#WELCOME BACK HUMAN SO HAPPY YOU'RE HOME BUT ALSO YOU TRAITOR GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.

[machinavocis]

whenever i get home from any trip lasting over 48ish hours, zephyr is Very Mad and immediately wants to give me a cat lecture about how mad he is.

(how to give a cat lecture: 1. refuse to nose-boop hello to the outstretched human hand, 2. keep out of human arm reach, 3. hold unblinking accusatory eye contact, and 4. underscore your disappointment with several of those snappy Condescending Irritation Meows. just so the human understands the scope of their betrayal.)

..but then he's also just super excited that i'm actually home, so he has an equally strong desire to just move right onto aggressively headbutting all his pent-up affection directly into my shins.

now imagine all these big contradictory Cat Feelings are crammed into a smol grape brain with the object permanence of a fluffy goldfish and the problem-solving skills of a creature who once trapped himself in a kitchen drawer while attempting an ill-advised late-night treat bag heist.

end result: zephyr spent like the first 10 minutes after i walked through the door happily rubbing his face on me, demanding forehead scratches, etc, but then stopping every 5 seconds to glare at me and go "MAAH. MAAAAH. MAH."

#WELCOME BACK HUMAN SO HAPPY YOU'RE HOME BUT ALSO YOU TRAITOR GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. #thankfully my crimes were eventually forgiven & once again i am graced by the glorious feline lap potato