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writing-mermaid · 3 years

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I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy

Summary : Y/N McCoy, daughter of Jack McCoy works as ADA Carisi’s PA. Before that, Y/N was sort of the Cinderella of the DA’s office working in the dust of the archives. When the DA’s Christmas ball is themed as a Masquerade, maybe it’s time for Cinderella to meet her prince charming, with a little help of her fairy best friend, Katriona Tamin.

Pairing : Sonny Carisi x reader

Warnings : Language, consomption of alcohol, Cinderella AU, some flashbacks, Vanessa Hadid is a bitch (but as she always is it really a warning ?).

Word Count : 14 682

Author’s note : Written for @thatesqcrush‘s Holiday B!ngo: Naughty & Nice filling the free square, and for @sweetcannolicarisi ’s Disney bingo. I know those two bingos are over now but I really wanted to post it between Christmas & New Year, but life stroked hard and I couldn’t write. Ball dress is inspired by the one from the movie A Cinderella Christmas. Don’t forget that feedback is appreciated and really important.

Song of the title : Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden

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“Assistant District Attorney Carisi’s office, Y/N speaking, what can I do for you ?”, I say, repeating this sentence on a loop all day long.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, I just hate doing it in a fucking hallway, next to my new boss small and windowless new office. Well at least now he has an office, we’re not forced to squat in empty rooms all around the building.

“Oh, hello Captain Benson. How can I help you ?”

“Hello Y/N, can you please ask Carisi to sign me a warrant for a perquisition please ? I emailed you the application. Kat will pick it in less than an hour. Can you do that for me ?”

“Sure, Olivia, consider it done”, I answer.

“Thanks Y/N have a nice day”, she says.

“Have a nice day too Olivia”, I reply, hanging up the phone.

I take a look at the clock facing my desk, 10:30 am. I open Captain Benson’s mail and print the papers she joined in. I get up to the printer, passing next to the break room. It’s time for ADA Carisi’s coffee. I take the papers from the printer and enter the break room. I put down the papers on the table and pour a warm and steamy coffee into ADA Carisi’s usual mug and heat some water for my tea. I put two sugars in his coffee and pour the hot water into my mug with sugar. The papers under my armpit and the two mugs in both my hands I walk back to my desk, where I put down my own mug, and then walk towards his office. I lightly knock on the door before his voice tells me to come in.

“Good morning counsellor”, I say, stepping in the windowless office.

“Good morning, Y/N”, he looks up. “And I already told you to call me Sonny. We work together for a year now, don’t you think it’s time to call me by my name, huh ?”, he smiles at me, with that charming smile that makes me melt.

“I can’t promise anything”, I shrug, returning his smile. “First of all, here’s your coffee”, I say, putting down the cup in front of him.

“Just how I like it”, he hums, taking a sip of it.

“Second, I had a phone call from Captain Benson, she asked if you could sign that warrant”, I add, handing him the papers, his thumb brushing mine when he takes it. “Kat will take it in something like thirty minutes to an hour.”

“I’ll get this ready and let you know when it’s done.”

“Thanks counsellor”, I say going back to the door. “By the way”, I add, turning back to him, “remember that I don’t work this afternoon, it’s my…”

“Monthly lunch date with you dad”, he cuts me. “I know that Miss McCoy, you and I work together for a year, every third Thursday of the month, you have lunch and spend the afternoon with your dad and I always managed to look after myself on those days. So as usual, go eat with your dad and have fun with him. Maybe you’ll start your Christmas errands. Don’t worry for me Y/N, I can handle myself for an afternoon, he smiles at me again. So have a nice lunch and afternoon with your dad Y/N.”

“Have a nice afternoon, counse…”, I can see his finger raising, “Dominick”, I finish before going out, a small smile playing on my lips, almost bumping in Serena, the mail girl.

“Y/N”, she nods at me coldly.

“Serena”, I answer, mirroring her tone.

“Hello Dominick”, I can hear her say with that honeyed voice she uses every time she talks to him, making me sick.

When I go back to my desk, a pile of mail is waiting for me, next to it, two letters. The first one says, ‘Mr. John McCoy’ and the second one ‘Miss Y/N McCoy’. Even retired, my father still receives his invitation for the annual police and DA’s office ball. This year it’s a week before Christmas. As usual, I’m more like his plus one than a real guest, it seems that the office feels obligated to invite me to those balls because my father is the great Jack McCoy. A legend for some. I don’t know if counselor Carisi made the connection between my name and the fact that my father is probably one of the most famous ADA this city ever had, when I’m just a personal assistant.

Sometimes, I’m wondering if they accepted me here because of him, like he asked them for a favor. I started to work here eight years ago. Not as a PA, it would have been too good to be true. There was no place for me. I was put in the archives, doing research for the attorneys, the ADAs, the DAs, the police, everyone who needed it. For a little time, I was ADA Barba’s PA, his was sick and I did the job for two or three months, time she came back. Working with Barba was a learning experience. Of course, I’ve already seen my dad work as an ADA, because I spent a lot of time in his office when I was little after my mom left him, and me in the process, but working with Barba was different, he had different methods, a different way of working. Barba was a great guy, seemed righteous, he was nice to me, even if I can’t say that we were friends or close, I was utterly shocked when I heard about that baby story and that he resigned. I was back in my archive hole when I learned about it. I haven’t met counsellor Carisi, detective back then, while I helped Barba, to be honest, I worked at the other side of the hall, in a proper office, I just caught a glimpse of his tall blond frame from afar. My first impression from my viewing point, he made me think about the character of a book from my childhood, Daddy-Long-Legs. He was tall and lanky, just like the mystery man from the book. I never really saw his face nor his beautiful blue eyes before Vanessa Hadid assigned me to be his PA.

After Barba left, a new ADA came to town, Peter Stone. My father knew his, but Peter and I never met before. He was cute and very nice, he brought me teas and pastries almost every day, and from time to time, we had lunch together. One night, after a few drinks, Peter and I had sex. Nothing committed, just a one-night stand, with no promises, between two consenting adults. The next morning wasn’t even awkward, we both had our fun and we stayed friend, occasionally having lunch or a drink. His sister’s death totally crushed him, and he had a lot of problems. Alcohol, sex, he was on a downward spiral. He left after having been set up by a so-called friend.

Then, Sonny came along. On his first day, Ms. Hadid called me from her office and said I had to come upstairs. I complied, knowing that as she didn’t like me, I should obey. I straighten my clothes and put my hair in order in one of the bathrooms before knocking on her office door. She told me to come in and he was there. He turned around and smiled down at me. Blond hair, bright blue eyes, a charming smile, white teeth, tailored three-pieces blue suit, I was breathless, wondering why I never saw him closer before. I was totally swooned by the man in front of me. I might have stared too long because Ms. Hadid cleared her throat.

“Good morning Y/N let me introduce to you the new assistant district attorney, Dominick Carisi Jr. Counsellor Carisi, this is Y/N McCoy”, she introduced us both.

“Nice to meet you Ms. McCoy”, he said, smiling bigger and extending his hand.

“Nice to meet you too, counsellor Carisi”, I replied, letting him take my hand in his bigger one. “What can I do for you Ms. Hadid ?”, I finally asked, when he let go of my hand.

“Nothing, I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion.”

“My promotion ma’am ?”, I asked, completely shocked.

“Yes, your promotion. You are, from now, ADA Carisi’s personal assistant. Congratulations.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish out of its bowl. Was it a cruel joke ? After all this time she was finally giving me the position I applied for the first time I passed the Bureau’s door ? For real ?

“I… I… Thank… Thank you”, I stuttered. “I’m glad that you trust me enough to assist our new ADA.”

“I’m pretty sure that you will make a very good team”, she responded, smiling. “Let’s find you both an office”, she added.

An office, we didn’t get it before a few weeks ago. For a year, ADA Carisi and I moved from rooms to rooms, to rooms. It was the worst way to do our jobs. Forced to be in the same room for two very different works. Not that I didn’t like to be in the same room, who would complain after all, Dominick was, and still is, a charming and handsome man, always ready to please people around him and very dedicated to his job. Each morning, he brought me an Italian pastry, still does though, and I grew really fond of him. We exchanged a few things during the few breaks he took or during lunch break, that I had, and still have, to remind him. He explained his path to me, why he wanted to be a lawyer, after having been a cop. I told him about my dad being an attorney too, retired now, but not that he was one of the most important ADA this city had. I still think that it’s strange that he still haven’t made the connection. He asked me why I was a PA and I just answered that it was because I liked that job, and that I probably wasn’t made to be an attorney.

Hadid was right, Sonny and I made a great team. I can’t help but feel like if Hadid paired us, it’s because she don’t like us. ADA Carisi because he was a cop and still has a strong bond with SVU and me because of who my father is. She didn’t expect for us to be such a good team. After a year working together, we have a whole routine. I remind him when it’s time to eat or to have a break, so sometimes, we go together for fresh air, taking a coffee down the street when he’s not too busy. It has been strange a few weeks ago when Hadid finally told us that Sonny would have an office. I thought that finally we would have a proper room to work. When we saw his office, the first question he asked wasn’t to question about the inexistant windows of the room, but where I would work, because there were not enough room for two desks. Hadid simply shrugged and said that they would put a desk for me in the hallway, by the door. I know he was about to protest and to say that if I couldn’t have a proper office or couldn’t be in the same room, he wouldn’t accept that office. But I opened my mouth before he opened his and said it was perfect and that I was willing to wait a little for a proper office. That’s how I ended up here.

“Hey ! Earth to Y/N, are you here ?”

I snap back to reality feeling a hand shaking my shoulder.

“Jesus Christ Kat”, I almost shout. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Well, I told you I was here but, it seems that you didn’t hear me. Too lost in your thoughts, looking down at those envelopes. DA ball”, she adds looking over my shoulder.

“Yep.”

“Going with your dad ?”

“As usual.”

My brown-haired friend sits down on the chair facing my desk.

“Coffee ?”, I ask her, and at the same time, Serena exits from ADA Carisi’s office, giggling.

“Have a good day Dominick”, she continues to giggle closing the door from Sonny’s office, and I can feel anger and jealousy rise in me, my free fist, and my jaw clenching. “Oh, and have a good day too McCoy”, she says, walking in front of me, pushing her little cart.

I really can’t stand that girl. She does everything to make me lose my mind.

“Just go ahead and punch her freaking face, I would gladly enjoy seeing that”, Kat states. “And to be honest, I don’t think that she’s Carisi’s type”, she adds.

“What ?”, I question, turning to her.

“You perfectly know what I’m talking about Y/N.”

“No”, I bite back.

“Oh yes, you know. You have a think for our ADA friend in here and I know it. And I’m not the only one who saw it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Kat”, I sigh. “I have to tell him to not forget to eat when I’m gone.”

“Y/N , you’re mothering him, just like you do with your father”, Kat says.

“I don’t”, I respond. “I’m just reminding him that he has to eat and to take breaks sometimes. He’s so into his work that he barely think to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom. He’s really dedicated to what he’s doing.”

“Y/N”, Kat sighs, “Carisi is a big boy, he’s supposed to know when to stop.”

“Oh, he doesn’t believe me.”

“And you’re not his mom. But you could be his girlfriend. Getting lay would do you good. To both of you. And I saw how he looks at you. With enamored eyes.”

“He doesn’t look at me that way Kat, I’m just his assistant.”

“Well, if you don’t want to see, I’ll not insist. Let’s talk about that ball. I’m going too and my dear friend, this year, I’ll make a princess out of the perfect worker that you are !”

I can see the look on her face, and I really don’t like it. Kat and I met last year when she incorporate SVU team, we quickly became best friends.

“I’ll make your inner Cinderella pop out !”

“You’re scaring me.”

“And I found the perfect dress for you, and mask.”

“Mask ?”, I ask.

“Masquerade ball, baby. You would know it if you had opened those letters instead of daydreaming.”

“I don’t daydream Kat.”

“Yes, you do. And your reverie is about the tall, blond and handsome Italian behind that door.”

“Aren’t you here to get a warrant back for Captain Benson ?”, I ask, hoping that she will change of subject.

“I am, but I have time”, she replies. “I know you have your lunch date with your dad today, but I offer you something. Tomorrow night, girl’s night and then on Saturday, dress shopping. I found the perfect dress for you !”

“You looked for a dress for me ? Kat ! I’m a big girl, I can dress myself.”

“Yeah, with a sad black dress when you can look like a princess. Please, let’s have girl’s night tomorrow and let me show you the dress on Saturday. You’ll love it, I’m sure of it. That might be the perfect way to attract some ADA.”

“Good morning ladies”, my entire body stiffens when I hear Hadid’s voice and Kat jolts out of her seat.

“Ms. Hadid”, I say, nodding.

“Miss McCoy, Detective Tamin you’re here. To what do we owe the pleasure ?”, she asks Kat.

“I’m here for a warrant Ms. Hadid, and as I’m waiting for it, I’m having a conversation with my friend.”

“This is very nice from you detective, but Miss McCoy has some work to do and we don’t pay her to have little chats with her friends. Don’t make me regret to have promote you or I’ll have to send you back in your little hole.”

“I was about to ask ADA Carisi if he signed the warrant”, I say, before she can add anything.

“Fine”, Hadid states, “and then I hope that you’ll go back to work”, and she leaves.

“Really, you shouldn’t let her talk to you that way”, Kat tells me.

“That’s okay, I’m used to it now”, I sigh.

“You shouldn’t get used to it Y/N. You’re way better than that woman.”

At the same time, ADA Carisi’s door opens.

“Y/N, I have the warrant for…”, his voice very soft. “Kat”, he finishes his sentence seeing the dark-haired detective next to my desk. “Morning Kat.”

“Carisi”, she nods, a little smile playing on her lips because of the tone of Sonny’s voice when he thought I was alone.

“This is for you”, he says, handing her the piece of paper I printed earlier.

“Thank you. I’ll leave you two and I will go back to the precinct. Have a nice day Carisi. Y/N, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow”, I reply, while Dominick just nods to her.

And she leaves, the paper in her hand.

“I heard that Hadid was here”, he turns to me.

“Yeah, she was, reminding me that I’m not paid to ‘have little chats with my friends’ and not to make her ‘regret to have promote me’, because she could send me ‘back in my little hole’”, I reply.

“Don’t let her impress you”, he says, putting his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a better person than she will ever be.”

I can feel my cheeks getting warmer and I’m probably blushing. That man really knows how to talk to me.

“Let’s go back to work”, he resumes. “I’ll need you and your fast tipper skills to help me for the Mendelson’s case for my plea.”

“Give me time to make more tea and coffee and I’m all yours”, I say, seeing him turning bright red, and I assume that I must look the same. “I didn’t mean. I wanted to say.”

“I know, I understood”, he says, before going back into his office.

Jeez dammit Y/N, you really had to…, I think, facepalming myself. A few minutes later, I enter his office with a fresh pot of hot coffee, sugar, and biscuits. I put down the tray on the side table and settle in front of the laptop next to it. Dominick gets up from his chair, his mug in one hand, a pile of papers with his handwriting in the other. He puts the sheets on the table before pouring himself some coffee and then a tea bag and hot water in my own mug, and settles it next to me, before putting some sugar in it.

“Thanks”, I smile up to him.

He just smiles back and starts to read his papers. We spend the next hour and a half to type, modify, revise the entire speech.

“I think we’re done”, he finally says, stretching in his chair.

I check one last time the document and hit the print button. From the inside of the office, we can hear the noise of the printer. We settle in a comfortable silence while the speech goes out of the printer.

“So”, he finally breaks the silence, “I supposed you received the invitation for the Christmas ball.”

“I did. I must admit that masquerade ball is an original idea.”

“Indeed. I’ll have to find a suit and a plus one, maybe.”

My heart aches when he talks about getting a plus one. When I said I grew fond of him, it was in fact a little more. Dominick ‘Sonny’ Carisi Jr. rocks my world for a year now and I love every part of him, from his ridiculously bright blue eyes to his passion for this job. I love the entire being he is.

“What about you ?”, he asks, making me snap back to reality.

“I’ll probably go with my father, as usual, if I go”, I answer. “Speaking of my father, I should go and refresh a little before he arrives”, I add checking the hour, getting up from my chair. “I’ll bring the sheets when I come back.”

And with that, I exist the office, walking to the bathroom. There I just look at myself in the mirror, trying not to cry because I’m pinning and crushing on my boss.

Sonny’s POV

I watch Y/N leaving my office. Why did I mention that I needed to find a plus one when I don’t want a plus one ? I don’t want to go to that ball with anyone else but her. But I never dared to ask her out. I saw the look on her face when I mention bringing someone with me, that she looked away, as if she was embarrassed by something. She rushed out so fast that I didn’t even had time to tell her that I’m going alone, or probably will bring my niece or one of my sisters. Of course, I’ll not bring a real date to office party, not when the girl that makes my heart sing is the one sitting on front of a desk outside of my office, accepting to work in a hallway just to still be my assistant.

I remember the first time I met Y/N, she had some dust at the bottom of her black pants and on her shoes. A little stain that she probably didn’t notice on her cheek. I knew she had worked for Barba for a few times, while his assistant was absent, but we never stumbled on each other. I looked at her, her Y/E/C hidden behind a pair of glassed, probably easier for her to see in the archives, her Y/H/C tied. When Ms. Hadid introduced each other, I heard some disdain in her voice, like she was despising her, still does though, and I didn’t and still don’t know why. It couldn’t be because Y/N was new here, like I was at the moment, nor because she has links with SVU. I don’t get how she can hate someone who’s so dedicated to her job like Y/N is, she loves what she’s doing, and we make a good team. She takes care of me, more than she should to be honest, reminds me to eat, drink, have some breaks. I remember once, she changed because she had a date, and I couldn’t help to feel jealous of the man she was seeing that night. She was so beautiful in that dress. It’s like every third Thursdays of the month. She has a monthly lunch and afternoon date with her father. On those days, she looks even more glowing. I must admit that I’m a little envious of her dad, you can see that she loves him very much and he has an important place in her life.

I rise my head from the paper in my hand and spot a man standing in front of Y/N’s office. He’s tall with grey hair and hazel eyes is rummaging through Y/N’s papers on her desk.

“Excuse me sir, can I help you ?”, I ask, exiting my office, after putting down the sheet in my hand.

“I’m looking for my daughter”, he answers. “Have you seen her ? Y/N McCoy, not very tall, Y/E/C, Y/H/C hair.”

“Yeah, Y/N, she’s my assistant. She’s in the bathroom right now. Excuse me sir, but these are confidential, and you don’t have the right to look at it”, I add, seeing him looking at the papers.

“Don’t worry son, I was on the job. Jack McCoy”, he says, extending his hand to me, introducing himself.

“Excuse me, Jack McCoy, like THE Jack McCoy”, I ask, grabbing his hand to shake it. “Y/N never told me that you were her father. Wow, I’m so impressed.”

“Seems so”, he answers. “And I bet you are Dominick Carisi Jr., former cop turned ADA. My daughter told me a lot about you. I don’t know if she told you that her grandfather was a cop, she admired him and she admires you. She says you’re an amazing ADA and that you are passionate by the job. She can’t stop gushing about you and how happy she is to work with such a dedicated person.”

“I can assure you Mr. McCoy that I am as equally happy to work with your daughter. She’s an amazing assistant, she takes care of me when I forget about my basic needs.”

“She did the same with me, since she’s a kid she’s taking care about everyone around her. She knows this office like the back of her hand you know, she spent a lot of time here when she was a child. Sometimes I worked very late and she fell asleep on the couch of my office. She was doing her homework in a corner of the office, lying on the carpet, reading a book while listening to music when I was auditioning people. No one was ever surprised to see her around.”

“I can imagine that”, I reply, picturing a little Y/N, wandering around the corridors of the DA’s building, or working for school, or even reading a book on an office couch, headphones on her hears while her father was working.

“Dad”, I can hear behind me, turn around to see that Y/N is back from the bathroom. “What are you already doing here ?”

Y/N’s POV

I enter one of the cabins to pee before going back. When I exit it, I wash my hands and look at myself again checking my make-up and putting some lipstick again, check my hair. When I judge myself decent again, I go out. I walk back from the bathroom, hearing some laughs and voices coming from counsellor Carisi’s office.

“Dad”, I say, spotting my father behind Dominick’s tall frame. “What are you already doing here ?”

“Y/N, sweetheart”, my father passes by counsellor Carisi to hug me. “I was a little early and I thought I would surprise you. That charming young man here said that you were in the bathroom, so we started to chat a little. I get why you like to work with that young man my darling, he’s really passionate about his job”, he adds, pointing the blond ADA with his thumb.

“If you don’t need me anymore Dominick, I’ll go.”

“Dominick ?”, my dad asks, raising his eyebrow.

“He told me not to call him counsellor, just like you did with your assistants.”

“Actually, I told her to call me Sonny, but she doesn’t”, he says, scratching the back of his head.

“It’s too familiar, you’re my boss after all.”

“Dad, if you’re ready we should go. Of course, if you don’t need me anymore”, I turn to counsellor Carisi.

“That’s good for me, you can go.”

“Thanks”, I reply, going behind my desk to grab my purse and to clean my desk. “Don’t forget to eat, to drink, and to take some break. I ordered you some food for your lunch, I prepared the few files you have to check. Don’t leave too late tonight, you have dinner at your parents”, I conclude, looking at Dominick while I list the things I planned for his afternoon. “Your tie, it’s not straight”, I say, looking at his neck, my hands reaching for the knot, his eyes meeting mine when I start to redo the knot, his face a few centimeters from mine, those pink lips I’d love to kiss for a year. “Here, all done”, I say, smoothing his suit jacket.

“Thanks”, he whispers.

“You’re welcome”, I respond, on the same tone.

Someone clears his throat next to us and I suddenly remember that my father is around. I step back from counsellor Carisi and grab the two letters on my desk.

“We should go. Have a nice afternoon Dominick.”

On that, I grab my coat and scarf and I head to the elevators.

“Nice to meet you Carisi, let’s meet again sometimes”, I can hear my father say, probably extending his hand to the counsellor to shake it.

“Pleasure is all mine counsellor McCoy, and I would love to”, my boss replies.

I press the button of the elevator, and when the door opens, I have the bad surprise to see Vanessa Hadid in the cabin.

“Miss McCoy, I see it’s time for your daddy-daughter lunch date”, she says, stepping out of the elevator, her eyes falling on my father who’s walking towards the elevators. “Counsellor McCoy, what a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Vanessa Hadid”, she deceitfully adds, a fake smile on her face, extending her hand. “Let me say that I really admire your work and all you did for the city. I think some people should take your successes as examples”, she looks at me, “and do their job better. Speaking of which, Miss McCoy, don’t forget that you must list all the charges in your documents or the ADA and then the DA can’t do their job correctly.”

“I can assure you Ms. Hadid that my job is done correctly, and that ADA Carisi is very satisfied with my work.”

“I’m sure he’s very satisfied of your job, I can tell, but it’s not enough, and ADA Carisi is satisfied with little”, her remark makes me turn red. “I should remember that you’re just a little secretary and the fact that your father was one of the best ADA of this city doesn’t necessarily make you good at your work, what a shame.”

I can feel my anger boiling inside of my veins. That woman really treats me like crap.

“My daughter is a PA, Ms. Hadid and I can assure you that despite what you are thinking, she’s very good at her job and she knows what she’s doing, after all, she assisted me a lot when she was younger and her first job was to be my assistant, so if counsellor Carisi says he’s pleased with her work, believe me, he is. Good day Ms. Hadid, and unfortunately, I can’t say that it was a pleasure to meet you.”

With that, my father links his arm with mine and we step in the elevator.

Fifteen minutes later, we’re settle at our usual table at Giovanni’s, one of our favorite restaurants. My dad takes me here since I’m a child. It became one of our rituals.

“I’m surprised that you never told him that I was your father”, he says after the waiter took our orders. “That boy was practically fanboying over me. This was funny to see to be honest.”

“He’s unbeatable on the previous ADAs, and I’m not sure that he would have treat me normally if I had told him about our filiation. He’s very passionate about this job. I find it really cute”, I reply, drinking a sip of my lemonade.

“I don’t think that this is the only thing you find really cute about him.”

I almost choke on my drink, while he’s looking at me, a small smile playing on his lips before he drinks some of his whiskey.

“You shouldn’t let her treat you that way you know”, my dad suddenly says, after the waiter put down our plates in front of us, and I know he’s talking about Hadid. “I don’t like the way she talks to you, and the way she talks about that Carisi guy. Clearly, she doesn’t like any of you. But listen to me Y/N, she might be your employer, but don’t forget that you actually have a law degree. Just like her and just like that Daddy-Long-Legs for whom you work. Your ADA”, he adds, emphasizing the ‘your’.

“He’s not my ADA dad”, I sigh, praying that I don’t blush too much.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you and the way you look at him, act around each other. You two act like a married couple without being one. But office relationship is not something I really advice.”

“Why ? Because of your own and disastrous experiment ?”, I ask more harshly that I intended.

He gives me a dirty look and I know I’ve gone too far. This is still a sensitive subject. Even if many years have passed, I know that he still feels guilty about Claire Kincaid’s death.

“Dad, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have talk to you like that. This was rude from me. I know you only want what’s best for me”, I say, reaching for his hand on the table.

“That’s okay Y/N, you’re an adult and I can’t spend my time to protect you nor make choices for you. He seems to be a nice and good guy and if something happens between the two of you, I’ll support you.”

“Thanks dad, but I don’t think that anything will happen between Dominick and me. And to talk about Hadid, I don’t want to risk getting fired, not when I love the job I’m doing and make a good team with the person I work for. I know I can find a PA job anywhere in the city and that I can work in another DA office, but I love working with SVU and with counsellor Carisi.”

“Promise me something then”, he starts, and I just nod, while he grabs my hand, “if she harasses you, you’ll report her. That woman is determined and tough, but I have no doubt that she would crush you, or Carisi, if she could.”

“I have no doubt about that either”, I respond, drinking some of my lemonade. “Don’t worry dad, if she goes too far, I’ll not hesitate to report her. I promise.”

We continue to eat, in a comfortable silence.

“Are you going at your mom for Christmas ?”, he asks.

“No. Last time I spoke to her, she reproached me to be too close to you. And I responded that she shouldn’t have to leave when I was a kid, I would probably be closer to her. Same thing as usual”, I shrug.

“You should be less hard with her.”

“She’s the one who chose that situation. Thank God, you never brought an evil stepmother or evil stepsisters home. Just your pretty and young coworkers.”

“What about your sister ?”, he asks.

“Rebecca ? Don’t have any news for a while. I think she has better things to do than spending time with her little half-sister who’s fifteen years younger than her. I think I might spend it by myself this year, unless you have nothing planned.”

“I’m already invited by a judge I worked with, in California. I can ask him if you can come if you want to.”

“No that’s okay, thanks dad, I’ll have a quiet night, I’ll order takeout and watch some movies. I’m used to be alone, remember.”

“That makes me sad to know that you will be alone on Christmas. You are young, you need to have some fun. Go to parties.”

“Speaking of parties”, I say, taking the envelopes from my bag, “I had those this morning.”

I hand him his letter announcing the annual Christmas ball.

“Masquerade”, he reads, after taking the letter out of the envelop. “Does that mean they expect us to wear a mask ?”, he asks, not really thrilled at that perspective.

“That’s exactly what they expect”, I reply, taking a bite of food from my plate. “It could be fun, for once.”

“Are you going ?”

“I have to, I can’t skip my job’s Christmas party, especially not when I’m the daughter of Jack McCoy.”

“What are you going to wear ?”, he questions.

“I don’t know, it seems that Kat found something for me, she seems to have decided to play Fairy Godmother with me. Said she found me a gown to wear on that night, to pop-up my inner Cinderella”, I sigh.

“Maybe you should let her do it, she’s your friend, she wants to help you.”

“I know. What about you, are you coming ?”

“I’m going every year, with you since you’re a child, I’m not going to skip that year either, after all they probably will be expecting for me. Especially that boss of yours.”

He folds the letter in two before putting it in his pocket. We finish our lunches and then spend the afternoon walking in Central Park, going to the zoo, another old tradition from my childhood. I must admit that dad freed up some time for me more than he did for Rebecca. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why she doesn’t really like me. Well, I don’t really think that dad took care more about me than about her. I know he did spend more time with me, but that’s because my mother left. I spent countless nights on the couch of his office, countless days doing my homework on the spare table of his office, sitting in a court room, waiting for him to finish work, eating sandwiches instead of real meals, sometimes a hot meal from the restaurant down the street. When I was old enough to take care of myself, I stayed home, but I found my way back to my dad’s office for my first job during the holidays. I was helping, just like his assistant. Little by little I learned to love that job, helping the ADA, being here when he speaks with the victims, trying to help said victim, somehow investigating for him. Yes, I went to law school and had my degree, and I could be a lawyer, but being the ADA’s PA, was what I really wanted, I couldn’t guess that for a while I would be stuck in the archives.

After our afternoon, my dad takes me back to my apartment. After we agreed on going at the Masquerade ball together as we do every year.

The next day is busy. I wasn’t expected for the trial to be that soon. We had a message when I barely arrived that a court and a judge was available for today. The file is complete, we explained to Malia, the victim, all she had to know and that she has to stuck with what she told us, trying to not be destabilized by the other lawyer, everything is ready and we’re sitting at court, when we get the list of the defense’s witnesses.

“There is someone I don’t know on it. Look, a last-minute addition”, counsellor Carisi tells me, pointing the name of a man.

“What do you want to do ? Do you want me to do a quick research ? That name is ringing a bell to me. As if my father had a trial with a man having the same name. Give me an hour or two, I can probably find something”, he just nods and with that, I rise from my chair and go out of the courtroom.

I almost run to my office, quickly making a research in the archives. Bingo, I knew it. Quickly printing what I’ve found, I go back to the courthouse as fast as I can to assist counsellor Carisi. When I arrive again inside of the courthouse, I slide next to my boss, noticing that the man is already in the witness booth.

“Howard Caplan convicted for rape almost twenty years ago. That’s why the name rang a bell to me, my dad was in charge of his trial. Caplan is a rapist, a murderer, and a liar. He’s one of those people who think that victims deserved what happened to them. He’s out because he was released for good behavior three years ago. If you want my opinion, this is a big fuck you to his victims. I was in courthouse when he was found guilty, I was young, but I will remember that face all my life, the face of a monster. The MO is the same, Caplan is probably Rowell’s mentor”, I whisper in Carisi’s ear.

“How did you find it ?”, he asks me, after I show him the paper with the information he needed for the trial.

“I’m the daughter of a retired ADA and the granddaughter of a cop, that makes me really good at sticking my nose into someone’s past, plus this was in the archives I had to type when I worked in my little mouse hole”, I wink at him. “Now you know what buttons to push.”

“Y/N, you’re amazing, I could kiss you”, he says louder, and I turn bright red, and so does he when he realize what he just said. “I mean with no ulterior motive.”

“Counsellor Carisi, if you and Miss Y/L/N have to talk of personal matters, I suggest you do it outside of my court”, the judge shouts in our direction, looking at us.

“I’m sorry your honor.”

“Sorry”, I repeat, and she sighs.

Dominick’s squeezes my hand under the table as another way to say ‘thank you’, his long fingers caressing my palm, a very intimate gesture. I bite my lower lip trying not to sigh in pleasure, and to pay attention to what’s said.

“Counsellor Carisi, do you have things to ask the witness ?”

“Yes, your honor”, he responds the judge, letting go of my hand and standing up, buttoning his jacket, I can see the gearwheel turning into his head.

And for five minutes straight, using the information I gave him, he managed to make Caplan admit that he is Rowell’s mentor and that he didn’t want to kill and rape by himself now not to go back in prison. But his confession is a violation to his parole, so he’s arrested right here and there. As for Rowell, he’s declared guilty by the jury. I sigh in relief when the verdict is said, looking at Malia, who’s sitting right behind me, Captain Benson, and Kat at her sides.

“Thank you so much counsellor Carisi”, she says, hugging him tight.

“Actually, I’m not the one you should thank. Y/N found about Caplan’s past. She helped me a lot”, he tells her, slightly grabbing my hand in his.

I swallow the lump in my throat while his stares at me right in the eyes.

“Thank you, Y/N, you’ve been really nice with me during this all thing”, Malia turns to me and hugs me, making counsellor Carisi let go of my hand.

“You’re welcome Malia. Don’t forget that if you need something, you can contact me.”

“I know, thank you”, she says, hugging me again and tighter, before letting go of me.

Malia exits the courtroom with her mother and sister.

“Thank you, Y/N, I don’t know what I would do without you”, Dominick’s voice says next to me.

I turn to him, his blue eyes are sparkling, while he steps towards me, his gaze never leaving mine.

“Y/N, I’d like to…”

“Y/N, you were amazing”, Kat jumps in, cutting counsellor Carisi, and hold me in her arms. “You and I are officially off duty so let girl’s night begin !”

From the corner of my eye, I can see Dominick leaving the courthouse alongside with Captain Benson. He slightly turns his head towards me, and I can see sadness in his eyes. I grab my bag and follow Kat who drags me outside of the building.

“Don’t tell me that you never noticed the way he looks at you”, Kat says, after at least our fifth or sixth drink.

“He’s not looking at me in any way. Our relationship is strictly professional”, I slur, as drunk as she is.

“And the way you look at him.”

“I’m not looking at it in any way either.”

“You both look like two idiots in love, but you’re too idiots to notice”, she gulps her drink and waves at the waiter for another. “He looks like a lovesick puppy in love.”

The waiter puts down another drink in front of her.

“And besides”, she continues, “today he literally said that he could kiss you, in court, in front of everyone. That you can’t deny.”

At those words, I remember what happened after the judge called us to order, his hand touching mine, little circles on my palm, his hand almost sliding in mine and then, the judge asking him to question the witness, only those thoughts make my cheeks turning red again.

“He just said that because he was happy I found the information. I don’t think he intended to do it”, I sigh, sipping my mojito.

“You know what you need, you need to get laid ! When was the last time you had a good fuck ?”

“Kat !”, I shout.

“What ? You’re gorgeous, clever and you need to get that tall blond and handsome Italian out of your mind. You two act like a married couple without being one.”

“That’s funny you say that my dad told me exactly the same yesterday.”

“And he’s right”, she gulps her drink once again. “Another”, she waves one more time at the waiter.

“No more drinks for you two ladies, you already had way too many and I ordered a cab for you two to go home safely, ride’s on me”, he winks at us. “And this is my number”, he adds, handing me a piece of paper with his phone number on, “in case that guy you like doesn’t open his eyes.”

I thank him and put the paper in my pocket. A few minutes later, the doors opens to a woman around Kat and I’s age and the waiter waves at her to indicate that we are the customers. The ride home has us sleepy and at the second we pass my front door, Kat collapses on the couch, and I manage to reach my room, after putting a plaid on her so she won’t catch a cold. She’s right, I mother people too much. Then, I finally allow myself to sleep when I fall on my bed.

The next morning, I wake up with a slight headache, fully clothed and Kat’s groan from the living room.

“Fuck, my head.”

I stretch like a cat on the mattress, feeling my whole-body crack before getting up.

“Good morning to you too”, I say, stepping in my living room.

“How could you let me drink that much ?”, she asks.

“Nothing can seem to have stopped you, so I rather drank too”, I respond, shrugging. “What do you think about breakfast ?”

“Give me some aspirin first”, she says, sitting on the couch, massaging her temples.

I turn around and walk to the kitchen. I open a cupboard and pull out two glasses, before filling it with water. I open the meds cabinet and take two aspirin pills, then I head back to the living room.

“Here you go”, I hand her one of the pills and one of glasses of water before gulping my own pill and water.

“Thank God”, she thanks me, taking the glass and the pill.

“Oh, you can just call me Y/N, you know”, I joke, and she chuckles. “What about breakfast now ?”, I ask.

“I thought you would never ask”, she answers, rising from the couch.

She follows me to the kitchen. I take grab two mugs and start the coffee maker and the kettle.

“So, dress shopping today”, she states, very seriously when I put some bread, butter, spread and jam in front of her. “I will doll you up for the love of Carisi.”

“You’re obsessed Kat.”

“Me ? No, I just want my best friend’s happiness.”

I rise an eyebrow, not really knowing what to answer to that. I appreciate Kat’s efforts to help me having a love life, but I really don’t really see why she absolutely wants to set me up with Carisi. I recognize that I have a massive crush on my boss, but regarding my dad’s situation when I was younger, I don’t think this is a good idea.

“Stop trying to set me up with my boss please.”

“No”, she replies, a sly smile on her lips.

I pour some coffee in her mug and some water in mine before I hand her the steamy coffee. We take our breakfast in a comfortable silence before each of us take a shower. As Kat and I are used to sleep at each other’s home after a night outside or for a girl’s night, we have spare clothes at each other’s.

“Are you ready ?”, she asks, as soon as I go outside of my bedroom, slipping my head into a NYC sweater.

“Is it normal that I am frightened about that dress story ?”, I question.

“I promise you that you have nothing to be afraid about. I swear that you will love that dress and look stunning in it. It was made for you.”

I sigh, I don’t really have a choice, I need a dress for the DA’s office Christmas Ball and I also know that Kat doesn’t give up that easy. She almost drags me from my apartment to the subway. Thirty minutes later, she stops in front of a little clothes shop.

“How did you find this place ?”, I ask her, knowing that the kind of dress I can see in the window display.

Indeed, a lot of the dresses I can see look like prom gowns or princesses’ dresses. So far from Kat’s usual clothing. I never wore a dress like this, not even for my prom. To be honest, I didn’t even go to prom, no one invited me, and I didn’t want to go there alone, instead, I spent the night at the restaurant with my dad who then, took me to a musical, a quiet night to celebrate my high school graduation and acceptation to law school. I look at one of the dressing and then close my eyes, imaging myself in it, looking like a princess, waltzing with a tall blue-eyed Italian in a three pieces-suit.

“Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. Earth to Y/N, come back here”, my eyes shoot open. “You were daydreaming again, and according to the smile on your face, I know who you were daydreaming about”, she sings-song mockingly.

“I wasn’t daydreaming about Sonny”, I poorly defend myself too quickly, probably blushing in the process.

“Ah ! I knew it !”, she points at me. “But you’re not going into one of these dresses. There is a special one waiting for you inside”, she adds, dragging me inside of the store.

“Kat, you’re here !”, a woman says behind the counter. “And I bet this is the friend you told me about. The one for the dress”, she adds, smiling at me. “Come in darling”, she moves from her spot and grabs my hand to pull me towards fitting rooms, before making me step on a pedestal. “You were right I’m sure the dress will be perfect for her. Please sweetheart, take off your coat so I can see if the size is the good one.”

I do what she says, shrugging my coat off my shoulder. She points at my sweater that I take off too.

“Perfect, she’s gonna be perfect for my dress”, she claps her hands after turning around me.

“I told you it was made for her. And he’s gonna be crazy about it.”

“Can you please stop talking as if I wasn’t in the room ?”, I question, annoyed.

“Yes, sorry sweetie. You’ll step in that fitting you and remove your clothes, socks and shoes too, just stay in your underwear, and I’ll come with the dress and help you slip in it. There are no mirrors in the room, so you’ll not see yourself before we come back here”, I just nod. “Come on, undress and I’ll get the dress.”

Just before I close the fitting room door, I can see the woman locking the front door and turning the open/close sign. I undress as she told me, hopping I’ll not die of cold before she comes back.

“Well, are you ready dear ?”, I hear less than two minutes later, and when I say yes, she comes in, carrying a huge slipcover. “Turn around and close your eyes. Kat wants it to be a surprise”, I comply, I don’t want to offend Kat, especially when she wants to make me a surprise. “Lift your arms, yes perfect”, I can feel the soft fabric of the dress on my skin. One hand puts my right shoulder under a brace, hands smooth the top of the dress around my chest, strings are pulled behind my back, and finally, the skirt is behind deployed around my legs and feet. “Put your hands on the wall, I’ll put the shoes on your feet.” I obey one more time, feeling my feet slipping in, making me a little taller. “Come on darling, eyes closed still, you’ll follow me.”

She grabs my hands and guides me back to the store.

“Oh my God, Y/N, you’re stunning”, Kat says from I don’t know where.

“Well, for now, I have to believe you as I haven’t seen myself yet.”

“Believe me, you look like a princess.”

“Mind the step”, the store woman warns me. “One more little thing and you can open your eyes.”

I can feel her putting something on my shoulders. A soft and light fabric, maybe tulle caresses my skin.

“Open the mirrors Kat please”, she says. “Okay, now sweetheart, you’ll open your eyes and see yourself. On three. One. Two. Three.”

I open my eyes. There are mirrors all around and reflecting in those, me, in the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen in my life.

“It’s... I…”, I don’t know what to say, I barely recognize myself. I look like Cinderella. The dress is blue, with light blue and golden strass on the bustier which has only one shoulder strap, the other goes under my left arm, little blue straps in the back. The skirt is perfect, made of silk covered with blue tulle, with silver glitters, is not too big nor too small. A tulle shawl is covering my shoulders and tied on my chest. I lift the skirt to check on the shoes. They are the same color as the dress, blue with silver glitters. “Oh my god”, I manage to finally say after looking at me in the mirrors. “Kat, you were right, I look like a princess.”

“Least but not last”, the shop owner comes back near me, a sliver mask matching my dress in her hands. “I designed it for you, especially for the dress”, she adds, putting it on my nose.

I look at the mask, on the silver base, there are blue patterns on the left side and a golden butterfly on the right, with some pearls on its wing. I step down the pedestal and hug Kat tight.

“You’re going to be the most beautiful woman of that ball.”

Three weeks after the dress fitting, and said dress hanging on my wardrobe, in a slipcover, waiting to be worn tomorrow at the DA Christmas Ball. Those last three weeks have been pretty calm, which was unexpected considering the time of the year. Usually, Christmas is one of the busiest times of the year. During those three weeks, I spent a lot of times with Dominick and he was dashing as usual. His blue eyes sparkling when talks about his nieces waiting for Santa to give them gifts. The ball is tomorrow and then, next Saturday it’s Christmas Eve, and on Sunday Christmas, that I’ll spend on my own this year. Maybe it’ll do me good, the occasion to rest and rethink my life maybe.

“Well, I think we don’t need to stay here any longer”, counsellor Carisi says, going out of his office. “You can turn this off Y/N, I don’t think that something will happen now. Friday, 5:30 pm, no calls from SVU since last week. I must admit that I’m glad that this year is calm, not like last year where we had work all over our heads.”

He smiles at me and my heart nearly misses a beat. That man will be the death of me someday. Why am I not even capable to ask him for a drink or a lunch date sometimes, just the two of us, no work between us and especially, no Vanessa Hadid, who just happened to appear in the corridor where my desk is, when Dominick is about to speak again.

“Carisi, McCoy”, she calls us. “You both can leave, we don’t have any more work, so we can call it a week. Go get a drink or grab something to eat, enjoy your evening. See you both at the ball tomorrow. Well, if I manage to recognize you”, she adds, before leaving.

I turn off my computer to see that he came back into his office, probably to take his coat and turn off the light. Then, he comes back when I rise from my chair, putting my scarf around my neck.

“Y/N, before Ms. Hadid arrived and interrupted us, I was about to tell you that it’s still early and I wanted to ask you if you’d like to…”

“Y/N !”, I hear my dad’s voice shooting from behind.

“Dad ? What are you doing here ?”, I question, turning to him, taken by surprise.

“Taking you to dinner sweetheart, it wasn’t planned but as we are going to the DA ball tomorrow and also because I won’t be here the next two weeks so we won’t have our lunch date, I thought that we could spend the evening together.”

“I… Yes dad, of course”, I respond, “give me a minute please”, he nods, and I turn back to my boss. “What did you want to ask me Dominick ?”

“Never mind, another time maybe”, he answers, looking disappointed. “You should spend a good night with your father and enjoy it. I’ll see you tomorrow, try to save me a dance. Have a nice evening. It was a pleasure to see you again Mr. McCoy”, he says, before extending his hand to my father to shake it.

“Did I interrupt something ?”, my father asks once Sonny is out of view and ears.

“You’re the second person interrupting when he’s about to ask me something”, I whisper, not loud enough for him to hear it.

“What ?”

“Nothing”, I sadly smile at him. “Let’s go for a walk and maybe, I’ll find your Christmas present on the way”, trying to be as joyful as possible, feeling bad for Dominick who twice tried to say something and was interrupted, once by our shrew boss, the second time by my good intentioned father.

“If you want my opinion, that boy probably wanted to ask you on a date. He’s got a thing for you.”

“Dad, we already talked about it, don’t be ridiculous. Let’s go now, would you”, I conclude, slipping my coat on my shoulders.

The evening passed fast and the next day is here too soon. Kat joins me in the afternoon to get ready. Her friend from the store showed her how to put the dress on me.

“There you go”, she says, putting a little more red lipstick on my lips. “Perfect.”

She turns me to the mirror, and I look at myself. I already loved the dress when I tried it, but I love it more this time with make-up and my hair done. I take a look at Kat’s outfits. She wears a black suit, with a little touch of make up on her eyes.

“You really are something else Katriona Tamin.”

“What ? Because I don’t wear a dress ?”

“No because you’re really something else. I’ve never had a friend who did for me what you have done. I don’t even know if anybody’s friend already did that. You saw a dress, booked it for me convinced that it would fit, you support me and help me when I need something. I’m glad I met you Kat Tamin and it’s an honor to call you my best friend. Thank you”, I say, hugging her tight.

“Oh, don’t thank me now Y/N McCoy, you’ll thank me when you and Carisi are married, having kids and when you’ll ask me to be the godmother of your first born.”

“Kat !”

“Don’t pretend to be offended. If tonight he doesn’t fall for you, I’ll kick his ass myself.”

We start to laugh when we’re interrupted by the doorbell.

“Hey dad”, I greet him, opening the door.

“Hello sweetheart”, he responds, kissing my forehead. “You look radiant”, he adds, taking a step back to look at me.

“Thanks daddy. I feel like a princess”, I turn on myself to show him the back of the dress.

“Don’t forget this !”, Kat says, handing me my mask. “Hi Mr. McCoy.”

“Miss Tamin. What an interesting choice of outfit. But it suites you.”

“Thank you, Mr. McCoy. You look very good yourself.”

“Thanks, I just didn’t put that on”, he says, waving the mask in his hand. “This is ridiculous.”

“That’s not ridiculous dad, that’s the principle of a masquerade ball.”

“We should go, or we will be late”, Kat states.

“I have a little surprise for you girls”, my dad says once I lock the door.

Indeed, a very big surprise, I was expecting a cab waiting for us, but a limo is parked in front of my building. The driver opens the door and help Kat and I to climb in the car. The ride is quick and before I can realize it, we’re in front of the city hall where the ball takes place. We put our masks on before exiting the car.

“Can you please take us back at midnight ?”, my father asks the driver.

“Of course, sir. Have a nice night”, and with that, he comes back in car and drives away.

I rise my head and notice that the city hall has been decorated for the occasion with a lot of white lights in the shape of snowflakes. My father starts to climb the stairs, followed by Kat.

“Dad wait a minute please. Promise me something. Don’t drink too much tonight please.”

“Be here at midnight or I’ll leave without you.”

That said, he offers me his arm to climb the stairs, Kat by my side. I hand to the person at the door our invitations and we come in. The inside of the ballroom is more beautiful than the outside. There is a huge white Christmas tree, decorated with some Christmas balls, garlands and lights. The walls are full of colorful ribbons. There are tables, full of food and drinks all around the dancefloor, a disco ball hanging on the celling, a DJ is placed in the far end of the room. All around us, there are people wearing masks, so that’s impossible to say who’s who.

“I’ll go grab a drink”, my dad says. “I’ll see you later”, and with that he leaves.

“I want to ferret a little around. If I don’t see you again before you leave, I’ll call you tomorrow”, she says, kissing my cheek. “Have a good night Cinderella”, she winks at me before walking away.

I sigh, finding myself alone in the middle of that big party. I take a glass of champagne of the table and sip on it and taste one of the appetizers on a plate next to the drinks. I start to wander around, climbing the stairs to the balcony, looking down at the ball room, watching the first dancers evolving on the dancefloor. I don’t know who they are and I’m not sure that they know who they are dancing with, but everyone seems to be happy with that. I go back downstairs, wandering on the first floor. Music is blasting from the loudspeakers while I’m still walking around almost walking through I don’t know what door, when a hand touch my arm and stops me. I turn around to see who it is, and my eyes meet with a pair of blue ones. The tall man in front of me is starring, before he grabs my hand and take it to his lips, laying a kiss on it. I can’t properly see his face because of my mask, and his only let me see his eyes, his mask sort of looking like the one of Erik, The Phantom of the Opera, I can only see his mouth, not his nose nor the shape of his face, he wears a black suit, Phantom of the Opera style too, matching his mask. Then, silently, he lightly turns his gaze towards the dancefloor, silently asking for my permission to dance and I just nod. He leads me to the middle of the dancefloor. He takes my hand in his and slides his arm around my waist while I put my other hand on his shoulder, and we start to sway to the music. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do, the song says, while his eyes are never leaving mine. It’s just him and I lost in the middle of the crowd, locked in a bubble, where nothing else exists but my mysterious dance partner. The more we sway, the more I feel I’m where I’m meant to be, even if I don’t know who he is, I feel good in the arms of that unknown man, who doesn’t seem to know who I am either. The more the song passes, the more I want to kiss him, my eyes go from his eyes to his lips and I think that he must have understand because he leans towards me. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do, the song says again when our lips finally touch. My mysterious partner has soft lips, I tighten my grip on his shoulder when he deepens the kiss.

The song ends and it’s like our bubble doesn’t burst. He looks at me smiling, pecking my lips once again, before dragging me behind him towards the inner gardens. I’m giggling like a teenager, living my prom in my early thirties instead of at seventeen. He presses me to one of the pillars of the city hall, his right hand on it while his left hand cups my right cheek and his lips find mine again. My hands find his arms and I’m sliding them until I reach the back of his neck, pulling him a little more into me. I’ve never been kissed like this, ever. I don’t know how long I stay here, kissing a perfect stranger but it feels so right and maybe, just maybe for once, I can allow myself not to think about Dominick Carisi Jr. I’m still in my bubble until I hear it.

“Goddamn it, where is she ?!”, I recognize my dad’s voice, opening my eyes wide, pulling away from my strange one-night lover and also realize that the city hall clock strikes midnight.

“What is it ?”, my mysterious man asks, whispering.

“I… I have to go”, I answer, murmuring too. “I’m sorry”, I add, pecking his lips one more time before running for my life.

I think he didn’t had time to process because I have time to reach the main entry of the city hall.

“Hey, wait !”, I can hear behind me, but I don’t have time to care about him.

“Dad, wait”, I shoot, from the top of the stairs when I see him walking towards the limo, and by the way he walks, I can say that he drank more that he should have. “Dad”, I lift my dress and start to run down the stairs.

I manage to reach the car, after I struggled with a hole in the stairs and the heel of one of my shoes.

“There you are”, my dad’s drunk voice greets me when I sit down, and the driver starts to drive. “I saw you kissing I don’t know who. I know I told you you should have fun, but I didn’t think that you would take it that way. “What ?”, he asks suddenly.

“My shoe, I lost one of my shoes, and my shawl”, I say, looking down at my feet, unknotting my mask.

“Well play, now your mysterious prince charming is going to make all the girls from New York trying that shoe to find you.”

“Dad, please stop”, I just manage to say, too tired to bite back at him, because all I want now is to go back home and sleep, probably replaying myself the dance and the kiss to put myself to sleep.

Sonny’s POV

I’m dressing myself, hoping that this will have a good effect for the masquerade ball. I made some research before I chose my outfit for tonight. I didn’t really want to look like a prince charming, I wanted to try something different and I remembered that Y/N once mentioned that there was a masquerade ball in a musical she has seen several times with her father when she was younger, The Phantom of the Opera. I checked online to see what the suit and the mask looked like and I decided to wear it. I just took a mask that was a little different.

“Hey Carisi, nice disguise”, Fin says when he parks in front of my building.

“Wanted to do something a little less conventional than usual, play the game”, I respond.

“Play the game dressing as The Phantom of the City Hall ?”, he mocks me. “Maybe you do that for a certain Y/H/C with Y/E/C lady.”

“She’s supposed to be here, with her father, but with the masks, I’m not sure that I’ll recognize her, she can be dressed in any outfit.”

“Let’s just hope you’ll find her. Now we better get going, I have to take Phoebe on the way.”

We stop by Phoebe’s apartment where she comes out dressed in an amazing dress. Once at the city hall and in the ball room, I look around to see if I spot Y/N or Mr. McCoy, or maybe Kat, as she and Y/N are best friend, she probably knows how she’s dress. After a first drink and some appetizers, I grab another champagne glass and go upstairs, looking at the ball room from the balcony. That’s when I see her. No not Y/N. A girl with Y/H/C in a blue dress, with a matching mask, a butterfly covering half of her face. I don’t know what she’s doing, but she’s looking at everything in an awe. I don’t know why but I feel attract by that girl, I gulp my coupe and go back downstairs. I don’t know what she’s searching or looking for but she’s about to go in a room she can’t go. I don’t say a word, just touch her arm. She turns around, she’s stunning, outstanding, she takes my breath away. A real princess. I just grab her hand and kiss it. I look at the dancefloor, silently asking her if she wants to dance, she just nods and smile. I take her in the middle of it, we’re surrounded by other people. I take her hand in mine and put my other hand on her hip, while she puts her free hand on my shoulder. We sway slowly, following the slow rhythm of the song, some tune that was released when I was like fifteen. I never leave her eyes, gorgeous Y/E/C eyes. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do, I don’t even know who she is but those are words I would tell that girl. Those are words I would tell Y/N if I dared to tell her how I feel about her, but I’ll probably never say it. At some point I can see her eyes travelling from my eyes to my lips, I’m attracted to her and I want to kiss her, badly. Once again, I silently ask her, and she silently agrees. I press my lips to hers in a slow but tender kiss. Her fingers tighten around my shoulder. Nothing else exists but her and me, it’s like there is a bubble around us. The song ends but I don’t want that night to finish. I peck her lips one more time and take her hand to go to the pillars near the inner gardens. She giggles and I find that this is the cutest sound I’ve ever heard. I press her to one the pillars, I steady myself putting my right hand on the pillar and I cup her cheek with my left hand, and I kiss her again. That’s the first time I kiss a total stranger and it’ll probably be the last time, but it feels right. Her hands go up my arms and find their place behind my neck pulling me into her. I don’t know how long our kiss lasts, but suddenly, she pulls away.

“Goddamn it, where is she ?!”, a voice shouts from I don’t know where and the city hall clock strikes midnight.

“What is it ?”, I ask her, whispering.

“I… I have to go”, she answers, murmuring too. “I’m sorry”, she adds, pecking my lips one more time before she runs for her life.

I’m completely taken aback as she runs away.

“Wait !”, I shout, running after her, but she’s already at the other side of the room, still running. I might have long legs, the crowd stops me to reach her.

I look over people’s heads to see her, her head turning from right to left as if she’s looking for someone. Suddenly, she’s on the run again.

“Hey, wait !”, I shout, making people looking at me.

I see her running down the stairs and when I finally reach the entry and go down the stairs, she dives into a limo and the car leaves.

“Wait !”, I shout once again, going down the stairs, trying to catch the car, but it’s too late.

With rage I rip off the mask from my face.

“Fuck !”

“Carisi, what’s going on ?”, I can see Kat at the top of the stairs.

“There’s, there’s that girl, I danced with her she… She…”, I suddenly stop seeing a blue shoe stuck in the concrete of the stairs and a blue tulle shawl fluttering around.

I bend to take the shoe and I can see Kat going down to me, the blue shawl in her hands.

“Oh, she really made her inner Cinderella pop out, dancing with the prince, loosing a shoe, leaving at midnight”, she says.

“What ?”, I ask.

“Nothing”, she answers.

“You know who she is don’t you ?”, I question her.

“I’m not saying a thing”, she responds. “You will have to find your princess by yourself”, she adds, handing me the shawl.

I take the shawl in my hands along with the shoes and turn back to where the car disappeared, not knowing how I’ll be able to find who that girl is.

Y/N’s POV

I slept at my dad’s after the Masquerade ball, I let the dress flood around my feet in my childhood room and find a few clothes I let in the apartment in case I have to sleep here. Nothing changed since the moment I left home, the decoration is still the same, the sheets on the bed are still the ones with animals and I found an old pink pajama in the chest of drawers. My phone beeps, it’s a message from Kat ‘Girl, I saw you dancing with that guy and most importantly kissing him. Who is he ? So, no more pinning over Carisi ? I want to know everything. Love ya’. I respond her that we will talk about it later. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep, replaying in my head the dance and the kiss.

The next morning, my father drops me at my apartment before going at the airport and wishing me a merry Christmas. I wave at him when the car goes away, sighing, wondering how I’ll get my shoe back and if I’ll ever know who my mysterious prince charming was.

The next three days nothing really happen either, at work it’s still really calm, and I take advantage of it to clean a little and sort the old files which are ready to go in the archives. Sonny seems to be somewhere else, in his own world, I don’t know what he’s thinking about, lost in his thoughts, only snapping back to Earth when I knock on the door. He barely speaks or asks me things, plays with his food when we eat. He seems to look at something that he hides when I enter his office. It’s Wednesday and frankly I don’t really know what to do. I had a phone call with Kat, who asked me about my prince charming if I found out who he was, and I said no. I also told her that I lost one of my shoes and my shawl and asked if she found it or anyone, she said she didn’t see any blue shoe nor shawl and that I should ask the city hall. That I did but, they didn’t find it either. I wonder who can have my shoe and my shawl. Well, I’m not sure that anyone would do anything with a thin tulle shawl and a single shoe.

I continue to sort my files, humming the song I danced on with my mysterious blue-eyed prince charming.

Sonny’s POV

I have the impression that I spend my time starring at this shoe sing Saturday night. It’s Wednesday and I still don’t know to whom it belongs to, nor the tulle shawl. Luckily, we don’t really have work so I can think about what happened during the ball than being distracted of my work. I take the shoe and the shawl everywhere with me, hiding it when someone, mostly Y/N, knocks on the door. Serena came in between and gushed about the ball, saying it was a shame that she didn’t see or dance with me. But she spoke about that mysterious girl with the Cinderella dress dancing with an also mysterious man dressed as the Phantom of the Opera and that a lot of persons are talking about them, the mysterious couple. I clearly understood that she was jealous because she wasn’t the center of the attention. Knowing her a little, she would have brag about herself if she was the girl in the Cinderella dress. Honestly, I’m relieved that it’s not her. Actually, I’d preferred that Cinderella was Y/N to choose. She’s very quiet for the last three days, I’m not really talkative either, each of us in our own world. I didn’t even ask her how the ball was for her. We don’t have a lot to do, it’s almost like criminals decided to be nice this year.

It’s very early and I don’t have a lot to do and I think that Y/N doesn’t have a lot to do either, I could take her out for lunch, we have plenty of time. She started to sort old files to store them in the archives, but I don’t think she has many to do after two days of doing it already. I open the door and I can hear her softly humming a song. At first, I don’t recognize it, but then ‘I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do’. The song, the Masquerade ball song, the I danced on with Cinderella. It’s her, Cinderella is Y/N ! Realization strikes, same hair color, same eyes, how couldn’t I even realize it before ? I step back in my office and take the shoe and the shawl out of the drawer before going back to the hall.

“I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, I wanna lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me.”

Hearing these words, she turns around, looking at me with wide eyes, falling on the shoe and the shawl between my hands.

Y/N’s POV

Behind me, I hear the chorus of the song from the ball. I turn around and I can feel my eyes widen when I realize that prince charming is Dominick freaking Carisi Jr., my own boss, the guy I’m heads over heels for, for a year. My eyes fall on the shoe in his hand, my shoe, the one I lost.

“It was you all along”, he almost murmurs. “I think this is yours”, he adds, kneeling in front of me before I can even rise from my chair.

He removes my left shoe from my foot and slips the blue one on. I don’t even respond, I just look into his beautiful blue orbs, wondering how I couldn’t see that it was him all along. How couldn’t I not recognize someone I see almost every day for more than a year. He gets on his feet and holds his hand to me so I can get up too. None of us say a word, he just slips the shawl around my shoulders.

“It seems that people are talking about us”, he says, his voice still soft and without raising his tone, and I look up to him. “What happened Saturday night, you have no idea for how long I wanted this to happen”, he adds, his hand cupping my cheek, making me look at him. I start to touch his arms, my eyes never leaving his. “Y/N, can I kiss you again ? Because to be honest, that’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the last three days and the moment you ran away.”

“Yes, you can, Dominick. And for the record, that’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about too.”

In no time, he bends his head, and his lips are on mine giving me a soft but yet passionate kiss. I snake my arms around his neck, one of my hands starts to play with his hair, allowing him to pull me a little more into his tall frame, one of his hands finds its way behind my head, when his second arm wraps itself around my waist. Once again, I feel like I’m in a bubble, here in Sonny Carisi’s arms, it’s like nothing can harm me there.

“Excuse me, what the hell is going on here ?”

We both turn our heads to the voice coming from the other side of my desk. Vanessa Hadid is here, starring at us.

“Miss McCoy, I don’t think I pay you to make out with one of my ADAs. You are paid to assist him, not to kiss him. Mr. Carisi, I don’t think that behavior is appropriated, and this could make both of you fired. Or I can send Miss McCoy back to her little whole downstairs. Your choice Miss McCoy, either you and counsellor Carisi stop there your little make out session and go back to normal relationship, or you can go back to your little hole in the archives or if I want to, I can fire you right away.”

That’s too much this time, it’s the final straw. Sonny lets go of me and I smooth my clothes.

“Ms. Hadid, may I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want to be interrupted. I don’t know what I’ve done to you or why you don’t like me. Is it because of my name ? Because my father is one of the greatest and most famous ADA and then DA that city ever known ? Is that an ego problem ? Let me tell you something. I know you’re the one who hired me, so I don’t think that you have see my resume, but if you look at it, you’ll see that I have a law degree, just like you, just like counsellor Carisi, just like my father, the great Jack McCoy. I just chose a different path. I spent a lot of time around here when I was a kid. When I was old enough to work, I helped my father, was his PA and I loved the job, that’s why I chose to be a PA rather than a lawyer. What you’re doing to me is harassment, once again I don’t know why, but I think that it must be because my name is McCoy, that for you maybe I’m privilege because of that. Breaking new, I’m not. But you know what, I know my rights, nothing authorizes you to fire me just because I’m in a relationship with a coworker, especially of it doesn’t jeopardize our work. Sonny and I are a great team. So, threating me of fire me because of that, you don’t have the right to. I could sue you for that you know, and believe me, you never saw me in court. My father could represent me, go out of his retirement, and plead for me. Or I could do it by myself, and believe me, as Jack McCoy’s daughter, I know how to defend a case. So now Ms. Hadid, threat me one more time for no reason and I’ll sue you, and I can guarantee you, that you’ll not win.”

She opens and closes her mouth like a goldfish out of its tank.

“If you both think that this relationship will not have a bad influence on your work, there is no problem for me. I just wanted to let you know that I’m on a break from now to the end of the holidays. Both of you have nice holidays and I’ll see you in January.”

With that, she leaves, letting me and Sonny alone in my hall.

“I didn’t know you had a law degree”, Sonny wraps his arms around my waist.

“Oh, I don’t tell everyone in fact. Everyone would think that they need to hire me as a lawyer because of my father and I don’t want that. Plus, I think I wouldn’t have made a good attorney. I’m satisfied with my work”, I shrug.

I look at him, hair disheveled from my hands, so far from their usual combing.

“Do you want to have lunch outside ?”, he asks.

“Dominick Carisi Jr., are you asking me out ?”

“If you want it to be a date, this can be, Miss McCoy.”

“I’d love to”, I respond, “but maybe it would be better if I wear the same shoes”, I laugh.

I sit down again on my chair to change my shoe for my boot. When I’m on my feet again, Sonny hands me my coat and helps me to put it. When I’m ready, we walk hand in hand to the elevator.

“Still nothing planned for Christmas ?”, he questions.

“Nope, nothing but tv and probably Chinese takeout.”

“What if you come with me at my parents’ ? One more person will not change anything. And my mom will be very impressive that I managed to put the glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot.”

I laugh and I accept, I really have a good feeling about this.

Taglist :

@bisexualcrowley, @storiesofsvu, @the16thprecinct, @svu-ncis-criminalminds, @australiancarisi, @teamsladsandgents, @thatesqcrush, @caplanreads, @averyhotchner,

98 notes · View notes

writing-mermaid · 3 years

Text

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away this year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special

Summary : When going to the precinct holiday party, Y/N remembers what happened the year before and decides that it's time for her to move on and to reveal a secrets she keeps for a few months.

Pairing : Sonny Carisi x reader, Nick Amaro x reader

Warnings : Flashback Smut, language, consomption of alcohol.

Word Count : 4 000

Author’s note : Written for @thatesqcrush‘s Holiday B!ngo: Naughty & Nice filling the square holiday party. Also it’s my birthday and I wanted to post something today ! Don’t forget that feedback is appreciated and really important.

Song of the title : Last Christmas - Wham!

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕

The yearly Christmas party. Inevitable, coming every year, the whole precinct gets all dress up. This year, I chose a black skirt, black tights, a pair of black boots and a blue Christmas sweater representing the body of an elf. Wrapped in my coat, my Harry Potter scarf around my neck and its matching beany on my head and gloves on my hands, I climb the stairs to go inside, knowing that he’s waiting for me inside. The heat inside hits me as soon as I push the door.

“Good evening detective Y/L/N”, a kind voice from behind the reception desk says.

“Good evening, Danielle”, I answer to the middle age woman who rises from her chair. “Ready to go to the party ?”, I ask her.

“I’ll not stay long”, she answers. “I’ll just have a drink and a few chats with everyone, and I’ll head home”, she smiles.

“Want to come upstairs with me ?”

“If you’re willing to give me a few minutes”, she smiles at me.

“Sure, take your time.”

Danielle puts her chair under her desk and gets out of her tiny booth to enter the bathroom. A few minutes later, she exits it, looking a freshen up.

“I’m all ready to go.”

We happily chat during our little walk to the elevators. Danielle tells me about her grand children who are coming for Christmas and ask me what I’m doing. I just answer that I don’t know yet if my family will be here or not.

“Good evening”, a voice comes from behind when we are waiting for the elevator.

“Oh, detective Amaro”, Danielle beams at him. “Long time no see.”

“I know”, he responds her, smiling. “Y/N”, he says coldly turning to me, losing his smile, nodding his head towards me.

“Nick”, I nod back, responding on the same tone.

Even after almost a year, there is still tension between me and the black-haired man who used to be my partner, and the man I was in love with. In the elevator, Danielle joyfully chats, Nick politely listening while I’m trying not to say nasty things to my former lover. The doors finally open and Nick, very gentlemanly, lets Danielle go outside first.

“After you”, he motions for me to exit before him.

“Thanks”, I say, exiting without a second glance.

I definitely turned the Nick page, or at least I’ll turn it definitely tonight. I leave my handbag and my coat to the short-lived cloakroom and enter the room that was decorated for the party. I hug my squad before chatting with some other cops of the precinct then a few words with Rafael Barba, our ADA and finally, I go to the buffet to grab a Christmas cocktail on the long table. I move next to one of the French windows and I lean against it, sipping my beverage from the paper cup, watching Nick kiss, hug, and happily chat with the team he hasn’t seen in almost a year. I turn my back to them, looking at the snow falling through the window, swallowing another mouthful of my drink. As I contemplate the white flakes falling, I go down memory lane.

I met Nick when I first arrive at SVU. I joined in mid-2012. I was new and not really experimented, especially for SVU, but I saw an opening, and a way to help people more than I already did, really be able to help victims and with the recommendation of my former boss, I got the job and Olivia took my under her wing, helping me at first to fit in. I was the youngest, but according to Captain Cragen, I found my place quickly, the fact of being only twenty-five helped a lot to bond with children, teenage victims, or girls of my age. After six months, I was paired with Nick. That’s how I developed a crush on Nick and how I gradually fell in love with him. Of course, I knew he was married and had a daughter, but I couldn’t help myself falling in love with that gorgeous Cuban man. I knew that Maria was overseas a lot and that made us become closer as he was often alone and so was I. He invited me to dinners with his daughter, or taking her to Central Park, to the zoo. At first, I contented myself with being a close friend, but it only made me fall for him more and more. When his wife came back, we spent less time together, but he still considered me as his best friend, telling me about his problems with Maria, the fact that their relationship was getting worse and worse. At some point, after she came back, Maria decided to accept a job in Washington, taking Zara with her, crushing Nick completely and once again, I was here to pick up the pieces. Not long after they left, Nick saw a former girlfriend of his again, Cynthia, and he learned he had a son with her. Once again, I was here when she assigned him for child support. I spent a lot of time with his, but he also seemed to enjoy Amanda’s company a lot, spending time at hers or being his partner, letting me work with Fin or Liv. I gradually became jealous of Amanda who was allowed to spend time with the man I was in love with instead of me. Of course, I couldn’t spend my time to mope around Nick and the fact that he didn’t look at me the way I did, I had a few hooks up, but nothing really serious, my mind being focused on that man I saw almost every day.

Then at some point after a huge disagreement with Olivia and Captain Cragen, Nick left SVU to work as an officer in Queens. That’s when Dominick ‘you can call me Sonny’ Carisi came along. At first, I didn’t really know what to think about him, but quickly, even if he had a bad start with the squad, Sonny proved that he was an amazing detective and a kind human being. When Nick came back, Sonny stayed with us when he was supposed to be here temporary. With time, I suspected that the blond detective had a crush on Amanda, just like Nick. And months passed till we reached last year’s Christmas party. Alcohol, a lot of alcohol and no inhibition in a dress that hugged all my curves, I was decided to tell Nick about my feelings, being tipsy helping a lot.

“Hey Nicky, can I tell you something ?”, I ask, not really giving him the choice of following me, grabbing his hand, and pulling him after me.

“Where are you taking me Y/N ?”, he laughed behind me, probably as drunk as I was, while I dragged him in the elevator to go to another floor.

Once the doors opened to a dark corridor, I took him with me out of the elevator, as far as we can go to be out of sight. When I’m sure that no one will come around, I pressed Nick to the wall.

“Is that okay with you ?”, I ask, the detective overriding the lust. We spend our time to say to the victims that consent is important, and I’ll not contravene the rule with my coworker, even if I’m tipsy.

“More than okay”, he answered.

His consent is all I was waiting for to crash my lips on his, in a feverish kiss. He returns it, equally passionate as mine. I don’t know if from his side it’s because of the alcohol or if he liked me the way I liked him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, while his hands were travelling on the sides of my body. Suddenly, he flipped me and my back, is on the wall. He pinned me to the wall, deepening the kiss, one of his legs between mine. He took my hands of his neck to pin them on the wall, intertwining his fingers in mine, before letting one of my hands go to push up my dress. His fingers grazed my thigh, sending goosebumps on my skin. Finally, what I’ve been waiting for since the moment I’ve met Nicolas Amaro was going to happen. His fingers went up and his hands brushed my underwear, making me moan against his mouth.

“Nick, please”, I begged between pants, my free hand grabbing his to slide it in my panties.

Nick didn’t need to be asked twice to start touching me and I moaned louder, happy that no one was around to hear it, too lost in the pleasure his fingers were giving me to stay quiet. In no time at all, Nick managed to make me cum on his fingers. If it was a taste of what was to come, I wanted more and immediately. I started to fumble with Nick’s belt while he was sucking his fingers, I didn’t even had time to push down his pants, that he was already pushing my panties aside.

“Don’t worry, I’m clean”, I said, “I haven’t had sex with anyone in a while and always protected and I get test often.”

“That’s okay, I have this”, he took a condom out of his back pocket, smirking as if he knew he was going to use it tonight.

He removed the foil and unfolded the condom to put it on his dick before entering me in one swift movement. I slipped my arms under his armpits, my nails digging in his shirt like claws as he was stretching me. After two or three minutes, Nick started to move, thrusting in and out of me, my orgasm building with each thrust. The only noise in that empty and dark floor are mine and Nick’s moans and groans and the sound of slapping skin.

“Nick, I don’t think I’ll last longer”, I warned him.

“Let go Y/N, let go”, he answered, sneaking his hand between my legs, before he started to draw circles on my clit.

“Oh, fuck, Nicky”, I moaned in his ear. “I… I love you.”

My hands gripped the back of his shoulders harder while my pussy tightened around his cock. I could feel that he was close too. His thrust became sloppy while my release was hitting me, and I felt his coming right after mine. He stopped, still buried in me, and brought back his lips to mine in a soft kiss.

“I suggest that we both put our clothes back on and continue this at my home, what do you think ?”

I didn’t answer, I just nodded, still engulfed in my post orgasmic bliss. Nick pulled out and I adjusted my panties to their first place, and he put his pants back. Before going back upstairs to gather our belongings, I go to the bathroom. When I look at myself in the mirror, not only I see a blissful expression, but also that my hair is messy, and my lipstick and mascara leaked. I bite my lower lip, wondering if someone saw us leaving or noticed our absence. When we’re finally decent again, Nick took my hand, and we went back upstairs. The cab drive we took seemed to last forever, the hardest part being trying not to jump at each other and have sex right there on the backseat. We spent the rest of the night in bed, pleasuring each other, but in the morning, everything had changed. I gathered my things from the bedroom floor, Nick long gone from the cold bed. The air was thick, and I could feel that something was off, I just didn’t know what. I slipped my dress on and exited the bedroom, to find Nick in the kitchen, leaning against the sink, a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Good morning”, I smiled, trying to be as cheerful as I could be despite the tension in the air.

“Good morning”, he answered, not even looking at me, focusing on the kitchen floor. “I made you a coffee and there’s cookies on the table.”

“I… I don’t drink coffee Nick, and you know it.”

“No, I didn’t know”, he responded.

Yes, he knew it, he never saw me drink coffee once since the moment I pushed the doors of the precinct. He didn’t even care about me or notice a thing concerning me.

“I have orange juice.”

“Same thing, I don’t like oranges.”

He sighed and poured water in a mug that he put in the microwave and took a tea bag and sugar from a cupboard. One minute later, he handed me the tepid mug.

“Thanks”, I said, taking it and sitting at the table.

“You should go after you finish your breakfast”, Nick said, looking down his mug full of black coffee.

I almost chocked on the cookie I was eating. He was literally throwing me out of his apartment. We spent the night together and he was getting rid of me. I told him I loved him, and he was kicking me out. Realization hit me at that moment, he never said he loved me back, not at one moment while we were at it like rabbits.

“You don’t love me Nick, do you ?”, I questioned, looking at the wall in front of me, instead of looking at him.

“Not the way you want me to love you, Y/N…”, he sighed. “I still love Maria and I want to win her back. Last night meant nothing, I just needed to let off a little steam.”

“So, you just used me”, I stated calmly. “You just used me, you knew I was in love with you and you used me to ‘let off a little steam’”, I roared, letting my anger fill the whole room, getting up from the chair I was sitting on, almost spilling my tea on the table. “Don’t worry Nicolas, I’m leaving.”

Not even finishing my breakfast, I grabbed my coat and purse and went out of the flat, calling a cab when I reach the hallway. I know that it could seem silly, but I spent my day crying in bed, after a long and hot shower trying to erase all traces of Nick from my body.

When I came back at the precinct the Monday morning, I went straight to Olivia’s office to ask her if I could change of partner. She didn’t ask why and said I could work with Fin or Sonny, and Amanda would work with Nick. I said that both were fine, I didn’t care, I just didn’t want to work with Nick anymore. If no one noticed that there was tension between Nick and me or didn’t really care, Sonny did. He saw that something was wrong, but instead of asking if I needed something or wanted to talk about, Sonny brought me teas and pastries every morning, without me asking about anything. He brought things, always bringing things I loved, and still love though, he took care of me while I was asking for nothing. Time and Sonny helping, I told him what happened with Nick, one night during a surveillance mission. The tall blond didn’t say a thing, he just listened to me, looking at me with those big blue eyes of his, and it helped a lot. The more I told Sonny about Nick and what happened, the more I realized that the idea I had of him or of being in love with him was false. All those confessions and time together made me getting closer to Sonny, who became my best friend and confident. I felt good with him and everything felt so natural with Sonny, easier. Not long after, Nick got shot, all the team supported him, but he chose to retire early, staying in New York, distancing himself from us.

With Nick away, I allowed myself to fall for someone else, that someone else being Sonny. Sonny always around, Sonny bringing me breakfast every morning, Sonny being there to comfort me when cases were too hard, Sonny just being Sonny. Six months ago, when we were coming back from a questioning, he asked me out, I was surprised, I didn’t expect this, but I said yes, because I had everything to win. Then first date led to a second, second to a third and that third date, to a first kiss. Sonny dropped me in front of my door, and we kissed. This was natural, like it was meant to be at that given moment. First night with him, not long after felt right and in the morning I had the pleasant surprise to find him with a tray and breakfast in bed, not in a hurry for me to leave, that made me fall even more if it was possible. We decided to keep our relationship secret for a little while. I knew that even the squad didn’t say, they probably knew what happened between Nick and I. Waking up in Sonny’s arms almost every morning is probably one of the best things that happened to me. Who would have thought that I would forget a Cuban detective in the arms of an Italian one ? Not me, and certainly not when I met Sonny the first time.

A long arm snakes around my waist, a firm chest is pressed on my back and a kiss on the top of my head makes me snap back to reality.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, leaning there and looking through the window ?”, he asks with his thick Staten Island accent.

“Nothing, I was just thinking about the past year.”

He moves in front of me, looking down at my face.

“Did anyone see you doing this ?”, I ask.

“What kissing my amazing girlfriend ? Nah, they’re all too busy catching up with Nick”, he shakes his head, smiling. “Are you sure that you want to do that ?”, he questions.

“Yes, I am”, I sigh. “I need to do this, I need closure and I need everyone to know that I’m in love with the most amazing man of all New York. I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore. I love you and I want everyone here to know”, I add, pecking his lips quickly.

“For the record, know that I love you too”, he grabs my hand and brings it to his lips for a quick kiss, intertwining his fingers with mine when he puts my hand down.

I don’t think anyone noticed Sonny and me in our little corner, they’re all too engulfed in their own conversations to notice two detectives in love standing by the window. I love to lose myself in his beautiful blue eyes, I could spend my time to look at him. Falling in love with Sonny was so unexpected at the beginning, but so natural and so right.

“Excuse me, everyone”, a man taps on a microphone, and the crowd turns to the stage at the bottom of the room. “Sorry to disturb your conversations, but it’s time for our Christmas karaoke, and the first person I have on my list is detective Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Bring the squad to the stage, I need the two of you to be right in my sight”, I say turning to Sonny, who takes my empty cup from my hands and just nods.

I take a deep breath, Sonny squeezes my hand and goes to our squad, motioning towards the stage to make them move in front of it, while I make my way to the end of the room. When I reach the stairs, I can see them all exactly at the first row of the stage, Sonny and Nick in the middle. Sonny gives me a quick and discreet smile when I take the microphone in my hand.

“Good evening”, I say in the microphone. “I’m Y/N, from SVU. And tonight, I’ll sing you a song that I want to dedicate to two men who are in that room.”

I clear my throat when the first notes of the song resonate in the room, looking at Nick when the first words come out of my mouth.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart But the very next day you gave it away This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special

Liv, Amanda, Fin and Rafael noticed because they all looked at each other and then at Nick, only Sonny’s eyes don’t leave me. The whole room sings along with me when the next chorus comes around. Singing Last Christmas is really relieving, even if I kinda expose my personal life in front of the precinct. I was a little tense when I started to sing but the more the music passes the more I’m relaxed, not looking away from Sonny, smiling more while singing.

Now, I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

Singing this phrase, I look at Sonny, a huge grin of his face matches mine. And this time, Liv, Amanda, Fin, Rafael, and Nick look at Sonny, mouth agape, their gazes travelling from him to me and vice versa. I knew this would be unexpected for all of them, but I’m happy that now everyone knows. Well, I’m less happy to know that I’ll have to let our superiors know about this. When I finish the song, the whole room is quiet, their gazes fixed on me for some, and on Sonny and Nick for the others. I go down the stage, helped by Sonny who grabs me by the waist and puts me down on the floor, his eyes staring into mine. Our all group moves a little well away from the crowd, while someone else goes on stage.

“So, the two of you”, Liv states, looking at us, after Sonny places himself behind me and puts his arms around me. “But also, the two of you”, she adds, pointing at Nick and me.

“Don’t worry, Nick and I were never involved the same way I’m with Sonny.”

“In which way were Nick and you involved if it’s not the same way you’re involved with Sonny ?”, Amanda questions.

I give her a meaningful look and she understands.

“I think we will all need a little drink to process all of this”, Rafael walks towards the buffet with Fin, Liv, and Amanda, leaving Sonny, Nick, and I to discuss.

“By the way Y/N, I wanted to apologize”, Nick starts. “I wanted to apologize about the way I treated you. I treated you really bad, like shit even. You just wanted me to love you, you loved me, and I acted like a jerk. Please forgive me. And I can see that you are happy with Carisi. Just the way you look at him and the way he looks at you, I can tell that there is something you would never had have with me.”

“Thanks Nick”, I say, “and I forgive you, I had time to think and to look back. Of course, you broke my heart, but I gained something better”, I add, settling a little more in Sonny’s embrace.

“Friends again ?”, he asks.

“Friends again”, I respond.

I leave Sonny’s grip to hug Nick.

“I can see that two persons here just reconciled”, Liv says, coming back to us when I pull away from Nick and go back next to Sonny, who puts his arm around my shoulder.

“Let’s raise our glasses”, Rafael states, giving a cup to Sonny, while Amanda hands me one. “To friendship, love, forgiveness and the holidays. Cheers.”

“Cheers”, we all repeat, raising our glasses and drinking.

Sonny looks down at me, adoration in his eyes and leans down to kiss me, under the cheers of our friends. I really gave my heart to someone special this year and found a real love, probably for the rest of my life.

Taglist :

@castiel-enthusiast, @storiesofsvu, @the16thprecinct, @svu-ncis-criminalminds, @australiancarisi, @teamsladsandgents, @thatesqcrush, @caplanreads, @averyhotchner

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