whymybrotherandnotme-blog

[whymybrotherandnotme-blog]

August 11, 2017 6:48 -7:20 A.M.

I’m currently at this guy named Johns house with Donovan Torrance. Donovan and i came over here yesterday sometime around 2-3 and have been here since. Dono is currently curled up next to me on the couch in the fetal position sleeping soundly, which is honestly not surprising considering he’s been up for around (today would make three) three days on a coke, meth, xanax binge with John. I, however am just getting started on my binge. I started doing lines of ice with Dono last night probably about 6 and have continued on doing that up until my last line about 20 minutes ago. Or maybe its been longer forill, my conception of time is very twisted whenever I’m on meth. It seems that when on meth time either goes by insanely fast or drags itself through hours when its only been minutes. I really am starting to like Donovan a whole lot though forill. Like the fact that he thinks I’m cute enough picking flowers in the yard to take a picture of my and post it to Snapchat is literally one of the most precious things forill. Like nowadays it takes like years of relationship and trust building or sometimes even just getting knocked up for a guy to lay claim to you. Like men nowadays almost make it out to be some sort of like  royal privilege for them to show any sort of dedication to you or to show the world (social media world) that they might actually be taken or not available. I don’t understand  whats so wrong with being in like a good healthy relationship nowadays man. It seems almost taboo to admit you have a girl or boy friend just for the fact you dont want to lose the attention of the however many cyber admirers you have. Almost like God forbid I be faithful and honest and proud of the one girl and give up the possibility of sex or meaningless relationships with everyone else. Like thats what a fucking relationship is dude, its like yea i know there are 46736264963126463 people in the world but at this current moment in time you are what is most attractive to me, we get along well, and enjoy each others company through ought the majority of my day. Like yea i know i have billions of other options but basically I’m content with you in this moment. You are enough for me right now that I dont care about the other options I want you to be my girl and for me to be your guy and us have a special type of relationship that we dont share with anyone else. we dont kiss other people, or fondle them, we dont entertain the thought or conversation with them about certain things, we dont flirt with other people, we dont have sex with any one else. Like you and i both agree that we are going to keep these types of intimate things between us and that also contributes to our relationship because its a special thing that only we can do together. Like that was a good idea, why do people have to go and change things or make things as idealistic as that seem lame or old fashioned. Like i dont see how having 5-6 meaningless conversations and sexual interactions with 5-6 different people is better than just sharing it with that one special person. Like in a way I do because the more people that like me the more my popularity increases and nobody hates to be liked be everybody, and the fact of variety in personalities and sexual experiences. but at the same time even though i can perceive some of its facets as attractive I can say that I’d give up the variety and the being liked by everyone for someone I love and who loves me. Like they know my faults, flaws, shortcomings, past, and still think I’m great. They’re aware of my strengths and weaknesses and can help me balance them out with their own strengths and weaknesses. Like someone who I can talk to about anything, be in any sort of mood around, not look my best around, completely like give myself to them and them to me and accept and be accepted just as you are. Someone you can literally be you’re most raw self with and they still love you and want to have sex with you anyway. Like I honestly dont think hats much to ask for man. That’s what all the princesses got in the fairytales I was read as a kid, that’s what the girl got in all those dumb girly movies or even tv series that I watched as a teenager. That’s also something along the lines of The American Dream right? You know the whole be a kid, go to school, be a teenager, go to school, graduate, go to college, graduate, get married and have a house and a family with that one person. I’ve never heard or a fairy tale, movie, tv series or any sort of dream start of with talk to 5-6 girls all the same way, lead them all on, take what they’ll all give to you, but don’t take it too seriously because if you pay too much attention to one girl the other 5 might decide they don’t want to have to share one guy when there’s billions of options around them and this one has been wasting their time and basically just using them and taking advantage of what they can get from them. Like if anyrhing that sounds like the beginning to a freaking horror movie dude or some sort or horrible never ending soap opera deal. Anyway rant over basically.