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yourtaletotell · 1 year

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I hate that I don't hate you ⥺ Natasha Romanoff

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary:Tony had a tradition, to have a Valentine's party, but it wasn't for everyone, only for the Avengers and his friends. You knew about the possibility of meeting Natasha, but you honestly didn't care. You focused on the possibility that she might be on a mission, or on the fact that she might still not like parties. [Inspired by Odio que no te odio / Million como tu - Cami y Lasso]

Warnings: angst with happy ending

Words: 1,708.

A/N: Yes, i’m back! And my first post also my first story, is dedicated to my beautiful and amazing girlfriend. She’s keeping me sane over the worst moment of my life. Baby, i love you, thank you for being here @rightwereyouleftme 💜

Tony had a tradition, to have a Valentine's party, but it wasn't for everyone, only for the Avengers and his friends. You were one of Tony's best friends, you were the one responsible for his joining the Avengers team. When Tony invited you to the party, you knew that you would have to meet her again. You and Natasha had not met for over four years, part of you was over it, at least that's what you said. You knew that you would have to see her, with or without Bruce, or talking to someone. Your mind might be trained to handle the pressure, but your heart was not.

You knew about the possibility of meeting Natasha, but you honestly didn't care. You focused on the possibility that she might be on a mission, or on the fact that she might still not like parties. You didn't want to go to the party, but Tony owed you a drink after a catastrophic mission you went on together. He almost killed you, but you soon forgave him. Tony had put a lot of effort into the organization of that party, he had disturbed a lot of people, so that everything would go according to what he wanted. You only accepted the invitation to the party because you really needed some time away from the office. Your days had been very tiring, especially the last few days, where you spent hours and hours in front of a computer doing mission reports. At least, that's what you would say to most people that night.

You hadn't prepared a very special outfit, just what Tony had suggested in the invitation. You chose a red suit, you didn't usually wear a suit, but you used to because of Natasha. You had stopped wearing this outfit a long time ago, but you had respected Tony's choice. The invitation was very specific, that you had to arrive at a certain time, but you had always been very prompt, so you didn't really understand why the invitation was being so specific to you. You couldn't object, since Tony was a little crazy when it came to his parties.

Maria Hill, your best friend, had arranged to meet you that night. She was going to stay with you most of the night. Her decision was to meet you there, when in fact you wanted to go with her so that you wouldn't arrive unaccompanied. On the way to the party, you received a message from Maria saying that she would be a few minutes late, and that she would be with you soon. When you arrived at the compound, you noticed that there was not as much movement in the building, not as many people as there used to be. For a party of Tony's, everything was very quiet. You shrugged and made your way to the elevator.

When the elevator door opened, and you stepped inside, a strange feeling came over you. It was as if a Magnetic Magnet was pulling you in. Until the perfume that most seduced you, pulled you back to reality. Natasha appeared, walking from the front of the compound hall to the elevator door, heading toward you. She was staring at you, while you were simply trying to avoid her completely, but the red dress looked great on her.

“Sergeant.”

“Romanoff.”

For those who saw that formality, you couldn't imagine all that you had been through, yet today, but you sounded like strangers. Maybe time had made Natasha forget everything you two had been through, just as you were trying, deep down, to forget as well.

“I didn't think I'd see you around here.”

You didn't answer, just let out a sigh. Natasha then looked you up and down, and you could hear a sigh coming from her as well.

“You look fine.” She said low.

As much as you mentally controlled yourself, your body couldn't, it reacted on its own when it was in relation to Natasha. It had been so long since you had seen her, and that moment was not doing you any favors.

“Are you really going to talk to me, like nothing happened?” You replied harshly, slowly turning to Natasha.

“I'm trying to be friendly.”

“Of course, Natalia.” As you finished your sentence, the elevator stopped. You froze and looked at the panel that seemed to be turned off. “Fuck Tony! Tony, turn that fucking elevator on.”

Natasha released her heel, and put her feet on the floor. She leaned on the metal wall of the elevator and stared at you. Nothing seemed to be going right. Tony didn't seem to be listening to you.

“Shit, dammit. What the hell?”

“Stay calm.”

“Natasha, please, you were the last person I wanted to be stuck together in an elevator.” You said through teeth.

“I thought you forgave me.” She said softly. You laughed, and began to remove your blazer. You could swear it was starting to sound, or it was just the heat of the moment. “What are you laughing at? Please, Y/N, look at me.”

You turned to Natasha, looked her in the eye, and took a deep breath.

“I waited 10 months, to understand that you were not coming back. I had panic attacks, thinking something had happened to you. I couldn't sleep nights and nights, because all I could do was cry.” Your eyes began to burn, but you took another deep breath to control the tears that were about to fall. “My friends celebrated that you were no longer here, asked me to forget you with some kind of drink, that I should stop calling you. That I had to try to meet someone else.” You looked at the wall, as Natasha's eyes sucked at your soul. “They told me that you weren't so special, that you didn't walk on the sea or turn glass into gold, that they didn't see you fly or stop bullets in the air. That among millions of people in the world I could find someone better.”

The heat started to get worse there, you could see out of the corner of your eye that Natasha was starting to sound off too. You pulled away a little, but your heart felt heavy in your chest. The tears became hard to control.

“But if there are a million people like you, why can't I sleep? Why did I stop eating? I spent days not knowing whether it was night or day.” You said, swallowing dryly. “If there are a million people like you, why couldn't I stop wondering if you were going to call? Thinking that maybe there was some trace of me left in you.”

You leaned your back against the wall in the other corner of the elevator, avoiding Natasha's gaze. Your eyes lowered to the floor, preventing her from seeing the tears fall more often.

“It must be because you, in the end, yes you were very special, There is no one else, no one is like you, in the end, I never forgave myself for letting you get away. Because there is no one else, no one is like you.”

Natasha approached you, looking up into your face. She came so close that she was inches away from you that she brought her hands to your face and made you look at her. Her eyes were watery. Her mouth was trembling. You knew she wasn't good with feelings and words, so you continued.

“I hate that I couldn't get your smell off my pillow, I hate the music we always order at the bar. I hate your humor, I hate your eyes and your mouth and your voice. I hate that you never said goodbye. I hate that we fought until you were no longer there. I hate your kisses, your hair, and your skin. I never thought, and didn't see it coming, that you would be the person who would make me suffer.” A sob broke your throat, and you closed your eyes as you felt Natasha's hand caress your face, you took a deep breath and continued. “But what I hate most is that I don't hate you. I prefer to love, and although it's killing me, I have to say. I love your kisses, your mouth, and your voice. I love you, even though you haven't said goodbye. No matter what you do, for me, it doesn't change anything at all. I love you from a distance and I love you on paper, but what I love most is that I don't hate you and never will.”

Natasha pulled your face close and kissed your lips. Your heart raced in your chest, you held her by the waist and then kissed her back. You missed those lips, you missed her perfume. You missed her from the moment she left you in Norway without saying goodbye. You didn't have a perfect relationship, but you loved each other. And that kiss, it still said that there were feelings on both sides.

“I'm sorry.” Natasha said, parting her lips from yours, she rested her forehead against yours and sighed. “I was a coward to leave you, I was afraid to put your life at risk, even though I knew we would work together.” She pulled away to look you in the eye. “I think of you every day of my life, from Washington to Norway, and from Norway to this day. I'm sorry if I didn't know how to give you the love you deserved.” She wiped the tears from your face and smiled. “If you give me the chance, we can start over, and do it right this time. Le'ts take that vacation to Cancun, or anywhere. Just let me win you over again.”

“Yes.” Before you could think, your mouth had already answered.

The elevator shook, and the door opened. You were on the party floor, when you looked in the direction of the “party” there was a table with flowers and candles. Tony and Steve were dressed as waiters. You looked at Natasha, who let out a giggle and rolled her eyes.

“What?” Tony said, approaching you. “Did you really think I wasn't going to give my favorite couple a little push?”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #marvel fanfic #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x you #black widow

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