xsufferinginsilencex

[xsufferinginsilencex]

I want to be myself again,

but I'm still trying to find it.

[xsufferinginsilencex]

keep going

[xsufferinginsilencex]

Nobody talks about how hard it is to face people again after you've had an episode in front of them

Once they've seen you do full-force into self-destruct, they always look at you with a sense of wariness and like you're not the person they thought you were

The shame makes me want to rip my skin off

[xsufferinginsilencex]

When you grow up in abuse, first part of your life you have to pretend everything is fine and you're not in pain at all and this is normal and you're good, so your abusers can keep their secrets and not be outed as abusers (because your life is on the line and if you talk and they find out, consequences could be fatal). But then when you manage to get out of it and go out there and live in the world, you believe you'll finally get the chance to get the truth out there, to act true to your feelings and to say what you went through and for it to matter! You want a humanizing experience, you're no longer shackled by threats of abuse if you speak out and you want the truth to be out there, you want your experiences acknowledged!

And it turns out, nope, everyone still wants you to keep it down and act normal or you're not a part of society and you will still be ostracized if you say what happened because people prefer pretending it doesn't happen and they don't wanna hear about it.

First you have to act normal to protect yourself, then you have to act normal to protect everyone else. There is no way to live true to your feelings and experiences.

[xsufferinginsilencex]

[xsufferinginsilencex]

abandonment issues slayyyy

[xsufferinginsilencex]

I don't have "trust" issues. I have "I've see this before and I know how it ends" issues.

[xsufferinginsilencex]

i mean this from the depths of my soul…. i'm so tired of healing from things i didn't deserve.

[xsufferinginsilencex]

All that I think about is all the different ways I could kill myself, it’s on repeat

[xsufferinginsilencex]

people love you until they no longer need you

[xsufferinginsilencex]

i can’t really explain the feeling of wanting to die. it’s almost like someone drilling a hole in your chest. it’s almost like being frozen in time. it’s almost like being punched in the stomach and not getting any air. the worst part, for me at least, is it’s never ending. it doesn’t go away. it’s lingered within me for years on end and i thought time was supposed heal me, but ive only become more of a monster.

[xsufferinginsilencex]

depression, for me at least, comes in waves. fill i float or will i sink?

[xsufferinginsilencex]

i wish my parents understand that “i’m tired” doesn’t mean i didn’t get enough sleep. and that “my head hurts” doesn’t mean i feel sick. and that “i don’t have the energy to do this” doesn’t mean im lazy

#depressed #tired #depression #mental illness #numb #depressing #quotes #self harm #suicidal #trigger warning #suicide #cutting #addiction #mental health

[xsufferinginsilencex]

every single day it’s getting harder and harder to fake a smile. it hurts.

#depressed #suicidal #depression #tired #mental illness #addiction #depressing

[xsufferinginsilencex]

i havent gotten happier, ive only gotten better at hiding the pain

#self harm #suicidal #depressed #depression #tired #trigger warning #cutting #suicide #mental illness #addiction #mental health #quotes #actually bpd #sad thoughts #sad poetry

[xsufferinginsilencex]

i feel like im slowly, but surely killing myself. everything i do, every single day has become a routine of self destructive habits

#self harm #suicidal #depressed #depression #trigger warning #suicide #mental illness #addiction #mental health #tired #giving up #quotes

[xsufferinginsilencex]

BPD is exposing yourself to triggering content knowing how it will make you feel, then wallowing when the feelings come and swallow you whole. Self-sabotage, my peeps. Self-sabotage.