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maybe if taylor named names and criticized her dad openly it would feel a lot more decent. why couldn't she take a break after all. why go on tour, she doesn't need it. She could've taken a break if money makers weren't in her ear. Anyway....

#Ts

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honestly, I've said on here for years and years that my own understanding of myself as nonbinary, as butch, is an understanding that while I feel alienated from femininity and womanhood, I do not experience or seek acceptance within masculinity or manhood to an even greater degree.

if you want to get kind of hyperspecific with it, I'm both "woman" (insofar as the political construction of gender within patriarchy places me currently and in the past) and "not woman" (insofar as I am in a state of being pushed and pulled within that).

I am pushed out because I am a dyke, because I do not conform to the gender of woman (when I was younger I failed at the performance, and now I refuse it), because I am noticeably "other" around cis women (and have been since a child-- in fourth grade the entire class of girls came together to coerce me into getting my ears pierced and buying clothes in "girl colors" and wearing make-up. fourth grade! I was not allowed to have sleepovers with girls until I did these things which was enforced by a girl bully who would literally walk to my house to make sure no one visited me), and pulled in through my experiences of 'corrective' gendered/sexual violence (years of homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic abuse by a cishet man, sexual harassment at various workplaces, etc.), through misgendering (people refusing to use my pronouns, etc.), through medical gatekeeping (years of being denied a deeply desired gender affirming surgery), etc.

once on here I think I described my gender as like a thaumatrope of "woman" and just something else. (a thaumatrope is basically an optical illusion achieved by having two different images on either side of a piece of paper, and using string on either side to flip the paper back and forth so rapidly that it appears to be one image).

in some ways I still feel like that. my gender (insofar as gender is a social construct and my gender is described as my experience of how I am gendered socially) isn't a stable category-- it is the constant motion of being expelled from womanhood and then forcibly pushed back in. like that IS my gender, the very motion of it.

no where in that is actually masculinity. a lot of things about how I handle dysphoria can be read as masculine by some (I often bind my chest, use a packer, wear men's clothes, keep my hair short, have no uterus and thus will never be pregnant, I'm starting a low dose of testosterone, etc.) but these things are not inherently masculine attributes to me, they are just comfortable and reassuring. they make me feel at home in my body.

and so, I very much do not identify as "masc" or "transmasc" or "masculine." I understand there are many butches who do identify as masc or masculine. I understand there are many nonbinary tme folks who see themselves as somewhere between "woman" and "man" or perhaps some combination of both. I know there's lots of transmasc folks who might have quite a few life events in common with me. obviously that's all cool and good and neither of our paths with that invalidates the other's. but I think maybe the difference is in how those experiences landed for us in relation to our gendered desire, in relation to how we want to be treated.

I have never wanted to be a man or to be treated like one. when I am pushed out of womanhood, I never attempt to get to manhood, I just sort of agree that I'm a categorical error and feel no need to change something about myself to address it. when I am pulled back into womanhood with various forms of misogynist violence, I never find myself thinking "I wish I was a man so I was not subject to this" or "they would not subject me to this if they perceived me as a man," I only think "I wish I was not subject to this."

if there's anything I desire with regard to others' gendered perception of me, it is a desire to just be allowed to exist.

#This is so sincere and appreciated. #Thank you for putting intricate feelings into words. These can be so easily interpreted into a palatable message that would not be accurate #and I feel it's important to take time to share those complex feelings that sit at particular intersections. #For yourself but also when you share it others can be inspired dive in deeper and not just grab the closest solution they see. #I really really appreciate this! Unusual truth speaking beyond stark labels and it's nice. #Gender #I relate to this much more than most gender takes I see about being one or the other. Sometimes you're who you are and it doesn't fit in and #but you're not gonna lean to the other side to fit in better. I don't wish I was different to fit in I wish the outside was different so #that fitting in wouldn't matter and wouldn't exist. And that doesn't change who I am. Anyway it's up to people to decide what they can #withstand and what they need to do and that's okay. But yeah #I would also not like if someone called me masc lol. It triggers ''female rage''' in the purest sense to me. #That that being anything other than what's expected makes people call you masc. Pfft. Can we let women be what they are without labeling #what doesn't fit in about them?

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taylor swift is compelling to me as a horror figure

#that's why she needed Matty in her life....that's all he talks about #or used to

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I was watching a reaction on YouTube to dune part 2 and when I looked at the comments section there were a few people saying that they didn't understand why chani was angry and felt betrayed at the end of the film, that she should have recognised that Paul's proposal was political and been OK with it. Honestly I was a bit flabbergasted because how do miss the point that badly, how do you get to the end of the movie and not understand why chani is so angry and why she feels betrayed by paul?

Like to me it's very obvious why she's rightly upset and heartbroken and it actually has little to do with paul proposing to irulan, like chani knows it's political and this isn't a jealousy thing, its what the action represents, that paul is making a play for more power. Throughout the film paul makes a series of statements or you could even call them promises that he then breaks.

The first is that he is not the mahdi and that he doesn't want to lead the fremen. He says this at least twice, the first time after his mother drinks the water of life and the second after he and chani make love. He then breaks this promise at the war council when he publicly declares himself the Lisan al gaib and says he will lead them to paradise, making himself their leader.

Speaking of when they made love, in that scene he also promised her that he would always be with her, as long as he breathed, then when he drank the water of life he risked her losing him, she went through that moment of grief and trauma when she thought he was dead. Also he couldn't guarantee before drinking the water that he would survive it, so understandably, she is angry about him taking that risk.

He also promised her that he didn't want power and then he grasped for power again and again, he took on the family atomic arsenal, he took control of the fremen fundamentalists, he made a grab for the throne of the Known Universe when he proposed to the Princess, this was the issue that chani had with paul proposing.

Finally he promised to be her equal. Right before their first kiss she tells him that here on arrakis they are equals and what they do is done for the benefit of all. His reply, his promise to her is that he would like to be her equal but come the end of the film he has placed himself in a position of power over her and her people as the Duke of Arrakis and as Emperor of the Known Universe. Not only that but by asking for the princess' hand he has placed a foreigner, another woman in a position of power and control over chani and her people. The cherry on top is that paul also then commits her people to a holy war that most definitely does not benefit them.

I think the fact that a few of these promises made were done at vulnerably open and emotional moments between them, their first kiss, after they've just made love, makes him breaking them even more painful for her. It's like it now taints those moments because now whenever she thinks back on those moments she'll be reminded of those promises he broke.

I think the situation is so much more complicated than just the man I love has proposed to another woman and now I'm smad and I think that was made really clear in the film. If a guy made you a series of promises and then broke everyone of them you'd be upset. If that same guy had found his way into your heart, if he knew how passionately you felt about your people and how much you hated this prophecy and then still embraced the role of prophet and used your people for his own gain, you'd be upset. Him proposing to another woman was the least of her concerns. Sadly I think the only promise paul does/will keep is the last one he makes her, that he'll love her as long as he breathes, but it's not enough.

And I'm saying all of this as a die hard paulxchani fan who hopes they somehow find their way back to each other.

#Yes and I'm SAD #I loved that the last scene was with Chani and last shot her too. She deserved that. Really loved her character they made the right #Decisions for her with being so against the prophecy pushing back while still very attached. It makes it so tragic #dune part 2

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but why is it a big deal when Paul gains foresight with the water of life, but when the mothers do it, they're witches who need to hide themselves and be feared

is it just because he's gone through the fremen training and is accepted so he has both that and what the mothers have? Cause they could've asked the mothers and they could've told them their past too, he's not special

the reverend mothers are the sneakiest bitches huh jessica really ruined her son's life (also she speaks to her unborn child like it can actually think like a fully formed person, which kept grossing me out) with that freaking prophecy. It's SAD IT'S SO SAD. MY GIRL CHANI DESERVES BETTER

All the more terrible that she had to be the one to bring him back to life just for him to play Messiah of the century. :( he doesn't even want to that's TERRIBLE. I feel like he's still himself just choosing to play it this way because he thinks that's the way for the fremen to retrieve their land but how fucking unfortunate.

Chani, I'm so sorry he humiliated you asking for the white girl's hand in marriage in front of everyone, the fucking nerve he didn't even hesitate.

On another note, what an extraordinary feat of directing this was. I was continuously in awe at the scale of things, and wondering just how they could direct something so massive yet so clean, precise, artful and meditative. It kept me engaged the whole way through, which is incredible for 2h45. It all felt so grounded and real, it's astonishing. It really takes you there and values the details and the silences and that's probably this calm that contributes so much to grasping your attention, it's so, so compelling you want to be quiet too. Magnificent.

+Timothée's curls are a highlight in the cinematography for me. Heck yes to the softness, to that shot of him shedding a tear before Chani kisses him. I just love the choices that are made in this movie. So inspiring!! Gives faith back for the artform.

#answers I need answers #Really what a pleasure Timothée is on screen!!! #Chani better get what she deserves I'm SAD #dune part two #dune part 2

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guily as sin has grown so much on me like i always enjoyed it but that's a fucking groove that's a jam

#Same #The only one I play #Ttpd #Some actual vibe #And it actually is a new sound for her

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the problem with imgonnagetyouback is it IS a really fun cute song but no one in the world will ever listen to it without thinking about how olivia rodrigo released a significantly better song with the exact same premise seven months earlier

#Yes it's TERRIBLE #it's one of the best they're and yet is overshadowed by this very fact. Olivia did it better and taylor should have held back

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I will open the fucking TikTok app just to watch this video multiple times

#Same for English words in French they're just different from the original English and that's fine #But French words in English? Now that's freaking weird to me. I be wondering if I'm saying FRENCH right in ENGLISH if I say French wrong #enough for people to get it #I do it but it's so odd #But totally fine with English words in French

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LINDSAY LOHAN as Maddie Kelly in IRISH WISH 2024 — dir. Janeen Damian

#Genuinely sincerely loved this movie!!! #Lindsay is always good to see and you know what the writing was genuinely good. #And isn't it funny that all our favorite movies of the year so far are the romantic comedies... #Everything else takes itself so seriously that the writing suffers #What's better at cheering you up and making you wanna keep seeing more of life and the world than romcoms set in beautiful vibrant places #They're dreamy and they're it for me #irish wish

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It's really awesome to watch in real time as chappell roan gains more and more following and exposure. I've been listening to her for like a year and a half and at first I didn't even know who she was but casual still played on repeat here. then started looking into her more and then her album came out and I got obsessed! Second favorite of 2023. she's a piece that was missing in music and it's so exciting to now be aware that oh, yeah, actually I'm not the only one who knows her! lots of lesbian apparently are rabid about her too and sing so loud at to her lyrics. she's so cool, invokes a feeling of freedom oozing with the sense that she's never heard of self-consciousness and wouldn't listen anyway cause she's too busy having fun. she refuels me with Me energy, the "dancing in your room alone not thinking about what you look like, piling on random jewelry as you skip around singing" energy. a free spirit that's still adult. the sparkles and the explicit language your grandparents would gasp at, which just makes you laugh and keep going even more. she's so freaking fun. she makes me have so much fun. 💘💖

#She gives me so much serenity and gay euphoria #Chappell roan

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sense8 has plenty of issues to go around and i am not diminishing that but to this day nothing fills me with joy like the what's going on montage. no sequence in any show ever made has been filled with so much love, and so much joy over connected humanity like that sequence was. it still brings happy tears to my eyes. and it was done so simply with the power of editing, concept and actor's chemistry. i love it so so SO much, if it was a food i'd eat it every day

#<3 #Show of all time #Sense8

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in my sense8 feels thanks to her 🥺

#It really was everything huh #The connection to myself and others and the world was unparalleled. #Sense8 #Chappell roan #Youtube

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I love you, it's ruining my life FORTNIGHT (2024)

#It's actually quite easy to make this about being gay/conversion therapy of some kind/closeting #Ts #Ttpd

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"What’s hollow about The Tortured Poets Department is that the real torture is just how unlivable these songs really are. No one can resonate with “So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street, crash the party like a record, scratch as I scream ‘Who’s afraid of little old me?’ You should be.” And normally, that wouldn’t be an end-all-be-all for a pop record—but when your brand is built on copious levels of “I’m just like you!” as the demigod saying it to their fans does so from a multi-million-dollar production set, it’s hard to not feel nauseated by the overlording, overbearing sense of heavy-handed detritus we’re tasked with sifting through on The Tortured Poets Department." - Paste Magazine article

#ts #ttpd

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"If making one, continuous coming-of-age album is what Swift has been doing for 15 years, folklore and evermore were hiccups in the timeline—existing as the most fully-formed renderings of Swift’s own insecurities and concerns. They mirrored our platitudes towards an uncertain future with sweet, stirring remarks about isolation and heartbreak and the unavoidable, hard-worn truth about getting older. On those records, her larger-than-life living seemed, for once, to truly feel as close to the ground as our’s. Now, though, Taylor Swift is at the top of the mountain. Far better artists have made far worse records than The Tortured Poets Department, but you can’t read between the lines of this project. There is nothing to decipher from a place of quality. Sure, Swift’s fan base will pore over these lyrics for the rest of their lives—insisting they know, for certain, which song is about who. But you cannot place a bad album on the shoulders of lore and expect it to be rectified." - https://www.pastemagazine.com/music/taylor-swift/taylor-swift-strikes-out-looking-on-the-tortured-poets-department god the BURN

#🙌🙌 #ts #ttpd

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Fortnight (ft. Post Malone) Taylor Swift - The Tortured Poets Department

#visuals are a+! #best video in a while #ts

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really liked post malone in this and the aesthetic too, honestly

#fortnight