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Sacred Memoir & Beginnings By: Michael A. Gomez

DECEMBER 1994: IT WAS JUST DAYS AWAY FROM MY TWENTYFIRST BIRTHDAY, WHEN I HAD HEARD THE SONG,”HOW GREAT THOU ART”, AS IF, FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE SPIRIT OF GOD HAD EMBRACED ME, AND I HAD BEEN OVERCOME BY THE GLORIOUS PRESENCE OF THE LORD, UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAD EXPERIENCED BEFORE THAT DAY. 1 -WINTER OF 1995 BY MID WINTER OF 95′,MY UNCLE ROBERT EDGAR HAD PASSED AWAY. HE WAS MY MOTHERS HALF BROTHER.IT IS WITH HIS PASSING THAT I BEGAN TO ANALIZE THE PURPOSE OF LIFE AND THE MEANING OF DEATH. AT THE WAKE IN THE GLOOM AND DESPAIR OF THE FUNERAL PARLOR, MY UNCLE ROBIN WAS HANDING OUT SALVATION TRACTS, TO THE MEMBERS OF OUR BROKEN FAMILY. TO AUNTS, UNCLES, NIECES, NEPHEWS, COUSINS, AND FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY, WHO ALL CAME TOGETHER TO THIS SOMBER FINAL PASSAGE. IT WAS THAT VERY TRACT THAT UNCLE ROBIN GAVE ME THAT CULMINATED MY JOURNEY,LEADING TO MY SALVATION ON THAT WEEKEND OF FEBRUARY 19TH, 1995. THE TRACT WAS BASICALLY DESCRIBING WHAT IS CALLED “THE ROMANS ROAD” AND I WAS ON IT LIKE PAUL ON THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS AND JESUS SAVED ME. I REPENTED AND CONFESSED MY SINS AT THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST WHERE HIS BLOOD WAS SHED FOR THE PAYMENT OF MY SINS AND I WAS FORGIVEN FOREVER. FROM THAT DAY FORWARD, I BEGAN TO SENSE THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD, HE WAS GUIDING ME WITH EVERY PASSING DAY, WORKING SOMETHING MIRACULOUS INSIDE, AND I COULDN’T RESIST HIM. IN FACT, I HAD AN INSATIABLY INCESSANT NEED FOR THIS NEW FOUND SOURCE OF LOVE, I HAD NEVER KNOWN. A PEACE,I HAD NEVER FELT, AND A HOPE, I NEVER HAD. MUCH OF THE ANSWERS THAT WOULD COME TO ME WOULD DERIVE FROM MY NEW FOUND FAITH. THE BIBLE ITSELF BECAME MYGUIDE AND TEACHER, AND MY MOM NOTICED MY AVID INTEREST IN ABSORBING ITS MESSAGE, SEEING ME READ IT EVERYDAY, AND ASKING ME, IF I WAS GOING TO BECOME A PRIEST? I SOON BEGAN ATTENDING SUNDAY MASS AT ST. BENEDICTS. WHERE I HAD STUDIED CATECHISM AND GRADUATED FROM EIGTH GRADE. SPEAKING OF WHICH,AFTER GRADUATING, I HAD ENROLLED INTO EAST SIDE HIGH, A PUBLIC SCHOOL IN NEWARK, JUST ACROSS THE STREET FROM INDEPENDENCE PARK. MY ONLY CONCERN DURING MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS WAS EVIDENT,AS I CARRIED AROUND A SPORTS PAGE WITH ME FROM CLASS TO CLASS, BEING WELL INFORMED BY INCESSANT DIURNAL UPDATES, CHECKING TO SEE THE SCORES IN LAST NIGHTS GAMES OR HOW MANY POINTS DID JORDAN SCORE, AND DID STRAW HIT ANY HOMERS? AS FAR AS FAITH & ACADEMIC SKILLS, I WAS COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THESE FACTORS AND THEIR RELEVANCE TO LIFE AND ONES FUTURE. I GUESS I WAS LIKE MOST KIDS MY AGE IN THAT SENSE, BUT I NEVER HAD A MOMENT OF URGENCY, IN WHICH, I FELT COMPELLED TO TAKE GOD OR EDUCATION SERIOUSLY. ALTHOUGH, LITTLE DID I KNOW OF GODS PLAN TO RAISE ME UP OUT OF THE ASHES OF SIN & SPIRITUAL DEATH,TRANSFORMING ME INTO A NEW CREATURE IN JESUS CHRIST WHO IS GROWING IN KNOWLEDGE,AND WISDOM AND IN SPIRIT EVERY BLESSED DAY. SITTING IN THAT PEW AGAIN, AFTER NEARLY AN EIGHT YEAR HIATUS, I REMEMBERED THINKING ABOUT THE HYMNS I USED TO SING, WHEN MY NOTE WAS DROWNED OUT BY THE CACOPHONY OF VOICES THAT SANG IN UNISON. WITH ALL THE CHILDREN REPEATING THE REFRAIN OF “PEACE IS FLOWING LIKE A RIVER”, BRINGING A HEARTFELT SMILE TO THEIR CREATOR, WHO HAD SHONE HIS GLORIOUS FACE UPON THEM. NOW HOWEVER, IT FELT DIFFERENT, THERE WAS A GENUINE AFFIRMATION FOR ME THIS TIME, AND I FELT IT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, UNLIKE WHEN I WAS A CHILD I SANG BECAUSE I THOUGHT ITS WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO, BUT NOW I WAS A YOUNG MAN AND I SANG, BECAUSE IT WAS THE SONG IN MY HEART, AND UNDOUBTABLY GOD WAS SMILING AGAIN, BECAUSE HE MISSED ME, AND HE WAS GLAD TO SEE ME HOME. WHILE MUSIC HAS ITS PROFOUND WAYS OF TOUCHING THE HEART, THE WRITTEN WORD HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO EXPRESS THE VICISSITUDES ON THE HIGHWAYS AND THE LOW ROADS OF LIFE, WHICH HAS BEEN A TWO WAY STREET TO SELF DISCOVERY,GOOD AND BAD THROUGH ITS PERIL AND PLEASURE, FINDING OUR TRUE IDENTITY UNDERNEATH THIS SKIN, UNEARTHING THE MYSTERIES THAT LIE BELOW THE COARSE PLAIN OF MERE FLESH, INTO DEEPER COMPLEX MATTERS OF THE SPIRIT, AND TO DISMISS ONES OWN PERSONALLY & PUBLICLY IMPOSED CARICATURE THAT PALES IN COMPARISON TO OUR TRUE IDENTITY IN JESUS CHRIST, AS GODS CHILDREN.WHICH IS WHY IM WRITING THIS MEMOIR TO SHARE A LIFE TIME TESTIMONY WITH YOU HOW JESUS CHANGED ME AND MY LIFE AND ALL TO THE PRAISE AND GLORY OF HIS NAME.THANK YOU JESUS. 2 *1997 THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH, FAITH BASED ON THE BIBLE, UPBRINGING, & THE EFFECTS OF TIME* EVEN AS I FOLLOWED MY HEART AND STARTED ATTENDING A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CHURCH IN THE WINTER OF 97, MY MOTHER ATTEMPTED TO DISSUADE ME FROM GOING A DIFFERENT PATH THAN ROMAN CATHOLICISM. MY REASONS FOR THE CHANGE WAS THAT I SAW DRAMATIC VARIANCES BETWEEN THE TWO.ONE OF THE DIFFERENCES WAS CONFESSION TO A PRIEST TO OBTAIN FORGIVENESS, WHICH IS UNBIBLICAL ACCORDING TO NEW TESTAMENT STANDARDS.ANOTHER WAS PRAYING THE ROSARY TO MARY AND PRAYING TO THE SAINTS, WHICH IS ALSO UNBIBLICAL ACCORDING TO NEW TESTAMENT STANDARDS.THIRDLY, ANOTHER GREAT CONTRAST WAS THE SERVICE AND WORSHIP. CATHOLICISM IS A BIT LETHARGIC AND LIFELESS IN ITS SABBATH PRACTICES, WHILE A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CHURCH IS LESS CONSTRICTING, WHERE EXHUBERANT SINGING AND DANCING IS EXPRESSED WORSHIPPING IN A MULTITUDE OF WAYS, AND THE TRANSMITTING OF THE MESSAGE IS PASSIONATELY CONVEYED IN AN ARRAY OF STYLES, FROM CHARISMATIC TO ELOQUENCE. SO THE CHANGE OF RELIGION WAS ACCURATELY BASED ON BIBLICAL NEW TESTAMENT TRUTHS THAT I FELT WERE NOT BEING UPHELD BY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. MY MOTHER DOES BELIEVE IN GOD AND SHE LOVES HER FAMILY WITH A RELIGIOUS DEVOTION. MY MOTHER WORKED HARD WOULD DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR THOSE SHE LOVES, WHICH IN A SENSE, WAS A GODLY QUALITY IN AND OF ITSELF. AND I LOVE MY MOTHER VERY MUCH. MY FATHER HAS HIS STRENGTHS, SOME OF WHICH WAS HIS LOVE AND PROVISION FOR HIS FAMILY,MY FATHER DID WHATEVER IT TOOK TO TAKE CARE OF US WITH HARD WORK. I LOVE MY FATHER VERY MUCH. HE IS AN EASY GOING MAN, WHO IS HAPPY TO BE WITH HIS FAMILY. HE BELIEVES IN GOD AND LOVES MY MOTHER VERY MUCH AND COME 2018 THEY WILL BE MARRIED 50 YEARS. I REMEMBER AS A CHILD, GROWING UP HAVING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER WITH BOTH OF MY PARENTS & MY BROTHER JOE, WHERE BONDS OF CLOSENESS HAD FORMED, BUT THE MARCH OF TIME WORE ON IN ITS INDISCRIMINATE STAMPEDE OF CHANGE, AND THE TRIALS OF LIFE HOLD TO ITS HEARTBREAKING VERDICTS, AND THE SOMETIMES OMINOUS JOURNEY DOES SEEM TO ISSUE UNIVERSAL INJUNCTIONS UPON US. A KIND OF COSMOLOGICAL IMPOSITION THAT STANDS IN OUR WAY, TRYING TO BREAK OUR KINDRED SPIRITS WITH ITS OWN SEEMING PRECLUSIONS,BUT I AM HOPEFUL THAT THE GOD OF LOVE AND RECONCILIATION WILL HEAL THE WOUNDS WE ALL HAVE SUFFERED, AND TO BIND ON EARTH THAT WHICH IS BOUND IN HEAVEN.THESE ARE THE THOUGHTS THAT HAD HELPED ME KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER, I BELIEVED. AND SO I HOLD TO THESE FOR LOVE AND REDEMPTION. I LOVE MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER VERY MUCH, I KNOW THEY HAD SACRIFICED MUCH OF THEIR LIFE FOR MY SAKE AND PROVIDED AND CARED FOR MY BROTHER AND I. AS I THINK BACK IN RETROSPECT, I REMEMBER THE BLOOD, THE SWEAT, AND THE TEARS THAT THEY SHED DURING THE TRYING PROCESS OF RAISING TWO CHILDREN, WHO MERELY STAYED OUT OF TROUBLE,AND GOT DECENT GRADES TO GET THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. 3 -A WORK IN PROGRESS- I HAD BEEN SAVED IN THAT WINTER OF 95’. BUT WHILE THERE WERE A SLEW OF PERSONAL CHANGES FOR THE BETTER, THERE WAS MUCH THAT REMAINED THE SAME LIKE MY HABIT FOR PORN. IN CONTRAST OF THIS I BECAME MORE AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS IN WHICH I LIVED.LIKE THE HOMELESS MEN WHO FREQUENTED THE NEIGHBORHOOD PANHANDLING JUST OUTSIDE THE STORE THAT I HAD WORKED. THERE WAS ONE MAN WHO CAME BY THE GARBAGE AREA AROUND THE SIDE BY RECEIVING, I NOTICED HIM LOOKING THROUGH THE DUMPSTER FOR SOMETHING TO EAT AND BROUGHT A SANDWHICH OUT TO HIM AND HE UNABASHEDLY ACCEPTED MY OFFER. ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS I GAVE HIM SOME MONEY, KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IT WOULD NEVER SUFFICE HIS DEBT OF SUCH DAMNING DESTITUTION. I REMEMBER ONE DAY I WAS SPEAKING WITH HIM OUT BY THE GARBAGE DUMPSTER; I HAD SAID “JESUS LOVES YOU” AND HE RESPONDED WITH” I HOPE SO.” EVEN NOW I THINK ABOUT THAT DAY AND HIS RESPONSE, BUT NOT IN DOUBT OVER WHAT HE SAID, RATHER I QUESTION WHAT I HAD SAID AND THE INTANGIBILITY OF WHAT I SAID TO HIM AND THE REALITY OF HIS LIFE.DID HE FEEL GODS LOVE THE WAY I HAD EXPERIENCED IT? WAS MINE A HALLUCINATION, A FALSE HOPE WRAPPED UP IN ANCIENT MYTH THAT IS OUTDATED? HAVING DREAMS OF A NEW LIFE, A FRESH START,OR WAS IT A REPRESSION OF FEAR TO QUELL THE NEED OF HAVING TO FACE THE TRUTH AND INSTEAD LIVING A LIE THAT ONLY BROUGHT ON MORE DISCONTENT,RATHER THAN FINDING TRUE INNER PEACE. MAYBE I SAW MYSELF IN THE NAMELESS PANHANDLER AND WAS CONVICTED WITH MY OWN GUILT BELIEVING HIS POVERTY WAS DUE TO MY NEGLECT OR AT LEAST DUE TO MY INCAPACITY. STILL AT THAT TIME I BELIEVED WITH CONVICTION AND MOVED FORTH IN FAITH HOLDING TO CHRISTIANITIES MANDATE OF AGAPE LOVE. A SELFGIVING LOVE THAT JESUS MODELED.AN EXAMPLE IN PERFECT REPRESENTATION OF GODS LOVE AND JUST HOW JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE FOR US WE SHOULD LIKEWISE HELP OUR FELLOW MAN IN NEED. HE BECAME POOR SO WE MIGHT BECOME RICH SPIRITUALLY. HE WAS IMPOVERISHED SO WE WOULD ABIDE IN THE ABUNDANCE OF HIS PROVISION IN THE MAJESTIC ROOMS AND HALLS OF GODS KINGDOM. I STILL HOLD TO THESE BELIEFS, BUT I GUESS IT’S WHEN I TAKE MY EYES OFF OF HIM IS WHEN I SINK INTO THE WATER AND SPLASH AROUND IN FAITHLESS DESPERATION. THERE WAS ANOTHER HOMELESS MAN, WITH WHOM I HAD ESTABLISHED A FRIENDSHIP. WHO AT FIRST, PANHANDLED IN THE AREA, UNTIL THE OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET; FROM WHERE I WORKED, HAD HIRED ANTHONY TO BE A PARKING LOT ATTENDANT. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME WORKING THERE THAT WE WOULD ENGAGE IN SMALL TALK, AFTER MY SHIFT AT WORK. SOME OF THE CASUAL DISCOURSE THAT WE AIRED OUT ON THOSE WARM SUMMER DAYS, SPOKE OF WHAT ETERNAL LIFE MEANS AND WHILE HE SHARED HIS VIEW BY EXPLAINING,” IT IS ONLY THROUGH OUR MEMORIES OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND WHEN WE TALK ABOUT THE LEGACY OF THE PERSON, THAT THE SPIRIT OF THE DECEASED IS RESURRECTED.” I DIDN’T NECESSARILY AGREE WITH HIM BUT I LISTENED IN SILENCE, AND GAVE HIM A SMALL NEW TESTAMENT BIBLE. HE APPRECIATED THE GIFT AND WE CONTINUED TO BOND. ONE NIGHT WE HAD STOPPED IN ONE OF THE LOCAL STRIPBARS HAD A FEW DRINKS AND CHECKED OUT THE TOPLESS DANCER ,WATCHING HER DROWNED OUT THE PAIN & LONELINESS FOR ANTHONY & MYSELF. IT WAS A SINFUL MOMENT OF ENTICING PLEASURE THAT HE AND I BOTH ENJOYED. BUT THIS WAS ONLY FOR THE MOMENT. IT WAS SUCH A FLEETING JOY, AND LATER I DROPPED ANTHONY OFF AT HIS RELATIVES HOUSE IN THE PROJECTS NOT FAR FROM THE OLD HAYES POOL. IN THOSE MONTHS, I HAD SHARED A DREAM OF MINE WITH HIM. I REMEMBER TELLING HIM I WANTED TO START SOME SORT OF RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY ORGANIZATION CALLED, SOLDIERS FOR CHRIST.I RECALL HIS WORDS IN RESPONSE TO MINE SAYING,” IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT, NOTHING CAN STAND IN YOUR WAY.” I THINK BACK ON WHAT I SAID AND WONDER HAD I REALLY MEANT IT, I THOUGHT I BELIEVED IT AT THAT TIME, BUT NOW I HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT IT BEING TRUE AND I JUST SAID IT WITHOUT HAVING A SOLID MENTAL FOUNDATION TO BUILD UPON THAT DREAM AND SO LIKE PAPER WEIGHT DEBRIS MY EMPTY WORDS WERE BLOWN AWAY IN THE WIND. THERE WAS NO ROOT, ONLY A SEED THAT WAS NEVER PLANTED AND A MOMENT THAT WAS NOT SEIZED. SOMETIME DURING THE SUMMER OF 98 ANTHONY HAD COME INTO THE STORE WHERE I WORKED LOOKING FOR ME. BECAUSE HE NEEDED MONEY TO PAY A COURT FINE OF SOME SORT.HE TOLD ME IF HE DIDN’T PAY IT HE WOULD WIND UP IN JAIL, BUT I HAD TOLD HIM IT WAS TOO MUCH MONEY, THAT I COULDN’T AFFORD TO GIVE HIM A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS TO SAY THE LEAST HE WAS DISAPPOINTED. I KNOW HE BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO COME THROUGH IN HIS TIME OF NEED, BUT ON THE OTHER OCASSIONS, IN WHICH I GAVE HIM MONEY, IT WAS A MERE PITTANCE,MAYBE TEN DOLLARS, MAYBE TWENTY. WHEN HE LEFT ME I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE MY BOSS WAS PRESENT AND I KNEW HE WITNESSED WHAT HAD JUST TRANSPIRED, BUT I SHOOK IT OFF AND IT DIDN’T HIT ME TILL LATER. A FLOOD OF THOUGHTS PANGS OF GUILT, VISIONS OF ANTHONY IN A CELL BECAUSE I FAILED TO HELP A FRIEND IN NEED. I STILL THINK ABOUT ANTHONY, NEARLY TEN YEARS LATER AND I WONDER WHERE HE IS NOW, AND IF HE IS EVEN ALIVE.I HOPE HE IS ALIVE SOMEWHERE AND HAPPY. I HOPE GODS LOVE FILLS HIS HEART,I HOPE IF HE REMEMBERS ME AT ALL THAT HE’LL REMEMBER HOW I SAW HIM AS A CHILD OF GOD AND A HUMAN BEING WHO DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE REGARDLESS OF THEIR PAST OR PRESENT MISTAKES. 4 *1995-1998* I HAD MET ANA IN SEPTEMBER OF 1995 THAT’S WHEN SHE WAS HIRED AT THE STORE WHERE I WAS EMPLOYED. I WAS TOO SLOW TO ACT IN BEFRIENDING HER, TOO SHY TO BE SO BOLD AND APPROACH HER. SO AT MY OWN PACE, I WORKED ON GETTING TO KNOW HER, NOT WITHOUT MUCH FRUSTRATION THOUGH. I REMEMBER FIGHTING WITH MYSELF OVER A LACK OF CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE. MY FONDNESS OF HER BORDERED BETWEEN OBSESSION AND FANTASY.SWINGING LIKE A PENDULUM, MY EMOTIONS TICKED LIKE A TIME BOMB THAT COUNTED ITS FINAL SECONDS WITH THE INSATIABLE LONGING,TO BE HER MAN,TO BE HER LOVER, TO BE HER HUSBAND. I CARRIED THESE FEELINGS FOR HER FOR THREE YEARS AND DURING THAT TIME FINALLY MADE MY FEELINGS KNOWN.THOUGH WHEN I DID SHE ONLY HURT MY FEELINGS WHEN SHE ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF FUTURE WOULD WE HAVE? AND IN 1998 I TRIED TO SHOW HER HOW SERIOUS I WAS BY ENROLLING INTO A TRADE SCHOOL, BUT AS THE END OF THE FIRST SEMESTER DREW TO A CLOSE, I HAD MADE A TRUTHFUL CONFESSION TO MYSELF. THAT I HAD NO CLUE AS TO WHAT I WAS BEING TAUGHT. I COULD HARDLY EXPLAIN CURRENT FLOW AND FELT BURDENED BY THE COUNTLESS FORMULAS NECESSARY TO PROVE THE EQUATION MATHMATICALLY. THE LINE BETWEEN THE CLASSROOM AND THE FIELD BECAME BLURRED, AND I LOST MY NERVE TO CONTINUE, AND COULD NOT RISK FAILING, WHILE PAYING TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS AND THAT WAS THE ONLY EQUATION THAT I UNDERSTOOD. OF COURSE, WHAT IF I HAD PUSHED ON, MOVED FORWARD AND DIDN’T THROW UP MY HANDS IN SUBMISSION. MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT OUTCOME, AND MAYBE ANA WOULD HAVE COME AROUND TO MY COURTING ATTEMPTS, EVENTUALLY WINNING HER HAND. INSTEAD, AFTER I QUIT RETS INSTITUTE, WE WERE SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER. I MEAN, IT WASN’T EXACTLY WHAT I HAD HOPED FOR,BUT I THOUGHT AT LEAST I WAS HANGING OUT WITH HER, YOU KNOW, IT FELT GOOD AND EXCITING LIKE THERE WAS A CHANCE THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO HOLD HER IN MY ARMS ONE DAY. SHE HAD BEEN TRANSFERRED TO THE KEARNY LOCATION AND I STAYED IN NEWARK. BUT WE STILL KEPT IN TOUCH CALLING EACHOTHER FROM WORK, AND HER VOICE WOULD DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH MY HEART TELLING ME NO, WHILE HER STEALTHY SELFISH MOTIVES WOULD NEARLY LURE ME INTO HER TRAP. AFTER GIVING ME FALSE HOPE ON THOSE HOT SUMMERS DAY WHEN SHE PUT HER ARMS AROUND ME FROM BEHIND, SHE HAD ME BELIEVING THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY BETWEEN US. BUT SHE WOULD BURST THAT BUBBLE WHEN SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER, MERELY, FOR IMMIGRATION PAPERS. I DROVE HER HOME FROM WORK NEARLY ON A DAILY BASIS AND WE EVEN WENT OUT TO THE MOVIES AND NEAR THE END OF OUR PECULIAR FRIENDSHIP, WE WENT TO GREAT ADVENTURE. ON THE DAY OF THE GREAT ADVENTURE TRIP JULY 4TH WOULD BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF ALL THE HOPES THAT I HAD HAD. ALL THE FANTASIES THAT WOULD EVAPORATE INTO THIN AIR RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES. WHERE MY BEST FRIEND CHUCK MET ANA THAT DAY AND WOULD FORM A DATING RELATIONSHIP THAT EVOLVED OVER TIME INTO THE CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE JUST TWO YEARS LATER. AS I LOOK BACK IN RETROSPECT, I COULD SEE HOW WE WERE BOTH WRONG. I WAS WRONG IN MY ABSURDITY, IN WHICH I SOUGHT TO ANTE UP AND PUSH THE HAND OF DESTINY IN MY FAVOR, INSTEAD OF UNDERSTANDING THE HAND OF FATE AND HOW WE JUST WERE NOT MEANT TO BE. AND ANA WAS WRONG IN HER PROPOSAL TO ME, TO MARRY HER JUST FOR IMMIGRATION PAPERS.SHE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HER AND NO ONE WOULD EVER AGREE TO SUCH AN OFFER KNOWING THEY WOULD ONLY END UP HURT IN THE END. NOT TO MENTION HOW IT HURT ME TO KNOW SHE DIDN’T FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME AS I DID ABOUT HER. IN THE FINAL WEEKS OF MY TENURE WHERE I HAD WORKED, FOR NEARLY SEVEN YEARS, OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT HAD BRIEFLY PEAKED WOULD QUICKLY COLLAPSE. AS I FOUND OUT ABOUT ANA AND CHUCKS RELATIONSHIP, LEAVING A MESSAGE ON CHUCKS PHONE SAYING THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS OVER AND I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN. I ABRUPTLY QUIT MY JOB ON ONE WEEKS NOTICE, WHERE I STILL HAD NOT RECEIVED THE PAY INCREASE PROMISED TO ME FOR THE LAST MONTH OR SO. I HAD APPLIED AT A MATTRESS COMPANY THE SAME DAY I QUIT IN ECKERT AND WAS HIRED.I ONLY WORKED THERE FOR THREE WEEKS BEFORE THEY LET ME GO. AND FOR ALMOST A MONTH I COLLECTED UNEMPLOYMENT BEFORE MY FORTUNES WOULD CHANGE, AFTER MUCH COAXING FROM MY MOTHER TO APPLY AT FORTUNOFF. I FINALLY DID AND WAS CALLED IN FOR AN INTERVIEW AND WAS HIRED. 5 -WORKING @ FORTUNOFF- IT WAS RIGHT AROUND HALLOWEEN TIME IN THE FALL OF 98’ WHEN I STARTED MY NEW JOB AFTER ALL OF THE EVENTS THAT HAD TAKEN PLACE.IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED, A CHANGE OF ATMOSPHERE, A NEW PLACE WITH FOREIGN FACES, A NEW WORLD FULL OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES AND A SMORGASBORD OF POTENTIAL FRIENDSHIPS. MY FIRST FRIEND I WOULD MAKE AT FORTUNOFF WAS ERWIN TEJANO. AND IT WOULD BE THROUGH ERWIN THAT I WOULD HAVE MY FIRST ENCOUNTERS WITH THE FILIPINO CULTURE AND COMMUNITY. DURING THE SHORT TENURE OF OUR FRIENDSHIP, I HAD TAGGED ALONG TO MANY OF THE PARTIES IN THE FILIPINO COMMUNITY THAT HE WAS INVITED TO. AND IT WAS DURING THIS PERIOD THAT I BECAME FRIENDS WITH CELESTE AND JOLINA, TWO FILIPINAS WHO ALSO WORKED AT FORTUNOFF. ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS ALL OF US WENT OUT TO CLUBS, POOLHALLS, AND PARTIES. 6 -LOOKING FOR MY PRINCESS IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES- IN THE SPRING OF THE FOLLOWING YEAR ERWIN INTRODUCED ME TO A YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL FILIPINO GIRL, MICHELLE BRAGOLI, WHO HAPPENED TO BE LIVING HALF WAY ACROSS THE GLOBE IN CEBU, PHILIPPINES. WE BEGAN CHATTING OVER THE INTERNET, SENDING INSTANT MESSAGES TO EACH OTHER, GOING FOR HOURS UNTIL THE FIRST LIGHT OF DAWN. IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG THOUGH BEFORE I STARTED CALLING HER, BUYING TEN DOLLAR PHONE CARDS ALMOST EVERY OTHER DAY. MICHELLE HAD SENT ME NUMEROUS PICTURES, WHICH I DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE. SOLO SHOTS, PICTURES WITH HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS, EVEN A HOMEMADE VIDEO OF HER HANGING OUT WITH ERWIN, HANNAH AND HAZEL IN CEBU DURING ERWINS SUMMER VACATION. WHEN HE HAD RETURNED FROM P.I. HE GAVE ME THE VIDEO AND OTHER SOUVENIRS THAT HE AND MICHELLE WANTED ME TO HAVE. DURING ERWINS VACATION JOLINA AND I HUNG OUT A BIT. AS WE WENT OUT TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER A COUPLE OF TIMES.WE SAW THE MUMMY AND THE MATRIX AND I REMEMBER WANTING TO MAKE AN ADVANCE TOWARDS HER, BUT MY COURAGE FAILED ME AND SO, IT WAS JUST ANOTHER CASE OF WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. KEEP IN MIND THOUGH,I WAS IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH MICHELLE,WHO I NEVER MET IN PERSON. CELESTE WAS ANOTHER FILIPINA I WAS FRIENDS WITH SHE WAS TALL AND THIN WITH LONG LEGS AND SHE WOULD WEAR SUCH SHORT SKIRTS THAT LEFT VERY LITTLE TO THE IMAGINATION. I REMEMBER MY ATTRACTION TO HER, WHICH WAS MORE SEXUAL THAN ROMANTIC AND HOW SHE WOULD LATER DISCOVER THIS THROUGH ERWIN, WHO HAD TOLD HER OF MY FONDNESS FOR HER.WHICH HAD EVENTUALLY LEAD TO HER PROPOSITIONING ME,ONE WINTER NIGHT IN 2001 AT JOEYS CLUB IN CLIFTON. BUT I IGNORED THIS PROPOSAL,BY ACTING AS IF I DIDNT HEAR HER AND TURNED THE CONVERSATION IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION. NOW I WONDER IF I HAD ONLY SHIED AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE, I WAS TURNED OFF BY SUCH AGGRESSION OR WAS IT DUE TO MY OWN RELIGIOUS INCLINATIONS THAT GAVE ME THE IMPULSE TO RETRACT OUT OF REVERENCE AND OBEDIENCE TO GOD OR COULD IT HAVE BEEN DUE TO MY ENGAGEMENT TO A YOUNG LADY NAMED CLARISSA, WHO WAS WORKING IN NORWAY. 7 *ENGAGEMENT & MARRIAGE* I WAS INTRODUCED TO MY WIFE BY A FELLOW COWORKER, HER BROTHER IN LAW, LEO BAUSA. SHE WAS WORKING FOR THE AMERICAN EMBASSY IN MICHIGAN. WE HAD SPOKEN A NUMBER OF TIMES OVER THE PHONE, STARTING IN AROUND MID SEPTEMBER OF 99′ AND IN OCTOBER, ON THE WEEKEND OF THE FIFTEENTH SHE CAME TO NEW JERSEY TO MEET IN PERSON. IN THAT TWO DAY ENCOUNTER THINGS WENT QUITE WELL AND WE BOTH KNEW FOR SURE THAT WE WOULD BE SEEING EACHOTHER AGAIN SOON.THOUGH THINGS HAD CHANGED AND SHE WENT BACK TO NORWAY TO WORK FOR THE EMBASSY THERE AND WE HAD TO PUT OFF SEEING EACHOTHER TIL EARLY 2000. SO OUR NEXT TIME AND PLACE TO BE TOGETHER WOULD BE TO GO TO HER HOME COUNTRY IN THE PHILIPPINES.ON THIS TRIP I HAD MET MY INLAWS TO BE. AND ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS BEING TREATED WITH SUCH HOSPITALITY AND SUCH A WELCOMING THAT I FELT I HAD FOUND A BIT OF HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH CERTAINLY I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE IT BACK HERE IN JERSEY,MAYBE IN VERY SMALL DOSES.BUT I REMEMBER FEELING LIKE A KING IN PARADISE. I ALSO REMEMBER THE ATTENTION I GOT WHEREEVER I WENT,I FELT LIKE A CELEBRITY.EVERYONE WOULD LOOK AT ME LIKE IT WAS THE SECOND COMING. THIS HAD BEEN MY FIRST TIME TRAVELING ANYWHERE OUT OF THE US.NOT TO MENTION CLARISSA AND I HAD GONE IN FEBRUARY SO I WOULD GLADLY MISS 2 AND A HALF WEEKS OF WINTER. LATER ON IN 2000, I WOULD VISIT CLARISSA WHERE SHE WORKED AT THE AMERICAN EMBASSY IN OSLO, NORWAY. I WOULD ALSO PROPOSE TO HER THERE ON THURSDAY, AUGUST 17TH. 8 -2001:WHAT A YEAR- MY WIFE AND I MARRIED ON APRIL 19TH 2001. A DAY I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER AND CHERISH.I CAN HONESTLY SAY I HAVE CONTENTMENT AND PEACE IN MY LIFE. CLARISSA IS A GIFT FROM GOD. SINCE OUR UNION,THERE HAS BEEN MUCH LEARNED ABOUT HER, WHICH HAS ONLY LED ME TO APPRECIATE HER EVEN MORE WITH EVERY PASSING DAY.HER LOVE AND HER CARE FOR ME IS SIMILAR TO GODS INFINITE LOVE. HER FORGIVENESS FOR MY MISTAKES AND SHORTCOMINGS IS NOTHING SHORT OF GODLINESS. SURE EVERY COUPLE HAS THEIR OWN CHALLENGES,TESTS AND TRIALS,BUT GOD HAS BROUGHT US OUT BETTER AND STRONGER THAN WE WERE BEFORE. GODS GRACE HAS BEEN THE DIFFERENCE IN OUR LIVES AND THE REASON WHY OUR LOVE REMAINS TO BE A LIVING TESTAMENT TO OTHERS AROUND US TODAY. I WOULD LIKE TO PICK UP IN 2001.WHEN MY WIFE TO BE CAME IN TO VISIT ME AROUND THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR FOR A WEEK. AT THIS TIME THE PETITION TO BRING HER HERE AND MARRY HER, HAD BEEN FILED SINCE OCTOBER OF 2000. IT WAS BY MID FEBRUARY 2001 THAT WE WERE INFORMED OF THE DATE THAT SHE WOULD FINALLY COME TO AMERICA. ON MARCH 30TH, WHAT AN AWESOME DAY, I COULD NOT WAIT FOR IT TO COME. YET IT CAME, IT SEEMED AN ETERNITY TO DO SO.BUT SHE IS WELL WORTH THE WAIT. AND NOW, IT IS FOR ETERNITY WITH THE CONSUMMATION OF OUR LOVE THROUGH THE SACRED BIND OF FAITH AND GODS LOVE THAT UNITES US IN THE SAME SPIRIT. IN THE SAME YEAR, MY GRAND FATHER JOSEPH GOMEZ WOULD PASS AWAY ON JUNE 1st, AND MY MOTHER LOST HER JOB THAT SUMMER, WHICH LED TO HER SELLING HER DREAM HOME THAT SHE LOVED SO, AND THE TRAGEDY OF 9/11 THAT SHOOK OUR NATION, CHANGING OUR WORLD, AND THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST NEPHEW FROM MY FAMILIES SIDE, MY BROTHER JOES SON, MATTHEW ON SEPTEMBER 26TH. THE PAIN AND HEARTACHE MY MOTHER AND FATHER ENDURED FROM LOSING HER JOB AND THEIR HOME, AND THE TERROR OF 9/11 WERE FOLLOWED BY THE BIRTH OF MATTHEW. A NAME WHICH MEANS (GIFT OF GOD) WAS BEAUTIFULLY AND PERFECTLY TIMED AND ORDAINED BY GOD. AT SUCH A TIME AND OUT OF SUCH DESPAIR WOULD COME SUCH A BLESSING. WHO CAN EXPLAIN THE HEARTBREAK AND THE AGONY OF LIFE SOMETIMES EXCEPT THAT EVIL IS REAL AND MISFORTUNE IS ALSO REAL BUT SO IS THE LORDS BLESSING AND THE LORDS FAVOR. EVEN WITH SOME OF THE PAINFUL AND TRAGIC EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED IN 2001, THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. WHY? BECAUSE, I MARRIED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND ALSO FOR THE BIRTH OF MY NEPHEW MATTHEW. I ALSO HAVE COUNTLESS NEPHEWS AND NIECES IN THE PHILIPPINES THROUGH MY INLAWS. WOW! BLESSED INDEED!. 9 -2002-2005:THE PASSING OF MY IN-LAWS, FAMILY MATTERS, LIFE GOES ON- AS MY WIFE AND I SET OUT ON OUR OWN MOVING INTO AN APARTMENT, IM SAD TO SAY THAT MORE GRIEF WOULD COME IN 2002. WHEN MY MOTHER IN LAW WOULD PASS AWAY. THIS WAS HARD FOR MY WIFE AND EVEN HARDER,BECAUSE OF THE MILES THAT SEPARATED HER FROM OUR FAMILY IN THE PHILIPPINES. IT WAS NOT A HOP,SKIP, AND A JUMP AWAY. NEVERTHELESS, WE MADE THE SOMBER JOURNEY TO BE THERE FOR THE WAKE AND THE FUNERAL. OVER THE NEXT FOUR YEARS I ADMIT MY SELFISHNESS IN REGARDS TO MY WIFES FINANCIAL CONCERNS AND PROVISIONS FOR THE FAMILY IN THE PHILIPPINES. I HAD DISPUTED WITH HER OVER THIS ISSUE BECAUSE I FELT IT WAS TOUGH JUST TO TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN NEVER MIND SUPPORTING EVERYONE ELSE THERE. I WAS SELFISH IN MY ATTITUDE AND FAILED TO SEE IT OR REFUSED TO.THIS LED TO A NUMBER OF DISPUTES ABOUT MONEY AND FINACIAL ISSUES. BUT IN REALITY, I THINK ALOT OF COUPLES HAVE DISAGREEMENTS ABOUT MONEY IN MOST RELATIONSHIPS. ITS NOT EASY TODAY,BUT GOD IS GOOD AND HIS ABUNDANCE OF SUPPLY HAS NO LACK. THIS PERIOD WAS FROM 2002-2006. SINCE THEN I HAVE CHANGED MY WAYS OF THINKING AND ACTUALLY ENJOY THE FACT THAT IM HELPING OTHER PEOPLE, PARTICULARLY FAMILY. IN 2003 WE BOUGHT A NEW CAR,A HONDA CIVIC LX. BUT I MADE A MISTAKE AND LOOKED AT CARS WITHOUT MY WIFE AND INCLUDED MY FAMILY TO HELP ME WITHOUT HER. IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL ON MY PART. I JUST DID NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING. AND FAILED TO REMEMBER A PROMISE I MADE TO HER ABOUT GOING OUT AND LOOKING AT CARS TOGETHER. THIS MISTAKE CAUSED SOME TENSION AND DISPUTES AND SURELY I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. IN 2004, MY WIFE WAS LET GO FROM HER JOB AND UNEMPLOYED FOR 2 MONTHS UNTIL JC PENNEY HIRED HER ON JUNE 29TH. THIS SAME YEAR,MY NEPHEW JOSEPH WAS BORN ON SEPTEMBER 28TH. DURING THIS YEAR I TOOK UP WRITING THROUGH 2007. ANYTHING FROM STORIES, TO JUST EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS, TO PROSE, POETRY, ECT. IN 2005 MY FATHER IN LAW WOULD PASS AWAY IN THE PHILIPPINES. I REGRET NOT GOING WITH MY WIFE TO HIS WAKE AND FUNERAL. IT STILL BOTHERS ME TODAY. I REMEMBER MY WIFE AND I ARGUED ABOUT IT BEFORE SHE LEFT AND HOW HORRIBLE I FELT WHEN SHE DID LEAVE.I FELT SO GUILTY ABOUT NOT GOING WITH HER. I HAD 2 WEEKS TO THINK ABOUT IT. WHEN SHE CAME BACK, I APOLOGIZED AND THINGS WENT BACK TO NORMAL BUT I STILL HAD ISSUES WITH SENDING SO MUCH MONEY TO THE PHILIPPINES AT THAT TIME. 10 -2006-2009:TRIALS, CHALLENGES & WANDERING- IN 2006 I BECAME UNHAPPY AT WORK OVER NOT GETTING THE LEAD POSITION OF MY DEPARTMENT.NEEDLESS TO SAY IT SHOWED IN MY ATTITUDE AND HOW I CARRIED MYSELF. I DID GET OVER IT QUICKLY THOUGH. SEE, I HAD MET THIS PASTOR WHO WORKED AT THE SAME BUSINESS I WORKED FOR AND HE WOULD SHARE THE WORD OF GOD WITH ME AND I DID LIKEWISE. SOON, WE BEGAN HAVING BIBLE STUDIES TOGETHER. HIS NAME WAS NATHANAEL AND HE KNEW THE BIBLE LIKE THE BACK OF HIS HAND. IF I ASKED A QUESTION ABOUT A CERTAIN VERSE BUT DID NOT KNOW THE VERSE OR BOOK HE WOULD KNOW AND MANY TIMES SAY IT OUT LOUD FROM MEMORY. SOON WE WOULD HAVE A THIRD MEMBER, HER NAME WAS IESHA. ON A FEW OCCASIONS THE 3 OF US PRAYED TOGETHER AND IT WAS AN EMPOWERING AND YET PEACEFUL MOMENT. WHAT A COMFORT, PEACE AND ASSURANCE I RECEIVED THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD. HOW GOD BROUGHT THESE PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE FOR A SEASON IN WHICH I NEEDED IT MOST. THANK YOU LORD. I LOVE YOU. THE FALL FROM GRACE IS A HARD ONE INDEED, AND I FELL HARD.SEE I HAD BECOME FRIENDS IN 2006,WITH THIS LADY NAMED HEATHER. THIS FRIENDSHIP BECAME AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE THAT WOULD NEARLY DESTROY MY MARRIAGE. AS A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: “WOMEN ARE THE RUINATION OF A GOOD MAN”, PATRICK WAS RIGHT, AT LEAST IN THIS CASE. I HAD HORRIBLE JUDGEMENT AND GOT CAUGHT UP IN HEATHERS PERSONAL CONFLICTS WITH OTHER PEOPLE AT WORK AND SOON WE WERE HANGING OUT AT KARAOKE BARS. I MUST SAY NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN HEATHER AND I.WE NEVER KISSED.WE NEVER HAD ORAL SEX. WE NEVER HAD SEX OF ANY KIND. THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN WAS MY LAPSE OF JUDGEMENT AND CAUSING MY WIFE TO LOSE TRUST IN ME AND NOT BELIEVE ME. AT THAT TIME SHE DIDNT BUT I DONT BLAME HER. OVER TIME THOUGH I HAVE GAINED HER TRUST BACK,ONLY TO LOSE IT AGAIN. FROM KARAOKE TO CLUBS IN 2007 AND 2008. WHILE MY WIFES TRUST IN ME WAS RESTORED, IT DID NOT TAKE ME LONG TO LOSE IT ONCE AGAIN. I BEGAN GOING TO CLUBS WITH MY BROTHER AND JUNIOR.DURING THIS TIME MY BROTHER WAS GOING THROUGH A TOUGH DIVORCE AND SPENDING TIME WITH HIM WAS IMPORTANT TO ME BUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CALLING I BEGAN TO HEED OTHER VOICES OF DECEPTION. MY PRIORITIES WERE TURNED UPSIDEDOWN YET AGAIN, AND MY WIFE CLEARLY NOTICED.UNDERSTANDABLY, MY WIFE DID NOT TRUST MY BROTHERS NEW GIRLFRIEND MARIA, WHO MY BROTHER MET AT A CLUB AND DID NOT LIKE ME GOING TO CLUBS WITH JOE AND MARIA COMING ALONG BECAUSE MARIAS GIRLFRIENDS WERE THERE TOO.I UNDERSTAND MY WIFES FEELINGS ABOUT THIS NOW BUT I DID NOT SUBMIT TO THESE FEELINGS BACK THEN,WHICH CAUSED PASSIONATE TENSION BETWEEN US AND NUMEROUS FIGHTS. TODAY, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND HER FEELINGS AND RESPECT HER FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MATTER. I ADMIT I WAS WRONG IN BOTH CASES, WITH HEATHER AND MARIA. I had posted this on facebook regarding that time. it was just a few years ago, when i was living in rebellion and darkness. i was living in the bondage of sin as a child of god. my life style had become one of addiction to night life, a carousing heart, a wandering eye and i was wandering so far from the lord and hurting the person closest to me. i was close to throwing the most important relationship in my life away because of my wandering heart. then soon, i had lost my job in 2009 and it was during this time that the lord began working on me and brought me to a place, where all i would focus on was him, learning more about him, his love for me and everything jesus had done for me on the cross and the power of his blood. while i was out of work and right on through to today the lord has continued his wonder working power within me in my life and the lives of others, transforming my mind and changing my heart. i didnt deserve gods grace, mercy and forgiveness but what an awesome god we serve. in his word it says…”quench not the spirit” this verse right here speaks volumes to me about our complete dependence upon “the spirit of christ, the hope of glory” within, “greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world” and “Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, -“AND SHALL BE IN YOU”. jesus’ very promise to us to send the comforter, the holy spirit and that he will be IN YOU.what an awesome gift from god, the holy spirit is doing miracles and wonders in our world today, and what a miracle god has done in my own life. QUENCH NOT THE SPIRIT! brothers and sisters in christ jesus who is the word become flesh and our lord and saviour!the king of kings and lord of lords! his word is our spiritual food. 2009:OUT OF WORK FOR 9 MONTHS *GOD MAKES ALL THINGS NEW* -BEGINNINGS: 2011-2015- I could begin in so many places but i would like to start on august 21,2011. it was during this time,i joined the worship team at church. little did i know at the time but it was the beginning of a new period of my life. where i was discovering the depth of my faith and who God is. it was a calling of service to God through worship & music. Andy Jelliffe was our worship leader, along with nick porcaro and michael giffone. susan soesbe was one of the vocalists along with myself. who would have known that i would be on the worship team not just singing though but worshiping God. since i was a teenager, i wanted to sing, i wanted to be a part of music but who would have thought it would be for worshiping God. the Lord was growing me in my faith through my relationship with him more and more. -Green Pastures Without A Pastor?- Even though our congregation would lose our pastor Don Flynn, who stepped down at the beginning of the new year in 2012, the Lord had other plans. i myself believed there were great times ahead looking forward to what the lord would do at riverside and behold the lord moved mightily. pastor hector ramirez, david jensen and other guest speakers began preaching at times but soon it would be clear in the coming months that it would be PASTOR hector who God would call to our church as pastor, soon becoming interim pastor later that year and finally become senior pastor in 2013. -Growing In The Word & In Prayer- In march 2012,i joined the mens group that meets every tuesday to study Gods Word and Pray together and we still meet today, Pastor Hector, joe, fred and myself. we met mostly at Fellow Elder Richard Wilsons house,who recently passed away on december 25,2015 and went home to be with the lord. I learned with these men that a consistant daily study of the Bible is one of the foundations of the christian life, as well as our daily prayer life are essential in our relationship with Jesus Christ. -Surrender & Serve- On june 3rd,2012,i would be baptized and through the summer of 2012, he also called me to serve in the soup kitchens, the poor of our communities. in september,he would then call me to be an elder of the church. on october 7th, my wife and i of 11 years renewed our marriage vows. the next year,i was installed as an elder on february 10th,2013. over the next 2 years, i would actually lead or co-lead 3 mens meetings and in 2015 i would lead worship 3 times. Serving on the worship team has been a blessed experience along side, vocalists: Susan, Amanda, Christina, Cheryl, Gail, and Jessi. musicians: Andy, Nick, Michael, Roland, Andrew, James, Fred, Al, Ron, Jayson and Billy. Serving God with my wife has been a tremendous blessing. Clarissa is an usher and a greeter and also helps in cleaning up at the end of service. our marriage has become stronger and we have faced many challenges but the Lord has strengthened us and blessed us,keeping us through all of them and bringing us through all of them. we will be married for 15 years on april 19th and together we have learned its alot like serving the Lord being that the more you surrender to the relationship, the closer you grow to the other and your values begin to align to the one you surrender to becoming more and more alike. Selah. *YESTERDAY,TODAY & FOREVER* 1994 – 2016 – -Rewind 2009-2010 In 2009,i would be out of work for 9 months from june until february 2010. the longest time period out of work since after graduating high school in 1991, which was 5 months. during the time i was out of work in 09,i began reading the bible more and seeking God again. its important to say that before 2009, i was on and off with the lord. -Rewind-Forward-Selah- while my new found faith in Jesus Christ began in 1995 and my seeking was more evident to others at that time. come 1996, i began wandering but in 1997 i drew closer to Jesus only to wander again on and off through 1998-2001. in 2001 another resurgence of faith began into 2002 though on and off again. in 2004 was another resurgence,in 2006 was another. when i lost my job in 2009, it helped set me on course to begin to seek the lord again, only this time over the next 7 years my faith and walk with the lord jesus would grow deeper into the roots of stronger faith and spiritual growth and maturity, all to the glory of God. Selah. 2016 – Revelations now and into The Future OH WHAT Jesus has done for us once and for all by his sacrificial death on the cross where his blood was shed for our sins, for the forgiveness of our sins The Bible does tell us that when the redeemed in Jesus Pass Away and enter into the presence of the lord in heaven that we shall be with him & we shall be like him but we shall be like him now as well. once were with Him in eternity and have come to know him face to face he is simply All We Will Desire, Worship, Love and Adore in Heaven for All Eternity. He is this now to us, by the presence of His Holy Spirit, while we have Glympses, portions and doses of his glorious presence. He is everything and more to us in our lives now yes we in Christ can stand sure on his promises found in his word, that we experience the glory of his presence in wonder and awe -Fully- in his awesome presence here and now in the kingdom of heaven within us and in the coming glorious eternal Kingdom of Heaven,we will be unfettered without sin, hindrance or distraction of any kind, just Him in all his Glory, Beauty, Splendor and Majesty. Selah Sacred Memoirs 2007-Present Beginnings 2015-Present

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