I wish rich people went back to keeping artists as pets. Like when you’re wealthy enough you pick a cool weirdo to do regular commissions for you, and if you really want to flex on your peers, you’ve got several.
And you visit them every once in a while like “hello, I’ve paid for your rent and your tools, have you worked on that commission giant oil painting of me getting sucked off by my political opponent, who is unfortunately still the mayor of this town, like I requested?”
And your favourite feral art person looks up - mouth full of gravel and completely surrounded by art-related trash like “no, but I designed a helicopter.”
And you’re like “that’s fucking lit, the mayor doesn’t have a helicopter. Please carry on as you have.”
So imagine you’re a gay top, right, and you’re out on a date with your partner, just having a fun time, and you’re about to head home, when you spot this kid passed out on the streets, your partner wants to help him, but you’re obviously a little worried that you could face severe repercussions if you help this random kid, then you realize that he could be a potential ally, so the two of you drag him out of the streets and into a safe space, and when he wakes up, he confesses that he’s homeless, so you and your partner go through the process of adopting him, you two take him home, you two give him a good meal, you two start to teach him some philosophies in life, he slowly grows up, you two help him through his bad dreams, you two help him through his bad memories, you two play games with him, he completely roasts you at an eating contest, he’s extremely active, you’re always on the move, you’re walking everywhere, like literally walking all the time, like so much walking, and you’re there for him and then all of a sudden, his childhood friend shows up on your doorstep and is like, “Your adopted son is really the king.” and then he falls in love with a woman in like 2.55 minutes which is definitely not something you two taught him how to do, so you’re confused, and the weather gets really weird, and you’re even more confused and in the end, all you really want to know is WHO’S THE MONKEY and by the time you’re dressing in drag and doing the hula, you’ve realized that maybe it’s better if you just don’t worry about it…
I’m so so scared
this winter is going to be very hard.
I keep seeing people nervously joking about april to september being nothing more than a black space and as someone who has been studying trauma for as long I have— don’t let it be. go back. look at the pictures you took on your phone, read old journal entries, if you don’t have them, use this last bit of summer to document beautiful moments, moments you were proud of, moments that comforted you, and start to build at least the beginnings of a kindhearted story about how you handled the spring and summer of 2020. that simple framework of a story is the scaffolding you’ll use for your future recovery, it is invaluable. let it be a black space if it wants to but scatter a few campfires in there for your own sake.
This is solid advice - depression makes you view life as an empty expanse and ruins your memory. Give yourself tools to argue with it - make sure you know it’s a lie. If you let what the depression says be “true” it will only get its claws in deeper.
“give yourself tools to argue with it”
Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.
I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.
That word DOES NOT MEAN you’re making it up. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISN’T DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.
I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldn’t see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.
My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasn’t imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadn’t even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going “HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????”
He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.
Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for “no reason”. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.
I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this.
Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because you’ve been ignoring the regular ones