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that-was-anticlimactic · 5 years

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It’s a Wheel - The Story of Cole’s Parents

This is the story of how Cole’s parents got divorced and how it affected him. It’s starts from when their relationship began to where it ended to what happened after.

This is a lot different than my usual writing style, but I tried ! Also sorry if there are typos! I usually write on a laptop vs my phone but I don’t have access to one right now, also I wrote most of this at one in the morning! I tried to catch it all though haha!

Warning: a lot of fighting, slight emotional abuse to a child, slight verbal abuse to each other

Word Count: 4,313

~~~~

He was born to save their marriage.

~~~~

Freshman year of college:

Lou took a deep breath, summoning all of his courage. He was a confident kid- he’d played leads in musicals, done presentations with ease, even directed and choreographed his first dance with no fear- so why were his legs shaking?

The eighteen year old glanced at her, then in a sudden boost of confidence, strutted in her direction.

She glanced up at him as he approached. “Oh, hey, Lou!” she said happily, her brown eyes sparkling.

God, she’s beautiful, he thought. “Rachel,” he began without hesitation, “I like you. Will you go out with me?”

Her jaw dropped, eyes widened. “Lou-“

“I simply cannot take no for an answer,” he continued, his burst of confidence causing his mouth to continue without warning or a filter. “You are beautiful and kind and my best friend and I must take you out to dinner!”

The boy smiled, full of pride at his confession, but it slipped as soon as he heard her laugh— her special, incredible, unique laugh.

“Oh Lou, you talk too much,” she giggled, grabbing a hold of his hand. “Yeah, duh, I’d like to go out with you, silly!”

Lou, in a ridiculous moment of joy, cheered loudly, picking the girl up and spinning her in the air, relishing in her laughter.

~~~~

Junior Year:

Lou’s blood boiled as he heard her laughter. His scowl deepened and he gripped his trophy tighter as he shoved the door to their shared campus apartment open.

There she was, sitting with her friends on the couch. He kicked his shoes off of his feet, ignoring that they didn’t land on the show rack, and stomped past the girls.

Rachel turned around, still smiling widely. “Hey, Lou! How’d the show go?”

There was a thunk as the trophy slammed against the counter. “You would know if you showed up,” he replied coldly, his back facing her.

She scoffed. “Really, in front of my friends?” she hissed.

“Well, if they’re the reason you have stopped showing up at my performances, then I suppose they can deal with it,” responded Lou, whipping around to face her.

She gave her friends an apologetic look before swiftly getting on her feet and in his face. “I go to nearly all of your performances, babe. There are so many of them, do you really expect me to go to all of them?”

“Yes! That is what significant others do!” he shot back.

“We’ve been together two and a half years, I’ve seen so many of your performances! I’ve missed out on so many girls night because of you and your dancing! FSM, you’ve got to understand there’s more to life than dancing!” Rachel screamed, her eyes filling with tears. “My stuff— my life— is important too!

“I care about you just as much as I care about dancing!”

Her first curled into itself at her side, but she shuddered and took a breath. “Look. Lou, I love you, but can we talk about this when Maya and Lydia are gone? Please?”

He wanted to say ‘no’. He wanted to tell her that they need to solve this now, but he spared the two girls a look, and took a breath. “Yes. That’s a good idea. I am terribly sorry, Maya, Lydia.”

~~~~

One year out of college:

“I’m so sorry, Lou!” Rachel cried, desperately trying to get her fiancée to look at her. “I would have told you sooner but Wu told me not to and I didn’t want to put you in danger—”

Lou’s eyes narrowed. “So all the times you went out, you weren’t with your parents or having a girls weekend, were you?” he asked.

A sob. “I was out fighting, saving Ninjago.”

“How long have you had these powers?” he continued, his own eyes brimming with tears.

“My dad was the previous master of earth and they gradually transferred to me once I was born,” Rachel explained.

“Do Lydia and Maya know?”

“Yes… they’re elemental master too. Lydia is the master of lightning and Maya is the master of water. She’s actually engaged to the master of fire right now— but that doesn’t matter. They-they know.”

“I don’t know how you want me to respond to this,” Lou said, his voice weak.

“I know it’s a lot to process but—”

“A lot to process? Da*****, Rachel! Do I even know you at all?”

“What! So you want to call the marriage off?” she screamed, throwing her arms in the air. “Does it really make that big of a difference? I told you, I’m done with all the ninja stuff! I’m committed to you!” Her fingers drifted towards the engagement ring around her finger.

“No I don’t want to call the marriage off, I love you!” Lou yelled back. “I love you more than anything but I just don’t understand how you want me to respond to this!”

“I-I… I don’t know, okay!” she trailed off. “I just want us to be together.”

“Me too…” Lou agreed, his voice dropping to a mere whisper. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled his fiancée to his chest.

Rachel gave him a squeeze, and he chuckled. “I guess that explains why you’re so strong,” he muttered into her hair, making her laugh. “The amount of strength you possessed always surprised me…”

~~~~

Almost one year into marriage:

“So… uh… surprise?” Rachel nervously exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air, a forced grin on her face.

Lou just started at her.

The tension in the air was great, perhaps just as great as when Lou found out about her powers.

Her brown eyes found his grey ones, snapping him back into reality.

“But we were so careful—”

“I know.”

“And we always proceeded with caution—”

“Oh no, babe, you’re rewording reasons,” Rachel sighed, taking a hold of his calloused hands. “Look at me, and take a breath, okay? In… and out… that’s it, babe! In… and out…”

The couple breathed together for a minute or two before Lou finally regained the courage to speak. “How long have you known?”

“Ehh a month… or so…” Rachel said sheepishly. “I was so scared to tell you, I didn’t want you to get mad or—”

The grey eyes widened quickly. “No! No! I’m not mad! This is everything I’ve ever wanted! I mean… I’m going to be a father!” In that moment of pure bliss, his heart became full, and his smile increased. Then he remembered what worried him. “But… what of your powers? Will our child inherit your abilities?”

Rachel’s smile dropped. “I-I can’t say for sure, Lou.”

“Of course you can’t.”

“I mean… Maya just had a son and he didn’t inherit her powers! He got his father’s! Maybe it only gets transferred from the dad?” she tried.

Lou shook his head. “No no no. I’m sorry, love, but I don’t want our child to be…” now he trailed off.

Suddenly, the floor of their house began to shake with a mighty force. Pictures flew off of walls, couches tumbled over. Rachel’s eyes were glowing a fierce brown. “What,” she said through clenched teeth. “You don’t want our child to be a freak? A freak like me?”

Lou’s eyes widened with fear. If there was one he knew about Rachel, it was that her mood changes were intense, her anger often times quick and irrational. Sometimes you could see it through her eyes and quietness, other times she made the world shake. A master of earth thing, he learned.

“I was not going to say—”

“Yes you were!” she cried out. “I’ve heard you say it before and I dare you to say it again!”

“Love, love— you are not a freak. I just… I worry for our child. I don’t want them to get caught up in wars and saving the world.”

The glow in her eyes faded, and breathlessly she slumped against the wall. “I’m sorry,” she uttered. “I don’t know… I’ve heard you say… never mind. Look, we don’t have to tell our child about me, if that’s what you want. They can live their life in ignorance.”

“Ignorance is bliss.”

Rachel snorted.

“Fine… how about, we teach our child to follow in my footsteps— to become a Royal Blacksmith!” Lou suggested, leaning next to her.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Wouldn’t you rather our child become something simple, like an accountant, perhaps?”

“Nerd,” he smiled, nudging her shoulder.

“No I’m serious, your dancing life is insane! I’ll teach them about money and train them to become an accountant and maybe they can take a dance class or two?” Rachel continued slowly. “Or maybe— get this— we don’t pressure them to be anything at all, tada!”

Lou simply glared at her. “I didn’t want to risk anything with a child. If we’re having this child, they become a dancer.”

“Really, Lou, are you—”

“Yes. That’s it.”

~~~~

A few months later:

“That’s it!” Lou cried out, slamming his fists on the kitchen table. “I am done!”

“Oh, oh really? You’re done?” scoffed Rachel, pursing her lips and crossing her arms.

“I am!”

“And I’m not?”

“It’s not that big of a deal!” Lou argued, trying desperately not contain his rage.

“You missed every single lamaze class because you had dance! Every. Single. One!” Rachel spat. “I think I have a bit of a right to be angry!”

“I had more important things to attend to! We need those rehearsals! We simply cannot get any place below third tomorrow!” explained Lou.

Rachel scoffed. “Okay I get it. Getting first place at some dance competition is more important than your son okay.”

“It’s not just some dance competition!” Lou raged. “It’s the Ninjago Talent Show! It is strict and competition is fierce!”

“FSM, Lou! If it wasn’t for our son…” she sighed, placing her hands on her stomach and relishing in every kick she felt from her unborn child.

“We have to keep it together. For him,” she said quietly.

Lou eyes were narrowed and he wanted to protest, wanted to tell her they’re done. Instead he nodded, giving in. “For him, we’ll see.”

~~~~

The birth of Cole:

“We’ll see?” Lou screamed on the phone. “If that’s all you have to say to us, then the Royal Blacksmiths want no part in it!” he angrily slammed his phone shut.

“Umm, babe, I know your dancing stuff is important to you, but I’m giving birth. To our son. Right now. Please, don’t do dancing stuff now,” Rachel spoke up in a pained voice.

Lou opened his mouth to retort, but quickly shut it. Their therapist said not to speak up with a different opinion at every opportunity.

“I… am… sorry,” he spoke slowly, disliking how giving in felt. He was a confident, strong-willed man, and much like the confident and strong-willed Rachel, he had trouble giving in, or being wrong.

At the shriek of pain that erupted from his wife’s mouth, he rushed to her side. “Umm… there there,” he tried, awkwardly grabbing a hold of her hand.

“You… might— AH— want to… let… go,” suggested Rachel through clenched teeth. “Super… strength.”

Lou immediately did so, remembering when he held her hand during her first few contractions.

“Oh! He’s coming out!” the doctor suddenly cried. After he did so, Rachel’s screams became louder.

Lou wanted to leave the room— no human being should scream at such a decibel— but as he turned to leave and caught a glimpse of his child— his son— beginning to emerge… he couldn’t leave.

Minutes later, the doctor was holding a bloodied baby now wrapped in cloth, and Rachel was panting.

“Alright, we’ll bring him right back for you, parents,” the doctor informed them.

As she left, Lou took a seat on Rachel’s bed, running a hand through her hair and trying not to look disgusted by the sweat getting on his fingers. “You did it, love,” he whispered gleefully.

“Yeah… yeah I did…”

They sat in silence, a heavy panting from Rachel the only sound, before the doctor returned, holding a now cleaned baby. “Here you go, mom,” he said, placing their son in Rachel’s hands. “You have any ideas on his name?”

Rachel nodded. “Cole. Cole Brookstone.”

Lou started. “I never agreed on Cole. I thought we agreed on Elliot!”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Cole Elliot Brookstone.”

Lou turned to her. “Love, I did not agree on Cole. It is simply preposterous!”

“Eh, well I think it’s funny! You know, master of earth… giving birth to a kid… Cole like Coal…”

“Yes, yes, I get it! But it seems like you’re jinxing our son! Do you want him to have powers?” Lou said, aghast.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Not this again. Look, first of all, I like the name Cole. Second, I have birth. You didn’t. His name is Cole.”

Lou frowned but said nothing. He glanced down at their sleeping son, his skin like the beautiful brown of his mother’s, smooth, pure… untainted… not broken or consumed by the world…

Lou sighed, and didn’t argue. He backed down. There was a lot of pressure on this kid. He needed to save their marriage. If he couldn’t do it, no one could.

~~~~

Five years later:

“I can’t believe you did that!” Lou scolded, setting his five year old on the counter so they were eye level.

“I didn’t mean to!” he cried, tears running down his cheeks.

“Woah, woah! What happened? Are you okay, baby?” Rachel cried, rushing into the kitchen and beside her son.

“Cole, broke someone’s arm at school today,” Lou explained through clenched teeth, giving his wife a look.

Rachel paled instantly.

“I didn’t mean to!” Cole wailed again, shoving his face in his hands.

“Baby, can you tell me what happened?” Rachel asked.

“This kid was being mean to me and he-he pushed me so I pushed him back! I didn’t think it was too hard! I promise! I didn’t wanna hurt him!” explained Cole through a cascade of tears.

Rachel shared a stricken look with her husband. “Baby, Daddy and I are going to talk for a minute. We’ll be right back.” She grabbed onto Lou’s arm and began dragging him to the next room. She almost faltered when she couldn’t drag him as easily as usual.

“He. Has. Your. Powers,” Lou hissed, punctuating each word with distressed noises. “I told you this is why we needed to be more careful. I told you we shouldn’t have even thought about having-“

“NO!” Rachel screamed. “I know you didn’t want him, but babe, I love Cole. I would never give him up for anything!”

“Our child broke another kid’s arm by tapping him! Rachel, I know you don’t like it when I say this but, Cole is a fr-”

“Get out of my house.”

“Excuse me?”

“Either you shut up, or you get out of my house,” Rachel demanded, pointing at the door. “Our kid is not a freak. He’s just not properly trained. Maybe if I sent him to Wu’s for awhile-”

“So he can become more dangerous? I think not!” Lou exclaimed. “I say we take him out of public school. Send him to Marty Oppenheimers. Dancing will be a good way to get his emotions out so he does not resort to his powers. We can move closer to the school to keep him in check.”

“I am not getting him caught up in this crazy dance life of yours!” Rachel argued, her voice rising. “You barely pay him any attention, you barely ever speak to him! We are not making him a dancer! I say he goes to Wu!”

“Well I say he goes to Marty Oppenheimers!” he screamed.

Suddenly, the soft cries of Cole became much louder, and after glaring at each other, the two ran into the other room. Cole had gotten off of the counter and was now sitting on the floor, curled into a tiny balls with his hands over his ears. “Stop it!” he sobbed. “I don’t wanna go anywhere!”

Lou and Rachel shared one last look of complete and utter hatred before Lou uttered, “you are not sending my son away to some freak show.”

~~~~

Two months later:

“Daddy, why does everyone think I’m a freak?” Cole quietly asked Lou as he sat down on the couch next to his almost asleep father.

“Cole, why are you awake?” Lou whispered, rubbing his eyes and stretching his back. Why does Rachel get the bed? he couldn’t help but angrily think.

“I heard you and Mommy fighting again today and you guys called me a freak, and the kids at school call me a freak… am I freak?” The young boy asked, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Lou stared at him, not sure how to answer. How do you tell your son that he is a freak without telling him why and making him feel bad? He decided to just avoid the word.

“You- you’re just special, Cole,” Lou said slowly. “You are a special kid and your mother wants to exploit you and send you away and… Cole… I promise you, those kids don’t know what they’re talking about. They don’t know you like we do.” He took a few breaths before continuing. “And I promise you that I love you so so much. Okay, can you remember that? No matter what happens, your Daddy loves you. Can you promise me that you’ll always remember that?”

Cole nodded, wiping the tears that began to silently fall. “Okay.”

~~~~

Two months later:

“Okay, Lou! I’m done!” Rachel cried, slamming her suitcase on the bed and beginning to throw things in it. “I can’t take it anymore— I can’t take you anymore! You’re a selfish monster!”

“You’re an absolute bi***!” he screamed back. “I can’t believe I ever decided to marry you!”

“I can’t believe I said yes!”

A whimper.

The parents froze and slowly turned to see Cole standing in the doorway of their room. “What… what’s happening?”

Rachel glared at Lou before kneeling beside her son. “I can’t live with Daddy anymore,” she explained. “I don’t want to live with him anymore. I’m going away… and I don’t think I’m coming back.”

Cole clutched his stomach, his body wracking with sobs. “Mommy, don’t leave me…”

Rachel perked up. “Cole, come with me.”

Lou started, rushing to kneel beside Cole as well. “No, Cole, stay with Daddy.”

“No no no, baby, if you come with me, I can help you! You know, there’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you but Daddy never let me—”

“REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROMISED ME!” Lou interrupted before Rachel could finish.

Cole looked between the two, each mouthing wishes for him to come with them. The boy was torn. He wanted to run away himself. He wanted to sob until he couldn’t anymore. He wanted his mommy and daddy to be with him. To be happy. To stop fighting.

But he promised. “I promised,” he muttered, looking away from his mom shamefully.

Lou triumphantly pumped his fists in the air and cheered, much like he did all the years ago…

Rachel’s face turned cold. She wished she still had her powers. Lou would be in for it then. “Fine,” she said coldly, standing up. She said no more, throwing more into her suitcase and zipping it shut. She turned to Lou. “I’ll be sending someone over for the rest of my stuff. This isn’t worth going to court over.”

And with that, she walked out, not even sparing her son a final glance.

Cole was born to save their marriage, Lou thought. Looks like he failed.

~~~~

Seven years later:

God I’m such a failure, the now twelve year old thought, hanging his head as he approached his house. He knew his father wouldn’t be happy with him once he learned he failed yet another dance competition.

His teachers hated him, his classmates hated him, his mom hated him… he wouldn’t be surprised if his dad hated him once he learned how badly he messed up.

He opened the door to their house, sucking in a breath and preparing to be berated, and he was met with a sight so horrid he wanted to slam the door and never walk in again. His dad was on the couch, his lips forcefully shoved upon the woman’s beside him.

Instead, he just stood there, jaw dropped, too scared to make any movement. He decided to let his dad realize he was there. It took a moment, but his father skin looked up and saw his son.

“C-Cole! You’re home early!” Lou said awkwardly, sitting up slightly.

Cole just stared.

Lou cleared his throat. “Umm… you remember Kristie? She—”

“I know,” he said coldly. “I remember Kristie. My old dance teacher.”

The woman in question smiled and waved from her position of almost underneath his father.

Cole just glared at them.

“What are you doing?” he asked shortly.

Lou glanced between Kristie and Cole. “Uhh, Kristie, if you’ll excuse me for one moment,” he sheepishly laugh, rolling off of the couch and stumbling after Cole who was already walking away.

“What. The. Heck!” Cole cried. “What were you guys doing?”

“Don’t worry, we were just kissing!” Lou assures him. “Nothing mo—”

Cole shrieked, pitting his hands over his ears. “No! Gross! Dad! That’s not what I meant! Why-why were you guys kissing?”

Lou perked up. “Oh uh, I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you this but, Kristie and I have been dating… for a year and a half…”

“And I didn’t know this why?” Cole spat.

“I wasn’t sure if you were ready!” Lou explained, his grin wide. “I mean… we’ve had a few flings since you’re mother left— don’t worry, we never cheated! Lou Brookstone is not a cheater!— and we finally decided to go for it!”

Cole’s narrowed eyes were piercing his father. “This is- I cant believe you- you’ve had flings for years and you’ve never told me? What’s wrong with you?”

“Young man, don’t speak to me like that,” Lou scolded.

“I can speak to you however you want! FSM!” Cole angrily sighed. “You could’ve at least told me! You think I wanted to walk into that?”

“Well l, I guess nows as good a time as ever to tell you… Kristie lives with me? And that’s why she was here?” Lou attempted, sounding cheerful in hopes he son would catch on.

“She lives… why in Ninjago would you think this is a good time to tell me?” cried Cole, desperately trying to hold himself together. “This is terrible!”

“But she makes me happy! She’s so much better for me than Rachel ever was!” Lou protested.

Cole’s face turned red with anger at the mention of his mom. His mom who hadn’t even bothered to say bye or even try to contact him in seven years. His mom who left him. His mom that was a part of making him choose between his parents. He was angry. “Okay good for you! I’m glad you’re happy this just sucks for me!”

“Oh I get it! You want me to be happy as long as it doesn’t interfere with you, I get it!” Lou short.

The older man caught a glimpse of a flash of gold in Cole’s narrowed brown eyes— his brown eyes so familiar sometimes looking into them hurt— and took a step back. Control yourself, he can’t know, he thought.

“Look, maybe we can sit down and talk things through with Kristie!” suggested Lou.

Cole just shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. “I just… I think I need to be alone. I hate this.”

~~~~

Exactly twelve years since it happened:

“I hate this,” Cole muttered, glaring at Jay as the lightning ninja embraced his parents as they left for the day, envy coursing through his veins. “I hate this I hate this I hate this.”

As Jay turned around grinning ear to ear, Cole glanced back at his book, pretending he wasn’t listening.

His body was tense, and his brow furrowed. It’s just not fair.

It’s not fair that Jay can see his mom whenever. That his parents still love each other. That they always had to come over and rub their good marriage in his face.

No, no. He’s being petty. The Walker’s are good people, heck, they’d practically adopted him.

It’s just… not fair.

He grunted, heaving himself upwards and closing his book a little more aggressively then he intended. He nodded at Jay and made his way to the foyer.

A groan escaped his mouth when he actually entered the room. Kai, Lloyd, and Nya were sitting on the ground in the middle of the floor, arguing over some kind of video game thing.

Cole pouted, his nose twitching. First Jay’s parents got along super well and now the team is fighting. Great. That’s just what he needed today.

“Oo Cole’s here!” Lloyd shrieked excitedly, somersaulting over to the earth ninja. “Hey, Cole, okay so we can’t choose what video game we want to play. Help us decide!”

Cole’s eyes widened. “No, no— I really shouldn’t—”

But Kai was nodding. “Yeah! Cole, I think we should play Fist to Face 2!”

“I think we should play Mario Kart!” Lloyd said.

“No, Super Smash Bros is where it’s at!” Nya spoke up.

They all stared at him in anticipation.

Suddenly, everything was too fast, too loud— even in the silence. Cole’s heart was racing, his breath shortening. So many things were happening, so many similarities, and on this day— the day that ruined his life— decisions, decisions, choices, choices, expectations, anticipation, staring— staring— staring!

Cole frantically shook his head and ran, ignoring the confused sounds from his teammates.

He was born to save their marriage.

#ninjago #ninjago cole #ninjago fanfiction

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phobio2000 · 7 years

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Emotional Energy

Lessons in Cultivating Womanhood #3: Managing Your Emotional Energy In an episode of House MD, a doctor said that female's prefrontal cortex develops slower than man's or something. Prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that's responsible for sound decision making, or something. So the show is suggesting, that women have the tendency to be young and stupid. So like, in high schools and colleges, you got the shameless sluts, the repressive virgins, and everything in between. The church's solution has been to build a wall, hold it down, hold it in, and that's consider its best solution already. There are much worst ones like: 1. Let it pass and claim grace, it's cool. 2. Slut shaming and motivate young girls with a sense of pride. It helps get the job done but not exactly Biblical. 3. Have young people get on the pulpit to vow celibacy, and then to have a the church watch them like a hawk, making a huge deal out of it like they're something super special, and an utter failure if they failed. This could lead to psychological issues. I read a story when a young girl was led to believe that as long as she's a virgin she's very special, and then she got married and think she's not special anymore. The thing is that this is a very complicated thing on many levels. It's hard to explain. . . Like, remember in "Back to the Future" when the parents told the young girl to not be slut, and then Marty went back in time and found out that his mom was a slut. I mean, it's Hollywood trying to promote sexual promiscuity, but it does make a good point about the pattern of life. When we're young we're curious about sex and contemplate and indulge it to whatever degree that we did, ranging from having a crush on someone to being a slut. And then, we wondered through life and eventually got children of our own, and in our conscience we feel that sleeping around is still bad, so we teach our kids to be chaste, even though we ourselves might not have been. The point is, this whole thing with sex, romance, love, relationships, most of us really never understood it, so we just end up following this pattern generation after generation. The way I understood it is, that it all begins with emotional energy, and then it can go whichever way. Apply it towards physical things and you get sex, apply it towards emotional things and you get romance and artsy stuff, stifle it and you get miserable but at least not in trouble. Rather than building a wall, I'd like to think of it like building a dam. Daoists says the heart's like mercury, you know how mercury is in liquid form at room temperature and they roll all over the place. Idolatry and cult aside I think this is a very accurate viewpoint (I know, cult leader lol :D). It's about managing the containing this mercury that like to roll all over the place. Building a dam is good, but what the dam is not strong enough, or, what if the dam is so strong that you got a drought and out of touch with romance and emotional things? Rather than building dam, maybe build canals that irrigates. Harness the emotional energy to fertilize your soul the right way. There's this famous guy in ancient China who's most famous for taming the flood. Back then people were building dams but didn't work. This guy dug canals and used the flood water to irrigate crops. And I think that's how you can have your cake and eat it, too. God created our emotions, so we should be the best at channel and irrigating our soul with it. Leave it to the heathens and you got Lady Gaga and the likes leading the way. If we just build dams young people won't be happy because they don't get to discover and play with their emotions, which is a strong desire as part of growing up. I think you need very strong dams just to resist temptations, but dams aren't enough. When we're out there meeting people, in various social environments, we get hit on, get sniped, get talked into things, and etc., and it's imperative to have a strong and keen mind so that, when you feel like you're getting swayed out of balance and losing control, starting to get weak and giving in to your emotions and losing your head, you can and should instantly raise that shield and get that dam up, snap out of it, stand strong and firm, and survive to fight another day. But when you are in a safe space, it is wise to also contemplate and try to understand your emotions. This way, you can resist temptation better because you're emotionally stronger than those trying to tempt you. That's the first point. The second point is, grape juice vs young wine vs aged wine. Grape juice is sweet, young wine is refreshing, but aged wine has depth and sophistication. We need to make concessions for grape juice and young wine, but most of our emotional energies need to be kept in oak barrels and aged to become fine wine. You're not suppressing your emotions, nor splurging it, but letting it brew inside you, cultivating it, cycling through you canals over and over while broadening and deepening your canal network. This is my secret as to why I have a lot of emotional energy and have a lot of that sophistication. I didn't know I was doing that until one day the Lord decided to pop open those kegs that I never knew I had. And now when I see people who's been faithfully worshipping, serving, and loving God for many years, I'd try to pop over their kegs to show them what they didn't know they have, the Holy Spirit anointing that they've been slowly accumulating, drop by drop, over the course of decades. Because, I've been having this problem a long time and complained to God about it. How come good Christians seems to have the worst. The most comfy Christians seem to be those piggy back ride off those really good and sincere ones. What reward and perk do they have, not just in heaven, but in the here and now? It's not fair! For years I never got the answer, and here is the answer God eventually gave me. Once you managed to tap in and realized all the good things that the Holy Spirit has been doing in your life behind the scenes, you'll be so happy. It's like what Jesus said how child bearing is such a painful ordeal and then when you see the baby it's all worth it and you forget all your pain. This is where you can really cash in, and I believe there should be other areas, too, that I am not aware of but believe exist. And then, when we get to heaven, that's when those comfy Christians will really feel missed out. I think that, in general, we should be able to get a small glimpse of things to come in the here and now, rather than just slaving away and see nothing at all. If that's what's happening, something is wrong, I don't believe that's how God works. That's point number two. Now for point number three. Taiwan has mandatory military service. Decades ago it was said to be very hard. Because back then Taiwan wanted to fight back China. But in recent years our military has become more of less of a joke. One of the most famous thing about the Taiwan military training is the folding of the blanket. You are required to fold your blankets every morning into a square, with sharp edges. Failed to do that and you'll get threshed. I was watching a TV drama about Taiwan military one day, and a guy was freaking out because he was given a thicker blanket than normal and has a very hard time getting those angles. He was so worried while trying to fix it before the drill sergeant arrives. Our emotions are like those blankets, everyone has a different size. I grew up around geeks coming from good conservative families. They're all well mannered and behaved. Whereas I am just a lot more emotional and my upbringing is not the same, so I often stuck out like a sore thumb. On one hand I understand their teaching of living up to certain Christian standards, but on the other hand, I was very frustrated, thinking how unfair it is. It's two folds, really. If you grew up in a less protective environment, how can you be hold to the same standards with those who had it much better? And then, if you're born with more emotions, how can you be expected to be just as cool and calm as those geeks? One day I was at an arcade and a girl was playing Dance Dance Revolution. She's short, flat chested, and she bounced up and down hitting those arrows with perfect precision. Now, imagine if Angeline Jolie plays Dance Dance Revolution. Imagine the breast momentum going ever which way and whacks her on the head and gives her whiplash. Hope this gives a better perspective. Be comfortable in your own skin and don't compare so much. Those geeks. . ., let them try to sing a love song and put you to sleep lol :D. Stick to making iPhones, I say lol :D. That's point three. Point four is simply, this is a big topic, with many many many facets to explore and think about. Enjoy! :D

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