crisis and, oh honey clearly this is HIS FAULT. He didn't... cater to all of your needs, so you sought out men who could. It's not YOUR fault these, DISGUSTING PIGS would take advantage of you, which is CLEARLY what happened!
But anyways, oh no no, don't worry darling! He's been doing a lot of self reflecting on himself and his feelings and --ignore the tentacle climbing up your leg -- and he's been thinking a lot about what to do about your... apparently very rigorous physical needs and --yes there ARE multiple tentacles starting to kind of grope all over you but you're not focusing on the conversation, dear-- and Alastor thinks he's found a solution that should.... DEEPLY satisfy both of your desires :) now, all you have to do is relax and allow him to show you the fruits of all the "anatomy research" he's been doing recently...
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weebsinstash · 8 days
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Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being
but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW
His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"
Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--
You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"
I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...
Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?
"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"
"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"
"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"
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weebsinstash · 8 days
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I was cleaning my room and I developed a hyper specific thirst for "your red string of fate soulmate uses The String to basically track you down and invite themselves into your apartment and start going through all your things"
I've just, been having my mind run amok with different ideas for Hazbin characters 💀 Vox wants to go through all your tech and your video games, Velvette and Valentino poke through your closet and your skincare, Alastor... he's just fucking judgy about almost everything lmao
They go to open a specific drawer without asking and you're all but BLOCKING THAT SHIT WITH YOUR BODY because Oh My God They Absolutelt Cannot Find Out That That's Your Sex Toy Drawer. And they find out anyways. Just. mortifying. That's too personal man I would die 💀 like I'm sorry can you imagine something just real uh large rolls out and like you've got VALENTINO just looming at you like "giiiiiiiiiiiiiirl---" cause like. Ok guess that solves the question of if you can fit him djggnjffkffjfjf
But it could also be cute! They see so many things around your room that they do enjoy!! Alastor sees that despite being modern, you listen to music that's from all genres including big bands and old jazz and, even your tastes in more modern music tend to be things similar from your childhood. Vox sees that you have like, figurines and anime merch and games he plays too! Velvette sees that you might dress in a way she considers uh ugly maybe just because you're broke as fuck and have been paying for all of your bills but maybe just maybe you like to draw and she can't help but notice the clothing in your drawings are nice and stylish. Valentino.... I dunno man he's kind of a jerk but I think he'd think it's cute when you get happy and excitedly show him things and maybe he even, idk,the yandereness turns him into a semi decent person and he's actually listening to everything you say even if he doesn't understand it because you're just so cute
Also regarding these guys going through your room I feel like it depends on what kind of story you're going for but if they're not being bullying and sadistic they're probably being nosey and infantilizing so like. You would think it would be horrible for Valentino to find your sex toys or lingerie right? Right! But he'll also notice a LACK of those things so there's no winning!!!! He'll tease you for keeping a vibrator wand in your bedside table and if he DOESNT find any fake dicks he'll tease you about being pent up and ask if "Daddy needs to take you to his favorite toy shop" or something 💀💀💀💀
I'm just saying like. Any which way, it's a scenario for a yandere to come into your life and react with either "oh cool, look how much we have in common! This is just further proof we belong together :)" OR "oh wow, you're not what I expected at all, but I love you so don't worry, I promise I'm not gonna abandon you and I'll just put in the work to change you until you better suit my own personal tastes but trust me you being a brat and resisting is also extremely adorable and I love that too :)"
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weebsinstash · 8 days
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Is Lucifer capable of topping?
Let’s discuss- 🤔💭
I feel like he's EXTREMELY capable of topping and he's also a switch imo. You can have ur angel OR ur devil. You can scoop him up and he'll be all giddy if you like, be the big spoon or manhandle him or dom him a little, he's all weak in the knees BUT he can also totally do all the same to you, seduce you, hold and cuddle YOU, and like... he IS a grown man, a husband, and a dad 👀 he has all that experience in caregiving and other... husbandly activities
As a side note I've never mentioned this before but Vivzie has mentioned in the past that Lilith and Lucifer have a great marriage and love each other so like, imagine she's up in Heaven as a deal and actually she hates that bullshit and would come back the second she could and she comes down and before she can get 5 words in,, YOU march up, "you've got a lot of explaining to do!! Do you have any idea how many times I've had to watch Charlie leave messages for an answering service and how DEPRESSED Lucifer has been?!?! Look at him, you didn't even CALL?!" And you're super indignant and outraged and ,acting like you might even fight her even though you would lose HORRENDOUSLY, and Lilith just :3 looks to Lucifer "oh my gosh they're so CUTE, who IS this" and just. Turns to you. "Thank you for helping look after my daughter and my silly husband" and leaves a big black lipstick kiss on your cheek, like... honey i'd be gone 😳🥴 catch me later that night helping make Charlie a sibling--
Also. I thought of this once but. Consider: you can't get pregnant as a Sinner but you're trapped in the LiliLuci Hell polycule threesome and they're just like "wait what if... you were like a surrogate using Lilliths eggs or something" and that works so like IT'S KINDA LIKE THEY B O T H GOT YOU PREGNANT RIGHT?
But. I was thinking, oblivious Reader keeps swerving Lucifer every time he tries to come onto you, and eventually he overhears you talking to Angel, something to the effect of "what? Pff, guys don't look at me that way, I'm like, icky! Don't be dumb" And suddenly Lucifer is all but racing across the room, "oh, so THAT'S it? You just don't see yourself as a woman?" and like yes, he's partially correct, but in his head, this is 300% the entire reason you're swerving him at all. he basically just goes into "well in that case :3c" mode and just
Could you imagine he just. Does a little, shall we say, devilry where he just snaps his fingers and suddenly you're in his bedroom just sitting on his bed and you're still like "oh hey dude um what this is weird haha" and he just starts. Disrobing. Just making eye contact with you and taking off his clothing one article at a time and it takes him taking off his shirt and being bare chested before starting on his pants before you're finally like OH UM OH GOSH UM 😳😳😳😳 SIR??? I didnt mean to, to like, lead you on, if, if that's what I did, and--" but like... at this point... he basically just sees you as a blushing bride on her wedding night who's only reluctant because she's scared. He goes from flirting with you to "oh, you're inexperienced and didn't realize my intentions all this time? OK I'll just take full control and just demonstrate for you :)"
People who aren't cowards realize the shape-shifting abilities mean this man could knot you, use tentacles, do just about whatever, and that's the facts. is there a limit on the shape-shifting like a time duration because otherwise why wouldn't he just shape-shift taller.
Lately I've really been on the concept of "what if you wind up sleeping in the same bed with a yandere/they crawl into yours and it turns out they sleep partially or fully naked and are just Doing That Shit, Potentially Even While Cuddling You". Like. You wake up and you're actually suepr warm and cozy which is weird because you usually fall asleep kinda chilly and, you just. Take a second to process that more blankets were thrown over you during sleep, Lucifer is asleep beside you potentially even cuddling into your tummy or aomething, and, oh yeah, you're both down to your underwear. You, understandably, get startled and confused and he's just casually like "well I uh,,,, came in to check on you since you said you sleep kinda poorly and, it was so cold in here ya know, and, you were tossing and turning a lot so I thought, hey, maybe give some company and this is how ->I<- sleep, so". Like he just thinks nothing of it. You could be waking up to see a sea of blonde hair nestled between your titties and he's just like blinking awake and grinning up at you all "good morning ^^" as if he totally wasn't just.... lulled to sleep on your chest listening to the sound of your heartbeat (and was potentially woken up by your pulse changing as you woke up and started freaking out)
I just. I can see him being so goofy and cuddly and then when he needs to put his foot down, it gets put DOWN. He'll get rid of any non-Hotel friends or potential rivals he doesn't approve you spending time with, he'll have word spread that you're under his protection, Hell he may even completely go over your head and do some shit like... remember in the finale where it was showing like the Vees little pinboard of all their enemies and it showed a magazine of Lucifer. Imagine he just slips on an interview having a new fiance or spouse or something and just pulls a photo of you up off his phone or even OUT OF HIS WALLET and you see this shit on TV like WHAT IS HAPPENING
I think... one of the juiciest parts is... the concept and mental battle of never knowing if he's doing certain things to you intentionally or accidentally. Like he may be saying to your face "oh my gosh sweetie I, I had no idea that would upset you 🥺🥺🥺" but then the second he walks away and he's alone he's like having his evil supervillain moment, sitting in a recliner with a wineglass of Beel Juice staring at, basically an ALTAR to you, "yes.... it's all going to plan.... now there's nowhere in the city they can run off to without me knowing... Isnt that right sweetie???" *looks directly at his duck replica of you he made to talk to when you're not around and he gets lonely*
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weebsinstash · 12 days
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could we get some valentino x male reader pls?
Bruh I've been actually on Valentino x male/intersex male Reader so hard lately (and I don't mention intersex for like fetish reasons but. I don't know what having a dick feels like and sometimes I'm like "well what if boy but. Vagine" and, shut up its my gender expression power fantasy, maybe I wanna have muscles and broad shoulders, leave me alone 💀)
Right off the top of my head, I've had ideas recently for:
-boy band lead vocalist! male Reader! Just. Ok. Imagine Reader and Angel having kind of a beef with each other and at some point it becomes a sort of "oh yeah, well I can XYZ better than you" kind of competition amd Angel says some shit like "you wouldn't know what it takes to come out here and strut for a bunch of perverts who look at you like you're a piece of meat" and you just hit him with some shit like "bitch I LITERALLY sucked FIVE DICKS so I could headline for the Superbowl, you fucking LOSER, you dont know ACTUAL music, i was AN ARTIST" and you start belting out something sexy with a choreographed dance that is clearly professional level skill
-male Reader with a little sister and you protect her from Valentino by offering to take her place. You've never sucked a single dick in your life and hell you might not even be gay but Valentino has your baby sister's life in his hands and, you've got to protect HER if not yourself
- ughhhhhh I'm probably gonna make this it's own post too but I've been ON my "unwilling red string soulmate" personal indulgence lately and. Just. Valentino who sees his red string appear and OBVIOUSLY he's gotta RUN to find his boo and he finds you and immediately thinks you're the most precious adorable sexy little thing, BUT. You just. Look straight at him and how HUGE he is and reply "i-im not... actually into men 😳" which is a LIE of course and, here's Valentino thinking, AW, his poor little baby gay! You've never had a boyfriend or gone to any clubs? TRAGIC! But also perfect because he is just TICKLED watching you get flustered beyond belief! So cute!
-I feel like. He would try and give you boners on purpose and think it's the cutest most erotic thing. He's got you sitting next to him and you're filled with liquor and he starts REALLY laying on the flirting, maybe even... places his palm on your upper thigh and BOOM. Hard as a rock and you can't even hide it because he makes you wear tight pants all the time. He's just over there, "what's going on amorcito? :3c you feeling a little hot under the collar?" as if he didn't just spend like 15 minutes talking about how he'd love to get you on your back and touch EVERY INCH of you, how he'd love to TASTE you--
-this is gender neutral but, convinced he eventually forces you to do some of those sexy pin-ups with him and one day you're walking around Vee Tower and he just has that shit HANGING UP. Poster You is just braced against his chest looking at the camera all demure and vulnerable while he's like. Got his guns out looking all tough like "mess with my pookie and you're through" and of course he makes you do. Sexy ones. Matching lingerie?
-I think of forced feminization with a male Reader sometimes actually. Like you wear boxy unflattering shit on purpose and one day Vals just like "you've got a small waist for a guy" and is checking you over. It starts off small. He starts wanting to style you. Then he wants you to update your skincare routine. Which is all fine right? But then he starts pushing his personal tastes. You've got such nice muscular thighs... which is why you would look so nice in some fishnets. He'd love to see your cute little butt in a thong while you cover your dick with your hands in MAJOR EMBARRASSMENT. You've got such pretty eyes; can Daddy put some mascara on you?
Valentino straight up punishing you by dressing you in full lingerie, your ass is in garters, heels, full glam makeup, and forcing you to pose for some cell phone pics
-still over here just mentally 🤌🤌🤌 at the idea of Valentino taking male Reader out with him and Angel and you've got matching outfits. You and Angel are in little skimpy, color matching fits while he's in a suit and gold chain, something that makes him feel powerful while he shows off his favorite toys
-I rllllly like the idea of like, a male Reader who is a honeypot assassin. You can be extremely charismatic and charming and seductive but it's all a front; you're an S tier actor and you take your targets down when they least expect it. The Vees are all at the club and some upstart wannabe new Overlord decides to attack and you just JOHN WICK THAT SHIT. Picture the Vees just sitting there, everything is peaceful, suddenly, in a flash, you move your serving tray in front of Valentino just in time to block a bullet. All three Vees are like wtf? How did you even know? What's going on? You proceed to totally wreck shit improvising weapons as the attacker and his goons charge forth and you even wind up grabbing a whip from a nearby dancer and using it as a WEAPON WEAPON and that shit looks like it HURTS. You're out here "Michelle Pfeiffer taking out 5 mannequin heads in one take"ing that shit. You're cutting people IN HALF (because having hell powers is cool leave me alone)
-i like the idea of male Reader who was a professional male model and a bit of a tailor himself, like a real kind of posh art student kind of type. You're with Valentino and Velvette notices how impeccably you're dressed and asks you where you bought it, you just, not so humbly brush yourself off. "Oh no, I made this myself. Nothing down here really fit my tastes" and suddenly you're like, custom designing wardrobes for ALL the Vees
Honestly just "Reader in XYZ Profession is exploited by Val/the Vees for their skills" is an idea I've had a lot. You have a hobby in baking so they always want food from you. You used to cook drugs so they make you work for them. You're a polyglot so youre taken along on business meetings to make sure none of the Vees business partners are planning shit in front of them. Like. Imagine just being the bitch who sits in the corner of the meeting room and shoots project/product ideas at them and it's like ACTUALLY successful and they're totally receptive and like you. You're just "Hey Valentino, what if you and Velvette did a collab on a waterproof mascara where you shot a porno in one continuous take so you can show the actor putting on the mascara, setting it down on the vanity, and then they start choking on a dick and their mascara doesn't run" like. They love you. Vox is just like "so, any new ideas today" and you're just using your VoxTek Premium Exclusive Black Card to cut coke into lines, "*snooooooort* uhhhhh.... I got some ideas for some stupid little mobile games you can put tons of micro transactions in? Like just before i died there was this one game that was getting really popular but it had a lot missing, we could-" and they could all just kiss you
-on God, Fs in the chat for virgin male Readers who have Valentino finally pop that cherry. I feel like he'd find out you've never had so much as fingers in your ass and within that WEEK you're being dosed with love potion and taking him balls deep
-Val's the kinda yandere where he tells you you're safe being closeted with him, he'll keep your secret, he'll let you stay on the downlow, but one day he so much as ASSUMES disrespect from you and he's immediately letting everyone know exactly who you belong you. You're arguing with him and you go completely silent and cross your arms or some shit and he just takes a hit from his cigarette, "you know you looked a lot more handsome when you were screaming on my cock the other night" and outs you just like that, either as gay or as fucking him or both. Imagine Angel not knowing you slept with Val and he immediately gives you this hurt expression BECAUSE HE TOTALLY DOESNT HAVE A THING FOR YOU TOO
-Valentino would absolutely make male Reader and Angel fuck while he watches and or films it, and also tbh I feeeeeeeel like. Angel would be ok with trans or intersex men tbh? Idk. It's not clear exactly what his taste in men is? He doesn't mind when men are shorter than him, so, like, is he a switch? He gives huge switch energy and let's face it, that's one TALL twink. I mean look at him holding Charlie! He's strong for his size too! Pole dancing takes a lot of upper body strength!
Oh no... not me suddenly thinking about a scarier yandere angel dust who is a lot stronger than you thought... Yandere Angel Dust who corners you and takes you completely by surprise and you get a GUTTING display of just how strong his arms actually are. You're thinking "oh he's just some lanky bottom twink, he couldnt overpower me, in fact I'm scared i might hurt him, he's delicate" but like HONEY HE CAN SUPPORT HIS ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT BY JUST HIS ARMS OR THIGHS. He's a FIT twink.
-ive said it before but uh once Angel Has It Bad Enough, like Bad Bad Bad, he's over here, "oh Daddy, I'm just soOoOo scared uxu ya know my buddy Reader, that one ya think is cute? Well, he was drinkin' earlier and he mentioned wanting to move FAR away and he wouldn't tell me WHERE 🥺 I'm just so worried he won't be able to take care of himself, you know, what, with all that trauma about his FATHER and-- oh he didn't tell you? He's really vulnerable to BIG. SCARY MEN and im wooooorrrrrriiiied, what if he gets hurt, talk to him Daddy PleeeeEEeEease? 🥺" like. He might still hate Val's fucking guts but he's high on coke and watching Valentino put some real inches in you and he's having the most explosive guilt-filled nut of his entire afterlife
-im sorry I'm just picturing Reader being like "I'm not fucking gay, fuck off, leave me alone" and Velvette just not even looking up from her phone, "I saw you using that $200 hand cream. You're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents"
"I'm not fucking gay" "amorcito I've seen the pants you like to wear. No straight men wears those"
"I told you guys I'm not into men!!" "That's what I thought too until I met Al- VAL! Until I met VAL! [OuO']"
Then one night you're off work and none of the Vees or even Angel know where you're at and they wind up in a club and, there you are, getting absolutely fucking wasted, on top of one of the counters, you know those clubs that have random pokes everywhere, and you're dancing, you're getting real zesty with it, you're dropping your ass, and here's Valentino jumping to his feet pointing a finger, "so you DO know how to pole dance!!!" and your fate is sealed from there on in 💀💀💀
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weebsinstash · 14 days
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Do you ever wonder how complicated or nuanced it might be setting personal boundaries with a poly yandere Asmodeus and Fizz. Like do you ever workshop Lust Ring worldbuilding culture and realize "oh wait shit wouldn't it paradoxically be really easy AND ALSO borderline impossible to be open with and enforce your personal boundaries in a place perpetually encouraging the most openly brazen of carnal displays"?
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Like. Obviously I like one of them more than the other but silly little guys are growing on me and, just. Imagine being a Sinner and being down in the Lust Ring and realizing they have a completely different culture around just, showing your body and being open with yourself and your desires and, you're suddenly not sure what things are sexual harassment or considered their normal culture and you're not sure what you're even allowed to verbally express discomfort against because. Is it actually something normal and YOU'RE being weird and mean to THEM? Or, are you unintentionally letting people do REALLY creepy things to you?
You move out of Pride and your new coworkers in Ozzie's building are constantly eating dick and pussy shaped foods? Your coworker is throating a dick shaped ice pop at their desk? Your coworkers are varying levels of half naked? That's not perverted, it's normal and healthy and they're confident in their healthy sexuality :) oh, but you think that's weird? You don't want to look directly at someone's tits when they ask your opinion on their new nipple piercings? Aw, aren't you cute, being too shy to be open with yourself! maybe we all need to show you a few things to welcome you to Lust--
Like, I know Ozzie is dead set on consent but I often brainstorm different variations of those opinions or otherwise in a yandere setting. Ozzie is accepting and open and body positive! Therefore he might be completely in the nude while he sits in a recliner and you're asked to bring him something and he ISN'T EMBARRASSED AT ALL. Aw, he doesn't care if you see his dick, he's not ashamed of his body :) and you don't want to tell him to cover up because he's so nice to you, right? Like..... the perfect fucking gentleman BESIDES these um. Conflicting opinions on modesty and boundaries. Like genuinely he is such a good man fr i want him biblicly 😩❤️
These two out here with their fucking "what are you talking about, this blatantly sexual thing we're doing isn't sexual at all, you're being weird and seeing things thst aren't there and also dont kinkshame us wow thats rude?" bullshit. Oh so you got too drunk at an office party so they made sure you got home safely so no one took advantage of you? Yeah that's cool! Or it would be if they didn't take you to THEIR home though! Oh, it was weird for you to wake up literally sandwiched between them in a pair of pajamas meaning they undressed you? Yeah? Well you had to get your sleep and there's only one bed and they wont make you sleep on the couch and Ozzie's chest is nice and broad and warm and Fizz can rest his face on your tummy and-- why are you scowling and looking grossed out, they were just making sure you were warm and cozy, but if that made you uncomfortable, they're sorry you felt that way from them just trying to so something nice for you--
I recognize it's canonically antithetical to his actual beliefs but yandere Ozzie who is like "oh you're not comfortable sharing details about your sexuality or your body or your sex life with me? I mean. Oh gee it would be like so awkward if we were having drinks as friends and I charismatically loosened your lips over time by repeatedly pressing the issues until you give in! It's not a real 'no' if it eventually becomes a 'yes' right?"
Fizz is like. A fucking jester. He's a clown. He's THE silly little guy. So you almost regard him as this nonsexual cartoonish entity until he occasionally has shit slip out of his mouth that reminds you No Honey That's A Grown Ass Man, he's saying shit like "oh wow seeing that crop over there reminded me of the other week where Ozzie and I were doing horseplay and you should've SEEN when I took one to that huge butt of his, he was SCREAMING into the bridle gag and-"
I FEEL LIKE YOU'D CATCH THEM LIKE, ULTRA WEAPONIZING T H E I R RULES. Yeah, consent is important! That's why you're not allowed to flirt with that dilfy incubus, because, what is that in your hand? Gasp, is that a single shot? You've been drinking therefore you can't consent and you're being CARRIED away if that gets you to stop talking to this guy
Like imagine you're this shy bullied little thing and Admodeus is treating you like this precious egg that he can't wait to hatch and then it's like, you're dressing up sexy and coming on to someone ELSE talking about how you wanna suck THEIR dick and suddenly he's all "uh um uh hm you know what?you're moving too fast, people are gonna take advantage of you, you're not ready, let me take you home--"
"BLOWJ0BS FOR ME BUT NOT FOR THEE" for reeeeeeeal!!!!! You're sitting in like, the living room, basically forced to be celibate (unless ya bone them) and in the next room over IN THE ONLY BEDROOM you're hearing like *spanking* *bicycle horn* *that one oh yeah sound effect* *shaking tin sfx* *water splashing* *rubber ducky squeaky noise* *slide whistle* *whoopie cushion* and then the both of them limp out of there visibly disheveled and asking if you want to order a pizza because WOW THEY'RE JUST WAY TOO HUNGRY TO COOK DINNER TONIGHT FOR SOME REASON--
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weebsinstash · 16 days
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Lucifer is getting the strap
I don't know if you've ever seen any of the theory posts but a lot of people have pointed out Lucifer's obsession with the circus and how his Hell is based off of a circus troupe. You've got him as the Ringmaster and he even pulled Charlie into a giant circus tent in "More Than Anything", Asmodeus with the contortionists, Bee is the animal shows, Mammon is... the musicians? Or the concessions lmao, although Bee does have cotton candy which is a common circus concession and she IS Gluttony so it could just as easily be her?
Anyways, I've been constantly thinking recently of Lucifer with a female Reader (obviously) but the other day some specific kind of clicked for me and like,
Lucifer is just watching Reader help out with the hotel construction and he's Trying To Be SO Normal as he's watching your arms flex when you lift things and the ways the muscles in your back move and MAYBE JUST MAYBE you aren't thinking straight when SUDDEN ACCIDENT and something is falling from above and, you just yoink him up off the ground and tug him back before something falls on him. It all happens so fast that you don't realize he could've defended himself totally fine and you're setting him down just SO embarrassed and meanwhile he's just looking up at you "so you're pretty strong, huh 😳👉👈"
I can just see Reader making some sort of joke later on, "well, don't most circus troupes have a strongwoman?" and Lucifer just looks up at you with the most 😍 ass expression because, you're basically like calling yourself a member of the crew, his daughter's crew really, but, he's part of it, so, like, you're basically saying you guys are great friends! And also feeding into his little... hobby obsession thing! He loves it ❤️
Of course then we have to have an incident where, Reader having freakish strength or not, you eventually need to be rescued. OR YOU STAND UP FOR LUCIFER AND IT DRIVES HIM WILD. Can you imagine being in a bar and some MASSIVE mountain of a dude starts giving you trouble and you're acting getting kind of scared and. Here's tiny Lucifer, "hey you shouldn't speak to her like that! Apologize!" And this guy just laughs in his fucking face and starts mocking him, talking down to him, Lucifer's face is turning RED--
and you just fucking slug the guy, "you can't fucking speak to him like that!!" Like imagine you're growling at this guy to get up and apologize to the King of Hell and it's like HE CANT YOU KNOCKED HIM UNCONSCIOUS and Lucifer's just, twirling a piece of his hair around a finger, "oh golly, you really gave it to him huh?" and grinning like an idiot
Tiny Lucifer loving when you wear heels and get EVEN TALLER or loving watching you work out or just DO things. No, please, by all means, wear those baggy shorts while you go for a run outside, he isn't drooling over your legs or anything! Maybe he's a little more sober when he "drunkenly" invites you to arm wrestle, just to feel your strength against him. SINGLE BRAINCELL BOTTOM LUCIFER WHO YOU SAVE FROM AN ACCIDENT SO HE INTENTIONALLY CAUSES MORE ACCIDENTS SO YOU SCOOP HIM UP MORE.
All I'm saying is that I work a manual labor job and I've been really slimming down and getting biceps and someday we're gonna enter our Muscle Mommy Reader era where she's just running around domming dudes and getting into bar fights and throwing cars at bitches. Vox or Val gives you some lip and you're grabbing them by the throat and pushing them down into their seat and telling him to stop being such a bad boy or you'll have to punish him, before suddenly remembering You're At Work and frantically apologizing before running off while they wonder when the fuck you got so strong and... also how much would they have to pay you to do that again--
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weebsinstash · 17 days
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not my lyft driver playing multiple tracks from the spiderverse ost on my ride to work, literally shuffling through his playlist till he finds another track, once again filling my head with webbed wonder goodness 😩❤️ the universe itself knocking on the top of my little adhd head, "hey girl where those spiderverse fics at? We know you've got fucking drafts. Where are the Miguel jealousy fics you bum"
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weebsinstash · 18 days
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Well well well guess who was right againg
(me, it was me, i kept telling they are switches and Val isn't a submissive babe)
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weebsinstash · 18 days
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wouldn't it be fucked up if you got hanahaki for your yandere (without you knowing how fucked up they are obviously) and later on down the line after you've been cured, you're in their living space living with them as a couple and, there's a certain room you've been asked not to enter, but you get curious and do some snooping anyways and--
You get borderline re-traumatized as you recognize the exact size, shape, and species of the flowers you used to cough up in the depths of your disease, now encased in epoxy resin, pressed into books, made into ART, made TIMELESS, PERMANENT--
Like to you these are reminders of you almost dying, symptoms of your deepest humiliation and shame, reminders of the terrors of brushing with death, it's FUCKING YOU UP to see them again, like legitimate psychological damage, and meanwhile your yandere apparnetly likes to observe them like the goddamn Mona Lisa. Petals that may or may not have been speckled red with the blood of a fatal illness, in frames on the wall, locked inside vaults, tucked away into drawers--
Yeah I think I would be destroying that entire room and leaving nothing behind for that sicko to appreciate when they come home. By the time they return from work their special room is completely trashed and their precious darling has escaped to run off to start a new life far, far away from the very person they once almost died for...
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weebsinstash · 18 days
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FINALLY SOMEONE BRINGS UP HANAHAKI WITH YANDERES, THEY'RE SUCH A GOOD COMBO THAT I NEVER SEE!
The best part of Hanahaki is just how many different variations there are to it imo.
For example for it to form does one have to actually get rejected? Or does assuming you will be, or them actually just not liking you work too?(imagine finding out your crush doesn't return your feeling by getting Hanahaki, quite literally the worst way to find out)
Is it fatal or just stay till you move on or they reciprocate? Does the surgery exist and if so what are the after effects if any(usually loss of feeling and/or memory of crush, or feelings as a whole)? Would the disease scar/ruin your lungs?
An idea I've had for Hanahaki is someone having to go back repeatedly for the same surgery because they either keep falling for or never fall out of love. Meanwhile their lungs just keep getting worse from their constant surgeries and the plants....
NO SHUT UP BECAUSE THE MOST PAINFUL HANAHAKI TROPES ARE "you can have surgery to cure it but you'll forget all your memories of the person you love" OR "you're dying BECAUSE they don't return your feelings and there's no way to save you even if you confess you're just dying knowing they don't love you back" and now that I think about it it was specifically the ultra sad fics that kind of drove me away from the trope, but.... it has its uses....
A yandere begging you to have the surgery to forget about how much you love them so you can live, and you'd rather die than forget all the time you've spent with them, what they mean to you, especially if they're your only friend or someone you've had all your life. Your yandere knocking you out and having you operated on against your consent, taking your love away, so you can live, even if it breaks their own heart, crying as they know you LOVED them but, soon won't even remember their name...
A yandere who, very happily actually, forces you to have the forgetting surgery because it's SOMEONE ELSE you love, not them, and once that person is out of the picture, well, your savior has a greater chance at truly wooing you, don't they?
A yandere who develops hanahaki and HAS to have the surgery to live, they can't protect you if they're dead, but they circumvent the amnesia by recording tons of videos first, talking all about you, about your times together, their memories of you, how much they love you, which things, why, and once they've forgotten you, they watch those tapes and their passion is ignited all over again
IMAGINE A DANGEROUS YANDERE FINALLY FORCED INTO HAVING THE SURGERY AND YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN'T LOVE OR EVEN REMEMBER YOU ANYMORE BUT NO IT WAS PART OF THE PLAN TO LOWER YOUR GUARD AND TAKE YOU--
Yandere who use their knowledge of you previously loving them to lovingly recreate events in the past that caused you to fall for them, lowkey manipulating you into loving them again by tweaking little behaviors or doing specific things, being genuine but, measured, practiced, calculating
Yandere who are like "you know what? Watching you nearly kill yourself with this totally preventable disease that couldve been cured by an immediate 'i love you' which i obviously would've accepted has actually completely cemented my own delusions about you absolutely 100% literally needing me to survive and you're gonna live under my roof and my constant supervision now :)"
Honestly just the potential like... plot and obsessive potential from the yandere from you almost dying. Like. What obsessed manic possessive lover wouldn't absolutely dial up their behavior and devotion after almost losing you? What kind of self proclaimed hero wouldn't bend over backwards to cater to your every need when they see you so weak and wheezing and needing medicines and special care and maybe even mobility aids now? Can you imagine something horrible like, the hanahaki damaging your lungs to the point you temporarily or permanantly get winded with prolonged exercise and need a wheelchair for longer walks? Or it weakens your body so much you develop allergies or autoimmune issues?
There's just so much GUILT POTENTIAL too. Here's your stalker thinking they knew every little nook and cranny of your mind, obsessively collecting every last detail of your life, and they didn't know you loved them? Loved them so much you got sick for them? AND you were so scared and assured they would reject you, they wouldnt love you, the thought of which hurt you so much, you would rather die than hear them turn you away? Certain yanderes would CRY, they're like, begging for forgiveness at their secret closet altar of you, saying they WRONGED YOU, they PROMISE THEY'RE DEVOTED TO YOU, they'll spend the rest of their life proving it with every ounce of their heart, PLEASE let them prove it--
Of course I also can't help but think. You confess to cure your hanahaki and your yandere accepts you, but then once you're in their house and getting to REALLY know them, you're INSTANTLY "um actually this is. Gross. I'm not attracted to you at all anymore and actually now our entire friendship all these years feels fucking tainted and creepy because I was looking at you with love and you were like. Taking photos of me sleeping and stealing bristles from my toothbrush the entire time"
Finally, because we are so dramatic. We've discussed fandoms on here before where the series can delve into multiverse shit like Spiderverse or Justice League stuff. Imagine a version of your yandere from another universe coming after you because they watched their version of you wither up and die from refusing to confess but the yandere found out their feelings afterwards anyways and it drove them to their breaking point 💀like maybe your universe's version of this person is actually totally normal for you, but, in the acts of defeating this new threat, they realize how easy it would be for someone to hurt you, TAKE YOU AWAY, and one day after the battle to defeat the doppelganger is over, you're looking over at your friend and smiling, and they wait for you to turn your back until *cough* a few little petals fall to the floor....
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weebsinstash · 18 days
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HMMMM. You know what I've never written for, stories OR drafts or prompts or posts. Hanahaki disease!!!
Your yandere is absolutely freaking the fuck out because you're choking up flowers, vomiting on thorns, choking, gagging, blood and petals dribbling down your chin, you're getting sicker, weaker, DYING, but you won't share ANYTHING WITH THEM. They have NO IDEA who it is you love and it's driving them INSANE because one you're DYING and two.... oh. So you. Love someone else. Ok... well. All you need to do to be cured is confess to that person, right? Your 'true dedicated love' can always swoop in afterwards, or so they try to tell themselves...
They're just watching you wither away, you looking absolutely heartbroken, and worst of all, you're starting to AVOID THEM. They're having to stalk you, more than usual anyways, just to check in on you, make sure you're still doing ok, still ALIVE--
Eventually you're laying there in the hospital, at death's door, and your yandere, someone you've known and trusted for some time now, is just, ready to start bawling their eyes out at your bedside as you can barely breathe, begging begging BEGGING you to tell them who you love so they can bring them to you, so you can live, like this is SO AVOIDABLE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF and your "beloved" is so tormented by the fact they're watching you wither away and they can't do ANYTHING and--
you just. Weakly reach over and grab their hand. and you stare right at them with your big sparkling crying eyes and quivering lips even as more petals and pollen slip out with your breaths,
"but then you'll leave"
and that's when your yandere figures out, oh, it's THEM that you love, and you were willing to die with your secret just to avoid hearing 'no', being alone, not having THEM, losing THEM--
You're laying there feeling the pain and the aching slowly fade from deep inside your withered body, barely energized enough to feel shame, so weak, so vulnerable, and, of course you'll need someone to look after you while you recover, and here's your loyal friend, clutching your hand so desperately, and unlike all of your deepest fears, they're not going anywhere or rejecting you in the slightest. I mean... you might as well have just PROPOSED to them, declaring your love and all, so, surely you won't mind if your crush, who was secretly significantly more mentally unhinged than you were could have imagined, moves you into the perfect scale replica of your bedroom that they have in their house, right? Since you two love each other, you're gonna get married as soon as possible and live together, right? What's that? You're a little turned off by finding out they have stalker shrines of you? Haha, you must still be light-headed from all that coughing! You can't LEAVE YOUR SOULMATE, that's so silly! let them tuck you into bed and get you some pills and they can cuddle you to sleep during your first official night together--
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weebsinstash · 18 days
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"now you're part of the found family" but as horror. discuss
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weebsinstash · 22 days
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Yandere romantic Alastor Vs Yandere platonic Lucifer and Charlie??? 🥺
I just wanna say the first thing that popped into my head was, Charlie and Lucifer are having an emergency "oh my fucking gosh we can't let them date alastor" meeting
Charlie: ok... ok... I love all of my friends and, and I trust them, and they're good people!! But... I don't want ALASTOR OF ALL PEOPLE, D A T I N G MY-
Lucifer: I don't even want to THINK about what kind of, PERVERTED DEPRAVED SEXUAL ACTS that creepy black toothed hack will want to do!!
Alastor, poking his head through the doorway, ascending slide whistle noise: oh I don't believe you'd have to worry about anything like that *exits room, slide whistle descending*
*resounding 'oh yeah, that's right' from both Morningstars before they call after him that he's STILL not allowed to date you*
No but actually, I started thinking about platonic yandere Alastor vs romantic yandere Lucifer because... just picture it
I am absolutely convinced Lucifer could get a Sinner pregnant if he TRULY wanted to and just, I'm picturing Lucifer looking all around the Hotel for you, not being able to find you, and he calls Charlie who says that you're with her and Alastor in the Cannibal District and, Lucifer is walking up to join you guys and you're talking to a cannibal woman, holding her baby, "aww, yeah, I was kinda starting to think about kids and stuff when i was alive, but uh, guess it's too late for that now, huh?" and you're looking kind of sad and, looking down cooing at the chubby little hellborn baby you're holding and Alastor just *record scratch noise* as he realizes Lucifer is looking at you holding that baby with the most sappy, sentimental, LONGING look in his eyes, Alastor catches this man YEARNING, he is slipping up on main, and Alastor CAN'T STAND THIS SHIT
Like picture from Alastor's perspective, whether you're picturing him as ace or sex repulsed or otherwise, he's platonic for you and someone he considers an enemy not only wants you for themselves, not only wants to stick their gross dick in you, but he wants to IMPREGNATE YOU? Alastor will hide your ass away before he lets that kind of shit happen. Bull SHIT will he let Lucifer put some sort of blonde rosy cheeked hellspawn in your belly!
Charlie just wants everyone to get along but both of these men are ready to have angry straight up fucking musical numbers fighting over you, 🎵"wouldn't you rather have your deer-est friend?" "wouldn't you rather have the king of the end?"🎵 like for real everyone is so fucking overdramatic here, you're being twirled around and pulled between everyone and goddamn if this is how it's gonna be, maybe you'll run off to the Vees or even HEAVEN to get away from this. I'm sure ADAM would appreciate the chance to steal LUCIFER'S woman for once
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