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“some things aren’t meant to last” ok but consider this: I love permanence and consistency

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Me, in the middle of a panic attack: I’m probably faking it

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Wholesome

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Me: *has talent*

Someone: *has talent too*

Me: Oh look I have been replaced

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Extremely

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I am on the floor

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rb with your name + the Worst mispronounciation of ur name ever

#txt #q #add: ALFU #elsa 😒 #or when it's a cafe situation n they spell it wrong 'ALFA' #deadass like...??? #add: also like i hate having to preemptiveley say 'alpha like the alphabet'

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i. Little | ii. Chiron | iii. Black 

Moonlight (2016)  Dir. Barry Jenkins

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Ain’t it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves? Ain’t it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes? Ain’t it exciting you, the rumble where you lay? Ain’t you my baby? Ain’t you my baby?

Hozier - NFWMB

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… i’m listening…

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#okay so i know i have been trying to stay away and not talk about...what i feel or think #but like idk my RM n i havin those nights where we talk in the dark abt politics n personal lives n she back with him again🙄bet she #pulled him back with that car crash schtik which my FM thinks is overexaggerated anyway FM saw my injury photos and said mine was worse #so anyway RM be too idk bubbly n gushin at de mouth n im like😬in the dark n she talkin about what she wants in life n how he wants to #marry her so bad n have a family asap n im like 😬🥶 must be nice n she's like i want kids so bad but im busy im getting old already SOON !!! #n im like...must be nice...like...first of all chill smh you literally blokt him n now ye all 🥰im so in love deadass car crashes dont #mean shit lmao i remember my car crash sHe went on woth her day as usual though i said i cant sleep n went to be busy n unavailable anyway #n also was like omg life is short 2027 is cancelled we'll marry Soon™️😰😭💓 n im like dont lie to me n she was like im not😭💓 2019-2021 💓 #n im like🥶thats really gonna hurt when you take it back n change your mind n guess what 💁🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️-oprah.gif- anyway so my RM was like so we #gon get msrried then definitely kids™️ n im like tryna appear Real all wow i want that too but im ugly n poor n she's like shut up #you're not that ugly you got a S.O. dont you? hasnt He seen you? n im lowkey like wow she so dumb she been livin with me n she really #dont fuckin know shit lmao!!! but anyways im like ye but im uglier in rl life and RM talkin about future babies n how Light they will be #cos her man white n im like wow i cant do natural babies they be ugly n fukt in the head n she was like omg no haha you're so funny aint #your man white too n im like...Indian n she's like..wait Wat n im like ye UK did a Bad to India n she's like oh ok idk i just thought #youd be with a white man thats what i was seein n im like...Thanks but im like i dont wanna be changin diapers when im 30 is that weird #i want near teens already like ive missed the timeline im always fuckin late lmao i wanna die it's fine the world's gonna end before i #get to the traditional pillars of life or some shit so anyway thats the tea along with like what happened throughout this week i guess idk #i wanna stop these cos most of them are sad n too revealin like it not equal ? she tells me abt her day which i admit im lackin of but #she gets to see my reactions and feelings n thoughts n vulnerability? is that like...balanced? like today she was like im sorry n im #like for what lmao n she was like im sorry you feel vad n i was like yikes n she was like yikes what n i said im sorry for feeling sad #but really what i shouldve said was like wOw okay yikes im sorry for making you feel sorry that i feel bad n like i think it slipped past #her ye know wat i mean lmao like...today she called me n i was like dead inside but then i cried n then later she was like 'ilu' n im #like 😬👍🏽 n she was like OI ye got a gf who loves you for how long n she says ilu everyday n im like ye but Actions😰 n i feel like she #didnt underdtand? like it's not like i dont tell her i love her i just Do™️ stuff that conveys it like if this was a film n i was a bg char #itd be obvious thru simple analysis like her this loser is pathetic n in love binch didnt have to say shit what a fool #like if she awake n i havent talked to her n ik she waiting to be talked to would i deadass be elsewhere with other people? like that was #my POv but like anyway idk man ill go to church n fuck off ye kno devote it elsewhere it not the right time n hopefully stop writin here #cos what trigged me that time basically reminded me that oH other ppl depend on her n burden her with that knowledge i cant do that too #it a childhood thing? my mum wanted to be That Person n was used up i cant depend on her too? i got grossed out by myself n kept quiet so✌🏽️ #anyway tired i hope i dont hear RM's alarm at 7 but Doubt. pls let it be the last entry. or at least move elsewhere

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Me: *is living life*

Minor incovenient: *happens*

My mental health: i see, it’s time to break

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