#But thb he's so boring I can barely stand the guy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zacknano17 · 6 years

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Day 1: words 1 - 2541

In which, the THB didn’t do the thing and have to do a different thing instead.

The Director rises from her chair, and there is a small, almost relieved smile on her face.

“I can't believe you've done it again,” she says. Her staff in hand, she steps down from the dais and summons a guard. “I can't believe you've done this.”

“Success is what you get when you hire the best!” Magnus responds, puffing out his chest comically. Taako smacks him in the knees with his staff.

The Director carefully keeps the smile on her face.

Moments later, the guard she had summoned appears, wheeling out the heavy lead ball that would safely house the Relic until she could channel its energy into her staff. He opens the top, and Taako -- of course it's Taako again -- begins searching through his bag. He dips the handle of his staff within the bag and hooks it on something.

The Director keeps herself from leaning forward in anticipation. The Relic has not been used, so she has no idea which it is. She hopes quietly that it is the Bell, and that Wonderland has been reduced to a memory, but she...suspects it is not. The Chalice has been off her radar for a while, and if it was being used, it would be nigh impossible to find again; finding it would be fantastic.

Instead, hooked on the umbrella's handle is a flashy diamond tiara.

“What is that?” she asks.

“A Grand Relic?” Taako suggests.

“No,” she says. She presses two fingers to her temple. “No -- that is not a Relic, that is a piece of jewelry. Where is the Relic? Tell me you found the Relic.”

“Did it get destroyed on the train?” Magnus asks.

“What were we even lookin' for?” Merle puts in. “Do we know?”

“Um.” Taako takes his backpack and empties it on the floor. Out comes tumbling a variety of expensive looking things. A silver necklace. A bunch of silverware. A few rings. A huge (probably fake) diamond. A piece of green fabric that the Director mistakes for the sash for just a moment. An old bronze compass.

“What the fuck, Taako? Is this everything that was in the crypt safe?” Magnus asks.

“Well, we were about to send the train crashing into Wankins' garden, and nothing talked to me like the glove did, so I thought, you know, maybe I ought to take everything, just in case,” Taako explains. “And, see? I was right, wasn't I?”

“Horse shit!” Merle interjects. “You were gonna sell all this stuff!”

Taako shrugs. “After I was sure it wasn't a relic, yes.”

“Hold on. None of this is a Relic,” the Director says. She is feeling a little faint. “Are you -- are you sure no one else got into the safe before you did?”

“Wankins did, but he fell off the train and died,” Magnus explains. “Other than him, it was just us.”

“What about that nosy brat with the big glasses?” Merle asks.

“No, he was with us in there, but he didn't take anything,” Magnus says. “Shame he wasn't able to get his grandpa's silverware set back, huh, Taako?”

“You stole a little boy's silverware,” the Director says.

“I gave him some of it back,” Taako protests.

“You stole a little boy's silverware.”

“When you put it like that, it sounds a whole lot worse than it is. I mean, he was in there, and he did leave it behind. It'd all be destroyed if it wasn't for me.”

The Director sighs, deeply. “Never mind that. Tell me about this -- this Wankins who fell out of the train. He had access to the safe before you did, right?” She dismisses the guard, who wheels the big lead ball back out of the room.

“He had this fantastic bowtie,” Merle explains helpfully.

“Great. Wonderful. Can you tell me anything useful about him?”

The Director learns about the Rockport Limited's former wizard attendant Jenkins, both useful things and not. Magnus and Merle are eager to talk. Taako interjects once in a while, but he is more concerned about methodically retrieving each and every item that has tumbled from his bag. It was strange -- he had always been something of a klepto, but this was a bit much, even for him. He had always been tempered by...ah.

She had known that it would be painful to bring these three back into her life. But she is still surprised by the intensity of that hurt once in a while.

She decides she will personally retrieve the body of Jenkins. No need to expose anyone else to the thrall of whatever Relic may or may not have been there, and she hasn't been down planet side in a while.

“So, are we gettin' paid or what?” Merle asks, cutting into her rumination.

“What,” she replies. “You didn't retrieve a Relic. You only get bonuses when you retrieve a Relic.”

“But we solved the train murder puzzle,” Magnus protests.

“And you did a very good job, and I am so very proud of you,” the Director replies dryly. “No relic, no payment.”

Taako hefts his bag over his shoulder.

“Looks like Taako is the only one gettin' paid today, homies.”

The Director never does find Jenkins' body.

But her Seekers do find the Gaia Sash and the Philosopher's Stone, and her Reclaimers are reassigned as Taako, Magnus, and Merle take over the entire department, as she had always known they would.

Four pieces of the Light of Creation have been reassembled within her staff. She allows the Reclaimers some time to themselves after the incident with the Miller base -- Merle in particular deserves some medical leave. But she can't rest for long. The Hunger has already honed in on the pieces of the Light she has retrieved.

It's just a matter of time, now.

It's early spring, and, in spite of not having any real Bureau missions to speak of, Taako has been surprisingly busy. Between Angus' magic lessons and the training regimen the Director has them on, he has barely had any real Taako time for his own studies (and his own personal grooming, and pampering, etc.). He hasn't even been down to shop in Neverwinter in actual weeks.

When he finally has a day off, he is completely prepared to use it. He dresses in an extremely flattering skirt and legging combo, complete with semi-practical boots for all the walking he is going to have to do, a HOT BOY t-shirt partially covered by a jacket, and the gaudiest jewelry he owns. He would look like an absolute dream, except that he hadn't had time to touch up his roots lately.

The Miller lab had been off putting with the color pink, that much is for certain. Being that it is one of Taako's favorite colors, though, meant he had had to reclaim it. He'd been doing a bleach blond for a while, so it wasn't hard to add fuchsia tips. Not only does it look fantastic with his current outfit, but it also looks fantastic just in general.

Except the roots. He'll get those touched up today, maybe. It's nice having a steady paycheck. He doesn't mind bleaching his hair on his own, it's just nicer when other people do it for you.

For now, he'll just accessorize with a hat. He normally leaves the wide brimmed wizard hat for work, but it'll work for his outfit today. He uses a Prestidigitation spell to match it to his outfit and then checks himself out in the full length mirror.

Fabulous.

He wonders if he can bribe Magnus to come with him and carry his packages. He might have to make more macarons, but it would be worth it.

Just as he comes out into the large living space the three of them share, where Magnus and Merle are playing some boring card game, a familiar voice comes over the loud speaker installed within.

“Would the Reclaimers Burnsides, Highchurch, and Taako come to the Director's Office, please,” Davenport's voice says.

“Noooooo,” Taako says despairingly. “Nooooo. It's my day off! My day off!”

“And you were gonna use it for...a fashion show?” Magnus wonders, tossing his cards down as he stands up and stretches.

“I was going shopping,” Taako whines. “I was going to get my roots touched up!”

“Your roots?” Merle asks.

“They do look pretty terrible,” Magnus says, helpfully.

“Because I've got no time to fix them,” Taako replies. “I got plans forever. Taako's planner is booked for months.”

“Bullshit. You slept in until four in the afternoon on your day off last week,” Merle points out.

“Because I had plans to sleep! Fuck you!”

The Director is not resting on her dais as she normally would be, but rather speaking quietly with Davenport, when they enter her meeting room. She straightens up when she sees them, nodding to Davenport, who heads on out of the room.

“Thank you for coming so promptly,” she says, nodding to each one of them in turn. “I have just received news from one of our Seekers that another Relic's location has been discovered.”

“Great!” Magnus responds.

“Hope this one ain't about to turn the world into crystals too,” Merle says.

“And I hope it doesn't take long to retrieve it, because it's my day off,” Taako insists.

“No crystallization, Merle,” the Director says. “We already did that schtick, and it would be boring if we did it twice. Taako, I'm sorry, but your debut on Faerun's Next Top Model will have to wait another week or so. There are more important matters at hand here.”

Taako sniffs derisively.

“Oh, he can't be top model yet, Director,” Magnus puts in, and there is a devious smile playing on his lips. “His roots look terrible.”

“That's why I was going to get them touched up!” Taako screeches. “Fuck! One of us ought to -- to have some culture! To not look like a bumbling buffoon!”

“Too bad you didn't get your hair did, then,” Merle snickers. “We're just three ogres now.”

“Can we please talk about this Relic?” the Director asks. She sounds tired.

The boys quiet down as much as they ever do, and she leads them back to the dais. “We have a Seeker called Clark Richards stationed in the city of Waterdeep, and he has found what appears to be the Relic known as the Oculus,” she explains. “It -- it has the ability to turn anything you create with illusion magic into something real. Something tangible.”

“But that sounds great,” Magnus puts in.

“Have to agree with the big guy there,” Taako admits.

“It's really great, until you use it to conjure an illusory army, or some sort of illusory dragon -- ”

“Still sounds great,” Taako says.

“Or an illusory black hole that then destroys the world.” The Director is beginning to sound annoyed.

“Not seein' a downside,” Merle says.

“But we can -- can't we use that good?” Magnus asks. “As long as we use its power responsibly...”

“You'd better keep that shit in check,” The Director says tightly. “The Relics cannot be used for good. Their power overwhelms and inevitably leads only to evil. This sort of thinking -- it will only drain you. It will tear you apart from your friends, will...Magnus. This power is consuming. Do you understand?”

The mood in the room has changed. The expression on Magnus' face is more serious now. “Yeah, I get it. I just thought -- well, you guys know more about that magic bullshit than me anyway,” he says, shrugging.

“Don't forget what you saw happen to Gundren and the Raven,” she warns. “The Oculus is no different.”

No more really needed to be said on that front.

“The Oculus appears to be in the hands of a woman named Rebekah Joiner.” The Director paces back toward her throne as she speaks. “She's using it to -- well, we're not exactly sure, because it sounds a little...strange. But she is a wedding planner by trade, and it seems as though she's been using a Grand Relic in order to give people their dream weddings.”

There's a silence. And then Taako pipes up: “How awful.”

“We -- Taako, we literally just had a conversation about -- about how quickly these situations turn bad,” the Director points out, her frown deepening. “Perhaps she hasn't had it for very long, or she is using it in ways we don't know of yet, but -- ”

“I get it, I get it,” Taako assures her.

“Anyway. Being that she's very good at what she does, your usual method of Relic collection isn't going to work,” she goes on. “She owns a legitimate business in the heart of a busy city, so you won't be able to just fight your way in. We'd like to...minimize civilian casualties. Besides that, Rebekah has considerable means and, if she thinks you're after her, she will probably just go underground, along with the Oculus.”

“Um, I had to break it to ya, Director, but we're not great at the stealth bits,” Merle remarks.

“I'm a level 2 rogue now!” Magnus puts in.

“Great, dipshit, it's a level 10 mission,” Taako grouses.

“Maybe you could apply for jobs at her legitimate place of business,” the Director says, tired. “I'm quite aware that undercover work isn't exactly your strong suit either, but, I don't know, maybe this time we'll get lucky.”

“Ooh, a long con, huh? I'm down,” Taako says. “But I definitely should have touched up my roots if you want me out on a job interview. Just sayin'.”

“Do I have to pretend I'm Leeman Kessler again?” Merle asks.

“No,” responds the rest of the room, in unison.

“Listen, your method of infiltration is entirely up to you three,” the Director says. “I don't care. Just don't let her get away from you, and don't use the Oculus. Avi has instructions as to where to send you. This is a longer mission, so you'll have an hour to pack up some of your things -- yes, Taako, one single hour -- and then you'll need to be on your way.”

“Can you touch up your roots in an hour?” Merle asks Taako, as they leave.

“No.”

The ride to the forested area outside Waterdeep is uneventful, and Taako stares out the window as the giant cannon ball slowly skids to a stop. He hasn't been out this direction in a long while. Not since he performed for Sizzle It Up With Taako here, all those years ago. It had been a big show, lots of people showing up to see him. It's far from Glamor Springs, but it's usually safest just to avoid places he's been.

It hasn't been a problem so far, not since he had joined the Bureau of Balance. But he's always on edge, never knowing quite when that might change. It's safer that way.

Magnus and Merle have no idea what he's done. That's safer too.

Taako regards his three pieces of luggage and the soft, grassy terrain they would have to cross to get into the city. They're a fair distance away from the main road. He had not thought this through.

#tying the nano

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