wolf-pearl

[wolf-pearl]

i lowkey ship tumblr ♠ twitter now

[wolf-pearl]

I'm LIVID, I missed the boop fest??? And thus I don't get to boop EVER?

#tumblr boop #boop

[wolf-pearl]

So whats a food thing that you do thats probably unhinged but you'll never stop? I'll start:

A glass of cereal

#food #shit post #ask #food hot take

[wolf-pearl]

Tbh I'd probably be equally surprised to find a fey or a walrus at my front door. Now what I want to talk about is which I would find more alarming.

I don't know much about the fey, and what little I know may not actually be accurate because, yknow, fey being creatures of myth. However, I do know that the fey have some rules about hospitality which means I could probably deny a fey entry to my house. And a fairy is a type of fey, so it should probably still hold. So long as the fey doesn't get in and I don't talk to them, I'm probably relatively safe. Most of the alarm here is just existential dread.

But a walrus? A walrus is potentially 2 tons of Fuck You. A walrus on average can weigh between 800 and 1,700 kilograms aka between 1,800 and 3,700 pounds. No. NO!! absolutely not!! Ma'am I don't think there is much I could do to keep a walrus out of my house if it really wanted in. I don't think that old wooden door is gonna be able to withstand a few thousand pounds of pissed off muscle and blubber with tusks. I'm not even confident that the walls could survive that. Those things can sink yahts by napping on them, what the frickle snaps am I gonna be able to do to stop it?! And let's assume that even if I did successfully barricade myself in from the walrus, then I'm going to be left with the alrming questions of how the fuck did a walrus get here. There are no zoos anywhere nearby, nevermind a zoo with a walrus. Have they invaded the Mississippi river??? Would 911 even believe me if I called them to tell them that theres a damn walrus at my door?? Would they even be at all equipped to deal with a walrus? thats too many alarming questions in an already highly alarming situation.

The knocking probably wouldn't confuse me too much tho, I think walrus can learn a variety of tricks so it probably just used its tusks to knock on the door.

I've asked this question before and been surprised by the results, now I have access to more weirdos it's your problem:

It is the middle of a Sunday afternoon. You have nothing on, and aren't expecting visitors, deliveries or post.

Unexpectedly, there is a knock at the door.

[wolf-pearl]

#grilled cheese

[wolf-pearl]

You know, a part of me had been expecting this to go a different direction, something like Perry busting in expecting traps but instead Doof is sitting at a desk pouring over comically large stacks of legal documents and Doof looks up and goes "Perry the platypus, you never told me you are on the endangered speicies list!" And then the episode would be Doof taking O.W.C.A to court over the ethics of putting Perry on dangerous missions "without even informing me of this first! Not even a waiver form!" So I guess this has now mutated in my head to combine with the actual direction this post went, resulting in this mental image of doof saying "Perry the platypus, you never told me that you are also on the endangered speicies list!" And then doof explaining how he only found this out because he was researching the laws regarding conservation due to his tragic backstory of being fostered by a family of ocelots when neither of his parents showed up for his birth, and it becomes this whole thing that somehow ends with Doof and Perry working together to get more conservation bills passed. They're both confused on how they ended up working together on this.

So anyways, this is how I ended up looking it up and learning that platypus are not actually on the endangered speicies list like I had assumed. They are considered to be Near Threatened, however. Who knew.

lost phineas and ferb episode where perry is called to investigate what dr doofenshmirtz is up to because carl the intern got ahold of some intel that doof has been seen speaking to lawyers and looking up the endangered species act at internet cafes and as major monogram says, "something fishy is going on"

meanwhile phineas and ferb's subplot of "i know what we're gonna do today!" is that isabella needs her environmentalist fireside girls badge so they start researching which species are in urgent need of help in the tri-state area so that they can use new cloning and gene therapy technologies to bring at-risk animals back from extinction

(yes there is a c-plot where buford and baljeet argue the ethics of this idea, i don't have time to explain it all for you rn)

we cut back to🎵doofenshmirtz evil incorporated🎵where we see perry carefully maneuvering around doofenshmirtz's lab scared he might fall into a trap but he hasn't set off a single booby trap and it's clear something is off

he runs into doofenshmirtz and goes to kick him in the gut action movie style but doof steps back one overly confident and says, "nuh uh uh, you see perry the platypus, you are TRAPPED! by the danville section of the endangered species act of 1973!"

doof goes on to explain his tragic backstory: "you see, perry the platypus, when i was a child my parents did not show up for my own birth! but you know that already, yadda yadda yadda they did not love me and then they loved roger more, ANYways i was raised by ocelots! i had a lovely foster mother who took me in and made me one of the pride, and so you see, perry the platypus, i am still legally considered an ocelot. did you know that there are only 50 recorded ocelots still alive in the continental united states? very sad for me as a member of a near-extinct species. it would be immoral for you to hurt someone critically endangered... in fact, you have made many attempts on my life this summer"

[montage of doof's security camera footage of their battles]

"which is why i have decided to bring you... TO COURT!" we cut back to phineas and ferb's back yard where they've decided to start cloning ocelots in their kiddie pool

candace storms outside enraged and says, "phineas and ferb are you cloning ocelots in my duckie momo kiddie pool!?"

ferb's one line of the episode is "well, i guess it's more of a kitty pool, now"

candace storms away saying, "i'm going to tell mom!" and isabella turns to phineas and says, "oh, does your mom have experience in wildlife conservation?"

we cut back to the doof and perry plotline where the two are now in the danville hall of justice and we learn that doof has spent his monthly alimony check on a defense lawyer and perry turns and sees the lawyer and then vanessa helping her organize her briefcase and perry chitters at her and vanessa shrugs and says, "i'm thinking about going into legal defense. sorry perry."

the rest of the doof and perry b-plot is spent in court and perry is about to ask for a public defense lawyer when carl runs into the room and explains that he's owca's official legal defense and perry looks at him like, "uhhh is that even allowed?"

it doesn't matter because apparently the judge is out sick today but because it's danville roger's the judge now because he's the mayor and everyone loves him.

the court case continues.

meanwhile phineas and ferb have successfully cloned multiple ocelots from the original ocelot dna they had on hand and isabella asks phineas if these clones will experience health problems like premature aging, phineas casually explains that ferb figured out the problem while they were experimenting with stem cell harvesting.

back in the courtroom, doof's ocelot foster mother has been brought to the stand along with an ocelot to english translator. doof gets emotional seeing her after so long. she says that he was one of her favorite child and he was as strong a hunter as anyone else in the family. it's incredibly sweet. the jury's in tears.

meanwhile, isabella has established connections with a group in texas who are going to release the ocelots back into their natural habitat and, using the cloned ocelots to prevent inbreeding, help establish an ocelot breeding program. the group explains that they are going to send a helicopter to retrieve the cloned ocelots from danville and bring them to texas soon.

isabella gets her fireside girls badge.

candace manages to get mom to see the backyard only after the ocelots have been helicoptered off to coastal texas, their primary habitat.

mom makes it into the backyard as phineas stares wistfully over the fence and says, "if you love something, you have to let it go." candace goes, "look mom look look look!" and points at the ducky momo kiddie pool, devoid of cloned ocelots, where baljeet and buford are now chilling out, having settled their philosophical debate about the ethics of animal cloning.

back in the courtroom drama, doof looks like he's about to win when an attendant walks into the courtroom and whispers something in roger's ear.

roger looks up, grinning, and says, "good news, everyone! my attendant here has just enlightened me that ocelots are no longer considered critically endangered!"

this settles the case, with perry being decreed not guilty and the entire affair being called off. the courtroom cheers, roger walks over to doof and personally congratulates him on his species' return from the brink of extinction.

doof shouts, "curse you endangered species classification system!" at the ceiling of the danville hall of justice.

perry arrives back home just in time for mom to say, "who wants pie?"

the end.

#phineas and ferb #dr doofenshmirtz #perry the platypus

[wolf-pearl]

THESE ARE ALL FANTASTIC CHOICES I LOVE THEM. And yes hard agree on Maratus robinsoni, its my personal favorite. Its so colorful and then it has its pretty lil face!

I personally also have a soft spot for Maratus nimbus, I just really aprieciate how it looks like a painting of clouds, with sunlight reflecting off of them.

(All photos by Jurgen Otto)

Ok last question, what's your favorite peacock jumping spider? (Genus: Maratus )

I couldn't choose just one! A few of my favs:

Robinson's peacock, Maratus robinsoni, because COLORS:

Photo by benjc

Masked peacock spider, Maratus personatus, because FACE:

Photo by elusiveorchids

And this one, Maratus sceletus, because its common name is SKELETORUS:

Photos by waynew-m

[wolf-pearl]

Anyways Sparklepuff should have been a fluffy moth lad.

#wolf-pearl art #the dragon prince #sir sparklepuff #tdp #the only reason I pay attention to anything in that show is because of our little bug pal. he's just a lil guy. #plot? the dragons? elves? no I'm here for the little wiggly boi #sparklepuff #tdp sir sparklepuff

[wolf-pearl]

Indiana Jones, but he's raiding the British Museum to return the artifacts to the proper countries Museums.

#indiana jones #british museum

[wolf-pearl]

Ok but what's the inverse of this called, where you had to work hard for everything in school so getting the best grade in the class after all that hard work was so freaking rewarding, so you ended up with an absolutely stellar work ethic of "I just gotta work a little harder :)", right up until college where you went in with that work ethic only for no matter how hard you tried to "just work a little harder" you just kept falling further and further behind on course work, spending every waking moment trying to get everything done, forgoing sleep for days in favor of doing more homework because "surely I can get it all done if I just try a little harder", but there was always more homework than you would ever have time to do it all, nevermind do any of it well, resulting in you pushing yourself into a 4 day long depression nap, and now the idea of putting that much work and hard effort into something terrifies you now that you know that hard work can absolutely go completely unrewarded, and just make you run yourself into the ground instead?

#this was supposed to be a silly shitpost #oops #formally gifted child #education

[wolf-pearl]

Now I might just be over tired and stressed, but firm beds are actually evil. I want to burrow into a nest, and be swallowed whole by the matrice to never be seen again. I do NOT want to lay down on a bunch of industrial grade springs with a slab of plywood on top. There is absolutely no way this is better for my spine. This feels like its gonna break my spine. I want a nice soft cussion, not an even harder box spring.

#beds #bed #i hate hard beds

[wolf-pearl]

..... huh. I haven't posted any art in a while.

[wolf-pearl]

So aparently the reason you're not supposed to put your elbows on the table is because nobles back in the horrid past has worthless excuses for tables and if you were to look at the things wrong, or god forbid lean on one, the'd straight up collapse. Because they were made from trestles.

This shit.

So basically the nobles couldn't afford good tables and we should all point and laugh at those dead people for their punny, insufficient tables of poor craftsmanship.

#manners #elbows on the table #tradition is peer pressure from dead people and nothing is more evil than peer pressure so slap those dead people

[wolf-pearl]

Me, with ADHD:

I've had enough of society being catered to morning people.. it's time for everything to be pushed back like two hours

[wolf-pearl]

I have many a thought when I see those tape ball cutting videos.

"Wow, I hope all these content creators dont just throw the tape balls out after the video because that would be a lot of plastic waste," and "I know its not food, but monkey brain says it looks like food and now I want to bite it."

But most importantly, I desperately need to know what texture these damn things are. Do they feel like foam? Are they squishy? Does the feel change between it being a compact ball and after its been cut? I don't know and that haunts me.

#tape ball cutting #tape ball #adhd need for t e x t u r e

[wolf-pearl]

Everyone jokes/used to joke about Among us ruining them because they see it everywhere and in everything, but I never experienced that.

You wanna know what is ruining my brain though? Analog horror. I can't fuckin hear or see ads without thinking "heehee computur synthesized voice, they're trying to be creepy"

Theres these god damn amazon ads that I can't see without thinking "why are they emulating omega mart ads?" Its freaking everywhere. I see a damn deer outside? Ive seen this analog horror before. Street sign symbols? Fuckin analog horror stick people. Im loosing my mind.

#analog horror #amongus

[wolf-pearl]

I keep seeing posts on my dash about *reads notes* "Goncharov" except they're all posts from people who are sick and tired of their dashes being full of goncharov with zero context, and honestly this is how tumblr should be experienced. I have no context for literally anything here, my dash is full of people who can't get away from the context. Its like im in a room full of dogs and somewhere in the walls there is a dog whistle going non stop but my useless human ears dont hear jack. Peak experience, 12.5/10