yessoupy

[yessoupy]

people misunderstand what ‘gifted kid’ actually means but it’s ok it’s fine it’s cool it’s good

#I was acutely aware that one day school was going to get difficult #happened junior year of HS in precal #thank god for the take-home test our teacher TOLD us to work together on #we'd all try a problem and Cody would awake from his slumber and check our work #lol #also the number of kids I've taught sitting in an on-level class who can handle AP #because they never tested as gifted #I've been gratified to see SO MANY of my kids from psych/soc last year #taking AP classes this yesr #'idk why no one has pushed you yet but I'm gonna. you can do it. and I can help you.'

[yessoupy]

oh also another fabric for some handkerchiefs. to give to the ladies.

did i buy a pattern and fabric for an abortion bomber jacket yes i did.

[yessoupy]

did i buy a pattern and fabric for an abortion bomber jacket yes i did.

#gotta have some pieces for the state convention #and possibly national convention???

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#sure #if someone requested it of me!

[yessoupy]

JOHN EGAN and GALE CLEVEN MASTERS OF THE AIR (2024)

#gale cleven #john egan #masters of the air

[yessoupy]

#I'd drink my own vial #this is in the same what if category of #what if I had the chance to hold Beethoven's skull #yes if there were no legal consequences

[yessoupy]

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear so immediately that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you’re in love or creating things together or foxhole buddies or partners in crime. It’s so clear, right off the bat, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing, that this is what you’re for. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you make a life. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but. It definitely makes me believe in something.

#well that was kyle #for baseball #my platonic baseball soulmate #😭

[yessoupy]

Reblog so everyone can hear what they need.

[yessoupy]

And Alexander Wept for Hephaistion....

If you don’t mind, I wanted to ask, you said something along the lines of: by the time Alexander was coming closer to his death, he had recovered from the grief of Hephaistion’s death (if I’m remembering this correctly; I’m so sorry I have a fuzzy memory) how long do you think he mourned Hephaistion?

------------------

This was an ask via message, so putting it here to reply publicly, as it may be of interest to others.

First, however, I want to mention a pair of articles I wrote many years ago now, but which are still valid:

“The Mourning of Alexander the Great,” Syllecta Classica 12 (2001), 98-145.

“Some New Thoughts on the Death of Alexander the Great,” with Eugene N. Borza (lead author), The Ancient World 31.1 (2000), 1-9. (I wrote the last 1/3 of it.)

The first, in particular, is an in-depth analysis of Alexander’s behavior after Hephaistion died. I’m still rather proud of it, as it brings together two quite diverse fields: bereavement + Alexander studies. If I had a critique for it now, it’s that I didn’t analyze the stories inherent in the primary sources, but that also wasn’t my intention in writing it. I specifically say that I do not plan to pick apart which reports of Alexander’s behavior are likely authentic and which aren’t. My goal was to evaluate all of them in terms of possible evidence of pathological bereavement, according to the (then) DSM III-R (et al.).

TL;DR version of the article: Alexander’s mourning was NORMAL and followed recognized patterns, if one allows for the loss of someone extremely close, a spouse/similar.

Yes, there were complicating factors. BUT he did not go crazy with grief.

Unfortunately, this article is far less known than the “An Atypical Affair” article on Alexander and Hephaistion’s relationship. That’s too bad, as the “His grieving was extreme!” persists among even some of my colleagues, never mind those outside the field of Macedoniasts. (It’s also admittedly possible that they were simply unconvinced by my arguments, but in that case, one usually cites and says so.)

If I could put a giant blinking neon light on one of my earlier articles to get it more attention, that would be the one I’d point to.

The second article—or my 1/3rd of it anyway—deals with the possible effects of deep mourning on the immune system of adult males of Alexander’s age group. Yes, according to some limited research, it does have an impact that increases susceptibility to infectious disease. Add his poor overall physical health after all those battles (and Macedonian-style symposial drinking), and he was just too spent to fight off the typhoid or malaria or whatever fever disease got him.

Ergo, he died roughly 8 months after Hephaistion. We don’t have a date for the latter’s death, but sometime in October or November of 324 BCE is the window. Alexander died June 10th, 323 … or possibly a day or so later if he were in a paralysis too deep for his breathing to be ascertained. (As per Gene’s part of the article.)

The dating is important, as it affects where he (probably) was in his mourning process.

Mourning follows a somewhat predictable pattern, and one of the biggest mistakes made by those unfamiliar with human mourning is to underestimate (often by a lot) just how long mourning takes … even perfectly normal, healthy mourning.

For a major loss, main mourning takes up to a year. No joke. That’s why bereavement counselors try to keep the bereaved from making any permanent decisions within that year. They’re still very much being buffeted by the winds of grief, even if they want to pretend they aren’t. But even after the year anniversary—and marking it with some sort of formal ceremony helps!*—mourning continues off-and-on (sometimes really intense for a few hours or even a few days) for up to 5 years. Again, no joke. Some bereavement studies experts don’t really consider a person truly recovered (note I never say “over it”) for as long as 10 years.

Additionally, ANY deep loss triggers mourning; it doesn’t have to be death. A divorce will result in mourning, even if the people in the marriage wanted to divorce. It’s still a “death” of sorts. Moving some distance away, graduation, and retirement can all set off mourning. This surprises people, that mourning can attach even to “happy” circumstances. Anything that includes an ending will set off mourning, albeit it may not be that intense.

But THE #1 and #2 most devastating losses are the loss of a child and the loss of a spouse/spouse-like figure. Period.

So, a slight correction to the question, I didn’t say he’d recovered from his mourning, but that he was beginning to emerge from the deepest parts of mourning.

What do I mean by that? There are (roughly) 3(-4) major phases of mourning. The speed at which we pass through these varies, dependent on the type of death and our closeness to the deceased. (The first article goes into that in more depth.)

Shock phase, which is typically anywhere from a few days to about 2 weeks.

Deep mourning phase, where the bereaved must come to terms with the loss. The bereaved cycles through a series of stages (not the best term) and, more importantly, struggles with certain TASKS of mourning (as per Worden). Again, the length of this phase can vary, but for serious losses, it can take up to 8-9 months, with the worst of it usually hitting 3-6 months. There is an intense focus on the deceased and the bereaved person may want little to do with new people and vacillate between wanting to talk a lot about the deceased or wanting to give away all their stuff because it’s too painful. Anger, bargaining, depression, self-blame … all are typical of this phase. It’s INTENSE. It really does take months, and people routinely underestimate it.

Re-emergent phase, where the bereaved begins to take an interest again in the external world, may make new friends and new plans that don’t involve the deceased. The deceased is far, far from forgotten, but the bereaved is learning to live without the dead person.

Continued bereavement would be a fourth phase past the one-year anniversary, where the bereaved will still experience grief, sometimes very intense when triggered by a particular memory, a birthday, or anniversaries. But the overall “worst” part of mourning is past.

Finally, especially in the deepest part of mourning, the depression felt by the bereaved is on par with clinical depression, but (except for rare cases) the bereaved absolutely should not take or be prescribed antidepressants as these interrupt the mourning process.

Yes, it hurts like hell but one can only go through, not over, around, or under. Through.

In some cases, however, bereavement becomes “complicated,” resulting in what’s referred to as pathological bereavement, by which I mean only not normal (I wouldn’t even say abnormal). Sudden death (as with Hephaistion) IS one factor that can complicate mourning, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to full-blown pathological grief. In the article, I evaluate all Alexander’s listed behaviors and explain why my final conclusion is that his bereavement was sharp, but not pathological.

Alexander’s behavior in the last few months showed aspects of the third phase. He was planning (or probably returning to planning) his next campaign and thinking about improvements to the city of Babylon apparently with the intention of making it his eastern capital. Yes, he was also planning Hephaistion’s funeral, but the other two things were new and show re-engagement.

So Alexander’s mourning had not ended before he died himself, only shifted. Even if he’d lived another 5 years, he’d still have experienced bereavement off and on.

Remember, grieving takes TIME. More time than you expect.

If you know someone going through grief, especially for a family member, beloved, or very close friend … give them space. Let them cry. Encourage them to talk about the lost person if they want to, but don’t force it if they don’t want to. Don’t argue with their theology/beliefs about death or their gallows humor, but also don’t shove your theology/beliefs about death, or your gallows humor, onto them. Read the room.

MOST OF ALL, JUST BE PRESENT. It matters less what you say than that you’re there. They may not even remember what you say later; they will remember you showed up.

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* In fact, world cultures that have traditional, one-year anniversary ceremonies routinely show better outcomes for mourning individuals.

#on mourning #I read 'the mourning of alexander the great' #while processing grief for the first time #I had been frustrated that my coworkers expected me to be over it in a couple of weeks #having the mourning process put into the context of a historical figure I knew well helped a LOT #Alexander the Great #Hephaistion

[yessoupy]

do u ever think about what went down in buck's head when crank was brought into that camp and he was waiting for bucky to show up and then he just.. never arrived

#😭 #masters of the air #john egan #gale cleven

[yessoupy]

YESTERDAY a woman came into my office and asked my name (didn't introduce herself) saying she sees me around but doesn't know me. I said my name and it didn't ring a bell. (my name and picture are on the wall right outside my office.) she asks if I was here when she got to the school in 2019. I said I've been there for 11 years. she tells me I should

SMILE MORE

because I'm

BEAUTIFUL WHEN I SMILE

and then made me hug her because she thought I needed a hug.

I WANTED to say, "am I in a beauty pageant, why must I smile" and also "I have students going through a genocide, why must I smile."

I did tell her, multiple times, that THIS IS MY FACE. she mentioned that she has passed me in the hallway and wondered "what the fuck did I do?" I politely laughed (there are two other people in my office). what is HAPPENING.

I was doing my job today and someone asked if I was okay and I said, "this is just my face." she laughed and said okay. then I caught my reflection in a window and I looked NORMAL and was like????? she has known me for years??????

I was fine by the way. focused on my job collecting pieces of paper for adults who were largely following instructions. should I have been smiley??? Imaybe I'll just wear a mask next time.

#meanwhile I am doing 2 people's jobs again this week #and it's my first year doing this job so everything that happens is the first time #so I am figuring everything out all day #and these random women want me to expend energy giving a shit what I look like. #?????? #I am just so tired #and on edge

[yessoupy]

#nate contemplating humanity and experiencing the five stages of grief in five seconds part 461/793

#generation kill #nate fick #competence v incompetence

[yessoupy]

need to donate again, it's been too long!

[yessoupy]

went to a harp quartet concert at my friend's church and the harpist I was there to see had been replaced. afterward I asked the lead harpist if she was okay and I learned that her husband, my harp guy, is now in hospice. they've kept his cancer fight hush hush, but he's at the end now. 😔

[yessoupy]

my friend asked me how the second viewing of MOTA was going and I said, "you know, it's somehow gayer."

I had forgotten that the heavy petting line was IN THE SHOW and my god, john really is in love with gale. and look, I'm only on episode 5.

#masters of the air

[yessoupy]

and if you’re comfortable put in the tags how old you are

#37 #and that's why I don't use it

[yessoupy]

Buck and Bucky looking at each other »2/?

#gale cleven #john egan #masters of the air