#I was out on a field trip all yesterday so if you bring me Neil today I WILL still reblog him

[littleladysongbird]

Camp Camp Apocalyptic AU: A Prologue

A/N: In which our favorite trio of little bastards come together in a world where kids can be in charge and peanut butter is worth the life of another. 

Fan-Fiction; concept and ideas belong to me, the characters do not. 

(I apologize it’s not well written but I wrote it and I’m gonna post it)

***

Apparently The World Ended (Prologue)

He was ten years old when the world ended, alone in his large, empty, robotic-filled house as bombs crashed down and sirens rang out.

Once the disaster ended, and he and parts of the world were very much still alive, he collected what he could from the rubble and ran without any desire to return.

He still had the scars from his father, his dreams were still filled with cold, harsh stares of disapproval and disappointment, but he was free and independent and damn, did it feel good.

But he was ten, and despite his sharp wit and natural brilliance, he wasn’t quite as untouchable as he often felt he was.

“Oh Maxwell,” Pikeman spat, gesturing for Snake to deal another blow to Max’s ribs, “you really are way in over your head, aren’t you?”

“Suck a dick Pikeman,” Max growled, using the wall of the abandoned convenience store to hold him up, “I was just passing through your territory so I didn’t-”

“Excuses, excuses,” Pikeman kicked forward, sending Max tumbling down to the dirt, “now, what were you really doing here?”

“I told you, you fucking idiot,” Max pushed himself up onto his arms, looking his enemy straight in the eyes, “I’m just passing through.”

“Through our surplus room?” Snake gestured to the old store.

Max said nothing, dropping his gaze as he tried to pull his strength together. Pikeman merely smirked.

“I knew it; you just can’t keep your hands to yourself, can you Maxwell?” He gave an ugly, snot-driven laugh, reaching his sweaty hand out  to his defeated opponent. “Hand it over now, Maxwell.”

“Dude come on,” Max coughed, standing himself back up, “it was just a fucking jar of peanut butter. You have over two hundred in there, man. Can’t I trade it for something else? Candles? A broken watch?”

Pikeman froze, his forehead crumpled in thought for a few moments before a yellow, toothy smile began to grow.

“Actually, I have a proposition for you,” he swiped Max’s bag, tripping him once again with a swift kick to the knees, “there’s this weird girl who came through yesterday, stole some of our canned goods and bread. She ran across the tiny desert into the mountains, but she was injured, so she couldn’t have gone far.”

“So why the hell should I care?”

“Because if you want this bag back with the jar, you need to bring her to us by tomorrow mid-day. If you don’t, you either leave without it, or you have to stay as an honorary Wood Scout recruit. Do I make myself clear?”

“Do I have a fucking choice?”

“Twenty four hours, Maxwell,” Pikeman threw down a coil of rope and a hunting knife, “she’s tiny and fast and has a bushel of green curly hair. We’ll be waiting.” Max stood himself up, taking a few breaths before exiting the alleyway to the small desert that lay before him.

It wasn’t exactly a desert; it was just an old field that had been burned and ruined by the Great Disaster and its following conflict. But everyone who lived and roamed in the Mountain Valley area called it a desert, so desert it was named. Max quietly limped across the cracked, dry ground, feeling the eyes of Pikeman watching him from their base tower.

He fucking hated everything that had to do with the Wood Scouts. They were nothing but an imposing, whiny group of abandoned military-school children who bullied any survivor who refused to comply with them.

Max had been stealing shit from them for months now; but in four weeks they somehow came up with a ridiculous new line of defense.

A ridiculously tall, muscular, line of defense.

Max shifted his feet, trudging forward towards the large block of trees as he tried to scan the ground for any trace of her.

He didn’t expect to find a trail of orange paint, but that would work as well.

Max continued to walk slowly, his mind quiet and meditated on the decent weather and the speckles of orange paint that dotted the tall grass and trees that sprouted amongst the dry clay. The grey sky faded into a light orange blending into purple, and as soon as the sun had swollen on the edge of the valley, Max had found what he was looking for.

Er, at least, he thought he did.

“Will you hold the fuck still, Nikki?”

“It’s seriously no big deal Neil; it’s just my wrist!”

“An hour ago you were screaming how you’d rather be eaten by wolves than deal with the pain.”

“See? It’s just getting better!”

Max stared from behind the shrub, hidden from sight among the tall shadows and twigs. Both of them were kids, not much older than himself, if they were even older at all. As Pikeman had explained, the girl possessed a wild mane of green curls and a numerous amount of scars and bruises along her arms and face. The boy, while clearly worn and exhausted, was a lot less banged-up than his companion. He was scrappy and boney and, Max figured, would probably die and be eaten by wolves or some shit if he wasn’t friends with crazy-eyes.

Max glanced down at his rope and knife, and looked back up at his supposed targets. Rolling his eyes, he stepped out of the brush, loosely holding the weapons at his side.

“Hey,” Max threw his arm out to Nikki “were you the crazy dumb-ass that stole from the Wood Scouts?”

The two companions froze, before Nikki jumped up to her feet, Neil’s hands still firmly locked on the set splint. “Who the fuck wants to know?”

“Name’s Max,” he threw up his arms and dropped his weapons, rolling his eyes, “Wood Scouts sent me to kidnap you and bring you back to the camp so they could imprison you or some dumb shit and I could get my fucking bag back.”

“…But, who are you?” Neil asked, giving the splint one final tug before letting go of Nikki’s wrist. “Are you a Wood Scout?”

“Hell no,” Max grunted, “they’re just holding all my weapons and ammunition hostage until I bring you back.”

Nikki blinked. “And you just expect us to walk back with you and get kidnapped.”

“…I mean,” Max shifted, a tad hesitant in his voice, “I wasn’t going to fucking cut you and tie you up like an animal.”

“Then what were you going to do?”

Max scrunched his forehead, remaining quiet for a few moments before a small idea came to his head.

“You escaped the Wood Scouts before, right?”

“I have,” Nikki proudly held her head high, “but Neil here’s a big chicken!”

“I am not!” He protested, “I’m just not built to be super durable, that’s all.”

“Look, who gives a fuck,” Max rolled his eyes, “we’re all out here trying to survive, right? Why don’t we all work together and steal some more shit from them and get the hell out of dodge?”

“And how are we supposed to fight?” Neil protested.

“Like I said Neil,” Nikki scoffed, running over to Max’s side and picking up the pocket knife, “it’s no biggie! I can still fight!”

“And what about me?”

“You got a gun Neil?” Max asked. The young boy faltered, his face turning red.

“How did you-”

“It’s the fucking Apocalypse, okay?” Max shrugged, “everybody’s carrying around fucked up shit. So you got a gun?”

“Yeah, but all I have are blanks.”

“They won’t fucking know the difference,” Max smiled, dropping to the ground and sketching out a plan in the mud, “now, Neil, Nikki, here’s what we’re going to do…”

***

Pikeman made it far too easy, agreeing to meet behind the convenience store to retrieve Nikki. The rope was tied to her ankle, and she sat cross legged, obviously bored and irritated by the time the Wood Scouts had bothered to show up.

“Alright Max,” Pikeman spat, tossing him his bag back, “all your items back, including the jar of peanut butter.”

“You know I’m not giving her to you until I check this, right?” Max asked, his black eye shooting daggers back at the Wood Scout Leader.

“Fine.” Pikeman pouted, agonizingly watching as Max checked the contents of his bag. Despite his slimy persona, Pikeman had kept his promise, not a single blade or box had been tampered with.

“Okay, here you go,” Max shrugged, dropping Nikki’s rope. Without missing a beat, she charged ahead, ramming herself into Snake and biting his nose like some wild, vicious animal.

“Max!” Pikeman screamed, charging towards Max with his wobbly chicken legs. Max merely turned, stretching his leg just far enough to send Pikeman tumbling into the ground.

“Where the fuck is Neil?” Max yelled to Nikki, who had begun to brutally beat the tall, muscular kid she had pinned to the ground. Suddenly, the squeaking of rubber filled the air, as Niel sped over in one of the Wood Scout’s golf carts, holding the gun backwards in his hand like a crazy idiot.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” he shouted, as Nikki and Max bolted to the cart. The Wood Scouts that could began to chase after them, but it was too late; they had already reached the untouched prairie fields three miles ahead of them.

“Suck a dick losers!” Nikki howled with laughter, standing up in the back seat. “What a bunch of pussies!”

“Calm down Nick,” Max called from shotgun, “our nerd here’s one second from throwing you from the back seat if you don’t sit your ass down.”

“Hey!” Neil shouted, sharply turning to plunge down into one of the lower mountain valleys, “if you have a problem with my driving, why don’t you drive the fucking vehicle?”

“Man come on, they beat the shit out of me yesterday!”

“Hey guys?” Nikki called, crawling to stick her own head between the two boys, “where are we going anyways?”

“Eh, wherever,” Max shrugged, “as long as we stay away from god damn weirdos for a while.”

#diana writes #(very poorly) #camp camp #camp camp au #cc max #cc nikki #cc neil #apocolypse

[iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog]

Get Some R & R, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates,

I guess that could have gone worse. The week started out brilliantly with you winning three of four games in Detroit against the Tigers. What more could I ask for? A sweep is too much especially on the road. If you could have taken two out of three from Toronto, the week would have been a major success. However, you didn’t do that. Instead you lost two out of three and are now four games back of the first place Cubs. It’s still hard to be too upset over a 4-3 road trip even if it is against two sub .500 teams. You resorted back to your early season problems and played some sloppy baseball. On Saturday, two errors cost you four runs. Chad Kuhl came back to Earth yesterday with a subpar performance that included five walks. That won’t do. The rest of your schedule is mostly filled with NL Central teams so you will have an opportunity to catch up. That opportunity won’t mean much if you play like you did these last two games. You can’t give up five runs in the first inning, you can’t have one hit over the final eight innings, and you can’t make defensive mistakes. Regroup and go into this week focused. Every game from here on out is vital. Take a breather today and get back on track tomorrow. 

Seriously, Gregory Polanco?!? Saturday you came up limp after charging a fly ball and went down with your third hamstring injury of the season. We don’t know yet if this one will necessitate a DL stint but this is already getting old. This has been an issue for him throughout his career so far. That is why you still need to add a free agent outfielder this offseason. I love the addition of SRod and he could play outfield if you needed him to but, in case Polanco can’t stay healthy next year, you need another guy who can fill in on a more regular basis. Your bench of SRod, Osuna, Frazier, and either Stewart or Diaz as the backup catcher looks pretty good. You let Jaso leave in free agency because he doesn’t have a real position and you add another competent outfielder. It’s a no-brainer. If you sign someone up for a couple years, they could also help fill in the gap when Cutch leaves in case Austin Meadows isn’t ready. (Yes, I have accepted that Cutch won’t be resigned after next year.) This is a move you dragged your feet on far too long this season and, while the SRod trade helps a whole hell of a lot, I could argue that you should have added even another outfielder. Beggars can’t be choosers. Don’t get complacent. It’s a necessary piece you can add for a very reasonable price. Small market teams need to take advantage of those opportunities.  

We saw the future. Andrew McCutchen tweaked his knee on Friday and had to leave the game. All Pirates’ fans collectively waited with bated breath to find out the diagnosis. It was a weird pain in his knee cap. Does Cutch have a chronic knee problem? I don’t know. If he does, it could be a contributing reason why he would take a more reasonable contract than he would get on the open market to stay or it could also be your excuse for not offering him a contract extension at all. It is telling that when he went down my first thought was that you have no chance without him. That’s true and that’s scary. There is not much that will change on this roster other than his departure come 2019. The starting pitching could be more mature but it’s a staff that will also lose Gerrit Cole after that year. The window is closing. Without Kang, Cutch, Cole, and Polanco never living up to his potential, this is a concerning situation. You have already had plenty of games this season where your offense is non-existent and that’s with Cutch in the lineup. What does it look like when he’s gone? It’s early to start worrying about this but it’s valid. Cutch is a generational player and once he’s gone we might not see another one like him for a long time. Enjoy him while you can!!

Cervelli is hurt now too? You have got to be kidding me. That’s not as devastating as losing Polanco or obviously Cutch but I don’t like what I’m hearing. This guy always seems to have some ailment that might not even keep him out of the lineup but it does affect his performance. That’s a killer. His offensive numbers this year are mediocre at best. He claims this hand injury has been bothering him for a while and it’s finally reached a breaking point. No one knows yet if this means a DL stint for him but the way he was talking it sounds very possible. I’m one of the few people who still likes the extension you gave him. Good catchers aren’t easy to come by. Most of them don’t provide much offense anyway and Cervelli has always been praised for calling good games and for his pitch framing (even though that’s way down this year.) We knew he had a history of odd, nagging injuries and it’s reared it’s ugly head again. He broke his hamate bone last year and missed about six weeks. Who knows how long this injury will keep him out. If he does go on the DL, Elias Diaz will surely be recalled. Between him and Chris Stewart, you have OK depth at that position so this shouldn’t make or break the season. It’s still frustrating having guys like Cervelli and Polanco, both recently given extensions, who can’t seem to stay on the field. 

I know it seems like I say this a lot but this is a huge week. Enjoy the day off today because you will need it. Tuesday and Wednesday you will be in Milwaukee to take on the third place Brewers. They are currently two games out of first and two games ahead of you. They have stayed in it so they are obviously no slouch. They also added our old friend Neil Walker in a trade this weekend so we will get to play him as well. After Milwaukee, you will head home to start a very important, four game series with the St. Louis Cardinals. They have won eight of their last ten and are a game out of first place. They were tied for first before losing yesterday. They are the hottest team in the division right now so winning that series will be paramount. It’s unfortunate that Gerrit Cole will be the only starting pitcher not to pitch in that series but you need him against the Brewers just as much so no use complaining. This week is even more important because next Monday you begin a four game series with the super human Los Angeles Dodgers who basically don’t lose baseball games anymore. You play the next sixteen days in a row so use today’s day off wisely. This is the stretch of games that could make or break your season. No pressure. Good luck and don’t blow it. Love you!!!

                                                                               Your Always Accepting Amour,

                                                                                                     Brad

P.S. I assume you are strongly considering resigning Juan Nicasio after this year. He will be a free agent and he’s performed admirably in his eighth inning role this whole year. He has a 2.53 ERA, a 1.16 WHIP, and 53 strikeouts in 51 1/3 innings pitched. He doesn’t have the saves total to necessitate a huge contract on the open market.  I imagine a 3 year, 15 million dollar contract would be enough to bring him back. You don’t really have another good eighth inning option behind Rivero so bringing him back makes a lot of sense. You already filled Watson’s spot with Kontos. You will need to replace Benoit so sign Nicasio so you don’t have to replace him too. Make it easy on yourself...