yet-another-autism-blog

[yet-another-autism-blog]

if anyone tells you that being autistic in school isn’t traumatising, they’re so fucking wrong.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

since it is autism acceptance month and i am autistic, please send me money and i will accept it❤️

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Maybe it's a good thing I was forced to drop out of college. I keep seeing people getting accused of using chatgpt because their wording was grammatically correct but 'unnatural', and I just know my autistic ass would get accused of using ai on every assignment.

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autism spectrum disorder

[yet-another-autism-blog]

i honestly forget that autism mums say 'autism won today' to mean like their kid had a meltdown and that they are ableist. like nooo autism win means something like i found something cool out about my special interest or i managed to avoid a meltdown or i got to infodump!!!!! autism win is good!!!!!!

#autism won today sad edition #is when i spend too much money on special interest related stuff #but it still doesnt fill the void inside

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Shout-out to the autistics who crave hugs. Shout-out to the autistics whose love language is touch.

And shout-out to the autistics who were denied a timely diagnosis because a misinformed professional thought you were "too affectionate" to be autistic.

You aren't any less autistic because of how you show affection. And you aren't nearly as rare as pop culture and outdated research would imply.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Okay I think I need some advice because I'm not really sure where to go from here

Last fall, things with my roommate started to fall apart. I started noticing things that seemed harmless, maybe weren't, especially as they became patterns. What started as a joke about me, as the extrovert friend, helping him be more social, became him getting upset anytime I left the house without inviting him or assuring him I wasn't doing anything fun. And if I did invite him but he couldn't go, I wasn't allowed to go either. He would find things wrong with any friend of mine that he did meet, reasons I shouldn't be friends with them anymore. He got especially upset when he found out I'd gone on 2 dates with a guy and didn't tell him or let him meet the guy.

The last straw for him was that I went to a movie with my sister and we didn't invite him. I didn't know it was such an issue for him because he never said anything at the time, it wasn't until months later that he told me that I had traumatized him by excluding him.

I only found this out because a friend of mine told me that my roommate was on Twitter, claiming that I was abusing my dog. When I asked him about it, he confirmed that he knew it was a lie, but he it was justified because I had traumatized him by excluding him from the movie.

In this tweet, he was also seeking advice and financial support in kicking me out and taking my dog. So obviously I couldn't safely stay there anymore and the house we were living in was owned by his father so I had no lease protection. So I had to find somewhere else to live quickly.

The only place I had was to move back in with my mothers who had since moved out of state.

I lost everything because of this. My friends, my community, a job I enjoyed, the chance to finish my degree and pursue my dreams, I was only one year away from graduating. On top of that, my mothers aren't okay with me being trans, alternating between believing I was brainwashed and that I'm choosing to be trans to make them look bad.

I have until the end of summer to decide what I'm going to do next. I can either move back to the city I'm from or get an apartment here.

If I go back I'll need at least one roommate and at least 2 jobs to get by. But I have a support system there. There's opportunities for me to meet people and make friends. Or even just things to do in my free time.

If I stay here, I can get an apartment by myself with just the one job I have now. But I have no support system. There are no opportunities to meet people. And I won't be able to continue progressing in my transition (name change, top surgery, etc).

It's unlikely that I can go back to school no matter what I do, and I can probably say goodbye to the idea that I'll ever be able to become an actor.

I know I struggle to work one full-time job, so needing 2 jobs will be very straining but having no friends, or community, and nothing to do in my free time is also incredibly damaging to my mental health.

Obviously, this is a choice I have to make for myself, I'm just having trouble telling if the instinct to stay here is just an act of self sabotage. Or if there is something to the fact that this whole thing cost me everything and him nothing, call it karma or whatever you want, but maybe he's right. Maybe I'm harming the people around me in a way I can't even comprehend, and it's better for everyone if I stay here where I'm isolated and can't hurt anyone.

#not autism #long post #personal

[yet-another-autism-blog]

One unwritten social rule I've noticed is that you're supposed to just let people make fun of you?

Like, if people regularly make fun of you for a certain trait and you get upset about it or ask them to stop, you're too sensitive and ruining the joke or whatever. But if you make the joke before someone else does, then you're annoying or obnoxious.

So I guess you're just supposed to let other people make fun of you? People who are casual acquaintances at best?

Like, if the joke was really funny, it'd be funny when I said it too. And if it's annoying when I say it, how do you think I feel hearing it all the time?

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autism spectrum disorder #social skills

[yet-another-autism-blog]

the autism mood of never knowing when its “your turn” in a convo so you say the first word of your sentence about 5 times before you actually get to speak

[yet-another-autism-blog]

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Starting to think my birthday is genuinely cursed.

22 and 23 were in quarantine. 24 I tried to make plans with my sister but she refused to go unless she could take a friend of hers, who I'd never met, and her girlfriend, who hated me. My sister can't drive, and the other two wouldn't go unless I drove them, and none of them lived within 45 minutes of the bar or each other. So that would mean leaving the bar and spending several hours driving around for people I don't know or don't like. So I said I would drive my sister but not her friend or girlfriend, so she canceled and I spent my birthday alone.

25 I invited my sister out and posted on my Instagram inviting anyone who wanted to come. None of my friends came and my sister got bored after 20 minutes and made me take her home. Then my roommate got mad that he wasn't personally invited and was only invited from Instagram like everyone else so naturally he tried to steal my dog and I had to move out and move back in with my parents because I couldn't safely stay there anymore.

Now I'm planning for 26 and originally I had planned to visit a friend who lives out of state so we were going to go to a city near where he lives and spend like a week there. But due to unforseen circumstances completely out of his control, he had to cancel. Luckily I hadn't bought plane tickets or anything yet, but now I'm going to be spending another birthday alone. And work hasn't approved my time off request yet (it's been 2 months) so I might still have to work.

#not autism

[yet-another-autism-blog]

autism is living by vampire rules. light sensitivity. eating the wrong food makes you want to die. need to be explicitly invited places. weird sleep schedule. eating the same thing every time. specific rituals and routines. burst into flames at the sight of a crucifix. etc.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Sometimes, you just have to let the autism win (and this is just the books). I have other film books, but they're in storage at the now.

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autism spectrum disorder #special interest

[yet-another-autism-blog]

For 2 months now, my same food has been a tortilla with refried beans, shredded potatoes, and what's basically a vegetarian version of spam, with tobasco sauce. But currently, every store in town is out of the vegetarian spam stuff. I'm going to scream.

#also im out of tortillas

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Here's another one: salespeople.

Like at kiosks in the mall. Back home, they'd try to get your attention once, and if you ignored them or just said 'no thank you,' that was the end of it.

But here they don't do that. It feels like they're relying on people being too polite to ignore them to draw you into a conversation. Like, I said no thank you, and they just kept going

I moved from a large city (one of the largest in the u.s. by population) to a small town and the social expectations are so different here and I don't understand.

I'm pretty sure people here think I'm rude.

Like, I work in a grocery store stocking shelves, back home if I was there when the store was open 90% of people avoided eye contact and pretended I didn't exist, so I most did the same. A handful of people would acknowledge me, and I would say good morning to older people or do the polite head nod for everyone else, and that was fine.

But here, only about 60% of people act like I'm not there and the others start apologizing before I can even say anything, and I don't know why? Even coworkers will apologize every time they walk past someone. For what? I don't get it.

And back home, "how are you" (or other similar things) was like a once a day ask. The first time you see a coworker for the day and that's it. But here the same person will ask every single time they see me. And I don't understand, I was fine 20 minutes ago why would I not be now?

#i dont know what to do now #like i said no thank you #im not interested #what more do i need to say?

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I moved from a large city (one of the largest in the u.s. by population) to a small town and the social expectations are so different here and I don't understand.

I'm pretty sure people here think I'm rude.

Like, I work in a grocery store stocking shelves, back home if I was there when the store was open 90% of people avoided eye contact and pretended I didn't exist, so I most did the same. A handful of people would acknowledge me, and I would say good morning to older people or do the polite head nod for everyone else, and that was fine.

But here, only about 60% of people act like I'm not there and the others start apologizing before I can even say anything, and I don't know why? Even coworkers will apologize every time they walk past someone. For what? I don't get it.

And back home, "how are you" (or other similar things) was like a once a day ask. The first time you see a coworker for the day and that's it. But here the same person will ask every single time they see me. And I don't understand, I was fine 20 minutes ago why would I not be now?

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autism spectrum disorder #socializing is hard #all of a sudden I don't understand even the basic rules #im confused and anxious #and i want to go home

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Flawlessly maintaining my neurotypical cover by forcing myself to eat my soup with a big spoon and only crying about it a little bit

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autism spectrum disorder #shitpost